The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The World And Times Of Jesse James

It's Your Fault

Transcript: AI Transcript

Professor: John Weaver

Subject: Family Government

Genre: Sermon

Dictation Name:

Date: 2016-12-18

Synopsis: Pastor John Weaver addresses the problem of division within families, arguing that most strife is unnecessary and stems from pride, selfishness, and willfulness. Using Proverbs 4:23 as a foundation, he explains that divisions arise from four sources: the Savior, Satan, sin, and self. He emphasizes that Christians must keep their hearts, obey Scripture, and take responsibility for seeking reconciliation, even when they are not at fault. The message calls believers to mature beyond spiritual infancy and to resolve conflicts biblically.

[John Weaver] Well, I want you to open your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 4 today. Proverbs chapter 4. And I'm not going to expound the verse. I'm going to use it and apply it, but I've preached several messages from this passage. But Proverbs chapter 4 and verse 23, a very simple verse. It just simply says, Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. The title of the message today is, It's Your Fault. It's your fault.

[John Weaver] Each of us has heard children arguing. The argument usually goes something like this. It's your fault. Is not. Is to. Is not. Is to. And the argument would continue like that until some adult steps in and resolves a seemingly endless conflict. I've often said, I don't see how any child ever lives to adulthood. And I also have said, and I firmly believe that grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. It should be noticed as you read the Bible that God refers to Christians many times as children, little children, and babes. The problem is that many never leave that stage. They never mature enough to be young men or even fathers.

[John Weaver] I want you to turn in your Bibles very quickly to 1 John chapter 2, and let me show you a passage, and I'm going to be quoting a lot of Scripture just for time's sake. But I want you to look in 1 John 2, beginning there in verse 12, where the apostle John is writing to believers, and he says this, I write unto you little children, because your sins are forgiven you for His namesake. I write unto you fathers, because you have known Him that is from the beginning. I write unto you young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you little children, because you have known the Father. I have written unto you fathers, because you've known Him that is from the beginning. I've written unto you young men because you're strong and the Word of God abided in you and you've overcome the wicked one. In fact, if you'll go back to 1 John 2 and verse 1, John says again, My little children, these things I write unto you.

[John Weaver] So in this passage, God's people are referred to as children and little children and young men and fathers. Now Peter also admonishes us in 1 Peter chapter 2 verses 1 through 3. He says, Wherefore, laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and all envies, and all evil speakings, as newborn babes desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if so be that you've tasted that the Lord is gracious. And if you'll turn very quickly in your Bibles to the book of Hebrews chapter 5. Hebrews chapter 5. And notice what the Apostle to the Hebrew writes in this particular passage Hebrews chapter 5 and let's begin reading there with verse 10 Hebrews 5 and verse 10 and he says it like this talking about Christ called of God and high priest after the order of Melchizedek and then he says this of

[John Weaver] whom we have many things to say and hard to be uttered seeing you were dull of hearing For when for the time you ought to be teachers, you have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God. And become such as have need of milk and not of strong meat. For everyone that useth milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. For strong meat belongs to them that are full-aged, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. I thought about coming over here this morning I probably need to preach a message just on babes, young men and fathers and show you the attributes and the characteristics of each one in the Word of God. But notice if you would, here the apostle says that when you ought to be teachers, you have need of someone to teach you again the very first principles of the oracles of God. And you become someone who needs milk.

[John Weaver] In other words, you revert back to babyhood again. He says, because you're unskillful in the word of righteousness. So the problem that exists in most professing Christians and most real Christians is that they cannot and will not act like adult Christians. They cannot think clearly, accurately, doctrinally, or biblically, and hence they're still children. Consequently, their lives are consumed with silly childhood temper tantrums hurt feelings and emotional outbursts. If they cannot get their way and if people do not play according to their rules, they'll take their marbles and go home.

[John Weaver] Now, let me just tell you the issue that I'm confronting today is one that is very prominent and unhappily very profuse. And I'm referring to divided families. I have been dealing with a number of families that are divided over issues, and many of those issues are really non-issues, yet that does not appear to soften or to ease the situation. I personally know families where fathers are divided against sons, sons against fathers, husbands against wives, wives against husbands, in-laws against in-laws, Children against parents and parents against children. And the sad fact is that in some of these, the fathers and the sons are pastors and preachers. And I can only say how sad.

[John Weaver] You'll hear me repeat this again. Life is too short and death is too sure for such unnecessary division and strife. My father has been dead for 20 years and my mother has been dead for four years. And yet I still think about them. I still miss them. And I'm thankful that they were my parents. And I can truly say that I love my parents.

[John Weaver] Now, does that mean that there were never any issues? Well, of course not. There were issues, but we certainly never divided over them. We worked through them and we continued to act as a family. I suppose probably the one thing that has disturbed me most recently, especially in praying for these families, is that I know what a family could be and should be. And it just grieves me that these people are missing some of the greatest years of their lives. I can think of nothing more miserable and devastating than missing fellowship with your immediate family and especially with your grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I know that there are times that divisions will happen and they cannot be helped, but unhappily, most of the time, they're unnecessary.

[John Weaver] They usually stem from our own pride, selfishness, and willfulness. Now, what I want to do this morning is this. I want to point out several sources of divisions and discuss them momentarily. Remember the title of this message is, It's Your Fault. And I want you to see how most the time it is indeed our fault. First of all, divisions arise because of the Savior. I want you to turn in your Bibles very quickly to the book of Luke chapter 12. Luke chapter 12. And we'll begin reading there with verse 51, Luke chapter 12. It is impossible to not experience divisions in one sense of the word, especially when some are saved and some are unsaved in the family. But if you look in Luke chapter 12, beginning there with verse 51, at what our Lord says, Luke 12 and verse 51, Our Lord says, suppose you that I'm come to give peace on earth, I tell you nay, but rather division.

[John Weaver] For from henceforth there shall be five in one household divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father, the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother, and the mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Notice if you would please, He says there's going to be division.

[John Weaver] Now, I must point out that sometimes division is indeed based upon our Savior and His Word, His truth. He does separate the chaff from the wheat. He does separate the sheep from the goats. If you took the time to read through the book of John, you would find that the Apostle John mentions this division over and over concerning Christ. For instance, let me just quote in John 7 and verse 43, the Bible says, So there was a division among the people because of him. When you get to John 9 in verse 16, the Bible says, Therefore said some of the Pharisees, This man is not of God, because he keepeth not the Sabbath day. Others said, How can this man that is a sinner do such miracles? And there was a division among them. And when you get to John 10 in verse 19, the Bible just simply says, There was a division, therefore, again, among the Jews for these sayings.

[John Weaver] Now, while we must at all times stand for our Lord and with our Lord, it does not necessarily mean that there will have to be divisions in our families. Certainly, there can be and would be, but let me just simply say, the truth is that being chosen by our Lord, being converted by His grace and indwelt by His Spirit, should humble us to such an extent that pride, arrogance, and hostility should be put aside. If division has to come because of Christ and because of His truth, let it come on the side of the unconverted and not on our side.

[John Weaver] Let it be their sin and not our sin. Let me just tell you that the problem that existed in the early church still exists today. For instance, as you turn in your Bibles, please, to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, what do you do when you have a marriage where God saves one spouse and not the other spouse? Or what do you do in a marriage when a Christian, unhappily, and disobediently marries a non-Christian and becomes unequally yoked.

[John Weaver] Obviously, you're going to be reaping what you have sown. There are going to be consequences to that sin. But in the early church, especially, here were two people that were married, and God saved one spouse and not the other spouse. So there was a real concern what the resolution would be. So the Apostle Paul answers in 1 Corinthians 7, beginning there with verse 12. He says, But to the rest speak I, not the Lord.

[John Weaver] If any brother hath a wife, note he's a believer. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, she's unsaved, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, else were your children unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace.

[John Weaver] Now what did the Apostle Paul say? As long as that individual is going to live with you, let them live with you. But, he said, if the unbeliever depart, let him depart. Paul is teaching that the saved spouse can have an influence upon the unsaved spouse. But notice, if you would, how Paul ends this in verse 15 when he says this, But God hath called us to peace.

[John Weaver] In other words, there should be no fighting and no wrangling over the truth. Truth cannot be force-fed to anyone. You cannot force the hand of God. You cannot force God to save someone. Obviously, there's going to be a division of some sorts if one is saved and one is unsaved, but it does not have to be an explosive division. And the truth is, the more we keep our hearts, the less strife and less division there's going to be. The more we keep our hearts, the better the atmosphere is for truth to take root in the life of the unsaved spouse. So we have to understand that sometimes division arises because of our Savior and because of His truth. If that division arises, it must then be on the part of the one who will not listen and who will not obey. As a Christian, as a child of God, You must continue to do what is right and seek to resolve those things. Secondly, sometimes division arises because of Satan. You must remember that Satan even sought to divide God against Job by falsely accusing Job.

[John Weaver] God said, Is thou considered my servant Job? There is none like him in all the earth. And Satan said, Doth Job serve God for naught? Why? You take away everything he's got and he'll curse you to his face. The only reason he's serving you is because you're taking care of him, you're giving to him. Do you realize it was Satan who stood up and provoked David and divided him from God and his people in 1 Chronicles 21 and verse 1. And the Bible said, and Satan stood against Israel and provoked David to number Israel. It was Satan who tempted and seduced David to sin. In Acts 5 and verse 3, Satan was the source of deceit and division in the lives of Ananias and Sapphira in the early church. Peter said to Ananias, why did Satan fill thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost? Obviously, there was some division here and there was some strife. You know, the Apostle Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 2 and verse 11 that we're not to be ignorant of Satan's devices.

[John Weaver] lest he get an advantage over us. Now the interesting thing is this, when the Apostle Paul says, lest Satan should get an advantage over us, for we're not ignorant of his devices, the word devices there in the Greek is noema, which is translated in our Bibles as mind four times and as thought one time. So actually what he is saying is we're not ignorant as to how Satan thinks. his thought processes, his evil purposes, and how he works.

[John Weaver] He deceives, he divides, and he destroys. You must remember in Revelation 12 in verse 10, he's called the accuser of our brethren. His very name means slanderer, adversary, devil. You remember what our Lord said to those Jews in John 8 in verse 44? He said, You are of your father, the devil. And the lust of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning and abode not in the truth. Listen, because there is no truth in him, when he speak of a lie, he speaketh of his own, for he is a liar and the father of it. Now here's my question. Will Satan lie and slander and accuse you? Of course he will. Will Satan lie and slander and accuse you to other people? Yes, He will. Will Satan lie and accuse other people, do you? Of course, he will. And you know, most of the time, when we get upset with people, we really put our own interpretation upon what they say.

[John Weaver] We don't even ask them what they meant. We just say, I bet he's slamming me or he's slandering me. I bet he meant that in an evil way. You know what that could be? That could be just Satan accusing that individual to you. It could not even possibly be true. A good illustration of this is found in Acts chapter 15. I want you to turn there very quickly. Acts chapter 15. If you would read through the book of Acts, you would find that there was a team that God used very greatly. Paul and Barnabas. He used them all throughout the book of Acts. However, when you get to Acts chapter 15, there was a division and a separation between Paul and Barnabas over John Martin. Now I want you to look. Acts chapter 15, beginning there, verse 36. And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.

[John Weaver] But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work. So he'd already forsaken them one time. Now watch verse 39. And the contention was so sharp between them that they departed asunder, one from the other. So Barnabas took Mark and sailed into Cyprus. And Paul chose Silas and departed, being recommended by the brethren of the grace of God. And he went through Syria and Cilicia, confirming the churches.

[John Weaver] Now when you read that Barnabas determined, the Greek word determined literally means he deliberated and he took counsel with himself. In other words, it was his will It was his determination. It was his purpose. He was dead set on bringing John Mark with him. He would not listen. He would not be reasoned with. He was just absolutely determined. And when the Bible says that it became a point of contention, the word contention there means an incitement or an agitation. And this contention or this excitement and agitation became so sharp that Paul and Barnabas separated and divided permanently.

[John Weaver] Now, how much of this was flesh and how much of this was Satan, I have absolutely no idea. But I will tell you this, what is clear is that two brothers in Christ, two men, two preachers that God used greatly separated over this issue and never worked together again.

[John Weaver] Now, later on, it is true that Paul asked for John Mark. In 2nd Timothy chapter 4 verse 11, he wrote, Only Luke is with me. Take Mark and bring him with thee, for he is profitable to me for the ministry. However, the truth of the matter is this, although John Mark later came to Paul and worked with Paul, Paul and Barnabas never worked together again. In fact, you find very little about Barnabas after this incident happened.

[John Weaver] We have to understand that we do have an enemy. We do have an adversary. And our Lord said it like this in 1 Peter 5, verses 8 and 9. He said, Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walking about, seeking whom he may devour, whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world."

[John Weaver] What did he tell you to do? You better resist them. Because he said, he's attacking all the brethren. So unless we keep our hearts, unless we be sober and vigilant, we too shall fall. We have to resist all of the temptations, all the seductions, and all that we know that are absolutely contrary to the Word of God.

[John Weaver] Now, I'm going to slow down just a little bit because I'm going to emphasize the next two points. Yes, divisions arise because of the Savior. We understand that. Yes, divisions arise because of Satan. We understand that. Thirdly, divisions arise because of sin. Sin separates It has separated husbands from wives, children from parents, brothers from sisters, as well as families and friends. Now let me just make a statement.

[John Weaver] I want you to think about it. There is not a family in which sin has not separated in some degree. Whether it's mother, father, child, children. There's not a family. And as Christians, we cannot pretend that sin does not matter. Sin does matter. And sin cannot be coddled, it cannot be condoned. We have been explicitly commanded in Psalm 97 verse 10, ye that love the Lord, hate evil. Again, in Amos 5 and verse 15, God commands, hate the evil and love the good.

[John Weaver] Now you must remember that God is infinitely holy. God is so holy that He cannot look condoningly or approvingly upon sin. In the book of Habakkuk, chapter 1 and verse 13, Habakkuk wrote this, Thou art of pure eyes and behold evil and canst not look upon iniquity. Now certainly God sees evil and God sees iniquity. He looks upon it to judge it. But He does not look upon it condoningly. He does not look upon it approvingly. And when our children sin, we can't approve their sin. We can't condone their sin. When a husband sins or wife sins, we can't approve it. We can't condone it. We cannot even pretend like it's not there.

[John Weaver] What happens when a spouse chooses to commit adultery? Well, the answer is usually there's a separation. There's a division in the marriage and in the family when the sin is exposed. But the same is true with drunkenness, with sodomy, with thievery, with a multitude of other sins. We must understand that according to 1 John 3 and verse 4, that sin is a violation of God's law. I pointed out last week, you can't sin without violating God's law. But 1 John 5 and verse 17 tells us that all unrighteousness is sin. Well, how do we deal with it? How do you deal with a child that's in sin? How do you deal with a husband or a wife that's in sin? How do you deal with an in-law that's in sin? How do you? Well, it doesn't matter who.

[John Weaver] You know what Paul commanded Timothy to do? In 1 Timothy chapter 5 verse 20, he said this. Now, you have to remember that Timothy was a pastor. But in 1 Timothy 5 and verse 20, he said, them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear. Them that sin rebuke before all that others may fear. You see, there's a difference between a private sin and a public sin. So if Ed sinned against me privately, I don't stand in the pulpit and rebuke Ed. I go to him privately. But if Ed has done something publicly and everybody knows, yeah, he can be rebuked publicly. But the Bible says, them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear. In other words, we must rebuke the sin and not suffer the sin upon our neighbor or our family member. Leviticus 19 verse 17 says it like this, Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart. Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor and not suffer sin upon him. Now notice what he said, Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart.

[John Weaver] In other words, if you don't rebuke him, you hate him. You remember the Bible says in the book of Proverbs, open rebuke is better than secret love. So actually rebuking a child or a husband or a wife or a family member, reproving them, admonishing them is actually a demonstration of love. And so God says, thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart. Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor and not suffer sin upon him.

[John Weaver] So as Christians, now listen carefully, as Christians, we should always be eager to forgive, ready to forgive, and willing to forgive. However, it is impossible to forgive unless there is repentance. Let me explain. Look in your Bibles, Luke chapter 17. Luke 17. And let's begin reading there with verse 3. Luke 17 and verse 3. Look what our Lord says to His disciples. Take heed to yourselves. Take heed to yourselves.

[John Weaver] If I, brother, trespass against thee, rebuke him. And if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day, turning into thee, saying, I repent, thou shalt forgive him. And the apostle said unto the Lord, increase our faith.

[John Weaver] Now note, if you would, verse three, he said, take heed to yourselves. If I, brother, trespass against thee, what is the first thing you do? You rebuke him. You point out his sin, you point out his disobedience, you point out his trespass. You tell him that's not right, that's not biblical, that's not scriptural. You may show him what is biblical and what is scriptural, but God says the first thing you do is you rebuke him, you admonish him.

[John Weaver] If he repent, what does it say? Forgive him. It's just that simple. And so the disciple said, well, What if he trespasses against thee seven times in a day? And seven times in a day say, I repent. Our Lord says, you forgive him there. If he does it seventy times seven, you forgive him. We have to always be willing and ready and eager to forgive. But the scripture says here, if he repent.

[John Weaver] If there is no repentance, there really cannot be any forgiveness. You can read this in the paper all the time. Someone murders a family member. Murders! And another member of the family says, Before a man is ever convicted before he's ever going to trial, I forgive him. Really? How can you forgive someone if there's no repentance? Stop and think about that. Now listen to me. Let me explain this. Psalm 86 verse 5. Here's what the Bible says. For thou, Lord, art good and ready to forgive and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon them. Now notice the Bible said that God is good and God is ready to forgive. Let me ask you, is God willing to forgive? Is God ready to forgive? What's the answer? Yes! Will God forgive without repentance? No. No. If there is no repentance, there is no forgiveness.

[John Weaver] That's why our Lord said, Take heed of yourselves, if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him. If he repent, forgive him. What if he doesn't repent? Well, I'll show you that a little bit later, but you would still continue to rebuke him. You would still continue to confront him and admonish him. And by the way, rebuking someone or reproving someone does not mean that you're jumping down their throat with both feet. It does not mean that you're cussing them out and telling them off. Okay? So I said, if your brother repent, then you are obligated to forgive him.

[John Weaver] Now, as Christians, We must follow the Word of God. As Christians, we must follow the Word of God. Hebrews 3 and verse 13 commands this. Listen carefully. But exhort one another daily while it is called a day, lest any of you should be hardened to the deceitfulness of sin. What are we to do? We're to exhort one another daily, lest any should be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

[John Weaver] So that means then, if that brother that we rebuke does not repent, we continue exhorting him, we continue admonishing him, we continue rebuking him. How do we do that? Well, Galatians 6 verses 1 through 2, now listen carefully. Brethren, if a brother be overtaken in a fault, You which are spiritual, restore such in one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Now listen to what he said. If a man be overtaken in a fault or in a sin, you which are spiritual, restore such in one. That's your goal, restoration. Restore such in one. How? In the spirit of meekness. Not in the spirit of superiority. Not in the spirit, ha ha ha, you did it, not me. No, God said, you better do it in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself.

[John Weaver] In other words, had it not been for the grace and mercy and providence of God, it would be you that had sinned. You do it in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. And then he says, bear ye one of those burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. So you need to make that a matter of prayer. There's a number of things that I'm praying over that I've got to speak to people about. And I'm asking the Lord to prepare their hearts, to open their eyes. But he tells me I have to do so in the spirit of meekness. Do you understand We need to keep our hearts so that we do not condone sin or approve sin. We really need to keep our hearts especially if that sin is in our family and in our loved ones. We cannot condone it. We cannot overlook it.

[John Weaver] It must be dealt with even if it causes a further division and a further separation on the part of the individual who refuses to repent. I know parents right now whose children are absolutely, totally alienated from them. And the fault is with the children, not the parents. Parents are doing everything they can to lead their children to repentance and restore it. But the children will not listen.

[John Weaver] The point I'm trying to make is this. Some people, the more you reprove, The more you rebuke, the more you admonish, the more you exhort, the harder they get. And the farther away they flee from reconciliation and restoration. It really doesn't matter in one sense of the word, if that is the result, we still must obey God and we cannot condone the sin and we cannot approve the sin.

[John Weaver] There are many like the prodigal son that have lost their way. and they need to be confronted and they need repentance and reconciliation. And when those children or those individuals, those family members do repent, there has to be a restoration and there has to be a reconciliation. You have to remember, when you tell someone I forgive you, What you're basically saying is this. I'm wiping it out of my mind. I'm never going to meditate on this and think on this anymore. I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm not going to use it against you. It's gone. It's over. It's done with just as if you had never sinned.

[John Weaver] That's how God forgives us. And we're commanded to forgive others the same way. So there are divisions that arise because of our Savior. There are divisions that arise because of Satan. There are divisions that arise because of sin. And there are divisions that arise because of self. When I refer to self, I'm basically referring to our fleshly, carnal, selfish nature. And listen to me carefully. In all probability, 99% of all divisions arise because of sin and self. So many people think, well, Satan has really attacked me.

[John Weaver] I got news for you. Most of us are not important enough to merit an attack from Satan. He only attacked about three people in the Bible, Job, Jesus, and Peter. Why would He waste His time with us when some of His little tiny minions can do the work for Him? And why in the world would He waste His time with us when our flesh takes care of most of His work?

[John Weaver] You know what James 4 verse 1 says? Listen carefully. James 4 verse 1, For whence come wars and fighting among you? Come they not hence, even of your lusts, that war in your members? You have enough lusts, you have enough fighting going on in your own members. Read Galatians chapter 5. Turn there. Turn to Galatians chapter 5. Let me show you this. In fact, we're going to be looking at another passage there anyhow. But look in Galatians chapter 5 if you would please.

[John Weaver] I want you to see something. He says, beginning there with verse 19, Galatians 5 verse 19, Now the works of the flesh are these, are manifest, which are these, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variation, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envies, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like of which I've told you before, and I've also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

[John Weaver] Do you hear what he just said? All of these things are works of the flesh. Witchcraft is a work of the flesh. Idolatry is a work of the flesh. Drunkenness, murder, adultery, lasciviousness, uncleanness, strife, seditions. Why would Satan mess with us when we have enough sin in our members to condemn us because of our own selfishness? Since you're in Galatians 5, look at verse 13. He says, For brethren, you have been called unto liberty, only use not liberty for an occasion of the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even this, thou shalt love thy neighbors thyself. Now watch, but if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another.

[John Weaver] I've threatened for years to preach a message on this text entitled, Cannibal Christians. I still might do it. But if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another. This I say, then, walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Now watch, for the flesh lusteth or fights against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh, and these are contrary, the one to the other, so that you cannot do the things that you would. Let me tell you something, when you do the things that your flesh would enjoy, you're sinning against God.

[John Weaver] The truth of the matter is it's our proud, arrogant, haughty attitude and disposition that reveals itself in our flesh that causes strifes and divisions. And the truth is, listen carefully, we're far more likely to display such attitudes toward our family than we are our friends and strangers. You know why? Because we know we can get away with it in our family. We take an attitude like that in disposition with a stranger, he might just knock our block off. He might just demonstrate that I ain't your family. I'm not going to take it and just deck you right there. Paul told the Corinthians that their divisions were based upon their carnal, fleshly attitude by the way, which revealed the fact That they were babes. Look in your Bibles. 1 Corinthians chapter 3. 1 Corinthians chapter 3.

[John Weaver] And let's begin reading there with verse 1. Look what he says. You talk about divisions. You want to know where people are spiritually? Whether they're young men, whether they're fathers, whether they're babes. Look what he said. 1 Corinthians chapter 3 verse 1. And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal fleshly, even as unto babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with meat, for either two you were not able to bear it, neither yet now are you able, you're still a babe, for you are yet carnal. Now watch, for whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions, are you not carnal and fleshly and walk as men? You're certainly not walking in the Spirit.

[John Weaver] The point I'm trying to make is this. Whenever you see a Christian that refuses to submit to the Word of God and obey the plain commands of our Lord, mark it down. He is a sulking, fleshly, disobedient child who will soon face the rod of correction.

[John Weaver] And our strife and our envy and our division reveals our spiritual delinquency. Not a juvenile delinquent, but a spiritual delinquent. You have to be at least a young man to be a juvenile, I would think. Most of us are infant delinquents. I want you to look in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 4. Turn to Ephesians. Look what he says. Ephesians chapter 4, beginning there in verse 30. Ephesians 4, verse 30.

[John Weaver] Here's the command, and grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby you're sealed in the day of your redemption. Now, here's what you're to put off. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. Here's what you're to put on, and be you kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. Watch now, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you.

[John Weaver] By the way, look at verse 1 in chapter 5. Be ye therefore followers of God as dear children. How do you become a dear child? And the answer is by being a follower of God. You obey Him. You bring your life in conformity to His Word.

[John Weaver] Now, let me run through this with you. I've got a couple more passages. But the title of the message is, It's Your Fault. It's Your Fault. How can strife and divisions be our fault?

[John Weaver] Now listen, in the first point, it is our fault if we do not obey and submit to His Word. If we fail to listen, learn, obey, and apply, obviously we have not kept our hearts. We cannot save the lost. We cannot save our lost family members, but we can be Christian toward them and pray for their salvation and do that which is biblical and right in order to seek a restoration and reconciliation in the family. And if you don't, then it's your fault. And the second point where divisions arise because of Satan. It is our fault if we have listened to Satan and have failed to resist him and fight against him with all the power of God at our disposal.

[John Weaver] We're not to be ignorant of his devices. If we are ignorant, it is our fault because we failed to study and to learn his devices in order to avoid them. So it's our fault. And the third point, where divisions arise because of sin. It is our fault if we've sinned and failed to repent. There are no perfect Christians yet. While you're here, there's sin on your part, as well as sin on the parts of others. Each one sins and must repent. It is also our fault if our loved one has sinned and we have failed to confront him and admonish him in the Lord.

[John Weaver] Listen, 2 Thessalonians 3 verses 14 and 15. And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man and have no company with him that he may be ashamed, yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. So the separation, the division would still be our fault if we fail to admonish and confront. You say it may not work. It may not work, but it's still our responsibility to do it. But then again, by the grace of God, it may work.

[John Weaver] And the fourth point, divisions arise because of self. It is our fault. if we've not obeyed our Lord in seeking a resolution and a reconciliation. Regardless as to who is right and who is wrong, it is our responsibility to resolve the problem and reconcile as brethren. So, Ron and I could get into an argument. We could get into a fight. And I could come to Dr. Bowen and say, I'm right. He's wrong. And he could go to Ed and say, I'm right, the preacher's wrong. Does it matter who's right or who's wrong in this sense of the word since we're brothers and we should be working together and not against each other? There should be a reconciliation.

[John Weaver] We cannot play childish games and constantly blame other people. The Lord holds each one of us responsible to resolve all such strife and divisions. Let me show you. I want you to turn in your Bibles, first of all, to Matthew chapter 5. Matthew chapter 5, and let's begin reading there with verse 23. Matthew 5, verse 23, you know these passages. If you want to turn to Matthew 18 and hold it, we're coming right there just momentarily. But look in Matthew chapter 5, verses 23 and 24. Look what he says. Matthew 5 verse 23.

[John Weaver] Therefore, if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, and first be reconciled to thy brother, then come again, and offer thy gift. Now notice if you would, in verse 23, you have nothing against your brother, but he has something against you. And you remember it. Ron's mad at me.

[John Weaver] I don't even know what. It's silly. He's a child. I don't know what it is. What does God say? I'm responsible to go to Him and get it worked out. Believe my gift. Go and be reconciled to Him. And then come again. Look in your Bibles, Matthew chapter 18. Matthew chapter 18, beginning there verse 15. Matthew 18 verse 15 notice what he says Matthew 18 verse 15 moreover if I brother shall trespass against thee now Ron doesn't have anything against me I got something against him if I brother shall trespass against thee go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone if he shall hear thee thou hast gained thy brother but if he will not hear thee then take with thee one or two or more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and as a publican."

[John Weaver] So in this passage now, Ron doesn't have anything against me, I've got something against him. Whose responsibility is it to goad him? It's mine. He may not even realize that he sinned against me. He may not even realize that he's upset me or hurt me. I have to go to Him. And if He refuses to listen to me and repent and make it right, whose responsibility is it to get two more and go to Him? Mine. If He won't listen to them, whose responsibility is it to tell the church? Mine. In other words, it's my fault if I do not do these things.

[John Weaver] And you know what people say? When you tell them they need to reconcile, They need to resolve the issue. They need to repent. Here's what they say, but I've been hurt. I've been hurt so bad. Yes, you've been hurt. But let me ask you, do you not think that your sin is hurting Christ? And have you not hurt Christ far more than someone has hurt you? And are you willing to put your hurt above Christ and His Word. Now that becomes idolatry. When you're saying, I'm too hurt to make things right. I'm too hurt to go to my brother. I'm too hurt to go to my son. I'm too hurt to go to my father. I'm too hurt to go to my mother. I'm too hurt. Oh really? You're guilty now of idolatry. because you're placing yourself and your hurt above God.

[John Weaver] You have to understand something, folks. We can't save anyone. We can't control the evil thinking and the evil purposes of the wicked one. We cannot make anyone do that which is right and holy. I can't make my child obey. Neither can you. I've heard parents say, I've heard them with my own ears say, those little three and four year old kids, I'm teaching them to obey. Look how this one obeys. Wonderful.

[John Weaver] Wait until he's 16, 17, 18. I know what the scripture says, train up a child in a way that you understand that. But you also have to understand that child is a sinner and bullheaded and stubborn and sometimes We'll have to meet the rod of correction from the hand of God. We can't make anyone do that which is right and holy, but by the grace of God, we can do that which is right and holy ourselves.

[John Weaver] We can keep our hearts and live obediently. So let me just sum it up like this. If there must be division and strife, let it be placed on the shoulders of someone else. You do that which is right. You seek to reconcile. You seek to resolve. You seek to make things holy. If they refuse to do it, it's their sin, not yours. Life is too short and death is too sure to live in disobedience and to live without fellowship. We have to learn to do what's right, even if it never works out for the unrepentant one. If it never works out, it will be their sin and not ours. It's your fault if you don't seek resolutions and reconciliation from a biblical standpoint.

[John Weaver] Does it matter where the divisions arise? It's our responsibility to seek to resolve them and live in a biblical, godly manner. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we bow to thee. We thank you for your word. We thank you for your truth. And Lord, we pray for all of our families. We mentioned Lord, about praying for our nation and our country. But Lord, unless it starts with individuals and families, it'll never spread. It's got to be in our homes. And Lord, these dear families that are so strife-ridden and so divided, that are full of so much hurt and anger and ill will and even hatred. I pray that you'd break their hearts. I pray, God, that you would show them how much you suffered and what their sin has caused you. I pray, Father, that you would indeed heal us and grant us repentance. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray. Amen.

It's Your Fault

John Weaver | YouTube

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	YouTube
Media ID	3_HziPzIW0M
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The World And Times Of Jesse James
Genre	Sermon
Date	2016-12-18
Dictation Name
Book	Book 028: The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness — Chapter 25
Source Timed Segments	72

Formatted Transcript

Introduction: The Problem of Division

Weaver introduces the topic of divided families and states that most divisions are unnecessary, stemming from pride and selfishness.

Well, I want you to open your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 4 today. Proverbs chapter 4. And I'm not going to expound the verse. I'm going to use it and apply it, but I've preached several messages from this passage. But Proverbs chapter 4 and verse 23, a very simple verse. It just simply says,

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 4:23

"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."

The title of the message today is, "It's Your Fault." It's your fault.

Spiritual Immaturity as a Root Cause

Christians often remain spiritual children, leading to temper tantrums and emotional outbursts that cause division.

Each of us has heard children arguing. The argument usually goes something like this. "It's your fault." "Is not." "Is to." "Is not." "Is to." And the argument would continue like that until some adult steps in and resolves a seemingly endless conflict. I've often said, I don't see how any child ever lives to adulthood. And I also have said, and I firmly believe that grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. It should be noticed as you read the Bible that God refers to Christians many times as children, little children, and babes. The problem is that many never leave that stage. They never mature enough to be young men or even fathers.

I want you to turn in your Bibles very quickly to 1 John chapter 2, and let me show you a passage, and I'm going to be quoting a lot of Scripture just for time's sake. But I want you to look in 1 John 2, beginning there in verse 12, where the apostle John is writing to believers, and he says this,

Scripture Reading — 1 John 2:12-14

"I write unto you little children, because your sins are forgiven you for His namesake. I write unto you fathers, because you have known Him that is from the beginning. I write unto you young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you little children, because you have known the Father. I have written unto you fathers, because you've known Him that is from the beginning. I've written unto you young men because you're strong and the Word of God abided in you and you've overcome the wicked one."

In fact, if you'll go back to 1 John 2 and verse 1, John says again,

Scripture Reading — 1 John 2:12-14

"My little children, these things I write unto you."

So in this passage, God's people are referred to as children and little children and young men and fathers. Now Peter also admonishes us in 1 Peter chapter 2 verses 1 through 3. He says, "Wherefore, laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and all envies, and all evil speakings, as newborn babes desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if so be that you've tasted that the Lord is gracious." And if you'll turn very quickly in your Bibles to the book of Hebrews chapter 5. Hebrews chapter 5. And notice what the Apostle to the Hebrew writes in this particular passage. Hebrews chapter 5 and let's begin reading there with verse 10. Hebrews 5 and verse 10, and he says it like this, talking about Christ called of God and high priest after the order of Melchizedek, and then he says this of

whom we have many things to say and hard to be uttered, seeing you were dull of hearing. For when for the time you ought to be teachers, you have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God. And become such as have need of milk and not of strong meat. For everyone that useth milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. For strong meat belongs to them that are full-aged, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. I thought about coming over here this morning I probably need to preach a message just on babes, young men and fathers and show you the attributes and the characteristics of each one in the Word of God. But notice if you would, here the apostle says that when you ought to be teachers, you have need of someone to teach you again the very first principles of the oracles of God. And you become someone who needs milk.

In other words, you revert back to babyhood again. He says, because you're unskillful in the word of righteousness. So the problem that exists in most professing Christians and most real Christians is that they cannot and will not act like adult Christians. They cannot think clearly, accurately, doctrinally, or biblically, and hence they're still children. Consequently, their lives are consumed with silly childhood temper tantrums, hurt feelings, and emotional outbursts. If they cannot get their way and if people do not play according to their rules, they'll take their marbles and go home.

Divisions Arise Because of the Savior

Christ and His truth can cause division, but believers must ensure the division comes from the unconverted, not from their own sin.

They usually stem from our own pride, selfishness, and willfulness. Now, what I want to do this morning is this. I want to point out several sources of divisions and discuss them momentarily. Remember the title of this message is, "It's Your Fault." And I want you to see how most the time it is indeed our fault. First of all, divisions arise because of the Savior. I want you to turn in your Bibles very quickly to the book of Luke chapter 12. Luke chapter 12. And we'll begin reading there with verse 51, Luke chapter 12. It is impossible to not experience divisions in one sense of the word, especially when some are saved and some are unsaved in the family. But if you look in Luke chapter 12, beginning there with verse 51, at what our Lord says, Luke 12 and verse 51, Our Lord says, "Suppose you that I'm

Scripture Reading — Luke 12:51-53

come to give peace on earth, I tell you nay, but rather division.

For from henceforth there shall be five in one household divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father, the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother, and the mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law." Notice if you would please, He says there's going to be division. Now, I must point out that sometimes division is indeed based upon our Savior and His Word, His truth. He does separate the chaff from the wheat. He does separate the sheep from the goats. If you took the time to read through the book of John, you would find that the Apostle John mentions this division over and over concerning Christ. For instance, let me just quote in John 7 and verse 43, the Bible says,

Scripture Reading — John 7:43; 9:16; 10:19

"So there was a division among the people because of him."

When you get to John 9 in verse 16, the Bible says, "Therefore said some of the Pharisees, This man is not of God, because he keepeth not the Sabbath day. Others said, How can this man that is a sinner do such miracles? And there was a division among them." And when you get to John 10 in verse 19, the Bible just simply says, "There was a division, therefore, again, among the Jews for these sayings."

Now, while we must at all times stand for our Lord and with our Lord, it does not necessarily mean that there will have to be divisions in our families. Certainly, there can be and would be, but let me just simply say, the truth is that being chosen by our Lord, being converted by His grace and indwelt by His Spirit, should humble us to such an extent that pride, arrogance, and hostility should be put aside. If division has to come because of Christ and because of His truth, let it come on the side of the unconverted and not on our side. Let it be their sin and not our sin. Let me just tell you that the problem that existed in the early church still exists today. For instance, as you turn in your Bibles, please, to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, what do you do when you have a marriage where God saves one spouse and not the other spouse? Or what do you do in a marriage when a Christian, unhappily, and disobediently marries a non-Christian and becomes unequally yoked.

Obviously, you're going to be reaping what you have sown. There are going to be consequences to that sin. But in the early church, especially, here were two people that were married, and God saved one spouse and not the other spouse. So there was a real concern what the resolution would be. So the Apostle Paul answers in 1 Corinthians 7, beginning there with verse 12. He says,

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 7:12-15

"But to the rest speak I, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife, note he's a believer. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, she's unsaved, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, else were your children unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace."

Now what did the Apostle Paul say? As long as that individual is going to live with you, let them live with you. But, he said, if the unbeliever depart, let him depart. Paul is teaching that the saved spouse can have an influence upon the unsaved spouse. But notice, if you would, how Paul ends this in verse 15 when he says this, "But God hath called us to peace." In other words, there should be no fighting and no wrangling over the truth. Truth cannot be force-fed to anyone. You cannot force the hand of God. You cannot force God to save someone. Obviously, there's going to be a division of some sorts if one is saved and one is unsaved, but it does not have to be an explosive division. And the truth is, the more we keep our hearts, the less strife and less division there's going to be. The more we keep our hearts, the better the atmosphere is for truth to take root in the life of the unsaved spouse. So we have to understand that sometimes division arises because of our Savior and because of His truth. If that division arises, it must then be on the part of the one who will not listen and who will not obey. As a Christian, as a child of God, you must continue to do what is right and seek to resolve those things. Secondly, sometimes division arises because of Satan. You must remember that Satan even sought to divide God against Job by falsely accusing Job.

Divisions Arise Because of Satan

Satan deceives, divides, and destroys; believers must resist his devices and not be ignorant of his schemes.

God said, "Is thou considered my servant Job? There is none like him in all the earth." And Satan said, "Doth Job serve God for naught? Why? You take away everything he's got and he'll curse you to his face. The only reason he's serving you is because you're taking care of him, you're giving to him." Do you realize it was Satan who stood up and provoked David and divided him from God and his people in 1 Chronicles 21 and verse 1. And the Bible said, "and Satan stood against Israel and provoked David to number Israel." It was Satan who tempted and seduced David to sin. In Acts 5 and verse 3, Satan was the source of deceit and division in the lives of Ananias and Sapphira in the early church. Peter said to Ananias, "why did Satan fill thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost?" Obviously, there was some division here and there was some strife. You know, the Apostle Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 2 and verse 11 that we're not to be ignorant of Satan's devices.

lest he get an advantage over us. Now the interesting thing is this, when the Apostle Paul says, "lest Satan should get an advantage over us, for we're not ignorant of his devices," the word devices there in the Greek is noema, which is translated in our Bibles as mind four times and as thought one time. So actually what he is saying is we're not ignorant as to how Satan thinks. his thought processes, his evil purposes, and how he works. He deceives, he divides, and he destroys. You must remember in Revelation 12 in verse 10, he's called the accuser of our brethren. His very name means slanderer, adversary, devil. You remember what our Lord said to those Jews in John 8 in verse 44? He said, "You are of your father, the devil. And the lust of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning and abode not in the truth. Listen, because there is no truth in him, when he speak of a lie, he speaketh of his own, for he is a liar and the father of it." Now here's my question. Will Satan lie and slander and accuse you? Of course he will. Will Satan lie and slander and accuse you to other people? Yes, He will. Will Satan lie and accuse other people, do you? Of course, he will. And you know, most of the time, when we get upset with people, we really put our own interpretation upon what they say.

We don't even ask them what they meant. We just say, "I bet he's slamming me or he's slandering me. I bet he meant that in an evil way." You know what that could be? That could be just Satan accusing that individual to you. It could not even possibly be true. A good illustration of this is found in Acts chapter 15. I want you to turn there very quickly. Acts chapter 15. If you would read through the book of Acts, you would find that there was a team that God used very greatly. Paul and Barnabas. He used them all throughout the book of Acts. However, when you get to Acts chapter 15, there was a division and a separation between Paul and Barnabas over John Mark. Now I want you to look. Acts chapter 15, beginning there, verse 36. "And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.

But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work." So he'd already forsaken them one time. Now watch verse 39. "And the contention was so sharp between them that they departed asunder, one from the other. So Barnabas took Mark and sailed into Cyprus. And Paul chose Silas and departed, being recommended by the brethren of the grace of God. And he went through Syria and Cilicia, confirming the churches."

Now when you read that Barnabas determined, the Greek word determined literally means he deliberated and he took counsel with himself. In other words, it was his will. It was his determination. It was his purpose. He was dead set on bringing John Mark with him. He would not listen. He would not be reasoned with. He was just absolutely determined. And when the Bible says that it became a point of contention, the word contention there means an incitement or an agitation. And this contention or this excitement and agitation became so sharp that Paul and Barnabas separated and divided permanently.

Now, how much of this was flesh and how much of this was Satan, I have absolutely no idea. But I will tell you this, what is clear is that two brothers in Christ, two men, two preachers that God used greatly separated over this issue and never worked together again. Now, later on, it is true that Paul asked for John Mark. In 2nd Timothy chapter 4 verse 11, he wrote, "Only Luke is with me. Take Mark and bring him with thee, for he is profitable to me for the ministry." However, the truth of the matter is this, although John Mark later came to Paul and worked with Paul, Paul and Barnabas never worked together again. In fact, you find very little about Barnabas after this incident happened. We have to understand that we do have an enemy. We do have an adversary. And our Lord said it like this in 1 Peter 5, verses 8 and 9. He said, "Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walking about, seeking whom he may devour, whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world."

What did he tell you to do? You better resist them. Because he said, he's attacking all the brethren. So unless we keep our hearts, unless we be sober and vigilant, we too shall fall. We have to resist all of the temptations, all the seductions, and all that we know that are absolutely contrary to the Word of God.

Divisions Arise Because of Sin

Sin separates families, and Christians must rebuke sin while being ready to forgive upon repentance.

Now, I'm going to slow down just a little bit because I'm going to emphasize the next two points. Yes, divisions arise because of the Savior. We understand that. Yes, divisions arise because of Satan. We understand that. Thirdly, divisions arise because of sin. Sin separates. It has separated husbands from wives, children from parents, brothers from sisters, as well as families and friends. Now let me just make a statement.

I want you to think about it. There is not a family in which sin has not separated in some degree. Whether it's mother, father, child, children. There's not a family. And as Christians, we cannot pretend that sin does not matter. Sin does matter. And sin cannot be coddled, it cannot be condoned. We have been explicitly commanded in Psalm 97 verse 10,

Scripture Reading — Psalm 97:10; Amos 5:15

"ye that love the Lord, hate evil."

Again, in Amos 5 and verse 15, God commands, "hate the evil and love the good."

Now you must remember that God is infinitely holy. God is so holy that He cannot look condoningly or approvingly upon sin. In the book of Habakkuk, chapter 1 and verse 13, Habakkuk wrote this,

Scripture Reading — Habakkuk 1:13

"Thou art of pure eyes and behold evil and canst not look upon iniquity."

Now certainly God sees evil and God sees iniquity. He looks upon it to judge it. But He does not look upon it condoningly. He does not look upon it approvingly. And when our children sin, we can't approve their sin. We can't condone their sin. When a husband sins or wife sins, we can't approve it. We can't condone it. We cannot even pretend like it's not there.

What happens when a spouse chooses to commit adultery? Well, the answer is usually there's a separation. There's a division in the marriage and in the family when the sin is exposed. But the same is true with drunkenness, with sodomy, with thievery, with a multitude of other sins. We must understand that according to 1 John 3 and verse 4, that sin is a violation of God's law. I pointed out last week, you can't sin without violating God's law. But 1 John 5 and verse 17 tells us that all unrighteousness is sin. Well, how do we deal with it? How do you deal with a child that's in sin? How do you deal with a husband or a wife that's in sin? How do you deal with an in-law that's in sin? How do you? Well, it doesn't matter who.

You know what Paul commanded Timothy to do? In 1 Timothy chapter 5 verse 20, he said this. Now, you have to remember that Timothy was a pastor. But in 1 Timothy 5 and verse 20, he said,

Scripture Reading — 1 Timothy 5:20

"them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear."

Them that sin rebuke before all that others may fear. You see, there's a difference between a private sin and a public sin. So if Ed sinned against me privately, I don't stand in the pulpit and rebuke Ed. I go to him privately. But if Ed has done something publicly and everybody knows, yeah, he can be rebuked publicly. But the Bible says,

Scripture Reading — 1 Timothy 5:20

"them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear."

In other words, we must rebuke the sin and not suffer the sin upon our neighbor or our family member. Leviticus 19 verse 17 says it like this, "Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart. Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor and not suffer sin upon him." Now notice what he said, "Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart."

In other words, if you don't rebuke him, you hate him. You remember the Bible says in the book of Proverbs, "open rebuke is better than secret love." So actually rebuking a child or a husband or a wife or a family member, reproving them, admonishing them is actually a demonstration of love. And so God says, "thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart. Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor and not suffer sin upon him."

So as Christians, now listen carefully, as Christians, we should always be eager to forgive, ready to forgive, and willing to forgive. However, it is impossible to forgive unless there is repentance. Let me explain. Look in your Bibles, Luke chapter 17. Luke 17. And let's begin reading there with verse 3. Luke 17 and verse 3. Look what our Lord says to His disciples. "Take heed to yourselves. Take heed to yourselves.

If I, brother, trespass against thee, rebuke him. And if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day, turning into thee, saying, I repent, thou shalt forgive him." And the apostle said unto the Lord, "increase our faith." Now note, if you would, verse three, he said, "take heed to yourselves. If I, brother, trespass against thee," what is the first thing you do? You rebuke him. You point out his sin, you point out his disobedience, you point out his trespass. You tell him that's not right, that's not biblical, that's not scriptural. You may show him what is biblical and what is scriptural, but God says the first thing you do is you rebuke him, you admonish him.

If he repent, what does it say? Forgive him. It's just that simple. And so the disciple said, well, what if he trespasses against thee seven times in a day? And seven times in a day say, I repent. Our Lord says, you forgive him there. If he does it seventy times seven, you forgive him. We have to always be willing and ready and eager to forgive. But the scripture says here, "if he repent."

If there is no repentance, there really cannot be any forgiveness. You can read this in the paper all the time. Someone murders a family member. Murders! And another member of the family says, before a man is ever convicted before he's ever going to trial, "I forgive him." Really? How can you forgive someone if there's no repentance? Stop and think about that. Now listen to me. Let me explain this. Psalm 86 verse 5. Here's what the Bible says.

Scripture Reading — Psalm 86:5

"For thou, Lord, art good and ready to forgive and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon

them." Now notice the Bible said that God is good and God is ready to forgive. Let me ask you, is God willing to forgive? Is God ready to forgive? What's the answer? Yes! Will God forgive without repentance? No. No. If there is no repentance, there is no forgiveness.

That's why our Lord said, "Take heed of yourselves, if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him. If he repent, forgive him." What if he doesn't repent? Well, I'll show you that a little bit later, but you would still continue to rebuke him. You would still continue to confront him and admonish him. And by the way, rebuking someone or reproving someone does not mean that you're jumping down their throat with both feet. It does not mean that you're cussing them out and telling them off. Okay? So I said, if your brother repent, then you are obligated to forgive him.

Now, as Christians, we must follow the Word of God. As Christians, we must follow the Word of God. Hebrews 3 and verse 13 commands this. Listen carefully.

Scripture Reading — Hebrews 3:13

"But exhort one another daily while it is called a day, lest any of you should be hardened to the deceitfulness of sin."

What are we to do? We're to exhort one another daily, lest any should be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

So that means then, if that brother that we rebuke does not repent, we continue exhorting him, we continue admonishing him, we continue rebuking him. How do we do that? Well, Galatians 6 verses 1 through 2, now listen carefully. "Brethren, if a brother be overtaken in a fault, you which are spiritual, restore such in one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Now listen to what he said. If a man be overtaken in a fault or in a sin, you which are spiritual, restore such in one. That's your goal, restoration. Restore such in one. How? In the spirit of meekness. Not in the spirit of superiority. Not in the spirit, "ha ha ha, you did it, not me." No, God said, you better do it in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself.

In other words, had it not been for the grace and mercy and providence of God, it would be you that had sinned. You do it in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. And then he says, "bear ye one of those burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." So you need to make that a matter of prayer. There's a number of things that I'm praying over that I've got to speak to people about. And I'm asking the Lord to prepare their hearts, to open their eyes. But he tells me I have to do so in the spirit of meekness. Do you understand we need to keep our hearts so that we do not condone sin or approve sin. We really need to keep our hearts especially if that sin is in our family and in our loved ones. We cannot condone it. We cannot overlook it.

It must be dealt with even if it causes a further division and a further separation on the part of the individual who refuses to repent. I know parents right now whose children are absolutely, totally alienated from them. And the fault is with the children, not the parents. Parents are doing everything they can to lead their children to repentance and restore it. But the children will not listen. The point I'm trying to make is this. Some people, the more you reprove, the more you rebuke, the more you admonish, the more you exhort, the harder they get. And the farther away they flee from reconciliation and restoration. It really doesn't matter in one sense of the word, if that is the result, we still must obey God and we cannot condone the sin and we cannot approve the sin.

There are many like the prodigal son that have lost their way. and they need to be confronted and they need repentance and reconciliation. And when those children or those individuals, those family members do repent, there has to be a restoration and there has to be a reconciliation. You have to remember, when you tell someone "I forgive you," what you're basically saying is this. I'm wiping it out of my mind. I'm never going to meditate on this and think on this anymore. I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm not going to use it against you. It's gone. It's over. It's done with just as if you had never sinned.

Divisions Arise Because of Self

Most divisions come from our fleshly, carnal nature; believers must put off bitterness and walk in the Spirit.

That's how God forgives us. And we're commanded to forgive others the same way. So there are divisions that arise because of our Savior. There are divisions that arise because of Satan. There are divisions that arise because of sin. And there are divisions that arise because of self. When I refer to self, I'm basically referring to our fleshly, carnal, selfish nature. And listen to me carefully. In all probability, 99% of all divisions arise because of sin and self. So many people think, "well, Satan has really attacked me."

I got news for you. Most of us are not important enough to merit an attack from Satan. He only attacked about three people in the Bible, Job, Jesus, and Peter. Why would He waste His time with us when some of His little tiny minions can do the work for Him? And why in the world would He waste His time with us when our flesh takes care of most of His work? You know what James 4 verse 1 says? Listen carefully. James 4 verse 1,

Scripture Reading — James 4:1

"For whence come wars and fighting among you? Come they not hence, even of your lusts, that war in your members?"

You have enough lusts, you have enough fighting going on in your own members. Read Galatians chapter 5. Turn there. Turn to Galatians chapter 5. Let me show you this. In fact, we're going to be looking at another passage there anyhow. But look in Galatians chapter 5 if you would please.

I want you to see something. He says, beginning there with verse 19, Galatians 5 verse 19, "Now the works of the flesh are these, are manifest, which are these, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variation, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envies, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like of which I've told you before, and I've also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." Do you hear what he just said? All of these things are works of the flesh. Witchcraft is a work of the flesh. Idolatry is a work of the flesh. Drunkenness, murder, adultery, lasciviousness, uncleanness, strife, seditions. Why would Satan mess with us when we have enough sin in our members to condemn us because of our own selfishness? Since you're in Galatians 5, look at verse 13. He says,

Scripture Reading — Galatians 5:13-17, 19-21

"For brethren, you have been called unto liberty, only use not liberty for an occasion of the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even this, thou shalt love thy neighbors thyself."

Now watch,

Scripture Reading — Galatians 5:13-17, 19-21

"but if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another."

I've threatened for years to preach a message on this text entitled, "Cannibal Christians." I still might do it. But if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another. This I say, then, walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Now watch, for the flesh lusteth or fights against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh, and these are contrary, the one to the other, so that you cannot do the things that you would. Let me tell you something, when you do the things that your flesh would enjoy, you're sinning against God. The truth of the matter is it's our proud, arrogant, haughty attitude and disposition that reveals itself in our flesh that causes strifes and divisions. And the truth is, listen carefully, we're far more likely to display such attitudes toward our family than we are our friends and strangers. You know why? Because we know we can get away with it in our family. We take an attitude like that in disposition with a stranger, he might just knock our block off. He might just demonstrate that "I ain't your family. I'm not going to take it" and just deck you right there. Paul told the Corinthians that their divisions were based upon their carnal, fleshly attitude by the way, which revealed the fact that they were babes. Look in your Bibles. 1 Corinthians chapter 3. 1 Corinthians chapter 3.

And let's begin reading there with verse 1. Look what he says. You talk about divisions. You want to know where people are spiritually? Whether they're young men, whether they're fathers, whether they're babes. Look what he said. 1 Corinthians chapter 3 verse 1.

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 3:1-3

"And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal fleshly, even as unto babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with meat, for either two you were not able to bear it, neither yet now are you able, you're still a babe, for you are yet carnal."

Now watch,

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 3:1-3

"for whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions, are you not carnal and fleshly and walk as men?"

You're certainly not walking in the Spirit.

It Is Your Fault: Taking Responsibility

Weaver explains how strife is our fault if we fail to obey Scripture, resist Satan, repent of sin, or seek reconciliation.

Now listen, in the first point, it is our fault if we do not obey and submit to His Word. If we fail to listen, learn, obey, and apply, obviously we have not kept our hearts. We cannot save the lost. We cannot save our lost family members, but we can be Christian toward them and pray for their salvation and do that which is biblical and right in order to seek a restoration and reconciliation in the family. And if you don't, then it's your fault. And the second point where divisions arise because of Satan. It is our fault if we have listened to Satan and have failed to resist him and fight against him with all the power of God at our disposal.

We're not to be ignorant of his devices. If we are ignorant, it is our fault because we failed to study and to learn his devices in order to avoid them. So it's our fault. And the third point, where divisions arise because of sin. It is our fault if we've sinned and failed to repent. There are no perfect Christians yet. While you're here, there's sin on your part, as well as sin on the parts of others. Each one sins and must repent. It is also our fault if our loved one has sinned and we have failed to confront him and admonish him in the Lord.

Listen, 2 Thessalonians 3 verses 14 and 15. "And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man and have no company with him that he may be ashamed, yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother." So the separation, the division would still be our fault if we fail to admonish and confront. You say it may not work. It may not work, but it's still our responsibility to do it. But then again, by the grace of God, it may work. And the fourth point, divisions arise because of self. It is our fault. if we've not obeyed our Lord in seeking a resolution and a reconciliation. Regardless as to who is right and who is wrong, it is our responsibility to resolve the problem and reconcile as brethren. So, Ron and I could get into an argument. We could get into a fight. And I could come to Dr. Bowen and say, "I'm right. He's wrong." And he could go to Ed and say, "I'm right, the preacher's wrong." Does it matter who's right or who's wrong in this sense of the word since we're brothers and we should be working together and not against each other? There should be a reconciliation.

We cannot play childish games and constantly blame other people. The Lord holds each one of us responsible to resolve all such strife and divisions. Let me show you. I want you to turn in your Bibles, first of all, to Matthew chapter 5. Matthew chapter 5, and let's begin reading there with verse 23. Matthew 5, verse 23, you know these passages. If you want to turn to Matthew 18 and hold it, we're coming right there just momentarily. But look in Matthew chapter 5, verses 23 and 24. Look what he says. Matthew 5 verse 23.

"Therefore, if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, and first be reconciled to thy brother, then come again, and offer thy gift." Now notice if you would, in verse 23, you have nothing against your brother, but he has something against you. And you remember it. Ron's mad at me. I don't even know what. It's silly. He's a child. I don't know what it is. What does God say? I'm responsible to go to Him and get it worked out. Believe my gift. Go and be reconciled to Him. And then come again. Look in your Bibles, Matthew chapter 18. Matthew chapter 18, beginning there verse 15. Matthew 18 verse 15 notice what he says. "Moreover if I brother shall trespass against thee"—now Ron doesn't have anything against me, I got something against him—"if I brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two or more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and as a publican."

So in this passage now, Ron doesn't have anything against me, I've got something against him. Whose responsibility is it to goad him? It's mine. He may not even realize that he sinned against me. He may not even realize that he's upset me or hurt me. I have to go to Him. And if He refuses to listen to me and repent and make it right, whose responsibility is it to get two more and go to Him? Mine. If He won't listen to them, whose responsibility is it to tell the church? Mine. In other words, it's my fault if I do not do these things.

Conclusion: Seek Reconciliation

Believers must do what is right and seek to resolve divisions, leaving the sin of unrepentance on others.

And you know what people say? When you tell them they need to reconcile, they need to resolve the issue. They need to repent. Here's what they say, "but I've been hurt. I've been hurt so bad." Yes, you've been hurt. But let me ask you, do you not think that your sin is hurting Christ? And have you not hurt Christ far more than someone has hurt you? And are you willing to put your hurt above Christ and His Word. Now that becomes idolatry. When you're saying, "I'm too hurt to make things right. I'm too hurt to go to my brother. I'm too hurt to go to my son. I'm too hurt to go to my father. I'm too hurt to go to my mother. I'm too hurt." Oh really? You're guilty now of idolatry. because you're placing yourself and your hurt above God.

You have to understand something, folks. We can't save anyone. We can't control the evil thinking and the evil purposes of the wicked one. We cannot make anyone do that which is right and holy. I can't make my child obey. Neither can you. I've heard parents say, I've heard them with my own ears say, those little three and four year old kids, "I'm teaching them to obey. Look how this one obeys. Wonderful."

Wait until he's 16, 17, 18. I know what the scripture says, "train up a child in a way that you understand that." But you also have to understand that child is a sinner and bullheaded and stubborn and sometimes will have to meet the rod of correction from the hand of God. We can't make anyone do that which is right and holy, but by the grace of God, we can do that which is right and holy ourselves. We can keep our hearts and live obediently. So let me just sum it up like this. If there must be division and strife, let it be placed on the shoulders of someone else. You do that which is right. You seek to reconcile. You seek to resolve. You seek to make things holy. If they refuse to do it, it's their sin, not yours. Life is too short and death is too sure to live in disobedience and to live without fellowship. We have to learn to do what's right, even if it never works out for the unrepentant one. If it never works out, it will be their sin and not ours. It's your fault if you don't seek resolutions and reconciliation from a biblical standpoint.

Does it matter where the divisions arise? It's our responsibility to seek to resolve them and live in a biblical, godly manner. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we bow to thee. We thank you for your word. We thank you for your truth. And Lord, we pray for all of our families. We mentioned Lord, about praying for our nation and our country. But Lord, unless it starts with individuals and families, it'll never spread. It's got to be in our homes. And Lord, these dear families that are so strife-ridden and so divided, that are full of so much hurt and anger and ill will and even hatred. I pray that you'd break their hearts. I pray, God, that you would show them how much you suffered and what their sin has caused you. I pray, Father, that you would indeed heal us and grant us repentance. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray. Amen.

Study Guide

Major Themes

Spiritual Maturity

Summary: Many Christians remain spiritual babes, unable to handle conflict biblically, which leads to division.

Evidence: Weaver cites 1 John 2, Hebrews 5, and 1 Corinthians 3 to show that spiritual immaturity is marked by strife and envy.

Personal Responsibility

Summary: Believers are responsible to keep their hearts, obey God's Word, and seek reconciliation regardless of who is at fault.

Evidence: The title 'It's Your Fault' and repeated statements that failure to act biblically makes division our fault.

The Necessity of Repentance and Forgiveness

Summary: Forgiveness requires repentance; believers must rebuke sin but be ready to forgive when repentance occurs.

Evidence: Luke 17:3-4 is cited to show that forgiveness follows repentance, and Psalm 86:5 shows God's readiness to forgive.

The Danger of the Flesh

Summary: Our own sinful nature is the primary source of strife and division, not Satan.

Evidence: James 4:1 and Galatians 5:19-21 are used to argue that wars and fighting come from our own lusts.

Biblical Conflict Resolution

Summary: Scripture provides clear steps for resolving conflict, including private confrontation and church involvement.

Evidence: Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-17 are explained as commands to seek reconciliation.

Key Arguments

Most family divisions are unnecessary and sinful.

Summary: Weaver argues that pride, selfishness, and willfulness cause most divisions, not legitimate doctrinal differences.

Evidence: He states, 'Life is too short and death is too sure for such unnecessary division and strife.'

Spiritual immaturity is revealed by strife and division.

Summary: Christians who engage in envy, strife, and divisions are carnal and acting like babes in Christ.

Evidence: 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 is quoted to show that divisions indicate a fleshly, immature state.

Forgiveness is impossible without repentance.

Summary: Weaver insists that biblical forgiveness requires the offender to repent; otherwise, reconciliation cannot occur.

Evidence: Luke 17:3-4 is cited: 'If he repent, forgive him.'

It is our fault if we fail to confront sin biblically.

Summary: Believers are commanded to rebuke sin and seek restoration; failure to do so is disobedience.

Evidence: Leviticus 19:17 and Galatians 6:1-2 are used to show the duty to rebuke and restore.

Placing personal hurt above obedience is idolatry.

Summary: Refusing to reconcile because of being hurt elevates self above God's command.

Evidence: Weaver states, 'You're guilty now of idolatry because you're placing yourself and your hurt above God.'

Scripture References

Proverbs 4:23

Context: The foundational verse for the message: 'Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.'

1 John 2:12-14

Context: Used to illustrate spiritual growth stages: little children, young men, fathers.

1 Peter 2:1-3

Context: Admonition to desire the sincere milk of the word to grow.

Hebrews 5:10-14

Context: Rebuke for spiritual immaturity and need for milk instead of strong meat.

Luke 12:51-53

Context: Jesus predicts division within households because of Him.

John 7:43; 9:16; 10:19

Context: Examples of division among the people because of Christ.

1 Corinthians 7:12-15

Context: Instructions for believers married to unbelievers; God has called us to peace.

Acts 15:36-40

Context: The sharp contention and division between Paul and Barnabas over John Mark.

1 Peter 5:8-9

Context: Admonition to be sober and vigilant against the devil.

Psalm 97:10; Amos 5:15

Context: Commands to hate evil and love good.

Habakkuk 1:13

Context: God is of purer eyes than to behold evil approvingly.

1 Timothy 5:20

Context: Command to rebuke those who sin publicly.

Leviticus 19:17

Context: Command to rebuke a neighbor and not suffer sin upon him.

Luke 17:3-4

Context: If a brother repents, forgive him; forgiveness requires repentance.

Psalm 86:5

Context: God is ready to forgive but requires calling upon Him (repentance).

Hebrews 3:13

Context: Exhort one another daily to avoid being hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Galatians 6:1-2

Context: Restore a fallen brother in a spirit of meekness.

James 4:1

Context: Wars and fighting come from our own lusts.

Galatians 5:13-17, 19-21

Context: Works of the flesh include strife, seditions, envying; walk in the Spirit.

1 Corinthians 3:1-3

Context: Carnal Christians are babes, evidenced by envying, strife, and divisions.

Historical References

Paul and Barnabas division over John Mark

Context: Used as an example of sharp contention between two godly men, resulting in permanent separation.

Satan's attack on Job

Context: Satan sought to divide God against Job by falsely accusing him.

Satan provoking David to number Israel

Context: 1 Chronicles 21:1 shows Satan standing against Israel and provoking David.

Ananias and Sapphira

Context: Satan filled their hearts to lie to the Holy Ghost, causing division in the early church.

Important Quotes

Life is too short and death is too sure for such unnecessary division and strife.

Significance: Summarizes the urgency and tragedy of family divisions.

If division has to come because of Christ and because of His truth, let it come on the side of the unconverted and not on our side.

Significance: Clarifies that believers must not be the cause of division over the gospel.

We have to understand that we do have an enemy. We do have an adversary.

Significance: Acknowledges Satan's role in division and the need for vigilance.

If there is no repentance, there really cannot be any forgiveness.

Significance: Establishes the biblical condition for forgiveness.

You're guilty now of idolatry because you're placing yourself and your hurt above God.

Significance: Warns that refusing to reconcile due to personal hurt is a form of idolatry.

Whenever you see a Christian that refuses to submit to the Word of God and obey the plain commands of our Lord, mark it down. He is a sulking, fleshly, disobedient child who will soon face the rod of correction.

Significance: Connects disobedience to spiritual immaturity and divine discipline.

We can't make anyone do that which is right and holy, but by the grace of God, we can do that which is right and holy ourselves.

Significance: Emphasizes personal responsibility over controlling others.

Discussion Questions

What are some signs that a Christian is still a 'babe' spiritually, according to 1 Corinthians 3?

Context: Weaver uses 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 to show that envy, strife, and divisions indicate carnality.

How can we distinguish between necessary division over the gospel and unnecessary strife caused by our flesh?

Context: Weaver discusses divisions arising from the Savior versus those from self.

Why does forgiveness require repentance, and how should we handle situations where the offender does not repent?

Context: Based on Luke 17:3-4 and the discussion of rebuke and restoration.

In what ways do we 'bite and devour one another' in our families and churches today?

Context: Galatians 5:15 warns against consuming one another through strife.

What does it mean to 'keep your heart' in the context of family conflict?

Context: Proverbs 4:23 is the key verse; Weaver applies it to guarding against sinful reactions.

How can we confront sin in a family member without becoming self-righteous or harsh?

Context: Galatians 6:1-2 instructs restoration in a spirit of meekness.

Why is it idolatry to let personal hurt prevent us from seeking reconciliation?

Context: Weaver argues that placing hurt above God's command is idolatry.

Applications

Examine your own heart first.

Summary: Before blaming others for division, ask if your own pride, selfishness, or willfulness is the cause.

Evidence: The message repeatedly calls believers to take responsibility: 'It's your fault.'

Seek reconciliation actively.

Summary: If you know a brother has something against you, go to him and be reconciled, even if you feel you are not at fault.

Evidence: Matthew 5:23-24 is cited as a command to initiate reconciliation.

Confront sin biblically.

Summary: When a family member sins, rebuke them privately and seek their repentance, following Matthew 18.

Evidence: Matthew 18:15-17 and Leviticus 19:17 are used to show the duty to confront.

Forgive when there is repentance.

Summary: Be ready and willing to forgive completely when the offender repents, as God forgives us.

Evidence: Luke 17:3-4 and Ephesians 4:32 are referenced.

Do not let hurt become an idol.

Summary: Refuse to allow personal pain to keep you from obeying God's command to reconcile.

Evidence: Weaver states that placing hurt above God is idolatry.

Walk in the Spirit to overcome the flesh.

Summary: Since strife comes from the flesh, believers must yield to the Holy Spirit to produce peace.

Evidence: Galatians 5:16-17 is cited to show the conflict between flesh and Spirit.

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T16:01:51Z

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | weaver_study | 2026-06-06T06:19:18Z

Clean Transcript

It's Your Fault

Clean readable transcript. This view follows the Commentary.net cleaned segment text while preserving timestamps for audio follow-along.

Well, I want you to open your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 4 today. Proverbs chapter 4. And I'm not going to expound the verse. I'm going to use it and apply it, but I've preached several messages from this passage. But Proverbs chapter 4 and verse 23, a very simple verse. It just simply says, "Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." The title of the message today is, "It's Your Fault." It's your fault.
#1 | 0:14 to 0:53 | cleaned
Each of us has heard children arguing. The argument usually goes something like this. "It's your fault." "Is not." "Is to." "Is not." "Is to." And the argument would continue like that until some adult steps in and resolves a seemingly endless conflict. I've often said, I don't see how any child ever lives to adulthood. And I also have said, and I firmly believe that grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. It should be noticed as you read the Bible that God refers to Christians many times as children, little children, and babes. The problem is that many never leave that stage. They never mature enough to be young men or even fathers.
#2 | 0:55 to 1:57 | cleaned
I want you to turn in your Bibles very quickly to 1 John chapter 2, and let me show you a passage, and I'm going to be quoting a lot of Scripture just for time's sake. But I want you to look in 1 John 2, beginning there in verse 12, where the apostle John is writing to believers, and he says this, "I write unto you little children, because your sins are forgiven you for His namesake. I write unto you fathers, because you have known Him that is from the beginning. I write unto you young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you little children, because you have known the Father. I have written unto you fathers, because you've known Him that is from the beginning. I've written unto you young men because you're strong and the Word of God abided in you and you've overcome the wicked one." In fact, if you'll go back to 1 John 2 and verse 1, John says again, "My little children, these things I write unto you."
#3 | 1:58 to 2:57 | cleaned
So in this passage, God's people are referred to as children and little children and young men and fathers. Now Peter also admonishes us in 1 Peter chapter 2 verses 1 through 3. He says, "Wherefore, laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and all envies, and all evil speakings, as newborn babes desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if so be that you've tasted that the Lord is gracious." And if you'll turn very quickly in your Bibles to the book of Hebrews chapter 5. Hebrews chapter 5. And notice what the Apostle to the Hebrew writes in this particular passage. Hebrews chapter 5 and let's begin reading there with verse 10. Hebrews 5 and verse 10, and he says it like this, talking about Christ called of God and high priest after the order of Melchizedek, and then he says this of
#4 | 2:58 to 3:59 | cleaned
whom we have many things to say and hard to be uttered, seeing you were dull of hearing. For when for the time you ought to be teachers, you have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God. And become such as have need of milk and not of strong meat. For everyone that useth milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. For strong meat belongs to them that are full-aged, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. I thought about coming over here this morning I probably need to preach a message just on babes, young men and fathers and show you the attributes and the characteristics of each one in the Word of God. But notice if you would, here the apostle says that when you ought to be teachers, you have need of someone to teach you again the very first principles of the oracles of God. And you become someone who needs milk.
#5 | 3:59 to 5:01 | cleaned
In other words, you revert back to babyhood again. He says, because you're unskillful in the word of righteousness. So the problem that exists in most professing Christians and most real Christians is that they cannot and will not act like adult Christians. They cannot think clearly, accurately, doctrinally, or biblically, and hence they're still children. Consequently, their lives are consumed with silly childhood temper tantrums, hurt feelings, and emotional outbursts. If they cannot get their way and if people do not play according to their rules, they'll take their marbles and go home.
#6 | 5:01 to 5:46 | cleaned
Now, let me just tell you the issue that I'm confronting today is one that is very prominent and unhappily very profuse. And I'm referring to divided families. I have been dealing with a number of families that are divided over issues, and many of those issues are really non-issues, yet that does not appear to soften or to ease the situation. I personally know families where fathers are divided against sons, sons against fathers, husbands against wives, wives against husbands, in-laws against in-laws, children against parents and parents against children. And the sad fact is that in some of these, the fathers and the sons are pastors and preachers. And I can only say how sad.
#7 | 5:48 to 6:51 | cleaned
You'll hear me repeat this again. Life is too short and death is too sure for such unnecessary division and strife. My father has been dead for 20 years and my mother has been dead for four years. And yet I still think about them. I still miss them. And I'm thankful that they were my parents. And I can truly say that I love my parents.
#8 | 6:52 to 7:17 | cleaned
Now, does that mean that there were never any issues? Well, of course not. There were issues, but we certainly never divided over them. We worked through them and we continued to act as a family. I suppose probably the one thing that has disturbed me most recently, especially in praying for these families, is that I know what a family could be and should be. And it just grieves me that these people are missing some of the greatest years of their lives. I can think of nothing more miserable and devastating than missing fellowship with your immediate family and especially with your grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I know that there are times that divisions will happen and they cannot be helped, but unhappily, most of the time, they're unnecessary.
#9 | 7:18 to 8:18 | cleaned
They usually stem from our own pride, selfishness, and willfulness. Now, what I want to do this morning is this. I want to point out several sources of divisions and discuss them momentarily. Remember the title of this message is, "It's Your Fault." And I want you to see how most the time it is indeed our fault. First of all, divisions arise because of the Savior. I want you to turn in your Bibles very quickly to the book of Luke chapter 12. Luke chapter 12. And we'll begin reading there with verse 51, Luke chapter 12. It is impossible to not experience divisions in one sense of the word, especially when some are saved and some are unsaved in the family. But if you look in Luke chapter 12, beginning there with verse 51, at what our Lord says, Luke 12 and verse 51, Our Lord says, "Suppose you that I'm come to give peace on earth, I tell you nay, but rather division.
#10 | 8:19 to 9:36 | cleaned
For from henceforth there shall be five in one household divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father, the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother, and the mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law." Notice if you would please, He says there's going to be division.
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Now, I must point out that sometimes division is indeed based upon our Savior and His Word, His truth. He does separate the chaff from the wheat. He does separate the sheep from the goats. If you took the time to read through the book of John, you would find that the Apostle John mentions this division over and over concerning Christ. For instance, let me just quote in John 7 and verse 43, the Bible says, "So there was a division among the people because of him." When you get to John 9 in verse 16, the Bible says, "Therefore said some of the Pharisees, This man is not of God, because he keepeth not the Sabbath day. Others said, How can this man that is a sinner do such miracles? And there was a division among them." And when you get to John 10 in verse 19, the Bible just simply says, "There was a division, therefore, again, among the Jews for these sayings."
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Now, while we must at all times stand for our Lord and with our Lord, it does not necessarily mean that there will have to be divisions in our families. Certainly, there can be and would be, but let me just simply say, the truth is that being chosen by our Lord, being converted by His grace and indwelt by His Spirit, should humble us to such an extent that pride, arrogance, and hostility should be put aside. If division has to come because of Christ and because of His truth, let it come on the side of the unconverted and not on our side.
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Let it be their sin and not our sin. Let me just tell you that the problem that existed in the early church still exists today. For instance, as you turn in your Bibles, please, to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, what do you do when you have a marriage where God saves one spouse and not the other spouse? Or what do you do in a marriage when a Christian, unhappily, and disobediently marries a non-Christian and becomes unequally yoked.
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Obviously, you're going to be reaping what you have sown. There are going to be consequences to that sin. But in the early church, especially, here were two people that were married, and God saved one spouse and not the other spouse. So there was a real concern what the resolution would be. So the Apostle Paul answers in 1 Corinthians 7, beginning there with verse 12. He says, "But to the rest speak I, not the Lord.
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If any brother hath a wife, note he's a believer. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, she's unsaved, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, else were your children unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace."
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Now what did the Apostle Paul say? As long as that individual is going to live with you, let them live with you. But, he said, if the unbeliever depart, let him depart. Paul is teaching that the saved spouse can have an influence upon the unsaved spouse. But notice, if you would, how Paul ends this in verse 15 when he says this, "But God hath called us to peace."
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In other words, there should be no fighting and no wrangling over the truth. Truth cannot be force-fed to anyone. You cannot force the hand of God. You cannot force God to save someone. Obviously, there's going to be a division of some sorts if one is saved and one is unsaved, but it does not have to be an explosive division. And the truth is, the more we keep our hearts, the less strife and less division there's going to be. The more we keep our hearts, the better the atmosphere is for truth to take root in the life of the unsaved spouse. So we have to understand that sometimes division arises because of our Savior and because of His truth. If that division arises, it must then be on the part of the one who will not listen and who will not obey. As a Christian, as a child of God, you must continue to do what is right and seek to resolve those things. Secondly, sometimes division arises because of Satan. You must remember that Satan even sought to divide God against Job by falsely accusing Job.
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God said, "Is thou considered my servant Job? There is none like him in all the earth." And Satan said, "Doth Job serve God for naught? Why? You take away everything he's got and he'll curse you to his face. The only reason he's serving you is because you're taking care of him, you're giving to him." Do you realize it was Satan who stood up and provoked David and divided him from God and his people in 1 Chronicles 21 and verse 1. And the Bible said, "and Satan stood against Israel and provoked David to number Israel." It was Satan who tempted and seduced David to sin. In Acts 5 and verse 3, Satan was the source of deceit and division in the lives of Ananias and Sapphira in the early church. Peter said to Ananias, "why did Satan fill thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost?" Obviously, there was some division here and there was some strife. You know, the Apostle Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 2 and verse 11 that we're not to be ignorant of Satan's devices.
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lest he get an advantage over us. Now the interesting thing is this, when the Apostle Paul says, "lest Satan should get an advantage over us, for we're not ignorant of his devices," the word devices there in the Greek is noema, which is translated in our Bibles as mind four times and as thought one time. So actually what he is saying is we're not ignorant as to how Satan thinks. his thought processes, his evil purposes, and how he works.
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He deceives, he divides, and he destroys. You must remember in Revelation 12 in verse 10, he's called the accuser of our brethren. His very name means slanderer, adversary, devil. You remember what our Lord said to those Jews in John 8 in verse 44? He said, "You are of your father, the devil. And the lust of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning and abode not in the truth. Listen, because there is no truth in him, when he speak of a lie, he speaketh of his own, for he is a liar and the father of it." Now here's my question. Will Satan lie and slander and accuse you? Of course he will. Will Satan lie and slander and accuse you to other people? Yes, He will. Will Satan lie and accuse other people, do you? Of course, he will. And you know, most of the time, when we get upset with people, we really put our own interpretation upon what they say.
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We don't even ask them what they meant. We just say, "I bet he's slamming me or he's slandering me. I bet he meant that in an evil way." You know what that could be? That could be just Satan accusing that individual to you. It could not even possibly be true. A good illustration of this is found in Acts chapter 15. I want you to turn there very quickly. Acts chapter 15. If you would read through the book of Acts, you would find that there was a team that God used very greatly. Paul and Barnabas. He used them all throughout the book of Acts. However, when you get to Acts chapter 15, there was a division and a separation between Paul and Barnabas over John Mark. Now I want you to look. Acts chapter 15, beginning there, verse 36. "And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.
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But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work." So he'd already forsaken them one time. Now watch verse 39. "And the contention was so sharp between them that they departed asunder, one from the other. So Barnabas took Mark and sailed into Cyprus. And Paul chose Silas and departed, being recommended by the brethren of the grace of God. And he went through Syria and Cilicia, confirming the churches."
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Now when you read that Barnabas determined, the Greek word determined literally means he deliberated and he took counsel with himself. In other words, it was his will. It was his determination. It was his purpose. He was dead set on bringing John Mark with him. He would not listen. He would not be reasoned with. He was just absolutely determined. And when the Bible says that it became a point of contention, the word contention there means an incitement or an agitation. And this contention or this excitement and agitation became so sharp that Paul and Barnabas separated and divided permanently.
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Now, how much of this was flesh and how much of this was Satan, I have absolutely no idea. But I will tell you this, what is clear is that two brothers in Christ, two men, two preachers that God used greatly separated over this issue and never worked together again.
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Now, later on, it is true that Paul asked for John Mark. In 2nd Timothy chapter 4 verse 11, he wrote, "Only Luke is with me. Take Mark and bring him with thee, for he is profitable to me for the ministry." However, the truth of the matter is this, although John Mark later came to Paul and worked with Paul, Paul and Barnabas never worked together again. In fact, you find very little about Barnabas after this incident happened.
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We have to understand that we do have an enemy. We do have an adversary. And our Lord said it like this in 1 Peter 5, verses 8 and 9. He said, "Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary, the devil, as a roaring lion, walking about, seeking whom he may devour, whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world."
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What did he tell you to do? You better resist them. Because he said, he's attacking all the brethren. So unless we keep our hearts, unless we be sober and vigilant, we too shall fall. We have to resist all of the temptations, all the seductions, and all that we know that are absolutely contrary to the Word of God.
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Now, I'm going to slow down just a little bit because I'm going to emphasize the next two points. Yes, divisions arise because of the Savior. We understand that. Yes, divisions arise because of Satan. We understand that. Thirdly, divisions arise because of sin. Sin separates. It has separated husbands from wives, children from parents, brothers from sisters, as well as families and friends. Now let me just make a statement.
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I want you to think about it. There is not a family in which sin has not separated in some degree. Whether it's mother, father, child, children. There's not a family. And as Christians, we cannot pretend that sin does not matter. Sin does matter. And sin cannot be coddled, it cannot be condoned. We have been explicitly commanded in Psalm 97 verse 10, "ye that love the Lord, hate evil." Again, in Amos 5 and verse 15, God commands, "hate the evil and love the good."
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Now you must remember that God is infinitely holy. God is so holy that He cannot look condoningly or approvingly upon sin. In the book of Habakkuk, chapter 1 and verse 13, Habakkuk wrote this, "Thou art of pure eyes and behold evil and canst not look upon iniquity." Now certainly God sees evil and God sees iniquity. He looks upon it to judge it. But He does not look upon it condoningly. He does not look upon it approvingly. And when our children sin, we can't approve their sin. We can't condone their sin. When a husband sins or wife sins, we can't approve it. We can't condone it. We cannot even pretend like it's not there.
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What happens when a spouse chooses to commit adultery? Well, the answer is usually there's a separation. There's a division in the marriage and in the family when the sin is exposed. But the same is true with drunkenness, with sodomy, with thievery, with a multitude of other sins. We must understand that according to 1 John 3 and verse 4, that sin is a violation of God's law. I pointed out last week, you can't sin without violating God's law. But 1 John 5 and verse 17 tells us that all unrighteousness is sin. Well, how do we deal with it? How do you deal with a child that's in sin? How do you deal with a husband or a wife that's in sin? How do you deal with an in-law that's in sin? How do you? Well, it doesn't matter who.
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You know what Paul commanded Timothy to do? In 1 Timothy chapter 5 verse 20, he said this. Now, you have to remember that Timothy was a pastor. But in 1 Timothy 5 and verse 20, he said, "them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear." Them that sin rebuke before all that others may fear. You see, there's a difference between a private sin and a public sin. So if Ed sinned against me privately, I don't stand in the pulpit and rebuke Ed. I go to him privately. But if Ed has done something publicly and everybody knows, yeah, he can be rebuked publicly. But the Bible says, "them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear." In other words, we must rebuke the sin and not suffer the sin upon our neighbor or our family member. Leviticus 19 verse 17 says it like this, "Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart. Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor and not suffer sin upon him." Now notice what he said, "Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart."
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In other words, if you don't rebuke him, you hate him. You remember the Bible says in the book of Proverbs, "open rebuke is better than secret love." So actually rebuking a child or a husband or a wife or a family member, reproving them, admonishing them is actually a demonstration of love. And so God says, "thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart. Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor and not suffer sin upon him."
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So as Christians, now listen carefully, as Christians, we should always be eager to forgive, ready to forgive, and willing to forgive. However, it is impossible to forgive unless there is repentance. Let me explain. Look in your Bibles, Luke chapter 17. Luke 17. And let's begin reading there with verse 3. Luke 17 and verse 3. Look what our Lord says to His disciples. "Take heed to yourselves. Take heed to yourselves.
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If I, brother, trespass against thee, rebuke him. And if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day, turning into thee, saying, I repent, thou shalt forgive him." And the apostle said unto the Lord, "increase our faith."
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Now note, if you would, verse three, he said, "take heed to yourselves. If I, brother, trespass against thee," what is the first thing you do? You rebuke him. You point out his sin, you point out his disobedience, you point out his trespass. You tell him that's not right, that's not biblical, that's not scriptural. You may show him what is biblical and what is scriptural, but God says the first thing you do is you rebuke him, you admonish him.
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If he repent, what does it say? Forgive him. It's just that simple. And so the disciple said, well, what if he trespasses against thee seven times in a day? And seven times in a day say, I repent. Our Lord says, you forgive him there. If he does it seventy times seven, you forgive him. We have to always be willing and ready and eager to forgive. But the scripture says here, "if he repent."
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If there is no repentance, there really cannot be any forgiveness. You can read this in the paper all the time. Someone murders a family member. Murders! And another member of the family says, before a man is ever convicted before he's ever going to trial, "I forgive him." Really? How can you forgive someone if there's no repentance? Stop and think about that. Now listen to me. Let me explain this. Psalm 86 verse 5. Here's what the Bible says. "For thou, Lord, art good and ready to forgive and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon them." Now notice the Bible said that God is good and God is ready to forgive. Let me ask you, is God willing to forgive? Is God ready to forgive? What's the answer? Yes! Will God forgive without repentance? No. No. If there is no repentance, there is no forgiveness.
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That's why our Lord said, "Take heed of yourselves, if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him. If he repent, forgive him." What if he doesn't repent? Well, I'll show you that a little bit later, but you would still continue to rebuke him. You would still continue to confront him and admonish him. And by the way, rebuking someone or reproving someone does not mean that you're jumping down their throat with both feet. It does not mean that you're cussing them out and telling them off. Okay? So I said, if your brother repent, then you are obligated to forgive him.
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Now, as Christians, we must follow the Word of God. As Christians, we must follow the Word of God. Hebrews 3 and verse 13 commands this. Listen carefully. "But exhort one another daily while it is called a day, lest any of you should be hardened to the deceitfulness of sin." What are we to do? We're to exhort one another daily, lest any should be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
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So that means then, if that brother that we rebuke does not repent, we continue exhorting him, we continue admonishing him, we continue rebuking him. How do we do that? Well, Galatians 6 verses 1 through 2, now listen carefully. "Brethren, if a brother be overtaken in a fault, you which are spiritual, restore such in one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Now listen to what he said. If a man be overtaken in a fault or in a sin, you which are spiritual, restore such in one. That's your goal, restoration. Restore such in one. How? In the spirit of meekness. Not in the spirit of superiority. Not in the spirit, "ha ha ha, you did it, not me." No, God said, you better do it in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself.
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In other words, had it not been for the grace and mercy and providence of God, it would be you that had sinned. You do it in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. And then he says, "bear ye one of those burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." So you need to make that a matter of prayer. There's a number of things that I'm praying over that I've got to speak to people about. And I'm asking the Lord to prepare their hearts, to open their eyes. But he tells me I have to do so in the spirit of meekness. Do you understand we need to keep our hearts so that we do not condone sin or approve sin. We really need to keep our hearts especially if that sin is in our family and in our loved ones. We cannot condone it. We cannot overlook it.
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It must be dealt with even if it causes a further division and a further separation on the part of the individual who refuses to repent. I know parents right now whose children are absolutely, totally alienated from them. And the fault is with the children, not the parents. Parents are doing everything they can to lead their children to repentance and restore it. But the children will not listen.
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The point I'm trying to make is this. Some people, the more you reprove, the more you rebuke, the more you admonish, the more you exhort, the harder they get. And the farther away they flee from reconciliation and restoration. It really doesn't matter in one sense of the word, if that is the result, we still must obey God and we cannot condone the sin and we cannot approve the sin.
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There are many like the prodigal son that have lost their way. and they need to be confronted and they need repentance and reconciliation. And when those children or those individuals, those family members do repent, there has to be a restoration and there has to be a reconciliation. You have to remember, when you tell someone "I forgive you," what you're basically saying is this. I'm wiping it out of my mind. I'm never going to meditate on this and think on this anymore. I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm not going to use it against you. It's gone. It's over. It's done with just as if you had never sinned.
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That's how God forgives us. And we're commanded to forgive others the same way. So there are divisions that arise because of our Savior. There are divisions that arise because of Satan. There are divisions that arise because of sin. And there are divisions that arise because of self. When I refer to self, I'm basically referring to our fleshly, carnal, selfish nature. And listen to me carefully. In all probability, 99% of all divisions arise because of sin and self. So many people think, "well, Satan has really attacked me."
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I got news for you. Most of us are not important enough to merit an attack from Satan. He only attacked about three people in the Bible, Job, Jesus, and Peter. Why would He waste His time with us when some of His little tiny minions can do the work for Him? And why in the world would He waste His time with us when our flesh takes care of most of His work?
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You know what James 4 verse 1 says? Listen carefully. James 4 verse 1, "For whence come wars and fighting among you? Come they not hence, even of your lusts, that war in your members?" You have enough lusts, you have enough fighting going on in your own members. Read Galatians chapter 5. Turn there. Turn to Galatians chapter 5. Let me show you this. In fact, we're going to be looking at another passage there anyhow. But look in Galatians chapter 5 if you would please.
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I want you to see something. He says, beginning there with verse 19, Galatians 5 verse 19, "Now the works of the flesh are these, are manifest, which are these, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variation, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envies, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like of which I've told you before, and I've also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."
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Do you hear what he just said? All of these things are works of the flesh. Witchcraft is a work of the flesh. Idolatry is a work of the flesh. Drunkenness, murder, adultery, lasciviousness, uncleanness, strife, seditions. Why would Satan mess with us when we have enough sin in our members to condemn us because of our own selfishness? Since you're in Galatians 5, look at verse 13. He says, "For brethren, you have been called unto liberty, only use not liberty for an occasion of the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even this, thou shalt love thy neighbors thyself." Now watch, "but if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another."
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I've threatened for years to preach a message on this text entitled, "Cannibal Christians." I still might do it. But if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another. This I say, then, walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Now watch, for the flesh lusteth or fights against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh, and these are contrary, the one to the other, so that you cannot do the things that you would. Let me tell you something, when you do the things that your flesh would enjoy, you're sinning against God.
#52 | 41:14 to 41:51 | cleaned
The truth of the matter is it's our proud, arrogant, haughty attitude and disposition that reveals itself in our flesh that causes strifes and divisions. And the truth is, listen carefully, we're far more likely to display such attitudes toward our family than we are our friends and strangers. You know why? Because we know we can get away with it in our family. We take an attitude like that in disposition with a stranger, he might just knock our block off. He might just demonstrate that "I ain't your family. I'm not going to take it" and just deck you right there. Paul told the Corinthians that their divisions were based upon their carnal, fleshly attitude by the way, which revealed the fact that they were babes. Look in your Bibles. 1 Corinthians chapter 3. 1 Corinthians chapter 3.
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And let's begin reading there with verse 1. Look what he says. You talk about divisions. You want to know where people are spiritually? Whether they're young men, whether they're fathers, whether they're babes. Look what he said. 1 Corinthians chapter 3 verse 1. "And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal fleshly, even as unto babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with meat, for either two you were not able to bear it, neither yet now are you able, you're still a babe, for you are yet carnal." Now watch, "for whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions, are you not carnal and fleshly and walk as men?" You're certainly not walking in the Spirit.
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The point I'm trying to make is this. Whenever you see a Christian that refuses to submit to the Word of God and obey the plain commands of our Lord, mark it down. He is a sulking, fleshly, disobedient child who will soon face the rod of correction.
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And our strife and our envy and our division reveals our spiritual delinquency. Not a juvenile delinquent, but a spiritual delinquent. You have to be at least a young man to be a juvenile, I would think. Most of us are infant delinquents. I want you to look in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 4. Turn to Ephesians. Look what he says. Ephesians chapter 4, beginning there in verse 30. Ephesians 4, verse 30.
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Here's the command, "and grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby you're sealed in the day of your redemption." Now, here's what you're to put off. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice." Here's what you're to put on, "and be you kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another." Watch now, "even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you."
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By the way, look at verse 1 in chapter 5. "Be ye therefore followers of God as dear children." How do you become a dear child? And the answer is by being a follower of God. You obey Him. You bring your life in conformity to His Word.
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Now, let me run through this with you. I've got a couple more passages. But the title of the message is, "It's Your Fault." It's Your Fault. How can strife and divisions be our fault?
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Now listen, in the first point, it is our fault if we do not obey and submit to His Word. If we fail to listen, learn, obey, and apply, obviously we have not kept our hearts. We cannot save the lost. We cannot save our lost family members, but we can be Christian toward them and pray for their salvation and do that which is biblical and right in order to seek a restoration and reconciliation in the family. And if you don't, then it's your fault. And the second point where divisions arise because of Satan. It is our fault if we have listened to Satan and have failed to resist him and fight against him with all the power of God at our disposal.
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We're not to be ignorant of his devices. If we are ignorant, it is our fault because we failed to study and to learn his devices in order to avoid them. So it's our fault. And the third point, where divisions arise because of sin. It is our fault if we've sinned and failed to repent. There are no perfect Christians yet. While you're here, there's sin on your part, as well as sin on the parts of others. Each one sins and must repent. It is also our fault if our loved one has sinned and we have failed to confront him and admonish him in the Lord.
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Listen, 2 Thessalonians 3 verses 14 and 15. "And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man and have no company with him that he may be ashamed, yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother." So the separation, the division would still be our fault if we fail to admonish and confront. You say it may not work. It may not work, but it's still our responsibility to do it. But then again, by the grace of God, it may work.
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And the fourth point, divisions arise because of self. It is our fault. if we've not obeyed our Lord in seeking a resolution and a reconciliation. Regardless as to who is right and who is wrong, it is our responsibility to resolve the problem and reconcile as brethren. So, Ron and I could get into an argument. We could get into a fight. And I could come to Dr. Bowen and say, "I'm right. He's wrong." And he could go to Ed and say, "I'm right, the preacher's wrong." Does it matter who's right or who's wrong in this sense of the word since we're brothers and we should be working together and not against each other? There should be a reconciliation.
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We cannot play childish games and constantly blame other people. The Lord holds each one of us responsible to resolve all such strife and divisions. Let me show you. I want you to turn in your Bibles, first of all, to Matthew chapter 5. Matthew chapter 5, and let's begin reading there with verse 23. Matthew 5, verse 23, you know these passages. If you want to turn to Matthew 18 and hold it, we're coming right there just momentarily. But look in Matthew chapter 5, verses 23 and 24. Look what he says. Matthew 5 verse 23.
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"Therefore, if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, and first be reconciled to thy brother, then come again, and offer thy gift." Now notice if you would, in verse 23, you have nothing against your brother, but he has something against you. And you remember it. Ron's mad at me.
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I don't even know what. It's silly. He's a child. I don't know what it is. What does God say? I'm responsible to go to Him and get it worked out. Believe my gift. Go and be reconciled to Him. And then come again. Look in your Bibles, Matthew chapter 18. Matthew chapter 18, beginning there verse 15. Matthew 18 verse 15 notice what he says. "Moreover if I brother shall trespass against thee"—now Ron doesn't have anything against me, I got something against him—"if I brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two or more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and as a publican."
#66 | 50:46 to 51:58 | cleaned
So in this passage now, Ron doesn't have anything against me, I've got something against him. Whose responsibility is it to goad him? It's mine. He may not even realize that he sinned against me. He may not even realize that he's upset me or hurt me. I have to go to Him. And if He refuses to listen to me and repent and make it right, whose responsibility is it to get two more and go to Him? Mine. If He won't listen to them, whose responsibility is it to tell the church? Mine. In other words, it's my fault if I do not do these things.
#67 | 51:58 to 52:36 | cleaned
And you know what people say? When you tell them they need to reconcile, they need to resolve the issue. They need to repent. Here's what they say, "but I've been hurt. I've been hurt so bad." Yes, you've been hurt. But let me ask you, do you not think that your sin is hurting Christ? And have you not hurt Christ far more than someone has hurt you? And are you willing to put your hurt above Christ and His Word. Now that becomes idolatry. When you're saying, "I'm too hurt to make things right. I'm too hurt to go to my brother. I'm too hurt to go to my son. I'm too hurt to go to my father. I'm too hurt to go to my mother. I'm too hurt." Oh really? You're guilty now of idolatry. because you're placing yourself and your hurt above God.
#68 | 52:37 to 53:45 | cleaned
You have to understand something, folks. We can't save anyone. We can't control the evil thinking and the evil purposes of the wicked one. We cannot make anyone do that which is right and holy. I can't make my child obey. Neither can you. I've heard parents say, I've heard them with my own ears say, those little three and four year old kids, "I'm teaching them to obey. Look how this one obeys. Wonderful."
#69 | 53:47 to 54:21 | cleaned
Wait until he's 16, 17, 18. I know what the scripture says, "train up a child in a way that you understand that." But you also have to understand that child is a sinner and bullheaded and stubborn and sometimes will have to meet the rod of correction from the hand of God. We can't make anyone do that which is right and holy, but by the grace of God, we can do that which is right and holy ourselves.
#70 | 54:23 to 54:54 | cleaned
We can keep our hearts and live obediently. So let me just sum it up like this. If there must be division and strife, let it be placed on the shoulders of someone else. You do that which is right. You seek to reconcile. You seek to resolve. You seek to make things holy. If they refuse to do it, it's their sin, not yours. Life is too short and death is too sure to live in disobedience and to live without fellowship. We have to learn to do what's right, even if it never works out for the unrepentant one. If it never works out, it will be their sin and not ours. It's your fault if you don't seek resolutions and reconciliation from a biblical standpoint.
#71 | 54:55 to 56:08 | cleaned
Does it matter where the divisions arise? It's our responsibility to seek to resolve them and live in a biblical, godly manner. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we bow to thee. We thank you for your word. We thank you for your truth. And Lord, we pray for all of our families. We mentioned Lord, about praying for our nation and our country. But Lord, unless it starts with individuals and families, it'll never spread. It's got to be in our homes. And Lord, these dear families that are so strife-ridden and so divided, that are full of so much hurt and anger and ill will and even hatred. I pray that you'd break their hearts. I pray, God, that you would show them how much you suffered and what their sin has caused you. I pray, Father, that you would indeed heal us and grant us repentance. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray. Amen.
#72 | 56:12 to 57:41 | cleaned

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T16:01:51Z

It's Your Fault

John Weaver | Freedom Ministries

Pastor John Weaver addresses the problem of division within families, arguing that most strife is unnecessary and stems from pride, selfishness, and willfulness. Using Proverbs 4:23 as a foundation, he explains that divisions arise from four sources: the Savior, Satan, sin, and self. He emphasizes that Christians must keep their hearts, obey Scripture, and take responsibility for seeking reconciliation, even when they are not at fault. The message calls believers to mature beyond spiritual infancy and to resolve conflicts biblically.

Introduction: The Problem of Division

Weaver introduces the topic of divided families and states that most divisions are unnecessary, stemming from pride and selfishness.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 4:23

"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."

The title of the message today is, "It's Your Fault." It's your fault.

Spiritual Immaturity as a Root Cause

Christians often remain spiritual children, leading to temper tantrums and emotional outbursts that cause division.

Scripture Reading — 1 John 2:12-14

"I write unto you little children, because your sins are forgiven you for His namesake. I write unto you fathers, because you have known Him that is from the beginning. I write unto you young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you little children, because you have known the Father. I have written unto you fathers, because you've known Him that is from the beginning. I've written unto you young men because you're strong and the Word of God abided in you and you've overcome the wicked one."

In fact, if you'll go back to 1 John 2 and verse 1, John says again,

Scripture Reading — 1 John 2:12-14

"My little children, these things I write unto you."

Divisions Arise Because of the Savior

Christ and His truth can cause division, but believers must ensure the division comes from the unconverted, not from their own sin.

Scripture Reading — Luke 12:51-53

come to give peace on earth, I tell you nay, but rather division.

Scripture Reading — John 7:43; 9:16; 10:19

"So there was a division among the people because of him."

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 7:12-15

"But to the rest speak I, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife, note he's a believer. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, she's unsaved, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, else were your children unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace."

Divisions Arise Because of Satan

Satan deceives, divides, and destroys; believers must resist his devices and not be ignorant of his schemes.

Divisions Arise Because of Sin

Sin separates families, and Christians must rebuke sin while being ready to forgive upon repentance.

Scripture Reading — Psalm 97:10; Amos 5:15

"ye that love the Lord, hate evil."

Again, in Amos 5 and verse 15, God commands, "hate the evil and love the good."

Now you must remember that God is infinitely holy. God is so holy that He cannot look condoningly or approvingly upon sin. In the book of Habakkuk, chapter 1 and verse 13, Habakkuk wrote this,

Scripture Reading — Habakkuk 1:13

"Thou art of pure eyes and behold evil and canst not look upon iniquity."

You know what Paul commanded Timothy to do? In 1 Timothy chapter 5 verse 20, he said this. Now, you have to remember that Timothy was a pastor. But in 1 Timothy 5 and verse 20, he said,

Scripture Reading — 1 Timothy 5:20

"them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear."

Scripture Reading — 1 Timothy 5:20

"them that sin, rebuke before all that others may fear."

Scripture Reading — Psalm 86:5

"For thou, Lord, art good and ready to forgive and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon

Now, as Christians, we must follow the Word of God. As Christians, we must follow the Word of God. Hebrews 3 and verse 13 commands this. Listen carefully.

Scripture Reading — Hebrews 3:13

"But exhort one another daily while it is called a day, lest any of you should be hardened to the deceitfulness of sin."

What are we to do? We're to exhort one another daily, lest any should be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

Divisions Arise Because of Self

Most divisions come from our fleshly, carnal nature; believers must put off bitterness and walk in the Spirit.

Scripture Reading — James 4:1

"For whence come wars and fighting among you? Come they not hence, even of your lusts, that war in your members?"

Scripture Reading — Galatians 5:13-17, 19-21

"For brethren, you have been called unto liberty, only use not liberty for an occasion of the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even this, thou shalt love thy neighbors thyself."

Now watch,

Scripture Reading — Galatians 5:13-17, 19-21

"but if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another."

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 3:1-3

"And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal fleshly, even as unto babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with meat, for either two you were not able to bear it, neither yet now are you able, you're still a babe, for you are yet carnal."

Now watch,

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 3:1-3

"for whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions, are you not carnal and fleshly and walk as men?"

You're certainly not walking in the Spirit.

It Is Your Fault: Taking Responsibility

Weaver explains how strife is our fault if we fail to obey Scripture, resist Satan, repent of sin, or seek reconciliation.

Conclusion: Seek Reconciliation

Believers must do what is right and seek to resolve divisions, leaving the sin of unrepentance on others.

It's Your Fault

John Weaver | YouTube

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	YouTube
Media ID	3_HziPzIW0M
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The World And Times Of Jesse James
Genre	Sermon
Date	2016-12-18
Dictation Name
Book	Book 028: The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness — Chapter 25
Source Timed Segments	72

Lecture Guide

Outline

Introduction: The Problem of Division: Weaver introduces the topic of divided families and states that most divisions are unnecessary, stemming from pride and selfishness.
Spiritual Immaturity as a Root Cause: Christians often remain spiritual children, leading to temper tantrums and emotional outbursts that cause division.
Divisions Arise Because of the Savior: Christ and His truth can cause division, but believers must ensure the division comes from the unconverted, not from their own sin.
Divisions Arise Because of Satan: Satan deceives, divides, and destroys; believers must resist his devices and not be ignorant of his schemes.
Divisions Arise Because of Sin: Sin separates families, and Christians must rebuke sin while being ready to forgive upon repentance.
Divisions Arise Because of Self: Most divisions come from our fleshly, carnal nature; believers must put off bitterness and walk in the Spirit.
It Is Your Fault: Taking Responsibility: Weaver explains how strife is our fault if we fail to obey Scripture, resist Satan, repent of sin, or seek reconciliation.
Conclusion: Seek Reconciliation: Believers must do what is right and seek to resolve divisions, leaving the sin of unrepentance on others.

Major Themes

Key Arguments

Most family divisions are unnecessary and sinful.

Weaver argues that pride, selfishness, and willfulness cause most divisions, not legitimate doctrinal differences.

He states, 'Life is too short and death is too sure for such unnecessary division and strife.'

Spiritual immaturity is revealed by strife and division.

Christians who engage in envy, strife, and divisions are carnal and acting like babes in Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:1-3 is quoted to show that divisions indicate a fleshly, immature state.

Forgiveness is impossible without repentance.

Weaver insists that biblical forgiveness requires the offender to repent; otherwise, reconciliation cannot occur.

Luke 17:3-4 is cited: 'If he repent, forgive him.'

It is our fault if we fail to confront sin biblically.

Believers are commanded to rebuke sin and seek restoration; failure to do so is disobedience.

Leviticus 19:17 and Galatians 6:1-2 are used to show the duty to rebuke and restore.

Placing personal hurt above obedience is idolatry.

Refusing to reconcile because of being hurt elevates self above God's command.

Weaver states, 'You're guilty now of idolatry because you're placing yourself and your hurt above God.'

Scripture References

Proverbs 4:23: The foundational verse for the message: 'Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.'
1 John 2:12-14: Used to illustrate spiritual growth stages: little children, young men, fathers.
1 Peter 2:1-3: Admonition to desire the sincere milk of the word to grow.
Hebrews 5:10-14: Rebuke for spiritual immaturity and need for milk instead of strong meat.
Luke 12:51-53: Jesus predicts division within households because of Him.
John 7:43; 9:16; 10:19: Examples of division among the people because of Christ.
1 Corinthians 7:12-15: Instructions for believers married to unbelievers; God has called us to peace.
Acts 15:36-40: The sharp contention and division between Paul and Barnabas over John Mark.
1 Peter 5:8-9: Admonition to be sober and vigilant against the devil.
Psalm 97:10; Amos 5:15: Commands to hate evil and love good.
Habakkuk 1:13: God is of purer eyes than to behold evil approvingly.
1 Timothy 5:20: Command to rebuke those who sin publicly.
Leviticus 19:17: Command to rebuke a neighbor and not suffer sin upon him.
Luke 17:3-4: If a brother repents, forgive him; forgiveness requires repentance.
Psalm 86:5: God is ready to forgive but requires calling upon Him (repentance).
Hebrews 3:13: Exhort one another daily to avoid being hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Galatians 6:1-2: Restore a fallen brother in a spirit of meekness.
James 4:1: Wars and fighting come from our own lusts.
Galatians 5:13-17, 19-21: Works of the flesh include strife, seditions, envying; walk in the Spirit.
1 Corinthians 3:1-3: Carnal Christians are babes, evidenced by envying, strife, and divisions.

Historical References

Paul and Barnabas division over John Mark: Used as an example of sharp contention between two godly men, resulting in permanent separation.
Satan's attack on Job: Satan sought to divide God against Job by falsely accusing him.
Satan provoking David to number Israel: 1 Chronicles 21:1 shows Satan standing against Israel and provoking David.
Ananias and Sapphira: Satan filled their hearts to lie to the Holy Ghost, causing division in the early church.

Important Quotes

Life is too short and death is too sure for such unnecessary division and strife.

Summarizes the urgency and tragedy of family divisions.

If division has to come because of Christ and because of His truth, let it come on the side of the unconverted and not on our side.

Clarifies that believers must not be the cause of division over the gospel.

We have to understand that we do have an enemy. We do have an adversary.

Acknowledges Satan's role in division and the need for vigilance.

If there is no repentance, there really cannot be any forgiveness.

Establishes the biblical condition for forgiveness.

You're guilty now of idolatry because you're placing yourself and your hurt above God.

Warns that refusing to reconcile due to personal hurt is a form of idolatry.

Whenever you see a Christian that refuses to submit to the Word of God and obey the plain commands of our Lord, mark it down. He is a sulking, fleshly, disobedient child who will soon face the rod of correction.

Connects disobedience to spiritual immaturity and divine discipline.

We can't make anyone do that which is right and holy, but by the grace of God, we can do that which is right and holy ourselves.

Emphasizes personal responsibility over controlling others.

Discussion Questions

[Question]

What are some signs that a Christian is still a 'babe' spiritually, according to 1 Corinthians 3?

[Context]

Weaver uses 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 to show that envy, strife, and divisions indicate carnality.

[Question]

How can we distinguish between necessary division over the gospel and unnecessary strife caused by our flesh?

[Context]

Weaver discusses divisions arising from the Savior versus those from self.

[Question]

Why does forgiveness require repentance, and how should we handle situations where the offender does not repent?

[Context]

Based on Luke 17:3-4 and the discussion of rebuke and restoration.

[Question]

In what ways do we 'bite and devour one another' in our families and churches today?

[Context]

Galatians 5:15 warns against consuming one another through strife.

[Question]

What does it mean to 'keep your heart' in the context of family conflict?

[Context]

Proverbs 4:23 is the key verse; Weaver applies it to guarding against sinful reactions.

[Question]

How can we confront sin in a family member without becoming self-righteous or harsh?

[Context]

Galatians 6:1-2 instructs restoration in a spirit of meekness.

[Question]

Why is it idolatry to let personal hurt prevent us from seeking reconciliation?

[Context]

Weaver argues that placing hurt above God's command is idolatry.

Applications

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deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | weaver_study | 2026-06-06T06:19:18Z