The Christian Family: Marriage and Household Order: The Family

The Family - Part 9

Transcript: AI Transcript

Professor: John Weaver

Subject: Family Government

Genre: Sermon

Dictation Name:

Date: 2007-11-04

Synopsis: John Weaver continues his series on the family by focusing on the command for children to honor their parents from Ephesians 6:2-3. He distinguishes between obedience (duty) and honor (disposition), emphasizing that honor involves reverence, valuation, and an inward attitude that persists throughout life, even after a child marries and leaves home. Practical ways to honor parents include showing respect, avoiding shame, being sensitive to their needs, and expressing love and gratitude. The command is grounded in God's authority and comes with a promise of well-being and long life. Weaver also addresses how to honor dishonorable parents and underscores the necessity of God's grace to obey.

[John Weaver] So let's turn to the book of Ephesians chapter 6 and the first four verses. In fact, actually, the first three, I'll pick up verse 4 next week, Lord willing. But look in Ephesians chapter 6, beginning with verse 1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayst live long on the earth."

[John Weaver] In dealing with the family in the past eight weeks, basically, we've covered the dominion aspect of the family, how God created the family to be an instrument of dominion. We've dealt with creation differences between men and women. We've looked at God's intentional order as He is ordained in the family. And then we begin to look at the roles of the individuals in the family. We looked at the role of the wife and the role of the husband. We saw that the key word for the wife was submit. The key word for the husband was to love. And as I've said repeatedly through this study, it's easy for a wife to be in submission to a husband when that husband loves her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. And then we begin last week with God's directives to children. And I pointed out how that God gives two directives to them.

[John Weaver] The first one is to obey, and the second is to honor. And we live in a day and age when both of these concepts are absolutely despised. And I pointed out one of the reasons that I believe they are so despised is because children no longer really hear the Word of God. They're never taught the Word of God. You go to the average church, and the average church immediately divides the family and sends the children off to a junior church leaves the parents somewhere else and what they try to do is quote-unquote water it down or put it to the children on their level.

[John Weaver] And the point I made was very simple. No adult can understand anything apart from the ministry of the Holy Spirit either. And so very obviously we need then the ministry of the Holy Spirit not only in the life of a child but also in the life of an adult as well. So we're thankful for the ministry of the Holy Spirit. It only takes the grace of God and the work of the Holy Spirit to illuminate and enlighten a child just like it takes the same grace of God and ministry of the Holy Spirit to illuminate and enlighten an adult. So the point I made was very simple. God only has one way of dealing with people and that is through His Word and by His Spirit. We also look at Deuteronomy 31, Joshua 8, Ezra 10, where God said, gather the people together, men, women, and children, that they may hear the word of God. So the point I tried to make was God gives clear, concise directives. So what are God's directives to children?

[John Weaver] Ephesians 6, verse 1, children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. I dealt with obedience last week. I want to deal with the second aspect this week, that is, verse 2, honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment, the promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayst live long on the earth. So, the first directive was children are to obey. And I gave you the reasons for that and showed you it was a religious obedience as unto the Lord. Today, he tells us to honor. Now, what in the world does it mean to honor? It should be obvious that obedience, in one sense of the word, is evidence of honoring our parents. The child who is disobedient is a child who dishonors his parents. But there is far more to honor than simple obedience.

[John Weaver] In order to communicate, you have to understand terms. So if you will look in your Bibles to Ephesians 6 and verse 2, the Bible commands us, honor thy father and thy mother. So you have to understand what the word honor means. H-O-N-O-R. It's from the Greek word tmao, which is translated as to honor or to value. The word actually means to fix an estimate or to fix the value or to have honor, to revere and to venerate. So when God is saying honor, your father and your mother. He's actually saying you revere your father and mother. You venerate them.

[John Weaver] You hold them high in estimation. So since the command is to honor them, we must understand that this command has a reference to an inward disposition and attitude. Let me state it like this. Obedience is the duty and honor Is the disposition so honor goes beyond obedience?

[John Weaver] Now let me make a statement. I want you to think about this with me. It is possible for a child. To obey his parents. And dishonor them at the same time. You say how in the world can that be? Well, each of us have heard the story probably. of the little girl who was riding in the car with her mother. And the mother kept telling the little girl to sit down because she was standing up in the seat. And the little girl just kept standing up. Finally, the mother got irritated and she reached over, took the little girl by the arm and jerked her down in the seat and said very firmly, I said sit down. The little girl sat there and finally she turned to her mother and said, Mother, I may be sitting down on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside. Now, did she obey? Oh, yes, she obeyed. Only because she was forced to obey.

[John Weaver] But her disposition, her attitude was one of rebellion and wickedness. It was one of total dishonor. Let me give you a quote. I'm going to give you several quotes today, but you'll find this one from Rush Dooney's book, The Biblical Institutes of Law, on page 173 or 193 it is. He says this, listen carefully. The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives. I'm going to deal with that in just a moment. The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives.

[John Weaver] But in this place, children specifically are told to obey their parents and the Lord. Because of this total lack of experience and judgment, it is absolutely necessary that a child be taught to obey his parents instantly and without question. Explanations and reasons for this may and should be given to the child from time to time, But at the moment a parental command is given, there may not be time or opportunity to give the reason why. Therefore, it is imperative that a child be taught the habit of unquestioning obedience to his parents. For until the young child develops, his parents stand to him in the place of God, and God holds them responsible for teaching and directing the child properly." Now listen.

[John Weaver] By direct implication, a parent is bound by the fifth commandment to make himself honorable. For to be honored, one must be honorable. Every parent needs to realize that he represents God to his child.

[John Weaver] Now, I rushed through and he said a mouthful. I'm going to deal with several thoughts from this in just a moment. But you know, as I was preparing this message, I thought that many Christians, in fact, I would venture to say most Christians are almost like that little girl whom the mother forced to sit. By that, I mean this. Many Christians sometimes do what is right only because they're either forced to or believe they have to. In other words, they're not doing it willingly. and lovingly and obediently. Children are not only required to obey their parents where they're also required to honor them.

[John Weaver] That is to highly venerate them to revere them. And to reverence them. They're required to do so because of the position that God has placed the parents.

[John Weaver] Now listen carefully just for a moment in 1 John 5 in verse 23. We're commanded to honor the Son. In 1 Peter 2 and verse 17, God says, honor the King. In Ephesians 6 and verse 2, honor your father and your mother.

[John Weaver] Now, what I want to point out is each time the word honor is used, it is the same Greek word, Tamao. What is God saying? He's saying we were required to honor Christ the Son and the office which he holds. We're required to honor the office of civil authority. We're also required to honor our parents. In each of these instances, it is God who established the office of authority. It is God who established the office of Christ as prophet, priest, and king. It is God who instituted and ordained civil government. It is God who instituted the family and placed the husband as the head and the father and mother over the children. So therefore, as we're required to venerate and revere and honor Christ, we're also required to honor and venerate and revere the office of our parents.

[John Weaver] Now, let me explain some things. First of all, there is a general sense in which a child's obedience to his parent ceases, but the honor of his parents never ceases. Now let me say that again, and then I'm going to explain it. There is a general sense in which there is a time in which general obedience to the child's parents ceases, but there is never an instance in which he may dishonor his parents. Honor always continues. Now, what do I mean when I say that there is a time, generally speaking, when a child's obedience to his parents ceases?

[John Weaver] Well, I'll tell you when it is. God commanded that a man leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife. So when a child marries then with the blessings of his parents, He now becomes the head of his house. He provides for himself and his family, and he is now an authority over his family in his new home. In that sense of the word, generally speaking, obedience to his parents ceases.

[John Weaver] I'm going to explain a little further. But there is still the requirement that he continue to honor his parents. Let me explain further. Several thoughts. First of all, regardless of the reality that the son is now the head of his home, listen carefully. When he returns to his father's house, when he returns to visit his father, he must still remember that his father is still the head of his house. And he is still his father's son. Let me explain this. When I left. The home of my father and mother and married my wife. I became the head of my house. But when I went back home to visit my father. My father is still the head of his house. And I am still his son. Here's what I'm trying to say. No matter how old you are, you are still your parents child. In this sense, grown, mature adult children should always endeavor to obey their parents in everything that they can, especially while they are in their home. Why? They're still your parents. And you're still their child, no matter how old you are.

[John Weaver] If you understand this concept, and I'll explain why just momentarily. If you understand this concept, many fights, many disappointments, many arguments, many hurt feelings, and a lot of bitterness could be avoided. Why? Because oftentimes grown children clash with their parents. They have fights. Why? Because while I'm grown now, I can do what I want to do. You may be grown and you may do what you want to do, but when you go home, your father is still the head of his house and you are still his child. Parents do not cease to be parents simply because the children are grown. When I left home.

[John Weaver] And God saved me and God called me to preach. Whenever I went back home, I tried to obey my father and my mother in every area that I could. Why? I'm still their child. They're still my parents. And my father was still the head of his house. Here's all I'm trying to say. Just because you're the head of your house, Do not attempt to usurp your father's authority in his home because he is still the head of his house. I remember one time I went home to visit my father. And of course my mother. And I was on my way somewhere and it wasn't, I didn't have long to visit, but I had on a suit, shirt, tie.

[John Weaver] A pair of wingtip shoes. And dad said, son, come on down to the pond with me. I want to show you the new hog pen I built with the pigs in it. I said, sure. So I jumped in the truck with my dad. We rode across the pond dam. And just as he looked at that pen that he built, those pigs had torn a hole in the fence.

[John Weaver] And I don't know, 10 or 15 of them were already out. Others were getting out. My dad slammed on brakes, put that truck in park, and he jumped out and he hollered at me, son, get in there and stop those pigs from getting out. You know what I said? Yes, sir. And I jumped in that pigpen with my suit on and my wingtip shoes on, and I stood and the hole to keep those other pigs from getting out, while he went and got the others and got them back in. You say, but you had on a suit. Yes, I did. And wingtip shoes. Yes, I did. But shoes will clean up. You understand that? The suit can go to the cleaners. I was grown. I was married. I had children. But I just simply said, yes, sir.

[John Weaver] Now, let me point out something. Look in your Bibles, if you would, to First Timothy, Chapter 5. First Timothy, Chapter 5. Let's think this thing through. All I'm trying to show you is this. You may be the head of your house as a grown child, but when you go back home, grown or not, your father is still the head of his house. And you're still your parent's child.

[John Weaver] You say, but Pastor, what if I disagree with my dad? Or what if I disagree with my mother? Well, there's always going to be disagreements. But look what the Bible says. Think this thing through with me. 1 Timothy chapter 5 and verse 1. Rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father, and the younger men as brethren. Now, when he says rebuke not an elder, he's talking about a pastor. Rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father. Now, think that command through. God is commanding you not to rebuke an elder, but to treat him as a father. If you are not to verbally, browbeat, shout at, threaten, and throw a temper tantrum to a pastor, but you're to treat him as a father, does it not follow that you're to treat your father In the same manner, you are not to attack him, you're not to holler at him, you're not to scream at him. You may disagree with him, but you do so lovingly and kindly and congenially. Recognizing that he's still your father.

[John Weaver] All I'm trying to say is this, folks. You may be the head of your new house. But your father is still the head of his house. So make sure when you go back home. You understand that. And you'll save yourself a lot of heartaches and a lot of disappointments between yourself and your father, especially men. Listen to me. The hardest thing. For a man to face. is the loss of his authority.

[John Weaver] And if a child is wise, he will try to see that he does indeed help his father maintain some authority over his own house and over his own home. Here's the second thing. Adult married children have the responsibility of leaving and cleaving. We tend to forget the scripture that teaches us that we are to leave our father and our mother and cleave only to the wife. Now when the Bible commands that we are to leave our father and our mother, that certainly does not mean that we are to forsake, that we are to forget, and forever terminate any relationship that we have with them. Of course not.

[John Weaver] We're still required to honor them. But what the Bible is teaching is once the children are married, there is to be a separate home, a separate headship and a separate duty. And that duty then is for the man to cleave unto the wife and the wife to cleave to her husband. So when adult children marry, are you listening? They should leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally. One of the best ways to do that is to leave them geographically.

[John Weaver] And when I say that, I just simply mean this. It's best sometimes not to live next door to them. Now, I am sure That there are exceptions to what I've just said. There are probably a number of young families that have lived next door to father and mother and have gotten along fine. But as a general rule, most cannot do that without interference. It's one thing to give advice. It's one thing to seek advice. It's quite another thing to give orders.

[John Weaver] So, if you follow God's commands, all I'm trying to show you is this. There will not be mama's boys and mama's girls. There will only be a God-ordained husband and wife relationship and the honoring of the parents. Apron strings must be cut. The old government gives way to a new government. The old dominion gives way to a new dominion. And since it is a new home and a new family, then yes, Help is needed sometimes by the way of advice and other help from the father and mother, but still you are to be on your own. Let me show you an interesting thing in the Bible. Do you realize that in the Bible there are only three instances where the mother is placed before the father? It's usually father and mother, but only three passages. That mentioned the mother before the father. Let me show them to you.

[John Weaver] Look very quickly in your Bibles to Genesis 44 and verse 20. And these first two are very easily explained. And you may not even catch it. But Genesis 44 and verse 20. Genesis 44 and verse 20. And here Judah is just explaining things to Joseph. He doesn't know that Joseph is his brother at this particular point. And notice in Genesis 44 in verse 20 says this, And we said unto my Lord, We have a father, an old man, and a child of his old age, a little one, and his brother is dead, and he is alone, left of his mother. and his father loveth him." So all he's doing is explaining that Benjamin is at home and he was the last child of the mother. He wasn't the only child. Joseph was the child as well, but he was the only one left at home of the mother. And he said his father loved him. So that's very easily explained. But now if you'll look in Leviticus 21 and verse 2, You'll see the second instance, and it's likewise, it's very easily explained, Leviticus 21 in verse 2, because God is telling Aaron that he cannot defile himself as the high priest for just anyone.

[John Weaver] Look in Leviticus 21, verse 1, the Lord said to Moses, speaking to the priests, the sons of Aaron, and say to them, There shall none be defiled for the dead among his people, but for his kin that is near them, that is, for his mother, and for his father, and for his son, and for his daughter, and for his brother." In other words, he may be defiled for those, but not for anyone else. Those are easily explained. But look in your Bibles to the book of Leviticus, chapter 19, and verse 3. Look what God says. Leviticus 19, verse 3. He says, you shall fear every man his mother and his father, and keep my sabbaths. I am the Lord. Wow. In fact, go back to verse 2. Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say unto them, You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. You shall fear him and his father, every man his mother and his father, and keep my sabbaths, I am the Lord your God."

[John Weaver] So part of holiness then is fearing mother and father. Now the question must be asked, since the father is the head of the house and God ordained him so, why in the world would God have placed the mother in Leviticus 19 and verse 3 ahead of the father? I believe there's an answer for that. I believe God places the mother first in Leviticus 19 verse 3 to emphasize the point that she too is not only to be honored and venerated, but to be feared.

[John Weaver] And I realize the word fear has two different connotations. There can be the reverential awe, but there is also fear of punishment. And the woman, the mother, is to be feared exactly as the father. There is a tendency, especially with young boys, to love the mother and fear the father. Why? Each of us knows that fathers whip a whole lot harder than mothers. If I were to ask you, when you were a child, who would you rather be whipped by, your father or your mother? I can assure you, I'd much rather be whipped by my mother. Because my father did not play. In fact, my sister and I Had so much wanted to be gripped by her mother we would do anything to be gripped by her. And the reason we wanted to be gripped by her is because every time she would strike us, all we would have to say, oh, oh, oh, we would holler and scream and carry on and she would stop. She would stop. One time we got into an argument.

[John Weaver] And contrary to what my sister says, my sister always started those arguments. Always. It was always her fault, you know. But we got into an argument and mother told us to hush and we did not mind her. And so mother got a switch and she was going to whip us. Well, when she started whipping me, I started hollering and jumping around and she stopped. She never hurt me.

[John Weaver] I mean, I just did it to get her to stop. Well, she went to whip Barbara. And Barbara did the same thing, and Mother stopped. Well, what Barbara and I did, we went outside and went around the house, went to the pantry side of the house, and we were laughing because we had pulled it over on Mother. But what we didn't realize was Mother had stepped into the pantry and she heard us.

[John Weaver] And when she called us back in, We no longer had to pretend. We learned to fear mother because we found out when mother wanted to, she could whip just as hard as daddy could. God says you shall fear your mother and your father. Listen to what Rush Dinney says in his book on Institutes of Biblical Law on page 170. He says, Commenting on this Leviticus 19.3, he says, children ordinarily fear the father and love the mother. Hence they say precedence is here given to the mother in order to inculcate the duty of fearing them both alike. The expression fear, however, they take, he's talking about the old scholars, they take to include the following. If you fear your father and mother, number one, that you will not stand or sit in the place set apart from your parents.

[John Weaver] Every mom and dad has their favorite chair. So if children fear their parents, they will not stand or sit in the place reserved for their parents. Number two, not to carp at or oppose their statements. Oh, Mama, why'd I have to do that? I want to do that. No, no, no. None of that if you fear them. Number three, not to call them by their proper names, but either call them father and mother or my master and my lady.

[John Weaver] Then he goes on, while the expression honor, which is used in the parallel passage, Exodus 20 and verse 12, they understand to include to provide them with food and ramen, that is when they are elderly, to escort them, and to escort them. The parents, they urge, are God's representatives upon earth." He says, God is both to be honored with our substance and He is to be feared, so our parents are both to be honored and feared. And as he who blasphemes the name of God is stoned, so he who curses father and mother is stoned. Deuteronomy 20 and verse 9. Interesting. So, fear the mother and the father. Now, since God requires us to honor our parents, let's ask this question. How do we honor them? What are some practical ways that we may honor our parents?

[John Weaver] First, number one, we must honor them by showing respect for their persons. We must honor them by showing respect for their persons. Your mother may not be the prettiest lady in the world. Your father may not be the smartest or the most intelligent man in the world. Yet you've never gone hungry. And you've never lived in a hovel or a pigpen. Your parents provided for you, loved you.

[John Weaver] nourished you, sustained you, helped you, instructed you. They gave you everything that they could. And the least you could do is show respect to them and for them. I used to cringe, and I still do, when I hear young people refer to their parents as My old man and my old lady. No. They're your father and your mother. And the least you could do is show respect to them and for them and at least develop a little courtesy like we do down south when we say to our father, yes, sir, and no, sir, and to our mother, yes, ma'am, and no, ma'am. So the very first way you honor them is by showing respect for them. You honor them as your parents.

[John Weaver] Secondly, you honor them by not bringing shame upon the family. You know, we've got to remember that everything that we do reflects upon our families. You know, the Bible says in Romans chapter 14, no man lived to himself and no man died to himself. Your sin affects others. Your sin affects not only yourself, but your family, your church, your neighbors, even your nation. I don't have time to develop that thought from Scripture, but it's true. And whatever you do to bring shame upon your family dishonors them. Years ago, I was preaching at a church in another state.

[John Weaver] And the meeting began on Sunday morning and I walked in. And as I walked in, I noticed the two back rows were filled with teenagers and their parents. And most of the teenagers were sitting there with their heads hanging down. Needless to say, it was unusual. I mean. Yeah, teenagers normally sit on the back rows, but not with their parents. and not with their heads hanging down.

[John Weaver] So after the service, I asked the pastor, what was going on? Why were those two back rows filled with teenagers and their parents? And he said, oh, those are the seniors that got expelled this past week for cheating on their final exams. Was it an embarrassment? Yes. Was it dishonoring? Yes. Do you realize that rebelliousness, thievery, hatefulness, lying, cheating, and any other sin that brings shame upon your family is a violation of the fifth commandment?

[John Weaver] For God says, Honor thy father and thy mother. And when you live dishonorably, you're breaking the fifth commandment. So you need to think twice before you act, not only as a child, but as an adult. Third. You honor your parents by being sensitive to their needs.

[John Weaver] Now, this is going to be a shocker for children. When they discover that their parents have needs. It's not just children who have needs. I need a new coat. I need a new new new book bag. I need this. I need that. How many times do you hear that? Well, let me just tell you something. Your parents have needs as well. One of their main needs is this. They need to be loved. And appreciated. Valued. And even thanked.

[John Weaver] For all that they do. You remember those ten lepers that our Lord healed? When all ten found that they were healed, how many turned back? One. And our Lord said, where are the nine? Were not ten healed? There is none but this Samaritan that returned to give thanks unto God. So parents have needs as well. Let me ask you. Don't answer out loud. When is the last time you told your father? And your mother. That you love them. When is the last time you thank them for everything that they've done for you and everything that they give you? There are some in this room that cannot now thank their parents and cannot tell their parents they love them because their parents are already dead and gone. Do not wait until your mother and father are on their deathbed before you tell them that you love them and appreciate them. I talk to my mother every day if possible. If I don't see her, I talk to her every day. I tell her I love her.

[John Weaver] My father's been dead about 15 years. You can do that now. You can thank them for their sacrifices, for their toil, for the labor, for all the work they put in raising you. Alice can tell you the one thing that I really was thrilled as a father. One thing that really thrilled my heart was to have my girls sit on my lap, hug my neck, and kiss me, tell me how much they love me. And when you have identical twins, and you've got one on each knee, and the other two fight and you get a knee, it kind of thrills your heart a little bit.

[John Weaver] And of course, all of them promised me faithfully they would never leave me, and they would never marry. But alas and woe, my granddaughters have promised me the same thing. But you know how that goes. I'm just simply saying, you know, as a father, my girls are grown. I still like them to put their arms around my neck and love me and kiss me and tell me how much they love me. I still enjoy that. I still enjoy the grown grandchildren sitting on my lap and kissing me.

[John Weaver] I mean, come on, every parent needs this. Grandparents need it. And I want you to listen, children, it's this kind of honor and respect. That will keep your parents. Wanting to help you and wanting to give to you. and warning to be everything they can to you. No parent wants to help a wicked, rebellious, ungrateful, unthankful child. If you want your parents help and blessing, the best thing you can do is honor them and obey them and treat them correctly and biblically and respectfully.

[John Weaver] My two oldest grandchildren will soon be 20. So this happened 18 years ago. They were about two, two and a half, and they wanted what they call cow boots. Cowboy boots? But they just called them cow boots. Well, we had them just for a little while. And so we went into the store to see what size they would wear and how much the boots were. Well, they weren't that much and certainly not that big since our kids were, grandkids at that time, about two, two and a half years old. But here's the kicker.

[John Weaver] I had one $20 bill in my pocket. That was it. That's all the money I had. And we had to have groceries for that week. All the money I had was grocery money. We took those kids to the store, tried those boots on them. Yes, we said this is the size we want. They liked that. And our plans were we would come back in a week or two when we had the money and we'd keep them for them. Well, I picked up the grandson and she picked up the granddaughter and we started out the store. And that little grandson looked back and did this. Bye-bye, cowboots. I looked at Alice and said, get them! We'll go hungry! And we did. They got their cowboots and we went hungry.

[John Weaver] Now, you know what would have happened if that kid had thrown himself on the floor and pitched a temper tantrum and beat his fist on the floor? I don't want those boots! I don't want those boots! You know what I'd have done? I'd have jerked him up, beat his fanny. He'd have never gotten any cowboots. You follow me? All I'm trying to say is, if the children want their parents to help them and bless them, all they've got to do is do what's right. And parents will break their neck for them. You've got to remember, as children, to be sensitive to the needs of the parents. Let me say it again. Parents have needs. And here is another eye-opener that most children don't realize, but I'm going to clue you in. Parents get old. Tired a little more quickly than their children do.

[John Weaver] Have you ever noticed that? I get so tickled at a friend of mine. He has recently had the opportunity, and he is exactly my age. He has recently had the opportunity to help raise three little kids. Three little kids. He told me the other day, he said, you know, I always believed that girls ought to get married by the time they're 17, 18 and start having babies.

[John Weaver] He said, I've changed my mind on that. I think now they ought to get married by 11 or 12. He said, I don't know how you get the energy to take care of all these young'uns. Of course, he was joking. But the point I'm trying to make is this. Parents tire more quickly and easily than do their children. And so, children, that means that when you see that your parents are tired, help them out. Wash the dishes. Mow the grass. Clean the house. Do something for them.

[John Weaver] Be sensitive to their needs. Remember their birthdays. Remember their anniversary. Honor thy father and thy mother.

[John Weaver] Now, look back in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. And here is what God says. Look at verse 2. The command is, Honor thy father and thy mother, and here is a reason for that. Verse 2, Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise. Here is the reason given in requiring honor. First and most importantly, it is God's command. Ephesians 6 verses 1 and 2 is a quote taken from Exodus 20 and verse 12.

[John Weaver] Here is the bottom line. Your Creator, the Lord, Redeemer, the Master and the King, the One who holds you in His hand, has given you a command. And that command is, Honor thy father and thy mother. Basically speaking, there's no other reason needed. God has spoken, and therefore we must obey. Since God has spoken, That means His command is backed by His sovereign authority and power, and to disobey would be absolutely foolish.

[John Weaver] Why in the world would you desire to face His righteous anger and wrath? Why in the world would you want to infuriate Him and turn His wrath against you? You must remember that Scripture says that our God is a consuming fire. No. It's a whole lot easier to obey And then it's to face the consequences of disobedience. But then I want you to note the latter part of verse two. He says, Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise. And then he gives you that promise in verse three that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long upon the earth. So God then attaches a special promise.

[John Weaver] To obedience with this command. There is the promise of long life and well-being if one honors his father and his mother.

[John Weaver] Now, we've got to understand that God's promise is based upon His sovereign, particular will for each individual. Generally speaking, those who obey and honor will live a long and fruitful life. There are two reasons for this. Number one. There is indeed God's blessings. God says I'll bless you. Number two. Those who do listen to their parents. Those who do learn those who do obey. Are usually individuals in that will turn out to be. Individuals who are responsible. Thoughtful.

[John Weaver] That is, they will not be wasteful. They will not be irresponsible. There will be individuals who have learned self-control, management, financial responsibility. They will have learned to have conducted their lives according to the Word of God. Ah. So you could basically say that there is a supernatural reason and a natural reason. The supernatural reason is of the blessings of God, and the natural reason is we've learned from our parents. And we've learned what was right.

[John Weaver] I want you to see something. This is so amazing to me. Look in your Bibles, in Ephesians 6 verse 1, children, obey your parents and the Lord for this is right.

[John Weaver] Now watch verse 2, honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayst live long on the earth. Now, what's this? God commands us to obey and God commands us to honor. How many of us can do that on our own and by ourselves? None. What did our Lord say in John 15? Without me, you can do how much? Nothing. So here's what God does. God gives us a command. Then God gives us grace and power to obey that command. And then God rewards us for obeying the command. Isn't that gracious? Isn't that kind? Isn't that magnificent? Although we have not the ability in ourselves, he gives us the ability and then he rewards us for doing what he gave us the ability to do. Gracious, kind, merciful and loving.

[John Weaver] Now, let me try to tie things together and make a couple of applications. Now, let me just show you the first one. This is interesting because Paul wrote this letter to the church at Ephesus. And I want you to notice in Ephesians chapter 5, he addressed the wives and the husbands. In Ephesians chapter 6, he addressed the children and the servants. And since this letter was to the church at Ephesus, what does that mean? It means everybody was sitting together Listening to the Word of God.

[John Weaver] There were no junior churches. There was no division between the of ranks. All sat there to hear the Word of God. The problem is we have not progressed in our day. We have digressed. We have thought that we could better the Word of God. We haven't. And consequently, most of our children today do not hear the pure, unadulterated Word of God. They hear it watered down because the concept today is children can't understand. And the answer is no one can understand apart from God, the Holy Spirit.

[John Weaver] If he doesn't open our eyes, our eyes will never be opened. Here's the second application. Listen carefully. The New Testament. does not cancel out the Old Testament. Paul, in teaching New Testament doctrine, quote unquote, does not hesitate to quote from the Old Testament. The Old Testament has not been done away with. It is God's Word, and God's law is regulative and directive. It is to regulate our lives. It is to direct our lives. Love may be our motive, but law is our direction. God gives us His law. Here's a third application. Listen carefully.

[John Weaver] When the Bible says, honor thy father and thy mother. Listen, worthy parents. Make it easy for their children to obey them and honor them. They give them a godly example. They give them godly instruction and they demonstrate their love and their concern from their children by teaching them the truth of God. And developing godly character in their lives. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey and honor them.

[John Weaver] Now listen, I know the objection that some are going to raise to what I've said today. Unhappily, there are some dishonorable parents. Just like they're dishonorable civil rulers. A whole heap of them. But what God still requires is that we honor the office. The man in the office may be dishonorable. But the office is still honorable. I've had people over the years ask me. How can I honor my father?

[John Weaver] He abused me when I was a child. Oh, what a horrible thing. What a hard question. How can I honor my parents? When I was converted to Christ, they disowned me, they hated me, they despised me, they kicked me out. Well, let me tell you something, folks. They may have done wrong and they may have been wicked. But that does not give you the right to be wrong and do wickedly. You still have to do what's right. You say, but pastor. My parents turned out to be my enemies.

[John Weaver] Do you know what the Lord said? Help me out now. If your enemy hunger, what? Feeding. If he thirst, Give him water to drink.

[John Weaver] Now, God doesn't require you to go out and buy your enemy a $200 bottle of wine. And a steak dinner. But does require you to feed him. Give him some water. What's that mean? That means no matter how your parents have mistreated you or abused you, they're still your parents. And you can still do what is right toward them within the limits of God's law and God's Word. It does not mean that you have to have special feelings toward them to do what's right. If I've got an enemy, just because I hand him a glass of water doesn't mean all of a sudden I love him and agree with him. But it does mean this.

[John Weaver] It does mean that I don't harbor bitterness and ill will and resentment into my heart. And that's the biggest problem for the average Christian, is they cannot get over the bitterness and the resentment and the ill treatment and the hard feelings that they've developed in their lives over these years. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey them and to honor them. The fourth application is this.

[John Weaver] I hope each of you see. Young and old. Child and adult. How desperately we need the grace of God in order to obey the Word of God and to be acceptable and pleasing unto God. Do you realize? We need to honor our parents, not because they deserve honor, which may be true. And not even because we love them, which also may be true. But we need to honor them in order to obey God. For God has commanded, honor thy father and thy mother.

[John Weaver] And we please Him by obeying Him. So I want you to understand that honor and obedience always go together. Obedience is the duty. Honor is the disposition and the attitude, but honor goes far beyond obedience. And we are to never do anything that will bring dishonor upon our God or upon our families. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment promise, that your days may be long upon this earth. that it may be well with thee. If you want the blessing of God and the long life, you need to learn to obey and to honor. Let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we ask for your blessing today and for your help. And Lord, I pray that this message will be applied to every heart.

[John Weaver] for those younger children and teenage children and adult children. And those of us who've been blessed to still have a father or mother around. That we would express our love and appreciation of them and set a high value and estimate upon them and revere them and reverence them and obey them and honor them. Help us, Father, to please Thee, to fulfill our individual roles, whether it's a husband, a wife, or a child, and to bring our lives in conformity to Your Word.

[John Weaver] In the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord, we ask and pray, Amen.

The Family - Part 9

John Weaver | SermonAudio

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	SermonAudio
Media ID	1211071538564
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Marriage and Household Order: The Family
Genre	Sermon
Date	2007-11-04
Dictation Name
Book	Book 035: The Family — Chapter 9
Source Timed Segments	76

Formatted Transcript

Introduction and Review

Weaver reviews the series on the family, covering dominion, creation differences, and roles of husband and wife, and introduces the two directives to children: obey and honor.

So let's turn to the book of Ephesians chapter 6 and the first four verses. In fact, actually, the first three, I'll pick up verse 4 next week, Lord willing. But look in Ephesians chapter 6, beginning with verse 1:

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1-4

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth."

In dealing with the family in the past eight weeks, basically, we've covered the dominion aspect of the family, how God created the family to be an instrument of dominion. We've dealt with creation differences between men and women. We've looked at God's intentional order as He has ordained in the family. And then we began to look at the roles of the individuals in the family. We looked at the role of the wife and the role of the husband. We saw that the key word for the wife was submit. The key word for the husband was to love. And as I've said repeatedly through this study, it's easy for a wife to be in submission to a husband when that husband loves her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. And then we began last week with God's directives to children. And I pointed out how that God gives two directives to them.

The Command to Honor

The second directive is to honor father and mother, which goes beyond obedience and involves an inward disposition of reverence and high estimation.

Ephesians 6, verse 1:

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

I dealt with obedience last week. I want to deal with the second aspect this week, that is, verse 2: "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." So, the first directive was children are to obey. And I gave you the reasons for that and showed you it was a religious obedience as unto the Lord. Today, He tells us to honor. Now, what in the world does it mean to honor? It should be obvious that obedience, in one sense of the word, is evidence of honoring our parents. The child who is disobedient is a child who dishonors his parents. But there is far more to honor than simple obedience.

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:2

In order to communicate, you have to understand terms. So if you will look in your Bibles to Ephesians 6 and verse 2, the Bible commands us, "Honor thy father and thy mother." So you have to understand what the word honor means. H-O-N-O-R. It's from the Greek word timao, which is translated as to honor or to value. The word actually means to fix an estimate or to fix the value or to have honor, to revere and to venerate. So when God is saying, "Honor your father and your mother," He's actually saying you revere your father and mother. You venerate them.

You hold them high in estimation. So since the command is to honor them, we must understand that this command has a reference to an inward disposition and attitude. Let me state it like this. Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition. So honor goes beyond obedience.

Obedience vs. Honor

It is possible to obey outwardly while dishonoring inwardly, as illustrated by the story of the little girl forced to sit down.

Now let me make a statement. I want you to think about this with me. It is possible for a child to obey his parents and dishonor them at the same time. You say, how in the world can that be? Well, each of us have heard the story probably of the little girl who was riding in the car with her mother. And the mother kept telling the little girl to sit down because she was standing up in the seat. And the little girl just kept standing up. Finally, the mother got irritated and she reached over, took the little girl by the arm and jerked her down in the seat and said very firmly, "I said sit down." The little girl sat there and finally she turned to her mother and said, "Mother, I may be sitting down on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside." Now, did she obey? Oh, yes, she obeyed. Only because she was forced to obey.

But her disposition, her attitude was one of rebellion and wickedness. It was one of total dishonor. Let me give you a quote. I'm going to give you several quotes today, but you'll find this one from Rushdoony's book, The Institutes of Biblical Law, on page 173 or 193 it is. He says this, listen carefully. "The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives." I'm going to deal with that in just a moment. "The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives.

The Scope of Honor

Honor applies to all of life; obedience may cease in a general sense when a child marries, but honor never ceases.

Now, let me explain some things. First of all, there is a general sense in which a child's obedience to his parent ceases, but the honor of his parents never ceases. Now let me say that again, and then I'm going to explain it. There is a general sense in which there is a time in which general obedience to the child's parents ceases, but there is never an instance in which he may dishonor his parents. Honor always continues. Now, what do I mean when I say that there is a time, generally speaking, when a child's obedience to his parents ceases? Well, I'll tell you when it is. God commanded that a man leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife. So when a child marries then with the blessings of his parents, he now becomes the head of his house. He provides for himself and his family, and he is now an authority over his family in his new home. In that sense of the word, generally speaking, obedience to his parents ceases.

Honoring Parents as an Adult

Even when married and head of one's own home, a son must still honor his father as head of his house when visiting, and adult children should avoid usurping parental authority.

I'm going to explain a little further. But there is still the requirement that he continue to honor his parents. Let me explain further. Several thoughts. First of all, regardless of the reality that the son is now the head of his home, listen carefully. When he returns to his father's house, when he returns to visit his father, he must still remember that his father is still the head of his house. And he is still his father's son. Let me explain this. When I left the home of my father and mother and married my wife, I became the head of my house. But when I went back home to visit my father, my father is still the head of his house. And I am still his son. Here's what I'm trying to say. No matter how old you are, you are still your parents' child. In this sense, grown, mature adult children should always endeavor to obey their parents in everything that they can, especially while they are in their home. Why? They're still your parents. And you're still their child, no matter how old you are.

If you understand this concept, and I'll explain why just momentarily. If you understand this concept, many fights, many disappointments, many arguments, many hurt feelings, and a lot of bitterness could be avoided. Why? Because oftentimes grown children clash with their parents. They have fights. Why? Because, "Well, I'm grown now, I can do what I want to do." You may be grown and you may do what you want to do, but when you go home, your father is still the head of his house and you are still his child. Parents do not cease to be parents simply because the children are grown. When I left home.

And God saved me and God called me to preach. Whenever I went back home, I tried to obey my father and my mother in every area that I could. Why? I'm still their child. They're still my parents. And my father was still the head of his house. Here's all I'm trying to say. Just because you're the head of your house, do not attempt to usurp your father's authority in his home because he is still the head of his house. I remember one time I went home to visit my father. And of course my mother. And I was on my way somewhere and it wasn't, I didn't have long to visit, but I had on a suit, shirt, tie.

A pair of wingtip shoes. And dad said, "Son, come on down to the pond with me. I want to show you the new hog pen I built with the pigs in it." I said, "Sure." So I jumped in the truck with my dad. We rode across the pond dam. And just as he looked at that pen that he built, those pigs had torn a hole in the fence. And I don't know, 10 or 15 of them were already out. Others were getting out. My dad slammed on brakes, put that truck in park, and he jumped out and he hollered at me, "Son, get in there and stop those pigs from getting out." You know what I said? "Yes, sir." And I jumped in that pigpen with my suit on and my wingtip shoes on, and I stood in the hole to keep those other pigs from getting out, while he went and got the others and got them back in. You say, "But you had on a suit." Yes, I did. And wingtip shoes. Yes, I did. But shoes will clean up. You understand that? The suit can go to the cleaners. I was grown. I was married. I had children. But I just simply said, "Yes, sir."

Now, let me point out something. Look in your Bibles, if you would, to 1 Timothy, chapter 5. 1 Timothy, chapter 5. Let's think this thing through. All I'm trying to show you is this. You may be the head of your house as a grown child, but when you go back home, grown or not, your father is still the head of his house. And you're still your parent's child.

Leaving and Cleaving

Married children are to leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally, establishing a new home while still honoring parents.

We're still required to honor them. But what the Bible is teaching is once the children are married, there is to be a separate home, a separate headship and a separate duty. And that duty then is for the man to cleave unto the wife and the wife to cleave to her husband. So when adult children marry, are you listening? They should leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally. One of the best ways to do that is to leave them geographically. And when I say that, I just simply mean this. It's best sometimes not to live next door to them. Now, I am sure that there are exceptions to what I've just said. There are probably a number of young families that have lived next door to father and mother and have gotten along fine. But as a general rule, most cannot do that without interference. It's one thing to give advice. It's one thing to seek advice. It's quite another thing to give orders.

So, if you follow God's commands, all I'm trying to show you is this. There will not be mama's boys and mama's girls. There will only be a God-ordained husband and wife relationship and the honoring of the parents. Apron strings must be cut. The old government gives way to a new government. The old dominion gives way to a new dominion. And since it is a new home and a new family, then yes, help is needed sometimes by the way of advice and other help from the father and mother, but still you are to be on your own. Let me show you an interesting thing in the Bible. Do you realize that in the Bible there are only three instances where the mother is placed before the father? It's usually father and mother, but only three passages that mention the mother before the father. Let me show them to you.

Fearing Mother and Father

Leviticus 19:3 places mother before father to emphasize that both are to be feared and honored equally, countering the tendency to love mother and fear father.

So part of holiness then is fearing mother and father. Now the question must be asked, since the father is the head of the house and God ordained him so, why in the world would God have placed the mother in Leviticus 19 and verse 3 ahead of the father? I believe there's an answer for that. I believe God places the mother first in Leviticus 19 verse 3 to emphasize the point that she too is not only to be honored and venerated, but to be feared. And I realize the word fear has two different connotations. There can be the reverential awe, but there is also fear of punishment. And the woman, the mother, is to be feared exactly as the father. There is a tendency, especially with young boys, to love the mother and fear the father. Why? Each of us knows that fathers whip a whole lot harder than mothers. If I were to ask you, when you were a child, who would you rather be whipped by, your father or your mother? I can assure you, I'd much rather be whipped by my mother. Because my father did not play. In fact, my sister and I had so much wanted to be whipped by our mother we would do anything to be whipped by her. And the reason we wanted to be whipped by her is because every time she would strike us, all we would have to say, "Oh, oh, oh," we would holler and scream and carry on and she would stop. She would stop. One time we got into an argument.

And contrary to what my sister says, my sister always started those arguments. Always. It was always her fault, you know. But we got into an argument and mother told us to hush and we did not mind her. And so mother got a switch and she was going to whip us. Well, when she started whipping me, I started hollering and jumping around and she stopped. She never hurt me.

I mean, I just did it to get her to stop. Well, she went to whip Barbara. And Barbara did the same thing, and Mother stopped. Well, what Barbara and I did, we went outside and went around the house, went to the pantry side of the house, and we were laughing because we had pulled it over on Mother. But what we didn't realize was Mother had stepped into the pantry and she heard us. And when she called us back in, we no longer had to pretend. We learned to fear mother because we found out when mother wanted to, she could whip just as hard as daddy could. God says you shall fear your mother and your father. Listen to what Rushdoony says in his book on Institutes of Biblical Law on page 170. He says, commenting on this Leviticus 19:3, he says, "Children ordinarily fear the father and love the mother. Hence they say precedence is here given to the mother in order to inculcate the duty of fearing them both alike. The expression fear, however, they take," he's talking about the old scholars, "they take to include the following. If you fear your father and mother, number one, that you will not stand or sit in the place set apart for your parents."

Every mom and dad has their favorite chair. So if children fear their parents, they will not stand or sit in the place reserved for their parents. Number two, not to carp at or oppose their statements. "Oh, Mama, why'd I have to do that? I want to do that." No, no, no. None of that if you fear them. Number three, not to call them by their proper names, but either call them father and mother or my master and my lady.

Scripture Reading — Deuteronomy 20:9

Then he goes on, "While the expression honor, which is used in the parallel passage, Exodus 20 and verse 12, they understand to include to provide them with food and raiment, that is when they are elderly, to escort them, and to escort them. The parents, they urge, are God's representatives upon earth." He says, "God is both to be honored with our substance and He is to be feared, so our parents are both to be honored and feared. And as he who blasphemes the name of God is stoned, so he who curses father and mother is stoned." Deuteronomy 20 and verse 9. Interesting. So, fear the mother and the father. Now, since God requires us to honor our parents, let's ask this question. How do we honor them? What are some practical ways that we may honor our parents?

Practical Ways to Honor Parents

Honor is shown by respecting their persons, not bringing shame on the family, being sensitive to their needs, and expressing love and gratitude.

First, number one, we must honor them by showing respect for their persons. We must honor them by showing respect for their persons. Your mother may not be the prettiest lady in the world. Your father may not be the smartest or the most intelligent man in the world. Yet you've never gone hungry. And you've never lived in a hovel or a pigpen. Your parents provided for you, loved you.

Nourished you, sustained you, helped you, instructed you. They gave you everything that they could. And the least you could do is show respect to them and for them. I used to cringe, and I still do, when I hear young people refer to their parents as "my old man" and "my old lady." No. They're your father and your mother. And the least you could do is show respect to them and for them and at least develop a little courtesy like we do down south when we say to our father, "Yes, sir," and "No, sir," and to our mother, "Yes, ma'am," and "No, ma'am." So the very first way you honor them is by showing respect for them. You honor them as your parents.

Secondly, you honor them by not bringing shame upon the family. You know, we've got to remember that everything that we do reflects upon our families. You know, the Bible says in Romans chapter 14, no man liveth to himself and no man dieth to himself. Your sin affects others. Your sin affects not only yourself, but your family, your church, your neighbors, even your nation. I don't have time to develop that thought from Scripture, but it's true. And whatever you do to bring shame upon your family dishonors them. Years ago, I was preaching at a church in another state.

And the meeting began on Sunday morning and I walked in. And as I walked in, I noticed the two back rows were filled with teenagers and their parents. And most of the teenagers were sitting there with their heads hanging down. Needless to say, it was unusual. I mean, yeah, teenagers normally sit on the back rows, but not with their parents. And not with their heads hanging down.

So after the service, I asked the pastor, "What was going on? Why were those two back rows filled with teenagers and their parents?" And he said, "Oh, those are the seniors that got expelled this past week for cheating on their final exams." Was it an embarrassment? Yes. Was it dishonoring? Yes. Do you realize that rebelliousness, thievery, hatefulness, lying, cheating, and any other sin that brings shame upon your family is a violation of the fifth commandment? For God says, "Honor thy father and thy mother." And when you live dishonorably, you're breaking the fifth commandment. So you need to think twice before you act, not only as a child, but as an adult. Third. You honor your parents by being sensitive to their needs.

Now, this is going to be a shocker for children when they discover that their parents have needs. It's not just children who have needs. "I need a new coat. I need a new book bag. I need this. I need that." How many times do you hear that? Well, let me just tell you something. Your parents have needs as well. One of their main needs is this. They need to be loved and appreciated, valued, and even thanked.

For all that they do. You remember those ten lepers that our Lord healed? When all ten found that they were healed, how many turned back? One. And our Lord said, "Where are the nine? Were not ten healed? There is none but this Samaritan that returned to give thanks unto God." So parents have needs as well. Let me ask you. Don't answer out loud. When is the last time you told your father and your mother that you love them? When is the last time you thanked them for everything that they've done for you and everything that they give you? There are some in this room that cannot now thank their parents and cannot tell their parents they love them because their parents are already dead and gone. Do not wait until your mother and father are on their deathbed before you tell them that you love them and appreciate them. I talk to my mother every day if possible. If I don't see her, I talk to her every day. I tell her I love her.

My father's been dead about 15 years. You can do that now. You can thank them for their sacrifices, for their toil, for the labor, for all the work they put in raising you. Alice can tell you the one thing that I really was thrilled as a father. One thing that really thrilled my heart was to have my girls sit on my lap, hug my neck, and kiss me, tell me how much they love me. And when you have identical twins, and you've got one on each knee, and the other two fight and you get a knee, it kind of thrills your heart a little bit. And of course, all of them promised me faithfully they would never leave me, and they would never marry. But alas and woe, my granddaughters have promised me the same thing. But you know how that goes. I'm just simply saying, you know, as a father, my girls are grown. I still like them to put their arms around my neck and love me and kiss me and tell me how much they love me. I still enjoy that. I still enjoy the grown grandchildren sitting on my lap and kissing me.

I mean, come on, every parent needs this. Grandparents need it. And I want you to listen, children, it's this kind of honor and respect that will keep your parents wanting to help you and wanting to give to you and wanting to be everything they can to you. No parent wants to help a wicked, rebellious, ungrateful, unthankful child. If you want your parents' help and blessing, the best thing you can do is honor them and obey them and treat them correctly and biblically and respectfully. My two oldest grandchildren will soon be 20. So this happened 18 years ago. They were about two, two and a half, and they wanted what they call cow boots. Cowboy boots? But they just called them cow boots. Well, we had them just for a little while. And so we went into the store to see what size they would wear and how much the boots were. Well, they weren't that much and certainly not that big since our kids were, grandkids at that time, about two, two and a half years old. But here's the kicker.

I had one $20 bill in my pocket. That was it. That's all the money I had. And we had to have groceries for that week. All the money I had was grocery money. We took those kids to the store, tried those boots on them. Yes, we said this is the size we want. They liked that. And our plans were we would come back in a week or two when we had the money and we'd keep them for them. Well, I picked up the grandson and she picked up the granddaughter and we started out the store. And that little grandson looked back and did this. "Bye-bye, cow boots." I looked at Alice and said, "Get them! We'll go hungry!" And we did. They got their cow boots and we went hungry.

Now, you know what would have happened if that kid had thrown himself on the floor and pitched a temper tantrum and beat his fist on the floor? "I don't want those boots! I don't want those boots!" You know what I'd have done? I'd have jerked him up, beat his fanny. He'd have never gotten any cow boots. You follow me? All I'm trying to say is, if the children want their parents to help them and bless them, all they've got to do is do what's right. And parents will break their neck for them. You've got to remember, as children, to be sensitive to the needs of the parents. Let me say it again. Parents have needs. And here is another eye-opener that most children don't realize, but I'm going to clue you in. Parents get old. Tired a little more quickly than their children do.

Have you ever noticed that? I get so tickled at a friend of mine. He has recently had the opportunity, and he is exactly my age. He has recently had the opportunity to help raise three little kids. Three little kids. He told me the other day, he said, "You know, I always believed that girls ought to get married by the time they're 17, 18 and start having babies." He said, "I've changed my mind on that. I think now they ought to get married by 11 or 12." He said, "I don't know how you get the energy to take care of all these young'uns." Of course, he was joking. But the point I'm trying to make is this. Parents tire more quickly and easily than do their children. And so, children, that means that when you see that your parents are tired, help them out. Wash the dishes. Mow the grass. Clean the house. Do something for them.

Be sensitive to their needs. Remember their birthdays. Remember their anniversary. Honor thy father and thy mother.

The Promise Attached to Honor

The command to honor is the first with a promise: well-being and long life, based on God's blessing and the natural benefits of learning from parents.

Here is the bottom line. Your Creator, the Lord, Redeemer, the Master and the King, the One who holds you in His hand, has given you a command. And that command is, "Honor thy father and thy mother." Basically speaking, there's no other reason needed. God has spoken, and therefore we must obey. Since God has spoken, that means His command is backed by His sovereign authority and power, and to disobey would be absolutely foolish. Why in the world would you desire to face His righteous anger and wrath? Why in the world would you want to infuriate Him and turn His wrath against you? You must remember that Scripture says that our God is a consuming fire. No. It's a whole lot easier to obey than it is to face the consequences of disobedience. But then I want you to note the latter part of verse two. He says, "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise." And then he gives you that promise in verse three: "that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long upon the earth." So God then attaches a special promise.

To obedience with this command. There is the promise of long life and well-being if one honors his father and his mother. Now, we've got to understand that God's promise is based upon His sovereign, particular will for each individual. Generally speaking, those who obey and honor will live a long and fruitful life. There are two reasons for this. Number one. There is indeed God's blessings. God says I'll bless you. Number two. Those who do listen to their parents, those who do learn, those who do obey, are usually individuals that will turn out to be individuals who are responsible, thoughtful.

That is, they will not be wasteful. They will not be irresponsible. They will be individuals who have learned self-control, management, financial responsibility. They will have learned to have conducted their lives according to the Word of God. Ah. So you could basically say that there is a supernatural reason and a natural reason. The supernatural reason is of the blessings of God, and the natural reason is we've learned from our parents. And we've learned what was right.

I want you to see something. This is so amazing to me. Look in your Bibles, in Ephesians 6 verse 1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

Applications and Conclusion

Applications include the unity of the church hearing God's Word, the continuity of Old Testament law, the role of worthy parents, honoring dishonorable parents, and the need for God's grace.

Scripture Reading — John 15:5

Now watch verse 2: "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." Now, what's this? God commands us to obey and God commands us to honor. How many of us can do that on our own and by ourselves? None. What did our Lord say in John 15? "Without me, you can do how much?" Nothing. So here's what God does. God gives us a command. Then God gives us grace and power to obey that command. And then God rewards us for obeying the command. Isn't that gracious? Isn't that kind? Isn't that magnificent? Although we have not the ability in ourselves, He gives us the ability and then He rewards us for doing what He gave us the ability to do. Gracious, kind, merciful and loving.

Now, let me try to tie things together and make a couple of applications. Now, let me just show you the first one. This is interesting because Paul wrote this letter to the church at Ephesus. And I want you to notice in Ephesians chapter 5, he addressed the wives and the husbands. In Ephesians chapter 6, he addressed the children and the servants. And since this letter was to the church at Ephesus, what does that mean? It means everybody was sitting together listening to the Word of God.

There were no junior churches. There was no division between the ranks. All sat there to hear the Word of God. The problem is we have not progressed in our day. We have digressed. We have thought that we could better the Word of God. We haven't. And consequently, most of our children today do not hear the pure, unadulterated Word of God. They hear it watered down because the concept today is children can't understand. And the answer is no one can understand apart from God, the Holy Spirit.

If He doesn't open our eyes, our eyes will never be opened. Here's the second application. Listen carefully. The New Testament does not cancel out the Old Testament. Paul, in teaching New Testament doctrine, quote unquote, does not hesitate to quote from the Old Testament. The Old Testament has not been done away with. It is God's Word, and God's law is regulative and directive. It is to regulate our lives. It is to direct our lives. Love may be our motive, but law is our direction. God gives us His law. Here's a third application. Listen carefully.

When the Bible says, "Honor thy father and thy mother." Listen. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey them and honor them. They give them a godly example. They give them godly instruction and they demonstrate their love and their concern for their children by teaching them the truth of God and developing godly character in their lives. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey and honor them.

Now listen, I know the objection that some are going to raise to what I've said today. Unhappily, there are some dishonorable parents. Just like there are dishonorable civil rulers. A whole heap of them. But what God still requires is that we honor the office. The man in the office may be dishonorable. But the office is still honorable. I've had people over the years ask me, "How can I honor my father?

He abused me when I was a child." Oh, what a horrible thing. What a hard question. "How can I honor my parents? When I was converted to Christ, they disowned me, they hated me, they despised me, they kicked me out." Well, let me tell you something, folks. They may have done wrong and they may have been wicked. But that does not give you the right to be wrong and do wickedly. You still have to do what's right. You say, "But Pastor, my parents turned out to be my enemies."

Do you know what the Lord said? Help me out now. "If your enemy hunger, what?" Feed him. "If he thirst," give him water to drink.

Now, God doesn't require you to go out and buy your enemy a $200 bottle of wine and a steak dinner. But He does require you to feed him. Give him some water. What's that mean? That means no matter how your parents have mistreated you or abused you, they're still your parents. And you can still do what is right toward them within the limits of God's law and God's Word. It does not mean that you have to have special feelings toward them to do what's right. If I've got an enemy, just because I hand him a glass of water doesn't mean all of a sudden I love him and agree with him. But it does mean this.

It does mean that I don't harbor bitterness and ill will and resentment in my heart. And that's the biggest problem for the average Christian, is they cannot get over the bitterness and the resentment and the ill treatment and the hard feelings that they've developed in their lives over these years. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey them and to honor them. The fourth application is this. I hope each of you see. Young and old. Child and adult. How desperately we need the grace of God in order to obey the Word of God and to be acceptable and pleasing unto God. Do you realize? We need to honor our parents, not because they deserve honor, which may be true. And not even because we love them, which also may be true. But we need to honor them in order to obey God. For God has commanded, "Honor thy father and thy mother."

And we please Him by obeying Him. So I want you to understand that honor and obedience always go together. Obedience is the duty. Honor is the disposition and the attitude, but honor goes far beyond obedience. And we are to never do anything that will bring dishonor upon our God or upon our families. "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that your days may be long upon this earth, that it may be well with thee." If you want the blessing of God and the long life, you need to learn to obey and to honor. Let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we ask for your blessing today and for your help. And Lord, I pray that this message will be applied to every heart.

For those younger children and teenage children and adult children. And those of us who've been blessed to still have a father or mother around. That we would express our love and appreciation of them and set a high value and estimate upon them and revere them and reverence them and obey them and honor them. Help us, Father, to please Thee, to fulfill our individual roles, whether it's a husband, a wife, or a child, and to bring our lives in conformity to Your Word. In the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord, we ask and pray, Amen.

Study Guide

Major Themes

Honor as an Inward Disposition

Summary: Honor goes beyond outward obedience; it is an attitude of reverence, valuation, and veneration toward parents that persists throughout life.

Evidence: Weaver states: 'Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition. So honor goes beyond obedience.' (323.5-395.4s) and 'there is never an instance in which he may dishonor his parents. Honor always continues.' (653.9-706.4s)

Lifelong Obligation to Honor

Summary: The command to honor applies to all people throughout their lives, even after children marry and become heads of their own households.

Evidence: Weaver quotes Rushdoony: 'The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives.' (436.1-487.6s) and explains that when a child marries, 'obedience to his parents ceases' in a general sense, but honor continues (706.5-741.3s).

Respecting Parental Authority in the Home

Summary: Adult children must still respect their father's headship when visiting the parental home, avoiding attempts to usurp his authority.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'When he returns to his father's house... his father is still the head of his house. And he is still his father's son.' (741.7-845.3s) and 'do not attempt to usurp your father's authority in his home' (896.4-952.1s).

Leaving and Cleaving

Summary: Married children must establish a separate home and government, leaving parents financially, emotionally, and governmentally, while still honoring them.

Evidence: Weaver states: 'once the children are married, there is to be a separate home, a separate headship and a separate duty... They should leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally.' (1241.2-1277.5s)

Fearing Both Parents Equally

Summary: Leviticus 19:3 places mother before father to teach that both are to be feared and honored equally, countering the natural tendency to love mother and fear father.

Evidence: Weaver explains: 'God places the mother first in Leviticus 19 verse 3 to emphasize the point that she too is not only to be honored and venerated, but to be feared.' (1519.1-1549.5s) and cites Rushdoony: 'Children ordinarily fear the father and love the mother. Hence they say precedence is here given to the mother in order to inculcate the duty of fearing them both alike.' (1749.6-1778.5s)

Practical Expressions of Honor

Summary: Honor is demonstrated through respect, avoiding shame, sensitivity to parents' needs, and verbal expressions of love and gratitude.

Evidence: Weaver lists ways: 'showing respect for their persons' (1839.6-1878.2s), 'not bringing shame upon the family' (1943.4-1987.4s), 'being sensitive to their needs' (2099.2-2137.9s), and asking when you last told your parents you love them (2139.5-2224.4s).

The Promise of Well-Being and Long Life

Summary: The fifth commandment includes a promise of well-being and long life for those who honor their parents, based on God's blessing and the natural benefits of heeding parental wisdom.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'there is the promise of long life and well-being if one honors his father and his mother' (2712.0-2721.6s) and explains the supernatural and natural reasons (2772.7-2804.4s).

Honoring Dishonorable Parents

Summary: Even when parents are dishonorable or abusive, children are still required to honor the office of parent and do what is right within the limits of God's law, avoiding bitterness.

Evidence: Weaver addresses the objection: 'there are some dishonorable parents... But what God still requires is that we honor the office.' (3070.6-3120.7s) and 'no matter how your parents have mistreated you or abused you, they're still your parents. And you can still do what is right toward them' (3184.0-3236.6s).

Key Arguments

Honor is distinct from and deeper than obedience

Summary: Obedience is the outward duty, while honor is the inward disposition of reverence and high estimation; a child can obey while dishonoring.

Evidence: Weaver states: 'Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition. So honor goes beyond obedience.' (323.5-395.4s) and illustrates with the story of the little girl who sat down outwardly but was 'standing up on the inside' (396.2-435.2s).

Honor is a lifelong command that never ceases

Summary: While a child's general obedience may cease upon marriage, the obligation to honor parents continues throughout life.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'There is a general sense in which a child's obedience to his parent ceases, but the honor of his parents never ceases.' (653.9-706.4s)

Adult children must respect parental headship when visiting

Summary: Even as heads of their own homes, adult children must honor their father's authority in his house and not usurp it.

Evidence: Weaver explains: 'When he returns to his father's house... his father is still the head of his house. And he is still his father's son.' (741.7-845.3s) and 'do not attempt to usurp your father's authority in his home' (896.4-952.1s).

Marriage requires leaving parents and establishing a new government

Summary: God commands leaving father and mother to form a new home, which involves financial, emotional, and governmental separation, while still honoring parents.

Both mother and father are to be feared and honored equally

Summary: Leviticus 19:3 places mother first to counter the tendency to love mother and fear father, teaching that both are to be feared and honored alike.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'God places the mother first in Leviticus 19 verse 3 to emphasize the point that she too is not only to be honored and venerated, but to be feared.' (1519.1-1549.5s) and cites Rushdoony on the duty of fearing both alike (1749.6-1778.5s).

Honoring parents includes practical acts of respect, gratitude, and sensitivity

Summary: Honor is shown by respecting parents' persons, avoiding shameful conduct, meeting their emotional needs, and expressing love and thanks.

Evidence: Weaver lists: 'showing respect for their persons' (1839.6-1878.2s), 'not bringing shame upon the family' (1943.4-1987.4s), 'being sensitive to their needs' (2099.2-2137.9s), and asking when you last thanked them (2139.5-2224.4s).

The fifth commandment carries a promise of blessing and long life

Summary: God attaches a special promise to the command to honor parents: well-being and long life, which operates through both divine blessing and natural consequences of heeding parental wisdom.

Even dishonorable parents are to be honored because the office is honorable

Summary: When parents are abusive or wicked, children must still honor the office of parent and do what is right, avoiding bitterness and resentment.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'there are some dishonorable parents... But what God still requires is that we honor the office.' (3070.6-3120.7s) and 'no matter how your parents have mistreated you or abused you, they're still your parents. And you can still do what is right toward them' (3184.0-3236.6s).

Scripture References

Ephesians 6:1-4

Context: Weaver introduces the passage as the primary text for the sermon, focusing on verses 1-3.

Ephesians 6:1

Context: Quoted as the command for children to obey parents in the Lord, which was covered in the previous sermon.

Ephesians 6:2

Context: The command to honor father and mother, which is the focus of this sermon.

1 John 5:23

Context: Cited to show that the same Greek word for honor (timao) is used for honoring the Son.

1 Peter 2:17

Context: Cited to show that the same word for honor is used for honoring the king.

1 Timothy 5:1

Context: Used to argue that if we are to entreat an elder as a father, we should treat our own fathers with similar respect, not rebuking them harshly.

Genesis 44:20

Context: One of three instances where mother is mentioned before father; explained as referring to Benjamin being the last child of his mother.

Leviticus 21:1-2

Context: Second instance of mother before father, regarding whom the high priest may defile himself for; easily explained by context.

Leviticus 19:2-3

Context: The third instance where mother is placed before father, emphasizing that both are to be feared as part of holiness.

Exodus 20:12

Context: The parallel passage to Ephesians 6:2, the fifth commandment, which is the basis for the command to honor parents.

Ephesians 6:3

Context: The promise attached to the command: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.

John 15:5

Context: Quoted to show that without Christ we can do nothing, emphasizing our need for God's grace to obey the command to honor.

Romans 14:7

Context: Cited to support the point that no one lives or dies to himself; our sins affect our families.

Deuteronomy 20:9

Context: Referenced by Rushdoony regarding the stoning of one who curses father or mother, illustrating the seriousness of dishonor.

Proverbs 25:21-22 (implied)

Context: Weaver alludes to the principle of feeding your enemy if he hungers, applying it to how to treat dishonorable parents.

Historical References

Rushdoony's Institutes of Biblical Law, page 173 or 193

Context: Weaver quotes Rushdoony on the lifelong application of the fifth commandment and the necessity of unquestioning obedience in children.

Rushdoony's Institutes of Biblical Law, page 170

Context: Weaver quotes Rushdoony's commentary on Leviticus 19:3, explaining the duty to fear both parents equally and practical implications.

Important Quotes

Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition. So honor goes beyond obedience.

Significance: This succinctly captures the core distinction Weaver makes between outward compliance and inward reverence, which is central to the sermon.

The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives.

Significance: Weaver quotes Rushdoony to establish the lifelong scope of the fifth commandment, a key point in the message.

There is a general sense in which a child's obedience to his parent ceases, but the honor of his parents never ceases.

Significance: This clarifies the enduring nature of honor even when the duty of obedience changes with adulthood and marriage.

Children ordinarily fear the father and love the mother. Hence they say precedence is here given to the mother in order to inculcate the duty of fearing them both alike.

Significance: Weaver quotes Rushdoony to explain the unusual word order in Leviticus 19:3, reinforcing the equal honor due both parents.

Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth.

Significance: The direct quotation of Ephesians 6:2-3, highlighting the unique promise attached to this command.

Without me, you can do how much? Nothing.

Significance: Weaver paraphrases John 15:5 to underscore the necessity of divine grace to fulfill the command to honor.

If your enemy hunger, what? Feed him. If he thirst, give him water to drink.

Significance: Weaver applies this biblical principle to the difficult situation of honoring abusive or hostile parents, showing that right action is still required.

Discussion Questions

What is the difference between obeying and honoring parents, and why is it possible to obey while still dishonoring?

Context: Weaver distinguishes obedience as duty and honor as disposition, illustrated by the story of the little girl forced to sit down.

In what ways does the command to honor parents continue even after a child marries and leaves home?

Context: Weaver explains that while general obedience may cease, honor never does, and adult children must still respect parental authority when visiting.

What does it mean to 'leave and cleave' according to Scripture, and how does this relate to honoring parents?

Context: Weaver discusses the necessity of establishing a separate home and government while still maintaining honor for parents.

Why does Leviticus 19:3 place the mother before the father, and what does this teach about fearing and honoring both parents?

Context: Weaver explains that this order emphasizes the equal fear and honor due to both parents, countering the tendency to love mother and fear father.

What are some practical ways we can honor our parents in daily life, especially as they age?

Context: Weaver lists showing respect, avoiding shame, being sensitive to needs, and expressing love and gratitude.

How should we respond to parents who have been dishonorable or abusive, and what limits does God's Word place on that response?

Context: Weaver addresses the objection of dishonorable parents, emphasizing that we must still honor the office and do right without harboring bitterness.

What is the promise attached to the fifth commandment, and how does it function both supernaturally and naturally?

Context: Weaver explains the promise of well-being and long life, rooted in God's blessing and the practical benefits of heeding parental wisdom.

Why do we need God's grace to obey the command to honor our parents, and how does God provide that grace?

Context: Weaver points to John 15:5 and the pattern of God giving commands, grace to obey, and then rewards, highlighting our dependence on Him.

Applications

Examine your heart attitude toward your parents

Summary: Evaluate whether your obedience is merely external or accompanied by genuine honor and reverence from the heart.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'It is possible for a child to obey his parents and dishonor them at the same time.' (323.5-395.4s) and 'Many Christians sometimes do what is right only because they're either forced to or believe they have to.' (509.4-556.5s)

Respect your father's authority when visiting his home

Summary: Even as an independent adult, defer to your father's headship in his own house and avoid challenging his authority.

Evidence: Weaver states: 'do not attempt to usurp your father's authority in his home because he is still the head of his house.' (896.4-952.1s) and shares his personal example of obeying his father's request to stop the pigs (981.9-1036.9s).

Establish a separate household when married

Summary: Leave your parents financially, emotionally, and governmentally to form a new family unit, while continuing to honor them.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'They should leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally. One of the best ways to do that is to leave them geographically.' (1278.7-1314.9s)

Fear and honor both parents equally

Summary: Recognize that both mother and father are to be revered and feared, not just the father, and treat them with appropriate respect.

Evidence: Weaver explains Leviticus 19:3: 'God places the mother first... to emphasize the point that she too is not only to be honored and venerated, but to be feared.' (1519.1-1549.5s)

Express love and gratitude to your parents regularly

Summary: Do not wait until they are gone to tell your parents you love them and thank them for their sacrifices.

Evidence: Weaver asks: 'When is the last time you told your father and your mother that you love them? When is the last time you thanked them for everything that they've done for you?' (2139.5-2224.4s)

Avoid bringing shame on your family

Summary: Recognize that sinful or dishonorable behavior reflects poorly on your parents and violates the fifth commandment.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'whatever you do to bring shame upon your family dishonors them... rebelliousness, thievery, hatefulness, lying, cheating, and any other sin that brings shame upon your family is a violation of the fifth commandment.' (1989.3-2096.3s)

Do what is right toward dishonorable parents without bitterness

Summary: Even if parents have been abusive or hostile, you can still honor the office by acting rightly and avoiding resentment.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'no matter how your parents have mistreated you or abused you, they're still your parents. And you can still do what is right toward them... It does mean that I don't harbor bitterness and ill will and resentment in my heart.' (3184.0-3274.2s)

Depend on God's grace to honor your parents

Summary: Acknowledge that you cannot obey this command in your own strength and rely on the Holy Spirit to enable you.

Evidence: Weaver says: 'How many of us can do that on our own and by ourselves? None... God gives us a command. Then God gives us grace and power to obey that command.' (2817.7-2884.8s)

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T15:27:31Z

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | weaver_study | 2026-06-06T04:56:19Z

Clean Transcript

The Family - Part 9

Clean readable transcript. This view follows the Commentary.net cleaned segment text while preserving timestamps for audio follow-along.

So let's turn to the book of Ephesians chapter 6 and the first four verses. In fact, actually, the first three, I'll pick up verse 4 next week, Lord willing. But look in Ephesians chapter 6, beginning with verse 1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth."
#1 | 0:00 to 0:34 | cleaned
In dealing with the family in the past eight weeks, basically, we've covered the dominion aspect of the family, how God created the family to be an instrument of dominion. We've dealt with creation differences between men and women. We've looked at God's intentional order as He has ordained in the family. And then we began to look at the roles of the individuals in the family. We looked at the role of the wife and the role of the husband. We saw that the key word for the wife was submit. The key word for the husband was to love. And as I've said repeatedly through this study, it's easy for a wife to be in submission to a husband when that husband loves her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. And then we began last week with God's directives to children. And I pointed out how that God gives two directives to them.
#2 | 0:35 to 1:29 | cleaned
The first one is to obey, and the second is to honor. And we live in a day and age when both of these concepts are absolutely despised. And I pointed out one of the reasons that I believe they are so despised is because children no longer really hear the Word of God. They're never taught the Word of God. You go to the average church, and the average church immediately divides the family and sends the children off to a junior church, leaves the parents somewhere else, and what they try to do is, quote-unquote, water it down or put it to the children on their level.
#3 | 1:29 to 2:05 | cleaned
And the point I made was very simple. No adult can understand anything apart from the ministry of the Holy Spirit either. And so very obviously we need then the ministry of the Holy Spirit not only in the life of a child but also in the life of an adult as well. So we're thankful for the ministry of the Holy Spirit. It only takes the grace of God and the work of the Holy Spirit to illuminate and enlighten a child just like it takes the same grace of God and ministry of the Holy Spirit to illuminate and enlighten an adult. So the point I made was very simple. God only has one way of dealing with people and that is through His Word and by His Spirit. We also looked at Deuteronomy 31, Joshua 8, Ezra 10, where God said, "Gather the people together, men, women, and children, that they may hear the word of God." So the point I tried to make was God gives clear, concise directives. So what are God's directives to children?
#4 | 2:05 to 3:13 | cleaned
Ephesians 6, verse 1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." I dealt with obedience last week. I want to deal with the second aspect this week, that is, verse 2: "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." So, the first directive was children are to obey. And I gave you the reasons for that and showed you it was a religious obedience as unto the Lord. Today, He tells us to honor. Now, what in the world does it mean to honor? It should be obvious that obedience, in one sense of the word, is evidence of honoring our parents. The child who is disobedient is a child who dishonors his parents. But there is far more to honor than simple obedience.
#5 | 3:13 to 4:09 | cleaned
In order to communicate, you have to understand terms. So if you will look in your Bibles to Ephesians 6 and verse 2, the Bible commands us, "Honor thy father and thy mother." So you have to understand what the word honor means. H-O-N-O-R. It's from the Greek word timao, which is translated as to honor or to value. The word actually means to fix an estimate or to fix the value or to have honor, to revere and to venerate. So when God is saying, "Honor your father and your mother," He's actually saying you revere your father and mother. You venerate them.
#6 | 4:10 to 4:55 | cleaned
You hold them high in estimation. So since the command is to honor them, we must understand that this command has a reference to an inward disposition and attitude. Let me state it like this. Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition. So honor goes beyond obedience.
#7 | 4:55 to 5:22 | cleaned
Now let me make a statement. I want you to think about this with me. It is possible for a child to obey his parents and dishonor them at the same time. You say, how in the world can that be? Well, each of us have heard the story probably of the little girl who was riding in the car with her mother. And the mother kept telling the little girl to sit down because she was standing up in the seat. And the little girl just kept standing up. Finally, the mother got irritated and she reached over, took the little girl by the arm and jerked her down in the seat and said very firmly, "I said sit down." The little girl sat there and finally she turned to her mother and said, "Mother, I may be sitting down on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside." Now, did she obey? Oh, yes, she obeyed. Only because she was forced to obey.
#8 | 5:23 to 6:35 | cleaned
But her disposition, her attitude was one of rebellion and wickedness. It was one of total dishonor. Let me give you a quote. I'm going to give you several quotes today, but you'll find this one from Rushdoony's book, The Institutes of Biblical Law, on page 173 or 193 it is. He says this, listen carefully. "The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives." I'm going to deal with that in just a moment. "The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives.
#9 | 6:36 to 7:15 | cleaned
But in this place, children specifically are told to obey their parents in the Lord. Because of this total lack of experience and judgment, it is absolutely necessary that a child be taught to obey his parents instantly and without question. Explanations and reasons for this may and should be given to the child from time to time, but at the moment a parental command is given, there may not be time or opportunity to give the reason why. Therefore, it is imperative that a child be taught the habit of unquestioning obedience to his parents. For until the young child develops, his parents stand to him in the place of God, and God holds them responsible for teaching and directing the child properly." Now listen.
#10 | 7:16 to 8:07 | cleaned
"By direct implication, a parent is bound by the fifth commandment to make himself honorable. For to be honored, one must be honorable. Every parent needs to realize that he represents God to his child."
#11 | 8:09 to 8:27 | cleaned
Now, I rushed through and he said a mouthful. I'm going to deal with several thoughts from this in just a moment. But you know, as I was preparing this message, I thought that many Christians, in fact, I would venture to say most Christians are almost like that little girl whom the mother forced to sit. By that, I mean this. Many Christians sometimes do what is right only because they're either forced to or believe they have to. In other words, they're not doing it willingly and lovingly and obediently. Children are not only required to obey their parents, they're also required to honor them.
#12 | 8:29 to 9:16 | cleaned
That is to highly venerate them, to revere them, and to reverence them. They're required to do so because of the position that God has placed the parents.
#13 | 9:16 to 9:27 | cleaned
Now listen carefully just for a moment. In 1 John 5 and verse 23, we're commanded to honor the Son. In 1 Peter 2 and verse 17, God says, "Honor the king." In Ephesians 6 and verse 2, "Honor your father and your mother."
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Now, what I want to point out is each time the word honor is used, it is the same Greek word, timao. What is God saying? He's saying we are required to honor Christ the Son and the office which He holds. We're required to honor the office of civil authority. We're also required to honor our parents. In each of these instances, it is God who established the office of authority. It is God who established the office of Christ as prophet, priest, and king. It is God who instituted and ordained civil government. It is God who instituted the family and placed the husband as the head and the father and mother over the children. So therefore, as we're required to venerate and revere and honor Christ, we're also required to honor and venerate and revere the office of our parents.
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Now, let me explain some things. First of all, there is a general sense in which a child's obedience to his parent ceases, but the honor of his parents never ceases. Now let me say that again, and then I'm going to explain it. There is a general sense in which there is a time in which general obedience to the child's parents ceases, but there is never an instance in which he may dishonor his parents. Honor always continues. Now, what do I mean when I say that there is a time, generally speaking, when a child's obedience to his parents ceases?
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Well, I'll tell you when it is. God commanded that a man leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife. So when a child marries then with the blessings of his parents, he now becomes the head of his house. He provides for himself and his family, and he is now an authority over his family in his new home. In that sense of the word, generally speaking, obedience to his parents ceases.
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I'm going to explain a little further. But there is still the requirement that he continue to honor his parents. Let me explain further. Several thoughts. First of all, regardless of the reality that the son is now the head of his home, listen carefully. When he returns to his father's house, when he returns to visit his father, he must still remember that his father is still the head of his house. And he is still his father's son. Let me explain this. When I left the home of my father and mother and married my wife, I became the head of my house. But when I went back home to visit my father, my father is still the head of his house. And I am still his son. Here's what I'm trying to say. No matter how old you are, you are still your parents' child. In this sense, grown, mature adult children should always endeavor to obey their parents in everything that they can, especially while they are in their home. Why? They're still your parents. And you're still their child, no matter how old you are.
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If you understand this concept, and I'll explain why just momentarily. If you understand this concept, many fights, many disappointments, many arguments, many hurt feelings, and a lot of bitterness could be avoided. Why? Because oftentimes grown children clash with their parents. They have fights. Why? Because, "Well, I'm grown now, I can do what I want to do." You may be grown and you may do what you want to do, but when you go home, your father is still the head of his house and you are still his child. Parents do not cease to be parents simply because the children are grown. When I left home.
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And God saved me and God called me to preach. Whenever I went back home, I tried to obey my father and my mother in every area that I could. Why? I'm still their child. They're still my parents. And my father was still the head of his house. Here's all I'm trying to say. Just because you're the head of your house, do not attempt to usurp your father's authority in his home because he is still the head of his house. I remember one time I went home to visit my father. And of course my mother. And I was on my way somewhere and it wasn't, I didn't have long to visit, but I had on a suit, shirt, tie.
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A pair of wingtip shoes. And dad said, "Son, come on down to the pond with me. I want to show you the new hog pen I built with the pigs in it." I said, "Sure." So I jumped in the truck with my dad. We rode across the pond dam. And just as he looked at that pen that he built, those pigs had torn a hole in the fence.
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And I don't know, 10 or 15 of them were already out. Others were getting out. My dad slammed on brakes, put that truck in park, and he jumped out and he hollered at me, "Son, get in there and stop those pigs from getting out." You know what I said? "Yes, sir." And I jumped in that pigpen with my suit on and my wingtip shoes on, and I stood in the hole to keep those other pigs from getting out, while he went and got the others and got them back in. You say, "But you had on a suit." Yes, I did. And wingtip shoes. Yes, I did. But shoes will clean up. You understand that? The suit can go to the cleaners. I was grown. I was married. I had children. But I just simply said, "Yes, sir."
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Now, let me point out something. Look in your Bibles, if you would, to 1 Timothy, chapter 5. 1 Timothy, chapter 5. Let's think this thing through. All I'm trying to show you is this. You may be the head of your house as a grown child, but when you go back home, grown or not, your father is still the head of his house. And you're still your parent's child.
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You say, "But Pastor, what if I disagree with my dad? Or what if I disagree with my mother?" Well, there's always going to be disagreements. But look what the Bible says. Think this thing through with me. 1 Timothy chapter 5 and verse 1: "Rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father, and the younger men as brethren." Now, when he says "rebuke not an elder," he's talking about a pastor. "Rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father." Now, think that command through. God is commanding you not to rebuke an elder, but to treat him as a father. If you are not to verbally browbeat, shout at, threaten, and throw a temper tantrum to a pastor, but you're to treat him as a father, does it not follow that you're to treat your father in the same manner? You are not to attack him, you're not to holler at him, you're not to scream at him. You may disagree with him, but you do so lovingly and kindly and congenially. Recognizing that he's still your father.
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All I'm trying to say is this, folks. You may be the head of your new house. But your father is still the head of his house. So make sure when you go back home, you understand that. And you'll save yourself a lot of heartaches and a lot of disappointments between yourself and your father, especially men. Listen to me. The hardest thing for a man to face is the loss of his authority.
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And if a child is wise, he will try to see that he does indeed help his father maintain some authority over his own house and over his own home. Here's the second thing. Adult married children have the responsibility of leaving and cleaving. We tend to forget the scripture that teaches us that we are to leave our father and our mother and cleave only to the wife. Now when the Bible commands that we are to leave our father and our mother, that certainly does not mean that we are to forsake, that we are to forget, and forever terminate any relationship that we have with them. Of course not.
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We're still required to honor them. But what the Bible is teaching is once the children are married, there is to be a separate home, a separate headship and a separate duty. And that duty then is for the man to cleave unto the wife and the wife to cleave to her husband. So when adult children marry, are you listening? They should leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally. One of the best ways to do that is to leave them geographically.
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And when I say that, I just simply mean this. It's best sometimes not to live next door to them. Now, I am sure that there are exceptions to what I've just said. There are probably a number of young families that have lived next door to father and mother and have gotten along fine. But as a general rule, most cannot do that without interference. It's one thing to give advice. It's one thing to seek advice. It's quite another thing to give orders.
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So, if you follow God's commands, all I'm trying to show you is this. There will not be mama's boys and mama's girls. There will only be a God-ordained husband and wife relationship and the honoring of the parents. Apron strings must be cut. The old government gives way to a new government. The old dominion gives way to a new dominion. And since it is a new home and a new family, then yes, help is needed sometimes by the way of advice and other help from the father and mother, but still you are to be on your own. Let me show you an interesting thing in the Bible. Do you realize that in the Bible there are only three instances where the mother is placed before the father? It's usually father and mother, but only three passages that mention the mother before the father. Let me show them to you.
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Look very quickly in your Bibles to Genesis 44 and verse 20. And these first two are very easily explained. And you may not even catch it. But Genesis 44 and verse 20. And here Judah is just explaining things to Joseph. He doesn't know that Joseph is his brother at this particular point. And notice in Genesis 44 in verse 20 it says this, "And we said unto my lord, We have a father, an old man, and a child of his old age, a little one, and his brother is dead, and he is alone, left of his mother, and his father loveth him." So all he's doing is explaining that Benjamin is at home and he was the last child of the mother. He wasn't the only child. Joseph was the child as well, but he was the only one left at home of the mother. And he said his father loved him. So that's very easily explained. But now if you'll look in Leviticus 21 and verse 2, you'll see the second instance, and it's likewise, it's very easily explained, Leviticus 21 in verse 2, because God is telling Aaron that he cannot defile himself as the high priest for just anyone.
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Look in Leviticus 21, verse 1: "The Lord said to Moses, speaking to the priests, the sons of Aaron, and say to them, There shall none be defiled for the dead among his people, but for his kin that is near them, that is, for his mother, and for his father, and for his son, and for his daughter, and for his brother." In other words, he may be defiled for those, but not for anyone else. Those are easily explained. But look in your Bibles to the book of Leviticus, chapter 19, and verse 3. Look what God says. Leviticus 19, verse 3. He says, "You shall fear every man his mother and his father, and keep my sabbaths. I am the Lord." Wow. In fact, go back to verse 2. "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say unto them, You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. You shall fear every man his mother and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God."
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So part of holiness then is fearing mother and father. Now the question must be asked, since the father is the head of the house and God ordained him so, why in the world would God have placed the mother in Leviticus 19 and verse 3 ahead of the father? I believe there's an answer for that. I believe God places the mother first in Leviticus 19 verse 3 to emphasize the point that she too is not only to be honored and venerated, but to be feared.
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And I realize the word fear has two different connotations. There can be the reverential awe, but there is also fear of punishment. And the woman, the mother, is to be feared exactly as the father. There is a tendency, especially with young boys, to love the mother and fear the father. Why? Each of us knows that fathers whip a whole lot harder than mothers. If I were to ask you, when you were a child, who would you rather be whipped by, your father or your mother? I can assure you, I'd much rather be whipped by my mother. Because my father did not play. In fact, my sister and I had so much wanted to be whipped by our mother we would do anything to be whipped by her. And the reason we wanted to be whipped by her is because every time she would strike us, all we would have to say, "Oh, oh, oh," we would holler and scream and carry on and she would stop. She would stop. One time we got into an argument.
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And contrary to what my sister says, my sister always started those arguments. Always. It was always her fault, you know. But we got into an argument and mother told us to hush and we did not mind her. And so mother got a switch and she was going to whip us. Well, when she started whipping me, I started hollering and jumping around and she stopped. She never hurt me.
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I mean, I just did it to get her to stop. Well, she went to whip Barbara. And Barbara did the same thing, and Mother stopped. Well, what Barbara and I did, we went outside and went around the house, went to the pantry side of the house, and we were laughing because we had pulled it over on Mother. But what we didn't realize was Mother had stepped into the pantry and she heard us.
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And when she called us back in, we no longer had to pretend. We learned to fear mother because we found out when mother wanted to, she could whip just as hard as daddy could. God says you shall fear your mother and your father. Listen to what Rushdoony says in his book on Institutes of Biblical Law on page 170. He says, commenting on this Leviticus 19:3, he says, "Children ordinarily fear the father and love the mother. Hence they say precedence is here given to the mother in order to inculcate the duty of fearing them both alike. The expression fear, however, they take," he's talking about the old scholars, "they take to include the following. If you fear your father and mother, number one, that you will not stand or sit in the place set apart for your parents."
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Every mom and dad has their favorite chair. So if children fear their parents, they will not stand or sit in the place reserved for their parents. Number two, not to carp at or oppose their statements. "Oh, Mama, why'd I have to do that? I want to do that." No, no, no. None of that if you fear them. Number three, not to call them by their proper names, but either call them father and mother or my master and my lady.
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Then he goes on, "While the expression honor, which is used in the parallel passage, Exodus 20 and verse 12, they understand to include to provide them with food and raiment, that is when they are elderly, to escort them, and to escort them. The parents, they urge, are God's representatives upon earth." He says, "God is both to be honored with our substance and He is to be feared, so our parents are both to be honored and feared. And as he who blasphemes the name of God is stoned, so he who curses father and mother is stoned." Deuteronomy 20 and verse 9. Interesting. So, fear the mother and the father. Now, since God requires us to honor our parents, let's ask this question. How do we honor them? What are some practical ways that we may honor our parents?
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First, number one, we must honor them by showing respect for their persons. We must honor them by showing respect for their persons. Your mother may not be the prettiest lady in the world. Your father may not be the smartest or the most intelligent man in the world. Yet you've never gone hungry. And you've never lived in a hovel or a pigpen. Your parents provided for you, loved you.
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Nourished you, sustained you, helped you, instructed you. They gave you everything that they could. And the least you could do is show respect to them and for them. I used to cringe, and I still do, when I hear young people refer to their parents as "my old man" and "my old lady." No. They're your father and your mother. And the least you could do is show respect to them and for them and at least develop a little courtesy like we do down south when we say to our father, "Yes, sir," and "No, sir," and to our mother, "Yes, ma'am," and "No, ma'am." So the very first way you honor them is by showing respect for them. You honor them as your parents.
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Secondly, you honor them by not bringing shame upon the family. You know, we've got to remember that everything that we do reflects upon our families. You know, the Bible says in Romans chapter 14, no man liveth to himself and no man dieth to himself. Your sin affects others. Your sin affects not only yourself, but your family, your church, your neighbors, even your nation. I don't have time to develop that thought from Scripture, but it's true. And whatever you do to bring shame upon your family dishonors them. Years ago, I was preaching at a church in another state.
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And the meeting began on Sunday morning and I walked in. And as I walked in, I noticed the two back rows were filled with teenagers and their parents. And most of the teenagers were sitting there with their heads hanging down. Needless to say, it was unusual. I mean, yeah, teenagers normally sit on the back rows, but not with their parents. And not with their heads hanging down.
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So after the service, I asked the pastor, "What was going on? Why were those two back rows filled with teenagers and their parents?" And he said, "Oh, those are the seniors that got expelled this past week for cheating on their final exams." Was it an embarrassment? Yes. Was it dishonoring? Yes. Do you realize that rebelliousness, thievery, hatefulness, lying, cheating, and any other sin that brings shame upon your family is a violation of the fifth commandment?
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For God says, "Honor thy father and thy mother." And when you live dishonorably, you're breaking the fifth commandment. So you need to think twice before you act, not only as a child, but as an adult. Third. You honor your parents by being sensitive to their needs.
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Now, this is going to be a shocker for children when they discover that their parents have needs. It's not just children who have needs. "I need a new coat. I need a new book bag. I need this. I need that." How many times do you hear that? Well, let me just tell you something. Your parents have needs as well. One of their main needs is this. They need to be loved and appreciated, valued, and even thanked.
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For all that they do. You remember those ten lepers that our Lord healed? When all ten found that they were healed, how many turned back? One. And our Lord said, "Where are the nine? Were not ten healed? There is none but this Samaritan that returned to give thanks unto God." So parents have needs as well. Let me ask you. Don't answer out loud. When is the last time you told your father and your mother that you love them? When is the last time you thanked them for everything that they've done for you and everything that they give you? There are some in this room that cannot now thank their parents and cannot tell their parents they love them because their parents are already dead and gone. Do not wait until your mother and father are on their deathbed before you tell them that you love them and appreciate them. I talk to my mother every day if possible. If I don't see her, I talk to her every day. I tell her I love her.
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My father's been dead about 15 years. You can do that now. You can thank them for their sacrifices, for their toil, for the labor, for all the work they put in raising you. Alice can tell you the one thing that I really was thrilled as a father. One thing that really thrilled my heart was to have my girls sit on my lap, hug my neck, and kiss me, tell me how much they love me. And when you have identical twins, and you've got one on each knee, and the other two fight and you get a knee, it kind of thrills your heart a little bit.
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And of course, all of them promised me faithfully they would never leave me, and they would never marry. But alas and woe, my granddaughters have promised me the same thing. But you know how that goes. I'm just simply saying, you know, as a father, my girls are grown. I still like them to put their arms around my neck and love me and kiss me and tell me how much they love me. I still enjoy that. I still enjoy the grown grandchildren sitting on my lap and kissing me.
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I mean, come on, every parent needs this. Grandparents need it. And I want you to listen, children, it's this kind of honor and respect that will keep your parents wanting to help you and wanting to give to you and wanting to be everything they can to you. No parent wants to help a wicked, rebellious, ungrateful, unthankful child. If you want your parents' help and blessing, the best thing you can do is honor them and obey them and treat them correctly and biblically and respectfully.
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My two oldest grandchildren will soon be 20. So this happened 18 years ago. They were about two, two and a half, and they wanted what they call cow boots. Cowboy boots? But they just called them cow boots. Well, we had them just for a little while. And so we went into the store to see what size they would wear and how much the boots were. Well, they weren't that much and certainly not that big since our kids were, grandkids at that time, about two, two and a half years old. But here's the kicker.
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I had one $20 bill in my pocket. That was it. That's all the money I had. And we had to have groceries for that week. All the money I had was grocery money. We took those kids to the store, tried those boots on them. Yes, we said this is the size we want. They liked that. And our plans were we would come back in a week or two when we had the money and we'd keep them for them. Well, I picked up the grandson and she picked up the granddaughter and we started out the store. And that little grandson looked back and did this. "Bye-bye, cow boots." I looked at Alice and said, "Get them! We'll go hungry!" And we did. They got their cow boots and we went hungry.
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Now, you know what would have happened if that kid had thrown himself on the floor and pitched a temper tantrum and beat his fist on the floor? "I don't want those boots! I don't want those boots!" You know what I'd have done? I'd have jerked him up, beat his fanny. He'd have never gotten any cow boots. You follow me? All I'm trying to say is, if the children want their parents to help them and bless them, all they've got to do is do what's right. And parents will break their neck for them. You've got to remember, as children, to be sensitive to the needs of the parents. Let me say it again. Parents have needs. And here is another eye-opener that most children don't realize, but I'm going to clue you in. Parents get old. Tired a little more quickly than their children do.
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Have you ever noticed that? I get so tickled at a friend of mine. He has recently had the opportunity, and he is exactly my age. He has recently had the opportunity to help raise three little kids. Three little kids. He told me the other day, he said, "You know, I always believed that girls ought to get married by the time they're 17, 18 and start having babies."
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He said, "I've changed my mind on that. I think now they ought to get married by 11 or 12." He said, "I don't know how you get the energy to take care of all these young'uns." Of course, he was joking. But the point I'm trying to make is this. Parents tire more quickly and easily than do their children. And so, children, that means that when you see that your parents are tired, help them out. Wash the dishes. Mow the grass. Clean the house. Do something for them.
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Be sensitive to their needs. Remember their birthdays. Remember their anniversary. Honor thy father and thy mother.
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Now, look back in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. And here is what God says. Look at verse 2. The command is, "Honor thy father and thy mother," and here is a reason for that. Verse 2, "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise." Here is the reason given in requiring honor. First and most importantly, it is God's command. Ephesians 6 verses 1 and 2 is a quote taken from Exodus 20 and verse 12.
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Here is the bottom line. Your Creator, the Lord, Redeemer, the Master and the King, the One who holds you in His hand, has given you a command. And that command is, "Honor thy father and thy mother." Basically speaking, there's no other reason needed. God has spoken, and therefore we must obey. Since God has spoken, that means His command is backed by His sovereign authority and power, and to disobey would be absolutely foolish.
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Why in the world would you desire to face His righteous anger and wrath? Why in the world would you want to infuriate Him and turn His wrath against you? You must remember that Scripture says that our God is a consuming fire. No. It's a whole lot easier to obey than it is to face the consequences of disobedience. But then I want you to note the latter part of verse two. He says, "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise." And then he gives you that promise in verse three: "that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long upon the earth." So God then attaches a special promise.
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To obedience with this command. There is the promise of long life and well-being if one honors his father and his mother.
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Now, we've got to understand that God's promise is based upon His sovereign, particular will for each individual. Generally speaking, those who obey and honor will live a long and fruitful life. There are two reasons for this. Number one. There is indeed God's blessings. God says I'll bless you. Number two. Those who do listen to their parents, those who do learn, those who do obey, are usually individuals that will turn out to be individuals who are responsible, thoughtful.
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That is, they will not be wasteful. They will not be irresponsible. They will be individuals who have learned self-control, management, financial responsibility. They will have learned to have conducted their lives according to the Word of God. Ah. So you could basically say that there is a supernatural reason and a natural reason. The supernatural reason is of the blessings of God, and the natural reason is we've learned from our parents. And we've learned what was right.
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I want you to see something. This is so amazing to me. Look in your Bibles, in Ephesians 6 verse 1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
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Now watch verse 2: "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." Now, what's this? God commands us to obey and God commands us to honor. How many of us can do that on our own and by ourselves? None. What did our Lord say in John 15? "Without me, you can do how much?" Nothing. So here's what God does. God gives us a command. Then God gives us grace and power to obey that command. And then God rewards us for obeying the command. Isn't that gracious? Isn't that kind? Isn't that magnificent? Although we have not the ability in ourselves, He gives us the ability and then He rewards us for doing what He gave us the ability to do. Gracious, kind, merciful and loving.
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Now, let me try to tie things together and make a couple of applications. Now, let me just show you the first one. This is interesting because Paul wrote this letter to the church at Ephesus. And I want you to notice in Ephesians chapter 5, he addressed the wives and the husbands. In Ephesians chapter 6, he addressed the children and the servants. And since this letter was to the church at Ephesus, what does that mean? It means everybody was sitting together listening to the Word of God.
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There were no junior churches. There was no division between the ranks. All sat there to hear the Word of God. The problem is we have not progressed in our day. We have digressed. We have thought that we could better the Word of God. We haven't. And consequently, most of our children today do not hear the pure, unadulterated Word of God. They hear it watered down because the concept today is children can't understand. And the answer is no one can understand apart from God, the Holy Spirit.
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If He doesn't open our eyes, our eyes will never be opened. Here's the second application. Listen carefully. The New Testament does not cancel out the Old Testament. Paul, in teaching New Testament doctrine, quote unquote, does not hesitate to quote from the Old Testament. The Old Testament has not been done away with. It is God's Word, and God's law is regulative and directive. It is to regulate our lives. It is to direct our lives. Love may be our motive, but law is our direction. God gives us His law. Here's a third application. Listen carefully.
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When the Bible says, "Honor thy father and thy mother." Listen. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey them and honor them. They give them a godly example. They give them godly instruction and they demonstrate their love and their concern for their children by teaching them the truth of God and developing godly character in their lives. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey and honor them.
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Now listen, I know the objection that some are going to raise to what I've said today. Unhappily, there are some dishonorable parents. Just like there are dishonorable civil rulers. A whole heap of them. But what God still requires is that we honor the office. The man in the office may be dishonorable. But the office is still honorable. I've had people over the years ask me, "How can I honor my father?
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He abused me when I was a child." Oh, what a horrible thing. What a hard question. "How can I honor my parents? When I was converted to Christ, they disowned me, they hated me, they despised me, they kicked me out." Well, let me tell you something, folks. They may have done wrong and they may have been wicked. But that does not give you the right to be wrong and do wickedly. You still have to do what's right. You say, "But Pastor, my parents turned out to be my enemies."
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Do you know what the Lord said? Help me out now. "If your enemy hunger, what?" Feed him. "If he thirst," give him water to drink.
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Now, God doesn't require you to go out and buy your enemy a $200 bottle of wine and a steak dinner. But He does require you to feed him. Give him some water. What's that mean? That means no matter how your parents have mistreated you or abused you, they're still your parents. And you can still do what is right toward them within the limits of God's law and God's Word. It does not mean that you have to have special feelings toward them to do what's right. If I've got an enemy, just because I hand him a glass of water doesn't mean all of a sudden I love him and agree with him. But it does mean this.
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It does mean that I don't harbor bitterness and ill will and resentment in my heart. And that's the biggest problem for the average Christian, is they cannot get over the bitterness and the resentment and the ill treatment and the hard feelings that they've developed in their lives over these years. Worthy parents make it easy for their children to obey them and to honor them. The fourth application is this.
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I hope each of you see. Young and old. Child and adult. How desperately we need the grace of God in order to obey the Word of God and to be acceptable and pleasing unto God. Do you realize? We need to honor our parents, not because they deserve honor, which may be true. And not even because we love them, which also may be true. But we need to honor them in order to obey God. For God has commanded, "Honor thy father and thy mother."
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And we please Him by obeying Him. So I want you to understand that honor and obedience always go together. Obedience is the duty. Honor is the disposition and the attitude, but honor goes far beyond obedience. And we are to never do anything that will bring dishonor upon our God or upon our families. "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that your days may be long upon this earth, that it may be well with thee." If you want the blessing of God and the long life, you need to learn to obey and to honor. Let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we ask for your blessing today and for your help. And Lord, I pray that this message will be applied to every heart.
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For those younger children and teenage children and adult children. And those of us who've been blessed to still have a father or mother around. That we would express our love and appreciation of them and set a high value and estimate upon them and revere them and reverence them and obey them and honor them. Help us, Father, to please Thee, to fulfill our individual roles, whether it's a husband, a wife, or a child, and to bring our lives in conformity to Your Word.
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In the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord, we ask and pray, Amen.
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deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T15:27:31Z

The Family - Part 9

John Weaver | Freedom Ministries

John Weaver continues his series on the family by focusing on the command for children to honor their parents from Ephesians 6:2-3. He distinguishes between obedience (duty) and honor (disposition), emphasizing that honor involves reverence, valuation, and an inward attitude that persists throughout life, even after a child marries and leaves home. Practical ways to honor parents include showing respect, avoiding shame, being sensitive to their needs, and expressing love and gratitude. The command is grounded in God's authority and comes with a promise of well-being and long life. Weaver also addresses how to honor dishonorable parents and underscores the necessity of God's grace to obey.

Introduction and Review

Weaver reviews the series on the family, covering dominion, creation differences, and roles of husband and wife, and introduces the two directives to children: obey and honor.

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1-4

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth."

The Command to Honor

The second directive is to honor father and mother, which goes beyond obedience and involves an inward disposition of reverence and high estimation.

Ephesians 6, verse 1:

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:2

In order to communicate, you have to understand terms. So if you will look in your Bibles to Ephesians 6 and verse 2, the Bible commands us, "Honor thy father and thy mother." So you have to understand what the word honor means. H-O-N-O-R. It's from the Greek word timao, which is translated as to honor or to value. The word actually means to fix an estimate or to fix the value or to have honor, to revere and to venerate. So when God is saying, "Honor your father and your mother," He's actually saying you revere your father and mother. You venerate them.

Obedience vs. Honor

It is possible to obey outwardly while dishonoring inwardly, as illustrated by the story of the little girl forced to sit down.

The Scope of Honor

Honor applies to all of life; obedience may cease in a general sense when a child marries, but honor never ceases.

Honoring Parents as an Adult

Even when married and head of one's own home, a son must still honor his father as head of his house when visiting, and adult children should avoid usurping parental authority.

Leaving and Cleaving

Married children are to leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally, establishing a new home while still honoring parents.

Fearing Mother and Father

Leviticus 19:3 places mother before father to emphasize that both are to be feared and honored equally, countering the tendency to love mother and fear father.

Scripture Reading — Deuteronomy 20:9

Then he goes on, "While the expression honor, which is used in the parallel passage, Exodus 20 and verse 12, they understand to include to provide them with food and raiment, that is when they are elderly, to escort them, and to escort them. The parents, they urge, are God's representatives upon earth." He says, "God is both to be honored with our substance and He is to be feared, so our parents are both to be honored and feared. And as he who blasphemes the name of God is stoned, so he who curses father and mother is stoned." Deuteronomy 20 and verse 9. Interesting. So, fear the mother and the father. Now, since God requires us to honor our parents, let's ask this question. How do we honor them? What are some practical ways that we may honor our parents?

Practical Ways to Honor Parents

Honor is shown by respecting their persons, not bringing shame on the family, being sensitive to their needs, and expressing love and gratitude.

Be sensitive to their needs. Remember their birthdays. Remember their anniversary. Honor thy father and thy mother.

The Promise Attached to Honor

The command to honor is the first with a promise: well-being and long life, based on God's blessing and the natural benefits of learning from parents.

I want you to see something. This is so amazing to me. Look in your Bibles, in Ephesians 6 verse 1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

Applications and Conclusion

Applications include the unity of the church hearing God's Word, the continuity of Old Testament law, the role of worthy parents, honoring dishonorable parents, and the need for God's grace.

Scripture Reading — John 15:5

Now watch verse 2: "Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." Now, what's this? God commands us to obey and God commands us to honor. How many of us can do that on our own and by ourselves? None. What did our Lord say in John 15? "Without me, you can do how much?" Nothing. So here's what God does. God gives us a command. Then God gives us grace and power to obey that command. And then God rewards us for obeying the command. Isn't that gracious? Isn't that kind? Isn't that magnificent? Although we have not the ability in ourselves, He gives us the ability and then He rewards us for doing what He gave us the ability to do. Gracious, kind, merciful and loving.

Do you know what the Lord said? Help me out now. "If your enemy hunger, what?" Feed him. "If he thirst," give him water to drink.

The Family - Part 9

John Weaver | SermonAudio

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	SermonAudio
Media ID	1211071538564
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Marriage and Household Order: The Family
Genre	Sermon
Date	2007-11-04
Dictation Name
Book	Book 035: The Family — Chapter 9
Source Timed Segments	76

Lecture Guide

Outline

Introduction and Review: Weaver reviews the series on the family, covering dominion, creation differences, and roles of husband and wife, and introduces the two directives to children: obey and honor.
The Command to Honor: The second directive is to honor father and mother, which goes beyond obedience and involves an inward disposition of reverence and high estimation.
Obedience vs. Honor: It is possible to obey outwardly while dishonoring inwardly, as illustrated by the story of the little girl forced to sit down.
The Scope of Honor: Honor applies to all of life; obedience may cease in a general sense when a child marries, but honor never ceases.
Honoring Parents as an Adult: Even when married and head of one's own home, a son must still honor his father as head of his house when visiting, and adult children should avoid usurping parental authority.
Leaving and Cleaving: Married children are to leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally, establishing a new home while still honoring parents.
Fearing Mother and Father: Leviticus 19:3 places mother before father to emphasize that both are to be feared and honored equally, countering the tendency to love mother and fear father.
Practical Ways to Honor Parents: Honor is shown by respecting their persons, not bringing shame on the family, being sensitive to their needs, and expressing love and gratitude.
The Promise Attached to Honor: The command to honor is the first with a promise: well-being and long life, based on God's blessing and the natural benefits of learning from parents.
Applications and Conclusion: Applications include the unity of the church hearing God's Word, the continuity of Old Testament law, the role of worthy parents, honoring dishonorable parents, and the need for God's grace.

Major Themes

Key Arguments

Honor is distinct from and deeper than obedience

Obedience is the outward duty, while honor is the inward disposition of reverence and high estimation; a child can obey while dishonoring.

Weaver states: 'Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition. So honor goes beyond obedience.' (323.5-395.4s) and illustrates with the story of the little girl who sat down outwardly but was 'standing up on the inside' (396.2-435.2s).

Honor is a lifelong command that never ceases

While a child's general obedience may cease upon marriage, the obligation to honor parents continues throughout life.

Weaver says: 'There is a general sense in which a child's obedience to his parent ceases, but the honor of his parents never ceases.' (653.9-706.4s)

Adult children must respect parental headship when visiting

Even as heads of their own homes, adult children must honor their father's authority in his house and not usurp it.

Weaver explains: 'When he returns to his father's house... his father is still the head of his house. And he is still his father's son.' (741.7-845.3s) and 'do not attempt to usurp your father's authority in his home' (896.4-952.1s).

Marriage requires leaving parents and establishing a new government

God commands leaving father and mother to form a new home, which involves financial, emotional, and governmental separation, while still honoring parents.

Weaver states: 'once the children are married, there is to be a separate home, a separate headship and a separate duty... They should leave father and mother financially, emotionally, and governmentally.' (1241.2-1277.5s)

Both mother and father are to be feared and honored equally

Leviticus 19:3 places mother first to counter the tendency to love mother and fear father, teaching that both are to be feared and honored alike.

Weaver says: 'God places the mother first in Leviticus 19 verse 3 to emphasize the point that she too is not only to be honored and venerated, but to be feared.' (1519.1-1549.5s) and cites Rushdoony on the duty of fearing both alike (1749.6-1778.5s).

Honoring parents includes practical acts of respect, gratitude, and sensitivity

Honor is shown by respecting parents' persons, avoiding shameful conduct, meeting their emotional needs, and expressing love and thanks.

Weaver lists: 'showing respect for their persons' (1839.6-1878.2s), 'not bringing shame upon the family' (1943.4-1987.4s), 'being sensitive to their needs' (2099.2-2137.9s), and asking when you last thanked them (2139.5-2224.4s).

The fifth commandment carries a promise of blessing and long life

God attaches a special promise to the command to honor parents: well-being and long life, which operates through both divine blessing and natural consequences of heeding parental wisdom.

Weaver says: 'there is the promise of long life and well-being if one honors his father and his mother' (2712.0-2721.6s) and explains the supernatural and natural reasons (2772.7-2804.4s).

Even dishonorable parents are to be honored because the office is honorable

When parents are abusive or wicked, children must still honor the office of parent and do what is right, avoiding bitterness and resentment.

Weaver says: 'there are some dishonorable parents... But what God still requires is that we honor the office.' (3070.6-3120.7s) and 'no matter how your parents have mistreated you or abused you, they're still your parents. And you can still do what is right toward them' (3184.0-3236.6s).

Scripture References

Ephesians 6:1-4: Weaver introduces the passage as the primary text for the sermon, focusing on verses 1-3.
Ephesians 6:1: Quoted as the command for children to obey parents in the Lord, which was covered in the previous sermon.
Ephesians 6:2: The command to honor father and mother, which is the focus of this sermon.
1 John 5:23: Cited to show that the same Greek word for honor (timao) is used for honoring the Son.
1 Peter 2:17: Cited to show that the same word for honor is used for honoring the king.
1 Timothy 5:1: Used to argue that if we are to entreat an elder as a father, we should treat our own fathers with similar respect, not rebuking them harshly.
Genesis 44:20: One of three instances where mother is mentioned before father; explained as referring to Benjamin being the last child of his mother.
Leviticus 21:1-2: Second instance of mother before father, regarding whom the high priest may defile himself for; easily explained by context.
Leviticus 19:2-3: The third instance where mother is placed before father, emphasizing that both are to be feared as part of holiness.
Exodus 20:12: The parallel passage to Ephesians 6:2, the fifth commandment, which is the basis for the command to honor parents.
Ephesians 6:3: The promise attached to the command: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.
John 15:5: Quoted to show that without Christ we can do nothing, emphasizing our need for God's grace to obey the command to honor.
Romans 14:7: Cited to support the point that no one lives or dies to himself; our sins affect our families.
Deuteronomy 20:9: Referenced by Rushdoony regarding the stoning of one who curses father or mother, illustrating the seriousness of dishonor.
Proverbs 25:21-22 (implied): Weaver alludes to the principle of feeding your enemy if he hungers, applying it to how to treat dishonorable parents.

Historical References

Rushdoony's Institutes of Biblical Law, page 173 or 193: Weaver quotes Rushdoony on the lifelong application of the fifth commandment and the necessity of unquestioning obedience in children.
Rushdoony's Institutes of Biblical Law, page 170: Weaver quotes Rushdoony's commentary on Leviticus 19:3, explaining the duty to fear both parents equally and practical implications.

Important Quotes

Obedience is the duty and honor is the disposition. So honor goes beyond obedience.

This succinctly captures the core distinction Weaver makes between outward compliance and inward reverence, which is central to the sermon.

The original command to honor father and mother applies to all of us throughout our lives.

Weaver quotes Rushdoony to establish the lifelong scope of the fifth commandment, a key point in the message.

There is a general sense in which a child's obedience to his parent ceases, but the honor of his parents never ceases.

This clarifies the enduring nature of honor even when the duty of obedience changes with adulthood and marriage.

Children ordinarily fear the father and love the mother. Hence they say precedence is here given to the mother in order to inculcate the duty of fearing them both alike.

Weaver quotes Rushdoony to explain the unusual word order in Leviticus 19:3, reinforcing the equal honor due both parents.

Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth.

The direct quotation of Ephesians 6:2-3, highlighting the unique promise attached to this command.

Without me, you can do how much? Nothing.

Weaver paraphrases John 15:5 to underscore the necessity of divine grace to fulfill the command to honor.

If your enemy hunger, what? Feed him. If he thirst, give him water to drink.

Weaver applies this biblical principle to the difficult situation of honoring abusive or hostile parents, showing that right action is still required.

Discussion Questions

[Question]

What is the difference between obeying and honoring parents, and why is it possible to obey while still dishonoring?

[Context]

Weaver distinguishes obedience as duty and honor as disposition, illustrated by the story of the little girl forced to sit down.

[Question]

In what ways does the command to honor parents continue even after a child marries and leaves home?

[Context]

Weaver explains that while general obedience may cease, honor never does, and adult children must still respect parental authority when visiting.

[Question]

What does it mean to 'leave and cleave' according to Scripture, and how does this relate to honoring parents?

[Context]

Weaver discusses the necessity of establishing a separate home and government while still maintaining honor for parents.

[Question]

Why does Leviticus 19:3 place the mother before the father, and what does this teach about fearing and honoring both parents?

[Context]

Weaver explains that this order emphasizes the equal fear and honor due to both parents, countering the tendency to love mother and fear father.

[Question]

What are some practical ways we can honor our parents in daily life, especially as they age?

[Context]

Weaver lists showing respect, avoiding shame, being sensitive to needs, and expressing love and gratitude.

[Question]

How should we respond to parents who have been dishonorable or abusive, and what limits does God's Word place on that response?

[Context]

Weaver addresses the objection of dishonorable parents, emphasizing that we must still honor the office and do right without harboring bitterness.

[Question]

What is the promise attached to the fifth commandment, and how does it function both supernaturally and naturally?

[Context]

Weaver explains the promise of well-being and long life, rooted in God's blessing and the practical benefits of heeding parental wisdom.

[Question]

Why do we need God's grace to obey the command to honor our parents, and how does God provide that grace?

[Context]

Weaver points to John 15:5 and the pattern of God giving commands, grace to obey, and then rewards, highlighting our dependence on Him.

Applications

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