The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The Family

The Family - Part 10

Transcript: AI Transcript

Professor: John Weaver

Subject: Family Government

Genre: Sermon

Dictation Name:

Date: 2007-11-11

Synopsis: John Weaver expounds Ephesians 6:4, focusing on the negative command to fathers: 'provoke not your children to wrath.' He explains that this paternal command addresses fathers as heads of the home, responsible for teaching and training. The sermon details ways fathers provoke children to immediate anger (unreasonable commands, harshness, partiality, inconsistency, inflexibility, neglect) and delayed anger (failure to discipline, failure to teach a biblical work ethic). Applications call fathers to repent of neglect and to raise disciplined, productive children.

[John Weaver] Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. I'm going to take a few moments to review, and then we're going to get started. Ephesians chapter 6, and let's begin reading there with verse 1. Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou mayst live long on the earth. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

[John Weaver] We've been looking at the biblical doctrine of the family now for at least the last nine weeks. We've covered the dominion aspect of the family. We've covered creation differences. We discussed God's intentional order in the family. We've looked at the role of the wife, and the key word for the wife was submit. We look at the role of the husband and the key word for the husband was to love.

[John Weaver] And of course, I pointed out how these two truths are inseparably bound together, and I've said over and over how easy it is for a woman to be in submission to a man who loves her as Christ loves the church. Then we look at God's directives to children. And we saw that there were two key words for children, obey and honor. And I discussed and shared with you what it means for children to obey and then what it meant for children to honor their parents.

[John Weaver] And by the way, we live in a world today where both of these concepts are absolutely despised. Children do not want to obey and children do not want to honor. In fact, the truth of the matter is most children live in rebellion and disobedience to the plain Word of God. One of the problems that we're facing today is most of our children have never been taught to obey and they've never ever been taught to honor. In fact, they've been neglected, abused, and misused, and basically remain in abysmal, biblical ignorance. They're ignorant of the Word of God. Now, today we're going to look, beginning at verse 4, with God's admonition to the fathers. It's interesting how God has spoken to the wife, to the father, to the children, And now he goes back to the father again. So look in verse 4. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] Now, let me just simply say that Ephesians 6 and verse 4 is very simple and straightforward. It is not a complicated text. It does not take someone with a giant or great intellect to understand Ephesians 6 and verse 4. Its teachings and the implications of verse 4 are very, very simple.

[John Weaver] Now, I'm going to give you only two thoughts. I want to show you out of verse 4, first of all, the recipients of this command, and then secondly, the essence or the elements of this command. Now, I'm only going to be covering actually the negative aspect of the command today. I'll mention this later, and the positive next week. But let's look first at the recipients or the objects of this command. Look in verse 4.

[John Weaver] God specifically says, and ye fathers. Provoke not your children to wrath." Now God then explicitly directs and addresses this command to fathers. Let me point it out, it is specifically a paternal command.

[John Weaver] Now, Paul had a perfectly good word for parents. It's the Greek word genusin, and if you look back in verse 1, he used that word there, children obey your parents, which refers to father and mother. But in verse 4, he specifically uses a Greek word pateres, which relates primarily and distinctly and specifically to fathers. So this command then is addressed Now, why did Paul address this command specifically to fathers?

[John Weaver] Well, let me give you three reasons. First of all, because the husband is the head of the house. Secondly, because God has constituted the husband as the head of the wife. And thirdly, because as head, he is charged with the responsibility of teaching and training his children. In other words, he is responsible for the education and the nurture of the children.

[John Weaver] Now I want you to hold Ephesians chapter 6, but turn over to Colossians chapter 3. Look in Colossians 3, and notice if you would please, beginning there verse 18. Now we read this in Ephesians chapters 5 and 6. Let me just show you how Colossians 3 summarizes what I've just shared with you. Look, if you would, Colossians chapter 3, beginning there with verse 18. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Now watch verse 21.

[John Weaver] Fathers, again specifically addressed to fathers. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

[John Weaver] Now, look back to Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] Now, interestingly, he talks about the fact how children can be provoked to anger and also how children can be provoked to discouragement. And then he singles out the fathers and he tells the fathers specifically not to provoke their children to anger or discouragement. Now, let me just point out the fact, biblically speaking, the fathers have always been in charge of the education, the nurture, the teaching, and the training of the children.

[John Weaver] It was so much so in Bible times that the Apostle Paul used the reality of this truth for an illustration in the Bible. For instance, look back in your Bibles, the 1 Thessalonians, I should say over since you're in Colossians, look in 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 beginning there in verse 10. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10. I want you to look at the reality of this illustration. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10. I'm in 2 Thessalonians, no wonder. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10.

[John Weaver] He says, You are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe. As you know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, help me out now, as a father doth his children."

[John Weaver] Now what did Paul say to these Thessalonians? He said, when we were with you, We lived holily and justly and unblameably. We behaved ourselves among you, and we taught you and we exhorted you and we encouraged you as a father doth his children. So Paul then is using the reality as an illustration in 1 Thessalonians 2. So you can ask this question, who is it that is giving the instruction and the encouragement and the comfort In the text, in 1 Thessalonians 2, it is the father. It's very common in Bible times for the father to instruct his family. Very common during times of revival and awakening for fathers to instruct their family. When fathers fail to teach and fathers fail to instruct and to comfort and educate their children, it's a manifestation of apostasy and rebellion. So let me ask you this question.

[John Weaver] What do you think is going on in our land today? Apostasy and rebellion. So the fact of the matter is this. Most fathers leave all the instruction, all the education, all the correction, all the discipline to the mothers. Basically, they abdicate their headship and their authority. That is why God specifically addresses this command to the fathers. Now, listen. It really boils down to something that is very simple.

[John Weaver] You know what our Lord said in John 14 in verse 15, he said this, if you love me, keep my commandments. And then he said in John 14, verse 21, he that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me. So if fathers really and truly love Christ, they're going to keep his commandments. One of his commandments is that they are to provoke not their children to anger and discouragement, but positively to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] Now, does that mean that the father has to do absolutely everything? And the answer is no. Your wife and the mother of your children may work with you, may work under you, and sometimes may even work for you, but it does mean that the father is still responsible for the teaching, for the instruction, for the encouragement, for the comforting of the children. So that's why in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, Paul starts out, and ye fathers. So it is a paternal command directed to the fathers specifically. Now go back in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4 because I want to begin with the second point and that is the essence of this command.

[John Weaver] And I told you earlier I'm going to break this command into two parts, the negative and the positive, and we're just going to be covering the negative aspect today. We'll cover the positive next Lord's Day. But notice verse four of Ephesians chapter six. Can you fathers provoke not your children to wrath? That is a mouthful in and of itself. It is a negative injunction. It is a negative command. Here is something that God is commanding us as fathers not to do. The positive is that we're to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. But today I'm dwelling on the negative. Now, look what he says in verse four. And you fathers provoke not your children to wrath. Now, the Greek word for provoke is perorgizo. The word orge is a word for wrath or anger. And it literally means to anger, to provoke to wrath, to rouse to wrath, to provoke, or to exasperate. You know, it's interesting, of course, I know it's a Hebrew word in the Old Testament, but you remember over and over how Israel provoked God?

[John Weaver] How they exasperated Him? And several times he told Moses, step aside. I want to kill all these people and I'll raise up of you a great nation in their stead. And Moses would fall on his face and say, Lord God, remember your promise to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Lord, don't do this. The Egyptians will say, Lord, you brought them out here in the wilderness just to kill them. And there were other times. When Moses got so provoked and exasperated, he'd say, Lord, kill them all. And God would say, Moses, remember now, as someone aptly said, if God and Moses ever got together, there wouldn't have been one of them left. But they provoked God.

[John Weaver] And now here's this word. Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. What God is saying is this. that fathers are not to irritate and anger their children beyond measure. Please listen carefully to what I'm about to say. Here is what God is not saying and not commanding. God is not commanding fathers to never make their children angry. He is not commanding fathers to never to do anything that would displease their children. He is not saying fathers do not ever disagree with them. That is not what He is saying. Certainly, Your children are probably going to be angry with you to some extent if you discipline them biblically. They're going to be angry with you to some extent if you don't allow them to have their way. They're going to be angry with you to some extent if you don't let them and allow them to do their thing. So God is not telling us, as fathers, never to anger our children, never displead them, and never disagree with them. No, no, no. What God is saying is that we are not to provoke them to unnecessary, needless, and useless anger and discouragement.

[John Weaver] That's why He said in Colossians 3 in verse 21, and you fathers, Provoke not your children to anger and discouragement. So anger and discouragement can also go together.

[John Weaver] Now, the Greek word for discouragement is the word Athumeo, which means to be discouraged. It means to be disheartened, dispirited, or as you and I would say, broken in spirit. A whipped dog, so to speak. Paul realized that since the husband and the father was the head of the house, and since he was the head of the wife, that his authority toward his wife could be misused and abused and perverted.

[John Weaver] That's why he said, husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. But that same authority as head of the family and head of the home could also be misused and abused toward the children, and that's why Paul directs this specifically to the fathers and says, you fathers, provoke not your children to rap. What is he saying? He is saying, fathers, listen to me. He says, you don't rule your children in a fleshly, carnal way. You rule them according to the word of God and according to the Holy Spirit. So the rule of the father toward the wife and toward the children is to be one of biblical love and one of biblical principle. Now, he said, and you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.

[John Weaver] And then in Colossians 3 verse 21, he added discouragement. Let me just spend the rest of my time this morning talking about how we can provoke our children. You know, I usually joke when I read that text in Hebrews chapter 10, when it says that we're to be careful that we provoke each other to love and good works. And I tell folks that usually what we do is rather just provoke each other. We don't provoke each other to love and good works. We just provoke. Well, when God says, provoke not your children to anger and discouragement, you've got to realize there can be an immediate anger and discouragement. But there can also be a delayed anger and discouragement. So when God forbids us to provoke our children to unnecessary, needless anger and discouragement, it would include not only immediate anger and discouragement, but also delayed anger and discouragement.

[John Weaver] So let me answer this question first. How do we as fathers Provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement. Well, let me give you several ways. First, we may provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement by the unreasonableness of our commands. By the unreasonableness of our commands. When we expect our children to follow and obey and accomplish that which is unreasonable, We build up immediate bitterness, anger, and resentment and discouragement. When I talk about unreasonableness in our commands, how in the world can we expect children to do that which is over and above and beyond their ability, either physically, mentally, or emotionally?

[John Weaver] You know, it'd be one thing for me to look at Tripp, who is 16, and say, unload that feed for me. Which comes in 80 to 100 pound bags. Then for me to look at a little 7 year old child and say unload that feed for me. And I come back an hour later and it's not unloaded and rather it's spilled everywhere. Why would I get upset with a child that's 7 years old that can't lift a 100 pound bag?

[John Weaver] You see what I'm saying? We can be unreasonable in what we expect of our children. You don't expect a child to act like a teenager, and you don't expect a teenager to act like an adult. One of my teachers used to say this, good men are always reasonable. And if we're going to be good men toward our children, we've got to expect to understand that they expect us to give them reasonable commands. We have to emulate God, our Heavenly Father, when we rule over our children. Does God ever require us or expect us to do that which is unreasonable or unjust? What's the answer? No. And have you ever noticed this? Whenever God commanded anyone in Scripture To do that which seemingly was above or beyond or over his abilities, what did God do? God supernaturally empowered and enabled that individual to accomplish what he commanded. So all I'm trying to say is this. If we're not going to provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement, we cannot be unreasonable with them in our commands.

[John Weaver] We must act as reasonable fathers, reasonable husbands, reasonable individuals. And if we ever expect our children to do that which they cannot do, we must be there to help them do it and to show them it can be done with the help of their father.

[John Weaver] Secondly, We can provoke our children to immediate anger by the harshness of our rule. Let me just say this about fathers and two fathers. Fathers are not to be cold hearted tyrants. Fathers are not to be cold hearted tyrants demanding that their children bend and bow and obey every demand or else. Let me ask you a question. Think about this. Have there ever been times in your life, even as an adult?

[John Weaver] Where although you had the ability to do something. You were too sick to do it. Sure. Let me ask that you turn in your Bible to Psalm 103. Remember now, God is our heavenly father. We're to emulate him and his fatherhood toward us. Look in Psalm 103 and look at verses 13 and 14. Psalm 103 verses 13 and 14. These are two of my favorite verses. And I have used these verses so many times it is unbelievable. Notice Psalm 103 beginning there verse 13. Like as a father pitieth his children, So the Lord pities them that fear him.

[John Weaver] For he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust. Note, like as a father pities his children, so the Lord pities them that fear him. Like as a father does what? He pities his children. So the Lord pities them that fear him. Why? He knows our frame. He remembers that we're dust. In other words, there may be times when we are not able to do things that we normally could do and would do.

[John Weaver] And we cannot act as a tyrant and just simply say you will do this or else. Like as a father pities his children, so the Lord pities them. that fear Him. We've got to understand that our children are flesh and blood as well, and they are weak at times. One of the problems that we have as fathers is many times we are quick to discipline and quick to whip, but slow to show love and compassion and concern. Let me put it like this. We cannot punish a child. Just because we want to be feared and just because we want to demonstrate how demanding we really are.

[John Weaver] Let me ask you this question. When's the last time you showered your child with hugs and kisses? When's the last time you told them that you love them? that you appreciate them. Let me tell you something, and I'll deal with this later on, but a child is willing to receive discipline from someone when that child knows that someone really loves them, really is concerned about them, and really has their best interest at heart.

[John Weaver] You see, we can be So demanding at times. You know, I remember as a child. I got two whippings. And I could not figure out why I got a whipping. I mean, one of them. I said a word. And my daddy jerked me up with me, but I was in a barber shop. And the barber was teasing with me, and I was teasing with him. And we were saying words that rhymed, and I said one that rhymed, but I didn't know what it meant.

[John Weaver] And my dad certainly whipped me. And I never could figure out, why did he whip me? He didn't tell me what I said was a bad word. He whipped me for saying it. Another time my father whipped me, it was two o'clock in the morning. You see, on the farm, we had to get up at two o'clock in the morning many times during the summer, work in the barn until daylight, and go work in the fields then until dark. And all I remember was my mother shaking me and saying, your dad's coming in here with a switch to whip you. He's been in here three times to get you up. What? I never knew it. He never woke me up.

[John Weaver] He may have thought he did. But the time I jumped up, pulled on my pants and ran outside, he met me with a switch. And I thought, why is he whipping me? He should have awakened me. I was willing to obey him. But thankfully, after the second swat, the switch broke. And I never really got a whipping. I just had to get on out there and go to work.

[John Weaver] Now, all I'm saying is, you can be unreasonable, you can be extremely harsh, And that's what God is saying. Don't provoke your children to needless and unnecessary anger. Thirdly, we can provoke our children to immediate anger by showing partiality. Have you ever noticed that some people will whip one child for doing something? And then when the next child does it. They don't get disciplined, they don't get well.

[John Weaver] Why would a parent do that? If you were to ask the parents, if I were to ask Dean, do you love Lacey more than Tripp? What's he going to say? No. What would you say, Tripp? You see what I'm saying? Now, let's be honest. Listen to this. A father and a mother is going to do exactly what they're going to do, usually for each child. OK, now listen to me.

[John Weaver] But what is it that governs fathers and mothers, particularly sometimes when it should not? It is their feelings and their emotions. You can be on edge as a father. You can be stressed out as a father, as a mother, and your child do some little thing and you will jerk him up and punish him. Why? Because of your own feelings. Not because that child has really done something worthy of of being spanked for, but sometimes you can be in such a good mood, nothing affects you, and the child can do something wrong, and guess what? You let it go. And when you've already whipped one child for doing that same thing, and you let it go on the other child, then the one that got whipped says, uh-huh, my dad loves that one more than me. Or my dad favors that one more than me.

[John Weaver] And you're going to find that the child is going to become quickly angry and quickly discouraged. All I'm going to say right now is this. I'm going to cover it later. But discipline cannot be based upon our feelings. It cannot be based upon our moods. It has to be based upon the word of God. Period. It's principles that count, not our feelings.

[John Weaver] Fourthly, We provoke our children to anger and discouragement by inconsistency in our examples. When I'm talking about inconsistency, I could sit here and preach all day on this. But let me give you an illustration. We try to teach our children the value of truth. How important principles are. We try to teach them how precious truth really is. And then there will come a circumstance, there will come a situation in our lives, and we'll deny the very truth that we've been trying to teach our children. We become pragmatic.

[John Weaver] I find it interesting that some parents will say how absolutely necessary it is to worship the Lord and be faithful to the house of God, and yet when it's inconvenient for them to attend, they'll willingly lay out. Sometime to watch a ball game. Sometime to go fishing. Or hunting or something else. In other words, you're trying to teach your children one thing, but they look at you and see something entirely different. We teach our children to tie. I want to teach them not only tie, to be generous and gracious and share. And then what do they see you do sometime? They see you to be unwilling The tithe unwilling to share and willing to give.

[John Weaver] And they think, well, you know. Dad, mom really don't believe what they're teaching us. And they see the inconsistency in our lives. We try to teach our children to forgive each other, to kiss and make up. I remember as a boy, I hated to have to kiss my sister. I'd rather take a whippet. But you know what? We try to teach our children to forgive, to kiss and make up.

[John Weaver] And then what do they do? They see mom and dad mad at each other day after day and won't even speak to each other. And then they begin to think, well, there's just Hypocrites, they don't really believe what they're teaching us. So we can provoke them to immediate anger and discouragement by inconsistency in our examples. Fifthly, we provoke them to immediate anger and discouragement by inflexibility in our rule. Let me explain what I mean by inflexibility.

[John Weaver] Oftentimes, we try to portray the idea to our children that we're never wrong. And that we are right in every instance. The truth of the matter is. We're often wrong. As parents, we're often wrong, and sometimes as parents. Especially fathers. We let our mouths overload our brains. And we say things that we should never have said. The truth is, when we're wrong, we need to correct it. We need to apologize. We need to make things right.

[John Weaver] Most of you know, I have identical twin girls. I confess I flipped the wrong one. My wife has whipped the wrong one. I've whipped one of my daughters when she's telling me, but Daddy, I'm not, I'm Laura, I'm not Leah, I'm Laura, I'm not Leah. Yeah, yeah, I know better than that. Yeah, and I've whipped the wrong one. But secretly I said to myself, well, I'm just getting you for something I don't know about because I'm sure you've done something. But then I would still have to apologize to her and say, Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart. I really thought you were the other one. But let me tell you, do you understand when we're wrong and when we're, by the way, our children know when we're wrong. They know. If they're not little teeny tiny kids, they know when we're wrong. And the right thing to do is to apologize and ask their forgiveness. And when we do what is right, we will earn their respect. But if we try to pretend like we're never wrong, we always do that which is right.

[John Weaver] Then we're going to provoke them to anger and discouragement. And by the way, when we are wrong and we do confess and apologize and make things right, what are we doing? We're teaching them how to handle things when they're wrong. So when we try to be inflexible in our rule and say, I'm the parent, I'm always right. No, we're not always right. And so we can provoke them to anger and discouragement by inflexibility in our rule. Sixthly, we can provoke them to anger and immediate discouragement by neglecting them.

[John Weaver] Let me just cover this momentarily. Do you realize that most parents neglect their children? I'm not talking about not feeding them, not clothing them, but they neglect their children for their work, for their friends, for their own entertainment. In other words, we oftentimes let those things interfere with our children. I understand that work is absolutely necessary. I understand that. But many times we use it as an excuse. I'll tell you this.

[John Weaver] It was funny when I was grown, but it wasn't funny when I was a child. I went home one summer to visit mother and dad. Dad was still farming. And I got to the house, I guess it was mid-morning. And dad came out and came in from the field, rather, and he said, well, son, he said, come on, I want to take you fishing this afternoon. I was taken aback. I said, what? I said, you mean you took off work to take me fishing? Now, remember, I'm already grown, married, got my own children. Yeah, he said. That's what I did, took off work, take you fishing. I said, well that's great, I want to go. I said, but I've got one question to ask you.

[John Weaver] Why couldn't you have done this when I was a boy? I said, why do we have to work all the time? Of course he said, well we had to work hard then so I could have it now. I said, yes sir, I understand, but I still went fishing with him.

[John Weaver] Now, the point I'm trying to make is many times we don't have to do a lot of things. We do them because we want to do them. Entertainment. Friends. Let me just simply say this. I know not everybody here has small children. Some of you are going to have small children in the near future. But let me say this, we only have one opportunity. To teach our children.

[John Weaver] And if we lose it. Let me assure you that someone else will teach your children. And you will not be pleased with their education. And I'll tell you something else. You're going to look around one day. And wonder where all your children are. Because you're going to find out your children are grown and gone. They're married. You've got one opportunity to enjoy your children and you better enjoy them. You better make the most of it. Because soon, too soon, they'll be grown and gone. Alice can tell you I've looked at her numerous times and said, where in the world have all the years gone. Seems like just yesterday we were married. Just yesterday we had little children. Now the youngest grandchild is 14 going on 20. I mean, come on.

[John Weaver] You understand what I'm saying? Let's not neglect our children. I'm sure there are plenty of other ways that we can provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement. Those are just some of them. But very quickly, let me give you two ways that you can provoke your children to delayed anger and delayed discouragement. What I mean by delayed anger, delayed discouragement is it will only come to pass probably after they're grown. The first way you can provoke your child or children to delay anger and discouragement is by failure to discipline them. A failure to discipline them.

[John Weaver] Interestingly, children that have never been made to mind shoulder responsibility and are not consistently corrected usually grow up to be shiftless, irresponsible, worthless individuals. The Bible refers to such a child as a child left to himself. If you look in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs chapter 29 and verse 15. Proverbs 29 verse 15. Here's what the Bible says. Proverbs 29 verse 15. Listen carefully now.

[John Weaver] Talk about a failure to discipline. The Bible says the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother ashamed. A child left to himself. Let me explain something that you have not put two and two together. Here it is. A child had much rather have his own way than the way of discipline and correction and responsibility. Let me say it another way. A child had much rather play than work. A child would much rather have anything other than discipline and responsibility. Do you realize children left to themselves become demanding, unruly, intempered or ill-tempered and manipulating adults who connive, banter and agitate to get their own way.

[John Weaver] They can make their husband or their wife or their family's life a living hell on earth. Why? Because they were never disciplined. No one wants to be around a selfish, demanding, impudent child. And no one wants to be around an adult who has those same characteristics because that adult was never corrected and disciplined as a child. And when those children get grown, And they realize they know nothing about self-discipline and self-government.

[John Weaver] Their lives are basically ruined. There's going to be a delayed anger and discouragement against their parents. And they will say, my parents should have disciplined me. They should have taught me. They should have corrected me. And they are going to become extremely angry, bitter, resentful individuals. Secondly, you can provoke your child to delayed anger and discouragement by a failure to teach him to work. We must learn the importance and the necessity of work. You must remember that work took place before the fall. Adam had to work the garden. Work only became onerous and difficult because of the fall when the ground was cursed for man's sake. Let me just tell you one of the main losses in today's society is the loss of a biblical work ethic.

[John Weaver] Let me spell it out. Everybody wants a paycheck, but nobody wants to work. The welfare system in this country has taught this generation that it is possible to get money without honest labor. If you do not teach your child the value of work, the honorableness of work, the rewards of work, and the rewards for diligent and faithful labor, then you failed in your task as the parent.

[John Weaver] Let me tell you what the old scholars used to say. Listen carefully, and I can tell you this is true. The old scholars used to say a man who will not teach his child the law that is God's law at a trade. Teaches him to be a liar and a thief.

[John Weaver] Now you stop and think about that. A man who will not teach his son or his child, the law, God's law, what God's law says, and how he's to live, and a trade that is teaching him to work, teaches his son to be a liar and a thief. And we've got a whole generation of individuals like that. Let me just show you what the Bible says. Turn in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs chapter 10.

[John Weaver] Let me take you through several verses. The Bible emphasizes this so heavily. Notice in Proverbs 10 and verse 4. Notice what the Bible talks about diligence and work. Proverbs 10 verse 4. The Bible says he becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich. What is it that makes a man poor? Slackness, being a sluggard, being lazy, being indolent. He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

[John Weaver] In other words, there are rewards for honest labor. Look in Proverbs 12 and verse 24. Proverbs 12 verse 24. The hand of the diligent shall bear rule. But the slothful shall be under tribute. Have you ever noticed? People who work at jobs. Usually take one or two attitudes. The majority attitude is this, well I'm here and I'm going to get a paycheck and I'm going to do what I need to do just to get by. They're not going to do anything special. They're not going to go out of their way. They're going to do what they need to do just to maintain their job and just to get that paycheck. are going to be diligent. They're not only going to do their work, they're going to do it well. They're going to go over and above and beyond what they're required to do. And guess what?

[John Weaver] Pretty soon those men are made managers. Or something else. What does the Bible say? Look at it again. Proverbs 12, verse 24. The hand of the diligent shall bear rule. But the slothful shall be under tribute. Look in your Bibles to Proverbs 12 and verse 27. Proverbs 12 verse 27. This always gets me. The slothful man, that is the lazy man, roasteth not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious. What does God say about a man who will not even take care of the game that he's killed? If you're too lazy to take care of game that you kill, you should be too lazy to hunt. The lazy man, the slothful man roasted not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious. In other words, the man that's diligent, he's going to take care of whatever he kills in hunting to make sure that he gets the most out of it. Look in Proverbs 13 in verse 4.

[John Weaver] The soul of the slugger desireth and hath nothing. But the soul of the diligent shall be made fat. The soul of the sluggard is art that hath nothing." Listen, in our town, as well as every town I've ever been in, there's a section of the town that you can go by, and I can show you several sections in our hometown, several sections where you can go by any time, day or night, and there are men and women Sitting around doing nothing. Drinking maybe. Smoking maybe. Got a garbage can there for a fire in the winter time. But they're there all day and most all night.

[John Weaver] You know what they'll do? They will sit there. I've never hit a lick of a snake. And you let a nice car go by and hear that man say, I sure would like to have a car like that. But he'll never have one. You know why? He's too lazy to work. The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing. But he goes on to say, for the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.

[John Weaver] Look, if you would please, at Proverbs 21 and verse 5. Proverbs 21, verse 5. Here it is. The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness. But of everyone that is hasty only to want. The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness. In other words, the diligent man is thinking. He's planning ahead. Look, if you would, in Proverbs 22 and verse 29. Proverbs 22, verse 29. Seest thou a man diligent in his business?

[John Weaver] He shall stand before kings. He shall not stand before mean men. What is God saying? The man that is diligent, the man that has a biblical work ethic, the man that knows how to think and plan, that man is going to stand before kings. In other words, he's going to be a man of importance and a man of position. He's not going to stand before mean men.

[John Weaver] Look, if you would, to Proverbs 27 and verse 23. I do like this passage. Proverbs 27 verse 23. Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well to thy herds. So a diligent man is going to take care of his animals. He's going to know their state. He's going to know everything about them.

[John Weaver] Now, I'm just trying to show you what God says about a biblical work ethic. Let me give you a first hand illustration. Most of you know. One who has been taught to work, to value work, to enjoy the labors of his work. The rewards of them is someone who usually labors honestly and diligently, and he appreciates everything that God brings into his hands. Since I was raised on the farm, I had to work. And I had to work hard.

[John Weaver] But when I was a boy and a teenager, it was Johnny, get your gun before daylight and during the summer until dark. And you remember during summertime, it doesn't get dark about eight or nine o'clock. And we were in the fields until then. Consequently, I never played football. I never played basketball. I never played. I didn't play any of those games. And the reason I didn't play any of those games was because I always had to go home and work.

[John Weaver] I was on the track team only temporarily, but that was it. Work cut that short as well. But I had a school friend. We were in the same grade. His father was a farmer, same as mine. In fact, only lived a few miles from us. But this man's son was captain of the football team, captain of the baseball team, captain of the basketball team. He was captain of anything and everything. He was captain of it. Which meant he stayed after school, he played, he practiced, he was always away at the games. One day I called his father and I asked his father this question. I want to know how, and I call the boy's name, is able to play all of these games and stay after school and do all these extracurricular activities. I said, I know you're a farmer and I know you need help. And I mean, I felt my father, I mean, why is it that he can do all this? And I never will forget what his father told me. He said, well, and his father was one hard working man.

[John Weaver] I'll have to admit that. His father said, well, when I was a boy, I had to work all the time. He said, I never got to play, never got to do anything I wanted to do. He said, I just had to work. He said, so I made up my mind that when I got grown and I had a son, if my son wanted to play, he could play whatever he wanted to play, and I was going to let him do it.

[John Weaver] That was music to my ears. I went to my father. And I told my father what his friend and what his neighbor said. And I never will forget what my dad did. He just shook his head. And he looked at me and said, son. You can live your whole life without learning to play. But you can't live your life without learning to work. He said work is more important than play.

[John Weaver] And I need you to help me here. And you need to learn to work. More than you need to learn to play. I'll tell you as a teenager, I did not appreciate that answer because I had much rather played than worked. However. Since I'm an adult. I understand what my dad was saying. Years passed, and I finally met my old school friend again. Had a conversation with him.

[John Weaver] I remember he was captain of the football team, captain of the baseball team, captain of this, captain of that. Come to find out my friend had been married and divorced. I don't know how many times. He could not keep a job. He could not hold a job. And the job that he had when I met him was very quickly terminated because he stole $10,000 of the city's money and ran off. You know, it's amazing since I've been grown, how much I have observed the wisdom of my father.

[John Weaver] I didn't think he was too wise when I was a boy. But now that I'm grown, I understand exactly what he was saying. And here's a perfect illustration of someone who learned to play, but he never learned to work. I understand the importance of rest and relaxation, I understand that. But you've got to understand this. There's a time when work becomes far more important than play. Look in your Bibles very quickly to Proverbs 10. Look in Proverbs 10 and verse five. Look what the Bible says. Proverbs 10, verse five. He that gathereth in summer is a wise son, but he that sleepeth and harvests is a son that calls the shame. He that gathereth In summer's a wise son. What is he doing?

[John Weaver] To use the old adage down south, he's making hay while the sun shines. He's getting the fruits of his labors while he can get them. But he that sleeps during harvest is a son that calls the chain. In other words, you can rest and relax later when what needs to be done is done, but it's not the time to rest and relax when the harvest is coming in. There's a time to work and there's a time to relax, but the time to work takes precedence over the time to relax.

[John Weaver] Look in Proverbs 13 and verse 18, Proverbs 13, verse 18. Notice what the Bible says. Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuses instruction, but he that regarded their proof shall be honored. So if you don't listen to your parents, you don't get poverty and shame. Then look in Proverbs 19 and verse 26. Here is the result of a child that's never been disciplined. Here's the result of a child that's never been taught to work. Notice Proverbs chapter 19 and verse 26. Here it is. He that wasted his father and chastened away his mother is a son that causes shame and brings reproach.

[John Weaver] And how many of you know families? with grown sons and daughters who can't work, who won't work, and all they do is try to spoil and take everything their parents have ever earned and worked for. How can you provoke your children to delayed anger and discouragement? By failing to teach them to work. and by failing to discipline them so that they can have the discipline required as an adult. Two quick applications.

[John Weaver] The first one is this. If you will observe our society, fathers have not taken this command seriously. Provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Fathers have not taken this command seriously. They neglected their children and doing so, they have needlessly provoked them to anger and discouragement. And as fathers who have done that, we must repent, we shall repent.

[John Weaver] And seek the Lord's forgiveness and correct anything that we can correct. I hope you see, in our day and time, the absolute result of failing to discipline our children and failing to teach them the biblical work ethic. Please listen to this. If you do not have self-discipline, if you do not have self-control, if you do not know how to work, you just cannot function in society. Period. You must know how to work if we're going to raise thankful, productive Christian children. We must teach them discipline. And we must teach them work. And ye fathers. Provoke not your children to wrath. Here's the positive in our Lord will cover it next week, but raise them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Let's pray.

[John Weaver] Father, we do ask in the name of Jesus Christ for your grace and mercy in our lives. Lord, help us to obey this command. Help us, Lord, to see where we failed and help us to repent. And Lord, those young men and women who are not yet married and not yet fathers and mothers, help them, Lord, to learn these principles now. Embrace them in their hearts so that they may raise their children as fruitful, productive Christians who will honor and glorify Thee in Thy Word. Give us, Lord, Your grace and Your mercy. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray, Amen.

The Family - Part 10

John Weaver | SermonAudio

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	SermonAudio
Media ID	121107161308
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The Family
Genre	Sermon
Date	2007-11-11
Dictation Name
Book	Book 035: The Family — Chapter 10
Source Timed Segments	84

Formatted Transcript

Introduction and Review

Weaver reviews the series on the biblical family, covering roles of wives (submit), husbands (love), and children (obey, honor). He introduces Ephesians 6:4 as the focus for today.

Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. I'm going to take a few moments to review, and then we're going to get started. Ephesians chapter 6, and let's begin reading there with verse 1.

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1-4

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

We've been looking at the biblical doctrine of the family now for at least the last nine weeks. We've covered the dominion aspect of the family. We've covered creation differences. We discussed God's intentional order in the family. We've looked at the role of the wife, and the key word for the wife was submit. We looked at the role of the husband and the key word for the husband was to love. And of course, I pointed out how these two truths are inseparably bound together, and I've said over and over how easy it is for a woman to be in submission to a man who loves her as Christ loves the church. Then we looked at God's directives to children. And we saw that there were two key words for children, obey and honor. And I discussed and shared with you what it means for children to obey and then what it meant for children to honor their parents.

The Recipients of the Command: Fathers

The command is specifically addressed to fathers (Greek pateres), not parents generally, because the father is head of the house, head of the wife, and charged with teaching and training children.

Now, I'm going to give you only two thoughts. I want to show you out of verse 4, first of all, the recipients of this command, and then secondly, the essence or the elements of this command. Now, I'm only going to be covering actually the negative aspect of the command today. I'll mention this later, and the positive next week. But let's look first at the recipients or the objects of this command. Look in verse 4. God specifically says, "And ye fathers. Provoke not your children to wrath." Now God then explicitly directs and addresses this command to fathers. Let me point it out, it is specifically a paternal command.

Now, Paul had a perfectly good word for parents. It's the Greek word goneusin, and if you look back in verse 1, he used that word there, "children obey your parents," which refers to father and mother. But in verse 4, he specifically uses a Greek word pateres, which relates primarily and distinctly and specifically to fathers. So this command then is addressed to fathers. Now, why did Paul address this command specifically to fathers? Well, let me give you three reasons. First of all, because the husband is the head of the house. Secondly, because God has constituted the husband as the head of the wife. And thirdly, because as head, he is charged with the responsibility of teaching and training his children. In other words, he is responsible for the education and the nurture of the children.

Now I want you to hold Ephesians chapter 6, but turn over to Colossians chapter 3. Look in Colossians 3, and notice if you would please, beginning there verse 18. Now we read this in Ephesians chapters 5 and 6. Let me just show you how Colossians 3 summarizes what I've just shared with you. Look, if you would, Colossians chapter 3, beginning there with verse 18.

Scripture Reading — Colossians 3:18-21

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord."

Now watch verse 21.

"Fathers," again specifically addressed to fathers. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."

Biblical Basis for Paternal Responsibility

Paul uses the father's role in instruction as an illustration in 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12. Fathers' failure to teach is a sign of apostasy and rebellion.

It was so much so in Bible times that the Apostle Paul used the reality of this truth for an illustration in the Bible. For instance, look back in your Bibles, the 1 Thessalonians, I should say over since you're in Colossians, look in 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 beginning there in verse 10. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10. I want you to look at the reality of this illustration. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10. I'm in 2 Thessalonians, no wonder. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10.

He says, "You are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe. As you know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, help me out now, as a father doth his children." Now what did Paul say to these Thessalonians? He said, when we were with you, we lived holily and justly and unblameably. We behaved ourselves among you, and we taught you and we exhorted you and we encouraged you as a father doth his children. So Paul then is using the reality as an illustration in 1 Thessalonians 2. So you can ask this question, who is it that is giving the instruction and the encouragement and the comfort? In the text, in 1 Thessalonians 2, it is the father. It's very common in Bible times for the father to instruct his family. Very common during times of revival and awakening for fathers to instruct their family. When fathers fail to teach and fathers fail to instruct and to comfort and educate their children, it's a manifestation of apostasy and rebellion. So let me ask you this question.

What do you think is going on in our land today? Apostasy and rebellion. So the fact of the matter is this. Most fathers leave all the instruction, all the education, all the correction, all the discipline to the mothers. Basically, they abdicate their headship and their authority. That is why God specifically addresses this command to the fathers. Now, listen. It really boils down to something that is very simple.

The Essence of the Command: Negative Aspect

The negative command is 'provoke not your children to wrath.' The Greek word parorgizo means to exasperate or anger beyond measure. God does not forbid all anger, but unnecessary, needless provocation.

And I told you earlier I'm going to break this command into two parts, the negative and the positive, and we're just going to be covering the negative aspect today. We'll cover the positive next Lord's Day. But notice verse four of Ephesians chapter six. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." That is a mouthful in and of itself. It is a negative injunction. It is a negative command. Here is something that God is commanding us as fathers not to do. The positive is that we're to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. But today I'm dwelling on the negative. Now, look what he says in verse four. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." Now, the Greek word for provoke is parorgizo. The word orge is a word for wrath or anger. And it literally means to anger, to provoke to wrath, to rouse to wrath, to provoke, or to exasperate. You know, it's interesting, of course, I know it's a Hebrew word in the Old Testament, but you remember over and over how Israel provoked God?

How they exasperated Him? And several times He told Moses, "Step aside. I want to kill all these people and I'll raise up of you a great nation in their stead." And Moses would fall on his face and say, "Lord God, remember your promise to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Lord, don't do this. The Egyptians will say, Lord, you brought them out here in the wilderness just to kill them." And there were other times when Moses got so provoked and exasperated, he'd say, "Lord, kill them all." And God would say, "Moses, remember now," as someone aptly said, "if God and Moses ever got together, there wouldn't have been one of them left." But they provoked God. And now here's this word. "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." What God is saying is this, that fathers are not to irritate and anger their children beyond measure. Please listen carefully to what I'm about to say. Here is what God is not saying and not commanding. God is not commanding fathers to never make their children angry. He is not commanding fathers to never to do anything that would displease their children. He is not saying fathers do not ever disagree with them. That is not what He is saying. Certainly, your children are probably going to be angry with you to some extent if you discipline them biblically. They're going to be angry with you to some extent if you don't allow them to have their way. They're going to be angry with you to some extent if you don't let them and allow them to do their thing. So God is not telling us, as fathers, never to anger our children, never displease them, and never disagree with them. No, no, no. What God is saying is that we are not to provoke them to unnecessary, needless, and useless anger and discouragement.

That's why He said in Colossians 3 in verse 21, "And you fathers, provoke not your children to anger and discouragement." So anger and discouragement can also go together.

Ways Fathers Provoke Immediate Anger

Six ways: unreasonable commands, harshness of rule, showing partiality, inconsistency in example, inflexibility in rule, and neglecting children.

So let me answer this question first. How do we as fathers provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement? Well, let me give you several ways. First, we may provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement by the unreasonableness of our commands. By the unreasonableness of our commands. When we expect our children to follow and obey and accomplish that which is unreasonable, we build up immediate bitterness, anger, and resentment and discouragement. When I talk about unreasonableness in our commands, how in the world can we expect children to do that which is over and above and beyond their ability, either physically, mentally, or emotionally?

You know, it'd be one thing for me to look at Tripp, who is 16, and say, "Unload that feed for me," which comes in 80 to 100 pound bags. Then for me to look at a little 7 year old child and say, "Unload that feed for me." And I come back an hour later and it's not unloaded and rather it's spilled everywhere. Why would I get upset with a child that's 7 years old that can't lift a 100 pound bag? You see what I'm saying? We can be unreasonable in what we expect of our children. You don't expect a child to act like a teenager, and you don't expect a teenager to act like an adult. One of my teachers used to say this, "Good men are always reasonable." And if we're going to be good men toward our children, we've got to expect to understand that they expect us to give them reasonable commands. We have to emulate God, our Heavenly Father, when we rule over our children. Does God ever require us or expect us to do that which is unreasonable or unjust? What's the answer? No. And have you ever noticed this? Whenever God commanded anyone in Scripture to do that which seemingly was above or beyond or over his abilities, what did God do? God supernaturally empowered and enabled that individual to accomplish what he commanded. So all I'm trying to say is this. If we're not going to provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement, we cannot be unreasonable with them in our commands.

We must act as reasonable fathers, reasonable husbands, reasonable individuals. And if we ever expect our children to do that which they cannot do, we must be there to help them do it and to show them it can be done with the help of their father. Secondly, we can provoke our children to immediate anger by the harshness of our rule. Let me just say this about fathers and to fathers. Fathers are not to be cold hearted tyrants. Fathers are not to be cold hearted tyrants demanding that their children bend and bow and obey every demand or else. Let me ask you a question. Think about this. Have there ever been times in your life, even as an adult?

Where although you had the ability to do something, you were too sick to do it. Sure. Let me ask that you turn in your Bible to Psalm 103. Remember now, God is our heavenly father. We're to emulate him and his fatherhood toward us. Look in Psalm 103 and look at verses 13 and 14. Psalm 103 verses 13 and 14. These are two of my favorite verses. And I have used these verses so many times it is unbelievable. Notice Psalm 103 beginning there verse 13.

Scripture Reading — Psalm 103:13-14

"Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him."

"For he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust." Note, "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him." Like as a father does what? He pitieth his children. So the Lord pitieth them that fear him. Why? He knows our frame. He remembers that we're dust. In other words, there may be times when we are not able to do things that we normally could do and would do.

And we cannot act as a tyrant and just simply say you will do this or else. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him." We've got to understand that our children are flesh and blood as well, and they are weak at times. One of the problems that we have as fathers is many times we are quick to discipline and quick to whip, but slow to show love and compassion and concern. Let me put it like this. We cannot punish a child just because we want to be feared and just because we want to demonstrate how demanding we really are. Let me ask you this question. When's the last time you showered your child with hugs and kisses? When's the last time you told them that you love them, that you appreciate them? Let me tell you something, and I'll deal with this later on, but a child is willing to receive discipline from someone when that child knows that someone really loves them, really is concerned about them, and really has their best interest at heart.

You see, we can be so demanding at times. You know, I remember as a child, I got two whippings. And I could not figure out why I got a whipping. I mean, one of them, I said a word. And my daddy jerked me up with me, but I was in a barber shop. And the barber was teasing with me, and I was teasing with him. And we were saying words that rhymed, and I said one that rhymed, but I didn't know what it meant.

And my dad certainly whipped me. And I never could figure out, why did he whip me? He didn't tell me what I said was a bad word. He whipped me for saying it. Another time my father whipped me, it was two o'clock in the morning. You see, on the farm, we had to get up at two o'clock in the morning many times during the summer, work in the barn until daylight, and go work in the fields then until dark. And all I remember was my mother shaking me and saying, "Your dad's coming in here with a switch to whip you. He's been in here three times to get you up." What? I never knew it. He never woke me up.

He may have thought he did. But the time I jumped up, pulled on my pants and ran outside, he met me with a switch. And I thought, why is he whipping me? He should have awakened me. I was willing to obey him. But thankfully, after the second swat, the switch broke. And I never really got a whipping. I just had to get on out there and go to work.

Now, all I'm saying is, you can be unreasonable, you can be extremely harsh, and that's what God is saying. Don't provoke your children to needless and unnecessary anger. Thirdly, we can provoke our children to immediate anger by showing partiality. Have you ever noticed that some people will whip one child for doing something? And then when the next child does it, they don't get disciplined, they don't get whipped. Why would a parent do that? If you were to ask the parents, if I were to ask Dean, "Do you love Lacey more than Tripp?" What's he going to say? No. What would you say, Tripp? You see what I'm saying? Now, let's be honest. Listen to this. A father and a mother is going to do exactly what they're going to do, usually for each child. OK, now listen to me.

But what is it that governs fathers and mothers, particularly sometimes when it should not? It is their feelings and their emotions. You can be on edge as a father. You can be stressed out as a father, as a mother, and your child do some little thing and you will jerk him up and punish him. Why? Because of your own feelings. Not because that child has really done something worthy of being spanked for, but sometimes you can be in such a good mood, nothing affects you, and the child can do something wrong, and guess what? You let it go. And when you've already whipped one child for doing that same thing, and you let it go on the other child, then the one that got whipped says, "Uh-huh, my dad loves that one more than me. Or my dad favors that one more than me."

And you're going to find that the child is going to become quickly angry and quickly discouraged. All I'm going to say right now is this. I'm going to cover it later. But discipline cannot be based upon our feelings. It cannot be based upon our moods. It has to be based upon the word of God. Period. It's principles that count, not our feelings.

Fourthly, we provoke our children to anger and discouragement by inconsistency in our examples. When I'm talking about inconsistency, I could sit here and preach all day on this. But let me give you an illustration. We try to teach our children the value of truth. How important principles are. We try to teach them how precious truth really is. And then there will come a circumstance, there will come a situation in our lives, and we'll deny the very truth that we've been trying to teach our children. We become pragmatic.

I find it interesting that some parents will say how absolutely necessary it is to worship the Lord and be faithful to the house of God, and yet when it's inconvenient for them to attend, they'll willingly lay out. Sometime to watch a ball game. Sometime to go fishing. Or hunting or something else. In other words, you're trying to teach your children one thing, but they look at you and see something entirely different. We teach our children to tithe. I want to teach them not only tithe, to be generous and gracious and share. And then what do they see you do sometime? They see you to be unwilling to tithe, unwilling to share and willing to give.

And they think, well, you know, Dad, Mom really don't believe what they're teaching us. And they see the inconsistency in our lives. We try to teach our children to forgive each other, to kiss and make up. I remember as a boy, I hated to have to kiss my sister. I'd rather take a whipping. But you know what? We try to teach our children to forgive, to kiss and make up.

And then what do they do? They see mom and dad mad at each other day after day and won't even speak to each other. And then they begin to think, well, they're just hypocrites, they don't really believe what they're teaching us. So we can provoke them to immediate anger and discouragement by inconsistency in our examples. Fifthly, we provoke them to immediate anger and discouragement by inflexibility in our rule. Let me explain what I mean by inflexibility. Oftentimes, we try to portray the idea to our children that we're never wrong. And that we are right in every instance. The truth of the matter is, we're often wrong. As parents, we're often wrong, and sometimes as parents, especially fathers, we let our mouths overload our brains. And we say things that we should never have said. The truth is, when we're wrong, we need to correct it. We need to apologize. We need to make things right.

Most of you know, I have identical twin girls. I confess I flipped the wrong one. My wife has whipped the wrong one. I've whipped one of my daughters when she's telling me, "But Daddy, I'm not, I'm Laura, I'm not Leah, I'm Laura, I'm not Leah." "Yeah, yeah, I know better than that." Yeah, and I've whipped the wrong one. But secretly I said to myself, "Well, I'm just getting you for something I don't know about because I'm sure you've done something." But then I would still have to apologize to her and say, "Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart. I really thought you were the other one." But let me tell you, do you understand when we're wrong and when we're, by the way, our children know when we're wrong. They know. If they're not little teeny tiny kids, they know when we're wrong. And the right thing to do is to apologize and ask their forgiveness. And when we do what is right, we will earn their respect. But if we try to pretend like we're never wrong, we always do that which is right.

Then we're going to provoke them to anger and discouragement. And by the way, when we are wrong and we do confess and apologize and make things right, what are we doing? We're teaching them how to handle things when they're wrong. So when we try to be inflexible in our rule and say, "I'm the parent, I'm always right." No, we're not always right. And so we can provoke them to anger and discouragement by inflexibility in our rule. Sixthly, we can provoke them to anger and immediate discouragement by neglecting them. Let me just cover this momentarily. Do you realize that most parents neglect their children? I'm not talking about not feeding them, not clothing them, but they neglect their children for their work, for their friends, for their own entertainment. In other words, we oftentimes let those things interfere with our children. I understand that work is absolutely necessary. I understand that. But many times we use it as an excuse. I'll tell you this.

Ways Fathers Provoke Delayed Anger

Two ways: failure to discipline children (Proverbs 29:15) and failure to teach a biblical work ethic (multiple Proverbs).

Interestingly, children that have never been made to mind, shoulder responsibility and are not consistently corrected usually grow up to be shiftless, irresponsible, worthless individuals. The Bible refers to such a child as a child left to himself. If you look in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs chapter 29 and verse 15. Proverbs 29 verse 15. Here's what the Bible says. Proverbs 29 verse 15. Listen carefully now.

Talk about a failure to discipline. The Bible says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." A child left to himself. Let me explain something that you have not put two and two together. Here it is. A child had much rather have his own way than the way of discipline and correction and responsibility. Let me say it another way. A child had much rather play than work. A child would much rather have anything other than discipline and responsibility. Do you realize children left to themselves become demanding, unruly, intempered or ill-tempered and manipulating adults who connive, banter and agitate to get their own way.

They can make their husband or their wife or their family's life a living hell on earth. Why? Because they were never disciplined. No one wants to be around a selfish, demanding, impudent child. And no one wants to be around an adult who has those same characteristics because that adult was never corrected and disciplined as a child. And when those children get grown, and they realize they know nothing about self-discipline and self-government. Their lives are basically ruined. There's going to be a delayed anger and discouragement against their parents. And they will say, "My parents should have disciplined me. They should have taught me. They should have corrected me." And they are going to become extremely angry, bitter, resentful individuals. Secondly, you can provoke your child to delayed anger and discouragement by a failure to teach him to work. We must learn the importance and the necessity of work. You must remember that work took place before the fall. Adam had to work the garden. Work only became onerous and difficult because of the fall when the ground was cursed for man's sake. Let me just tell you one of the main losses in today's society is the loss of a biblical work ethic.

Let me spell it out. Everybody wants a paycheck, but nobody wants to work. The welfare system in this country has taught this generation that it is possible to get money without honest labor. If you do not teach your child the value of work, the honorableness of work, the rewards of work, and the rewards for diligent and faithful labor, then you failed in your task as the parent. Let me tell you what the old scholars used to say. Listen carefully, and I can tell you this is true. The old scholars used to say a man who will not teach his child the law, that is God's law, and a trade, teaches him to be a liar and a thief.

Now you stop and think about that. A man who will not teach his son or his child, the law, God's law, what God's law says, and how he's to live, and a trade, that is teaching him to work, teaches his son to be a liar and a thief. And we've got a whole generation of individuals like that. Let me just show you what the Bible says. Turn in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs chapter 10. Let me take you through several verses. The Bible emphasizes this so heavily. Notice in Proverbs 10 and verse 4. Notice what the Bible talks about diligence and work. Proverbs 10 verse 4. The Bible says,

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 10:4

"He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich."

What is it that makes a man poor? Slackness, being a sluggard, being lazy, being indolent.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 10:4

"He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich."

In other words, there are rewards for honest labor. Look in Proverbs 12 and verse 24. Proverbs 12 verse 24.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 12:24

"The hand of the diligent shall bear rule. But the slothful shall be under tribute."

Have you ever noticed? People who work at jobs usually take one or two attitudes. The majority attitude is this, "Well I'm here and I'm going to get a paycheck and I'm going to do what I need to do just to get by." They're not going to do anything special. They're not going to go out of their way. They're going to do what they need to do just to maintain their job and just to get that paycheck. Others are going to be diligent. They're not only going to do their work, they're going to do it well. They're going to go over and above and beyond what they're required to do. And guess what?

Pretty soon those men are made managers. Or something else. What does the Bible say? Look at it again. Proverbs 12, verse 24. "The hand of the diligent shall bear rule. But the slothful shall be under tribute." Look in your Bibles to Proverbs 12 and verse 27. Proverbs 12 verse 27. This always gets me. "The slothful man," that is the lazy

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 12:27

man, "roasteth not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious."

What does God say about a man who will not even take care of the game that he's killed? If you're too lazy to take care of game that you kill, you should be too lazy to hunt. "The lazy man, the slothful man roasted not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious." In other words, the man that's diligent, he's going to take care of whatever he kills in hunting to make sure that he gets the most out of it. Look in Proverbs 13 in verse 4.

"The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing. But the soul of the diligent shall be made fat." "The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing." Listen, in our town, as well as every town I've ever been in, there's a section of the town that you can go by, and I can show you several sections in our hometown, several sections where you can go by any time, day or night, and there are men and women sitting around doing nothing. Drinking maybe. Smoking maybe. Got a garbage can there for a fire in the winter time. But they're there all day and most all night. You know what they'll do? They will sit there. I've never hit a lick at a snake. And you let a nice car go by and hear that man say, "I sure would like to have a car like that." But he'll never have one. You know why? He's too lazy to work. "The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing." But he goes on to say, "But the soul of the diligent shall be made fat."

Look, if you would please, at Proverbs 21 and verse 5. Proverbs 21, verse 5. Here it is.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 21:5

"The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness. But of everyone that is hasty only to want." "The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness."

In other words, the diligent man is thinking. He's planning ahead. Look, if you would, in Proverbs 22 and verse 29. Proverbs 22, verse 29. "Seest thou a man diligent in his business?"

"He shall stand before kings. He shall not stand before mean men." What is God saying? The man that is diligent, the man that has a biblical work ethic, the man that knows how to think and plan, that man is going to stand before kings. In other words, he's going to be a man of importance and a man of position. He's not going to stand before mean men. Look, if you would, to Proverbs 27 and verse 23. I do like this passage. Proverbs 27 verse 23.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 27:23

"Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well to thy herds."

So a diligent man is going to take care of his animals. He's going to know their state. He's going to know everything about them.

Now, I'm just trying to show you what God says about a biblical work ethic. Let me give you a first hand illustration. Most of you know. One who has been taught to work, to value work, to enjoy the labors of his work, the rewards of them is someone who usually labors honestly and diligently, and he appreciates everything that God brings into his hands. Since I was raised on the farm, I had to work. And I had to work hard.

But when I was a boy and a teenager, it was "Johnny, get your gun before daylight and during the summer until dark." And you remember during summertime, it doesn't get dark about eight or nine o'clock. And we were in the fields until then. Consequently, I never played football. I never played basketball. I never played. I didn't play any of those games. And the reason I didn't play any of those games was because I always had to go home and work.

I was on the track team only temporarily, but that was it. Work cut that short as well. But I had a school friend. We were in the same grade. His father was a farmer, same as mine. In fact, only lived a few miles from us. But this man's son was captain of the football team, captain of the baseball team, captain of the basketball team. He was captain of anything and everything. He was captain of it. Which meant he stayed after school, he played, he practiced, he was always away at the games. One day I called his father and I asked his father this question. I want to know how, and I call the boy's name, is able to play all of these games and stay after school and do all these extracurricular activities. I said, "I know you're a farmer and I know you need help." And I mean, I felt my father, I mean, why is it that he can do all this? And I never will forget what his father told me. He said, "Well," and his father was one hard working man.

I'll have to admit that. His father said, "Well, when I was a boy, I had to work all the time." He said, "I never got to play, never got to do anything I wanted to do." He said, "I just had to work." He said, "So I made up my mind that when I got grown and I had a son, if my son wanted to play, he could play whatever he wanted to play, and I was going to let him do it." That was music to my ears. I went to my father. And I told my father what his friend and what his neighbor said. And I never will forget what my dad did. He just shook his head. And he looked at me and said, "Son, you can live your whole life without learning to play. But you can't live your life without learning to work." He said, "Work is more important than play."

"And I need you to help me here. And you need to learn to work. More than you need to learn to play." I'll tell you as a teenager, I did not appreciate that answer because I had much rather played than worked. However, since I'm an adult, I understand what my dad was saying. Years passed, and I finally met my old school friend again. Had a conversation with him. I remember he was captain of the football team, captain of the baseball team, captain of this, captain of that. Come to find out my friend had been married and divorced. I don't know how many times. He could not keep a job. He could not hold a job. And the job that he had when I met him was very quickly terminated because he stole $10,000 of the city's money and ran off. You know, it's amazing since I've been grown, how much I have observed the wisdom of my father.

I didn't think he was too wise when I was a boy. But now that I'm grown, I understand exactly what he was saying. And here's a perfect illustration of someone who learned to play, but he never learned to work. I understand the importance of rest and relaxation, I understand that. But you've got to understand this. There's a time when work becomes far more important than play. Look in your Bibles very quickly to Proverbs 10. Look in Proverbs 10 and verse five. Look what the Bible says. Proverbs 10, verse five.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 10:5

"He that gathereth in summer is a wise son, but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame." "He that gathereth in summer is a wise son."

What is he doing?

To use the old adage down south, he's making hay while the sun shines. He's getting the fruits of his labors while he can get them. But he that sleeps during harvest is a son that causeth shame. In other words, you can rest and relax later when what needs to be done is done, but it's not the time to rest and relax when the harvest is coming in. There's a time to work and there's a time to relax, but the time to work takes precedence over the time to relax. Look in Proverbs 13 and verse 18, Proverbs 13, verse 18. Notice what the Bible says.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 13:18

"Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction, but he that regardeth reproof shall be honored."

So if you don't listen to your parents, you get poverty and shame. Then look in Proverbs 19 and verse 26. Here is the result of a child that's never been disciplined. Here's the result of a child that's never been taught to work. Notice Proverbs chapter 19 and verse 26. Here it is. "He that wasteth his father and chaseth away his mother is a son that causeth shame and bringeth reproach."

And how many of you know families with grown sons and daughters who can't work, who won't work, and all they do is try to spoil and take everything their parents have ever earned and worked for. How can you provoke your children to delayed anger and discouragement? By failing to teach them to work. And by failing to discipline them so that they can have the discipline required as an adult. Two quick applications.

Applications and Conclusion

Fathers have neglected this command, provoking children to anger. They must repent and correct failures. Teaching discipline and work is essential for raising productive Christian children.

The first one is this. If you will observe our society, fathers have not taken this command seriously. "Provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Fathers have not taken this command seriously. They neglected their children and doing so, they have needlessly provoked them to anger and discouragement. And as fathers who have done that, we must repent, we shall repent. And seek the Lord's forgiveness and correct anything that we can correct. I hope you see, in our day and time, the absolute result of failing to discipline our children and failing to teach them the biblical work ethic. Please listen to this. If you do not have self-discipline, if you do not have self-control, if you do not know how to work, you just cannot function in society. Period. You must know how to work if we're going to raise thankful, productive Christian children. We must teach them discipline. And we must teach them work. "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." Here's the positive, and our Lord will cover it next week, but "raise them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Let's pray.

Father, we do ask in the name of Jesus Christ for your grace and mercy in our lives. Lord, help us to obey this command. Help us, Lord, to see where we failed and help us to repent. And Lord, those young men and women who are not yet married and not yet fathers and mothers, help them, Lord, to learn these principles now. Embrace them in their hearts so that they may raise their children as fruitful, productive Christians who will honor and glorify Thee and Thy Word. Give us, Lord, Your grace and Your mercy. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray, Amen.

Study Guide

Major Themes

Paternal Responsibility

Summary: God specifically commands fathers, as heads of the home, to take responsibility for the teaching, training, and nurture of their children.

Evidence: In verse 4, he specifically uses a Greek word pateres, which relates primarily and distinctly and specifically to fathers. So this command then is addressed to fathers. (03:47.9-04:24.1)

Avoiding Provocation to Anger

Summary: Fathers must not provoke their children to unnecessary, needless anger or discouragement through unreasonable demands, harshness, partiality, inconsistency, inflexibility, or neglect.

Evidence: What God is saying is that we are not to provoke them to unnecessary, needless, and useless anger and discouragement. (14:20.5-14:34.1)

The Importance of Discipline

Summary: Failure to discipline children leads to delayed anger and produces shiftless, irresponsible adults who bring shame to their parents.

Evidence: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. (40:00.6-40:57.8)

Biblical Work Ethic

Summary: Teaching children to work is essential; failure to do so provokes delayed anger and produces adults who cannot function in society.

Evidence: If you do not teach your child the value of work, the honorableness of work, the rewards of work, and the rewards for diligent and faithful labor, then you failed in your task as the parent. (43:00.4-43:34.8)

Repentance and Correction

Summary: Fathers who have failed in these areas must repent, seek forgiveness, and correct what they can.

Evidence: And as fathers who have done that, we must repent, we shall repent. And seek the Lord's forgiveness and correct anything that we can correct. (58:52.5-59:54.5)

Key Arguments

The command is specifically to fathers, not parents in general.

Summary: Paul uses the Greek word pateres (fathers) rather than goneusin (parents) to emphasize the father's unique responsibility as head of the home.

Evidence: In verse 4, he specifically uses a Greek word pateres, which relates primarily and distinctly and specifically to fathers. (03:47.9-04:24.1)

Provocation is not all anger, but unnecessary exasperation.

Summary: God does not forbid fathers from ever making children angry; discipline and denial of their way will cause anger. The command forbids needless provocation.

Evidence: God is not commanding fathers to never make their children angry. He is not commanding fathers to never to do anything that would displease their children. (12:54.2-14:19.6)

Unreasonable commands provoke immediate anger.

Summary: Expecting children to do what is beyond their physical, mental, or emotional ability builds bitterness and resentment.

Evidence: When we expect our children to follow and obey and accomplish that which is unreasonable, we build up immediate bitterness, anger, and resentment and discouragement. (17:22.3-18:18.6)

Harsh, tyrannical rule provokes children.

Summary: Fathers must not be cold-hearted tyrants but show pity and compassion, remembering their children's weaknesses, as God pities us.

Evidence: Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust. (22:22.4-22:57.0)

Inconsistency in example provokes children.

Summary: When parents teach one thing but live another (e.g., truthfulness, church attendance, tithing, forgiveness), children see hypocrisy and become angry.

Evidence: We try to teach our children the value of truth... And then there will come a circumstance... and we'll deny the very truth that we've been trying to teach our children. (29:02.9-29:50.2)

Failure to discipline leads to delayed anger.

Summary: Children left undisciplined grow up to be demanding, irresponsible adults who eventually resent their parents for not correcting them.

Evidence: A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. (40:00.6-40:57.8)

Failure to teach a work ethic provokes delayed anger.

Summary: Without learning the value and necessity of work, children become adults who cannot function, leading to resentment toward parents.

Evidence: If you do not teach your child the value of work... then you failed in your task as the parent. (43:00.4-43:34.8)

Scripture References

Ephesians 6:1-4

Context: Opening reading of the passage on children obeying parents and fathers not provoking children.

Colossians 3:18-21

Context: Parallel passage summarizing family roles and the command to fathers not to provoke children to anger lest they be discouraged.

1 Thessalonians 2:10-12

Context: Paul uses the father's role in exhorting and comforting his children as an illustration of his ministry.

John 14:15, 21

Context: If you love me, keep my commandments; he that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me.

Psalm 103:13-14

Context: Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him; for he knoweth our frame.

Proverbs 29:15

Context: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Proverbs 10:4

Context: He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

Proverbs 12:24

Context: The hand of the diligent shall bear rule, but the slothful shall be under tribute.

Proverbs 12:27

Context: The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious.

Proverbs 13:4

Context: The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing, but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.

Proverbs 21:5

Context: The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness, but of everyone that is hasty only to want.

Proverbs 22:29

Context: Seest thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.

Proverbs 27:23

Context: Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well to thy herds.

Proverbs 10:5

Context: He that gathereth in summer is a wise son, but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame.

Proverbs 13:18

Context: Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction, but he that regardeth reproof shall be honored.

Proverbs 19:26

Context: He that wasteth his father and chaseth away his mother is a son that causeth shame and bringeth reproach.

Historical References

Israel provoking God in the wilderness

Context: Weaver references how Israel provoked God to wrath, and Moses interceded, as an illustration of the meaning of 'provoke.'

Old scholars' saying on teaching law and a trade

Context: The old scholars used to say a man who will not teach his child the law and a trade teaches him to be a liar and a thief.

Important Quotes

And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

Significance: The central text of the sermon, establishing the negative and positive commands to fathers.

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Significance: Central proof text for the necessity of discipline to avoid provoking delayed anger.

He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

Significance: First in a series of Proverbs used to establish the biblical work ethic.

Son, you can live your whole life without learning to play. But you can't live your life without learning to work.

Significance: Weaver's father's wisdom, illustrating the priority of teaching a work ethic over leisure.

Discussion Questions

Why does Paul specifically address fathers rather than parents in Ephesians 6:4, and what does this imply about the father's role?

Context: Weaver explains that the Greek word pateres is used instead of goneusin, emphasizing the father's headship and responsibility.

What is the difference between provoking children to unnecessary anger and the normal anger that comes from biblical discipline?

Context: Weaver clarifies that God does not forbid all anger, but needless provocation beyond measure.

In what ways might fathers today be unreasonable in their commands, and how can we avoid this?

Context: Weaver gives examples like expecting a 7-year-old to lift 100-pound bags, and calls fathers to be reasonable like God.

How does showing partiality among children provoke anger, and what root causes (like moods) lead to this?

Context: Weaver notes that discipline based on feelings rather than principle leads to perceived favoritism.

What are some practical ways fathers can avoid inconsistency between what they teach and how they live?

Context: Weaver mentions truthfulness, church attendance, tithing, and forgiveness as areas where inconsistency provokes children.

Why does failure to discipline lead to delayed anger in adulthood, according to Proverbs 29:15?

Context: Weaver explains that undisciplined children become demanding, irresponsible adults who resent their parents.

How does the biblical work ethic contrast with modern attitudes toward work and welfare?

Context: Weaver cites multiple Proverbs and contrasts diligence with the sluggard, noting the loss of a work ethic in society.

What steps can fathers take to repent and correct past failures in provoking their children?

Context: Weaver concludes with a call to repentance, seeking forgiveness, and correcting what can be corrected.

Applications

Fathers must take seriously the command not to provoke their children.

Summary: Fathers should examine whether they have provoked their children through unreasonable commands, harshness, partiality, inconsistency, inflexibility, or neglect, and repent.

Evidence: Fathers have not taken this command seriously. They neglected their children and doing so, they have needlessly provoked them to anger and discouragement. (58:18.9-58:50.3)

Discipline must be based on God's Word, not feelings.

Summary: Fathers should ensure discipline is consistent and principled, not dependent on their mood, to avoid provoking anger through partiality.

Evidence: Discipline cannot be based upon our feelings. It cannot be based upon our moods. It has to be based upon the word of God. (28:37.0-29:02.6)

Teach children a biblical work ethic.

Summary: Fathers must actively teach their children the value, honor, and rewards of diligent work, using Scripture and personal example.

Show pity and compassion as a father.

Summary: Fathers should emulate God's fatherhood by remembering their children's weaknesses and showing pity, not ruling as cold-hearted tyrants.

Evidence: Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust. (22:22.4-22:57.0)

Do not neglect children for work or entertainment.

Summary: Fathers must prioritize time with their children, recognizing the one opportunity they have to teach and enjoy them before they are grown.

Evidence: We only have one opportunity to teach our children. And if we lose it, let me assure you that someone else will teach your children. (37:09.8-38:33.1)

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T18:33:53Z

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | weaver_study | 2026-06-06T11:08:44Z

Clean Transcript

The Family - Part 10

Clean readable transcript. This view follows the Commentary.net cleaned segment text while preserving timestamps for audio follow-along.

Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. I'm going to take a few moments to review, and then we're going to get started. Ephesians chapter 6, and let's begin reading there with verse 1. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
#1 | 0:00 to 0:31 | cleaned
We've been looking at the biblical doctrine of the family now for at least the last nine weeks. We've covered the dominion aspect of the family. We've covered creation differences. We discussed God's intentional order in the family. We've looked at the role of the wife, and the key word for the wife was submit. We looked at the role of the husband and the key word for the husband was to love.
#2 | 0:32 to 0:58 | cleaned
And of course, I pointed out how these two truths are inseparably bound together, and I've said over and over how easy it is for a woman to be in submission to a man who loves her as Christ loves the church. Then we looked at God's directives to children. And we saw that there were two key words for children, obey and honor. And I discussed and shared with you what it means for children to obey and then what it meant for children to honor their parents.
#3 | 0:59 to 1:31 | cleaned
And by the way, we live in a world today where both of these concepts are absolutely despised. Children do not want to obey and children do not want to honor. In fact, the truth of the matter is most children live in rebellion and disobedience to the plain Word of God. One of the problems that we're facing today is most of our children have never been taught to obey and they've never ever been taught to honor. In fact, they've been neglected, abused, and misused, and basically remain in abysmal, biblical ignorance. They're ignorant of the Word of God. Now, today we're going to look, beginning at verse 4, with God's admonition to the fathers. It's interesting how God has spoken to the wife, to the father, to the children, and now He goes back to the father again. So look in verse 4. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord."
#4 | 1:31 to 2:36 | cleaned
Now, let me just simply say that Ephesians 6 and verse 4 is very simple and straightforward. It is not a complicated text. It does not take someone with a giant or great intellect to understand Ephesians 6 and verse 4. Its teachings and the implications of verse 4 are very, very simple.
#5 | 2:36 to 2:59 | cleaned
Now, I'm going to give you only two thoughts. I want to show you out of verse 4, first of all, the recipients of this command, and then secondly, the essence or the elements of this command. Now, I'm only going to be covering actually the negative aspect of the command today. I'll mention this later, and the positive next week. But let's look first at the recipients or the objects of this command. Look in verse 4.
#6 | 3:00 to 3:28 | cleaned
God specifically says, "And ye fathers. Provoke not your children to wrath." Now God then explicitly directs and addresses this command to fathers. Let me point it out, it is specifically a paternal command.
#7 | 3:28 to 3:47 | cleaned
Now, Paul had a perfectly good word for parents. It's the Greek word goneusin, and if you look back in verse 1, he used that word there, "children obey your parents," which refers to father and mother. But in verse 4, he specifically uses a Greek word pateres, which relates primarily and distinctly and specifically to fathers. So this command then is addressed to fathers. Now, why did Paul address this command specifically to fathers?
#8 | 3:47 to 4:24 | cleaned
Well, let me give you three reasons. First of all, because the husband is the head of the house. Secondly, because God has constituted the husband as the head of the wife. And thirdly, because as head, he is charged with the responsibility of teaching and training his children. In other words, he is responsible for the education and the nurture of the children.
#9 | 4:24 to 4:53 | cleaned
Now I want you to hold Ephesians chapter 6, but turn over to Colossians chapter 3. Look in Colossians 3, and notice if you would please, beginning there verse 18. Now we read this in Ephesians chapters 5 and 6. Let me just show you how Colossians 3 summarizes what I've just shared with you. Look, if you would, Colossians chapter 3, beginning there with verse 18. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord." Now watch verse 21.
#10 | 4:53 to 5:36 | cleaned
"Fathers," again specifically addressed to fathers. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."
#11 | 5:36 to 5:44 | cleaned
Now, look back to Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord."
#12 | 5:46 to 5:56 | cleaned
Now, interestingly, he talks about the fact how children can be provoked to anger and also how children can be provoked to discouragement. And then he singles out the fathers and he tells the fathers specifically not to provoke their children to anger or discouragement. Now, let me just point out the fact, biblically speaking, the fathers have always been in charge of the education, the nurture, the teaching, and the training of the children.
#13 | 5:57 to 6:31 | cleaned
It was so much so in Bible times that the Apostle Paul used the reality of this truth for an illustration in the Bible. For instance, look back in your Bibles, the 1 Thessalonians, I should say over since you're in Colossians, look in 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 beginning there in verse 10. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10. I want you to look at the reality of this illustration. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10. I'm in 2 Thessalonians, no wonder. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 10.
#14 | 6:33 to 7:13 | cleaned
He says, "You are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe. As you know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, help me out now, as a father doth his children."
#15 | 7:13 to 7:33 | cleaned
Now what did Paul say to these Thessalonians? He said, when we were with you, we lived holily and justly and unblameably. We behaved ourselves among you, and we taught you and we exhorted you and we encouraged you as a father doth his children. So Paul then is using the reality as an illustration in 1 Thessalonians 2. So you can ask this question, who is it that is giving the instruction and the encouragement and the comfort? In the text, in 1 Thessalonians 2, it is the father. It's very common in Bible times for the father to instruct his family. Very common during times of revival and awakening for fathers to instruct their family. When fathers fail to teach and fathers fail to instruct and to comfort and educate their children, it's a manifestation of apostasy and rebellion. So let me ask you this question.
#16 | 7:35 to 8:39 | cleaned
What do you think is going on in our land today? Apostasy and rebellion. So the fact of the matter is this. Most fathers leave all the instruction, all the education, all the correction, all the discipline to the mothers. Basically, they abdicate their headship and their authority. That is why God specifically addresses this command to the fathers. Now, listen. It really boils down to something that is very simple.
#17 | 8:41 to 9:22 | cleaned
You know what our Lord said in John 14 in verse 15, He said this, "If you love me, keep my commandments." And then He said in John 14, verse 21, "He that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me." So if fathers really and truly love Christ, they're going to keep His commandments. One of His commandments is that they are to provoke not their children to anger and discouragement, but positively to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
#18 | 9:23 to 9:56 | cleaned
Now, does that mean that the father has to do absolutely everything? And the answer is no. Your wife and the mother of your children may work with you, may work under you, and sometimes may even work for you, but it does mean that the father is still responsible for the teaching, for the instruction, for the encouragement, for the comforting of the children. So that's why in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, Paul starts out, "And ye fathers." So it is a paternal command directed to the fathers specifically. Now go back in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4 because I want to begin with the second point and that is the essence of this command.
#19 | 9:57 to 10:48 | cleaned
And I told you earlier I'm going to break this command into two parts, the negative and the positive, and we're just going to be covering the negative aspect today. We'll cover the positive next Lord's Day. But notice verse four of Ephesians chapter six. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." That is a mouthful in and of itself. It is a negative injunction. It is a negative command. Here is something that God is commanding us as fathers not to do. The positive is that we're to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. But today I'm dwelling on the negative. Now, look what he says in verse four. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." Now, the Greek word for provoke is parorgizo. The word orge is a word for wrath or anger. And it literally means to anger, to provoke to wrath, to rouse to wrath, to provoke, or to exasperate. You know, it's interesting, of course, I know it's a Hebrew word in the Old Testament, but you remember over and over how Israel provoked God?
#20 | 10:48 to 12:04 | cleaned
How they exasperated Him? And several times He told Moses, "Step aside. I want to kill all these people and I'll raise up of you a great nation in their stead." And Moses would fall on his face and say, "Lord God, remember your promise to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Lord, don't do this. The Egyptians will say, Lord, you brought them out here in the wilderness just to kill them." And there were other times when Moses got so provoked and exasperated, he'd say, "Lord, kill them all." And God would say, "Moses, remember now," as someone aptly said, "if God and Moses ever got together, there wouldn't have been one of them left." But they provoked God.
#21 | 12:05 to 12:51 | cleaned
And now here's this word. "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." What God is saying is this, that fathers are not to irritate and anger their children beyond measure. Please listen carefully to what I'm about to say. Here is what God is not saying and not commanding. God is not commanding fathers to never make their children angry. He is not commanding fathers to never to do anything that would displease their children. He is not saying fathers do not ever disagree with them. That is not what He is saying. Certainly, your children are probably going to be angry with you to some extent if you discipline them biblically. They're going to be angry with you to some extent if you don't allow them to have their way. They're going to be angry with you to some extent if you don't let them and allow them to do their thing. So God is not telling us, as fathers, never to anger our children, never displease them, and never disagree with them. No, no, no. What God is saying is that we are not to provoke them to unnecessary, needless, and useless anger and discouragement.
#22 | 12:54 to 14:19 | cleaned
That's why He said in Colossians 3 in verse 21, "And you fathers, provoke not your children to anger and discouragement." So anger and discouragement can also go together.
#23 | 14:20 to 14:34 | cleaned
Now, the Greek word for discouragement is the word athumeo, which means to be discouraged. It means to be disheartened, dispirited, or as you and I would say, broken in spirit. A whipped dog, so to speak. Paul realized that since the husband and the father was the head of the house, and since he was the head of the wife, that his authority toward his wife could be misused and abused and perverted.
#24 | 14:34 to 15:17 | cleaned
That's why he said, "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." But that same authority as head of the family and head of the home could also be misused and abused toward the children, and that's why Paul directs this specifically to the fathers and says, "You fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." What is he saying? He is saying, fathers, listen to me. He says, you don't rule your children in a fleshly, carnal way. You rule them according to the word of God and according to the Holy Spirit. So the rule of the father toward the wife and toward the children is to be one of biblical love and one of biblical principle. Now, he said, "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath."
#25 | 15:17 to 16:09 | cleaned
And then in Colossians 3 verse 21, he added discouragement. Let me just spend the rest of my time this morning talking about how we can provoke our children. You know, I usually joke when I read that text in Hebrews chapter 10, when it says that we're to be careful that we provoke each other to love and good works. And I tell folks that usually what we do is rather just provoke each other. We don't provoke each other to love and good works. We just provoke. Well, when God says, "Provoke not your children to anger and discouragement," you've got to realize there can be an immediate anger and discouragement. But there can also be a delayed anger and discouragement. So when God forbids us to provoke our children to unnecessary, needless anger and discouragement, it would include not only immediate anger and discouragement, but also delayed anger and discouragement.
#26 | 16:11 to 17:21 | cleaned
So let me answer this question first. How do we as fathers provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement? Well, let me give you several ways. First, we may provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement by the unreasonableness of our commands. By the unreasonableness of our commands. When we expect our children to follow and obey and accomplish that which is unreasonable, we build up immediate bitterness, anger, and resentment and discouragement. When I talk about unreasonableness in our commands, how in the world can we expect children to do that which is over and above and beyond their ability, either physically, mentally, or emotionally?
#27 | 17:22 to 18:18 | cleaned
You know, it'd be one thing for me to look at Tripp, who is 16, and say, "Unload that feed for me," which comes in 80 to 100 pound bags. Then for me to look at a little 7 year old child and say, "Unload that feed for me." And I come back an hour later and it's not unloaded and rather it's spilled everywhere. Why would I get upset with a child that's 7 years old that can't lift a 100 pound bag?
#28 | 18:20 to 18:48 | cleaned
You see what I'm saying? We can be unreasonable in what we expect of our children. You don't expect a child to act like a teenager, and you don't expect a teenager to act like an adult. One of my teachers used to say this, "Good men are always reasonable." And if we're going to be good men toward our children, we've got to expect to understand that they expect us to give them reasonable commands. We have to emulate God, our Heavenly Father, when we rule over our children. Does God ever require us or expect us to do that which is unreasonable or unjust? What's the answer? No. And have you ever noticed this? Whenever God commanded anyone in Scripture to do that which seemingly was above or beyond or over his abilities, what did God do? God supernaturally empowered and enabled that individual to accomplish what he commanded. So all I'm trying to say is this. If we're not going to provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement, we cannot be unreasonable with them in our commands.
#29 | 18:50 to 20:21 | cleaned
We must act as reasonable fathers, reasonable husbands, reasonable individuals. And if we ever expect our children to do that which they cannot do, we must be there to help them do it and to show them it can be done with the help of their father.
#30 | 20:22 to 20:40 | cleaned
Secondly, we can provoke our children to immediate anger by the harshness of our rule. Let me just say this about fathers and to fathers. Fathers are not to be cold hearted tyrants. Fathers are not to be cold hearted tyrants demanding that their children bend and bow and obey every demand or else. Let me ask you a question. Think about this. Have there ever been times in your life, even as an adult?
#31 | 20:41 to 21:29 | cleaned
Where although you had the ability to do something, you were too sick to do it. Sure. Let me ask that you turn in your Bible to Psalm 103. Remember now, God is our heavenly father. We're to emulate him and his fatherhood toward us. Look in Psalm 103 and look at verses 13 and 14. Psalm 103 verses 13 and 14. These are two of my favorite verses. And I have used these verses so many times it is unbelievable. Notice Psalm 103 beginning there verse 13. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him."
#32 | 21:30 to 22:21 | cleaned
"For he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust." Note, "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him." Like as a father does what? He pitieth his children. So the Lord pitieth them that fear him. Why? He knows our frame. He remembers that we're dust. In other words, there may be times when we are not able to do things that we normally could do and would do.
#33 | 22:22 to 22:57 | cleaned
And we cannot act as a tyrant and just simply say you will do this or else. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him." We've got to understand that our children are flesh and blood as well, and they are weak at times. One of the problems that we have as fathers is many times we are quick to discipline and quick to whip, but slow to show love and compassion and concern. Let me put it like this. We cannot punish a child just because we want to be feared and just because we want to demonstrate how demanding we really are.
#34 | 22:58 to 23:58 | cleaned
Let me ask you this question. When's the last time you showered your child with hugs and kisses? When's the last time you told them that you love them, that you appreciate them? Let me tell you something, and I'll deal with this later on, but a child is willing to receive discipline from someone when that child knows that someone really loves them, really is concerned about them, and really has their best interest at heart.
#35 | 24:03 to 24:34 | cleaned
You see, we can be so demanding at times. You know, I remember as a child, I got two whippings. And I could not figure out why I got a whipping. I mean, one of them, I said a word. And my daddy jerked me up with me, but I was in a barber shop. And the barber was teasing with me, and I was teasing with him. And we were saying words that rhymed, and I said one that rhymed, but I didn't know what it meant.
#36 | 24:41 to 25:27 | cleaned
And my dad certainly whipped me. And I never could figure out, why did he whip me? He didn't tell me what I said was a bad word. He whipped me for saying it. Another time my father whipped me, it was two o'clock in the morning. You see, on the farm, we had to get up at two o'clock in the morning many times during the summer, work in the barn until daylight, and go work in the fields then until dark. And all I remember was my mother shaking me and saying, "Your dad's coming in here with a switch to whip you. He's been in here three times to get you up." What? I never knew it. He never woke me up.
#37 | 25:29 to 26:10 | cleaned
He may have thought he did. But the time I jumped up, pulled on my pants and ran outside, he met me with a switch. And I thought, why is he whipping me? He should have awakened me. I was willing to obey him. But thankfully, after the second swat, the switch broke. And I never really got a whipping. I just had to get on out there and go to work.
#38 | 26:10 to 26:32 | cleaned
Now, all I'm saying is, you can be unreasonable, you can be extremely harsh, and that's what God is saying. Don't provoke your children to needless and unnecessary anger. Thirdly, we can provoke our children to immediate anger by showing partiality. Have you ever noticed that some people will whip one child for doing something? And then when the next child does it, they don't get disciplined, they don't get whipped.
#39 | 26:33 to 27:06 | cleaned
Why would a parent do that? If you were to ask the parents, if I were to ask Dean, "Do you love Lacey more than Tripp?" What's he going to say? No. What would you say, Tripp? You see what I'm saying? Now, let's be honest. Listen to this. A father and a mother is going to do exactly what they're going to do, usually for each child. OK, now listen to me.
#40 | 27:09 to 27:39 | cleaned
But what is it that governs fathers and mothers, particularly sometimes when it should not? It is their feelings and their emotions. You can be on edge as a father. You can be stressed out as a father, as a mother, and your child do some little thing and you will jerk him up and punish him. Why? Because of your own feelings. Not because that child has really done something worthy of being spanked for, but sometimes you can be in such a good mood, nothing affects you, and the child can do something wrong, and guess what? You let it go. And when you've already whipped one child for doing that same thing, and you let it go on the other child, then the one that got whipped says, "Uh-huh, my dad loves that one more than me. Or my dad favors that one more than me."
#41 | 27:41 to 28:35 | cleaned
And you're going to find that the child is going to become quickly angry and quickly discouraged. All I'm going to say right now is this. I'm going to cover it later. But discipline cannot be based upon our feelings. It cannot be based upon our moods. It has to be based upon the word of God. Period. It's principles that count, not our feelings.
#42 | 28:37 to 29:02 | cleaned
Fourthly, we provoke our children to anger and discouragement by inconsistency in our examples. When I'm talking about inconsistency, I could sit here and preach all day on this. But let me give you an illustration. We try to teach our children the value of truth. How important principles are. We try to teach them how precious truth really is. And then there will come a circumstance, there will come a situation in our lives, and we'll deny the very truth that we've been trying to teach our children. We become pragmatic.
#43 | 29:02 to 29:50 | cleaned
I find it interesting that some parents will say how absolutely necessary it is to worship the Lord and be faithful to the house of God, and yet when it's inconvenient for them to attend, they'll willingly lay out. Sometime to watch a ball game. Sometime to go fishing. Or hunting or something else. In other words, you're trying to teach your children one thing, but they look at you and see something entirely different. We teach our children to tithe. I want to teach them not only tithe, to be generous and gracious and share. And then what do they see you do sometime? They see you to be unwilling to tithe, unwilling to share and willing to give.
#44 | 29:53 to 30:39 | cleaned
And they think, well, you know, Dad, Mom really don't believe what they're teaching us. And they see the inconsistency in our lives. We try to teach our children to forgive each other, to kiss and make up. I remember as a boy, I hated to have to kiss my sister. I'd rather take a whipping. But you know what? We try to teach our children to forgive, to kiss and make up.
#45 | 30:42 to 31:20 | cleaned
And then what do they do? They see mom and dad mad at each other day after day and won't even speak to each other. And then they begin to think, well, they're just hypocrites, they don't really believe what they're teaching us. So we can provoke them to immediate anger and discouragement by inconsistency in our examples. Fifthly, we provoke them to immediate anger and discouragement by inflexibility in our rule. Let me explain what I mean by inflexibility.
#46 | 31:21 to 31:57 | cleaned
Oftentimes, we try to portray the idea to our children that we're never wrong. And that we are right in every instance. The truth of the matter is, we're often wrong. As parents, we're often wrong, and sometimes as parents, especially fathers, we let our mouths overload our brains. And we say things that we should never have said. The truth is, when we're wrong, we need to correct it. We need to apologize. We need to make things right.
#47 | 31:59 to 32:45 | cleaned
Most of you know, I have identical twin girls. I confess I flipped the wrong one. My wife has whipped the wrong one. I've whipped one of my daughters when she's telling me, "But Daddy, I'm not, I'm Laura, I'm not Leah, I'm Laura, I'm not Leah." "Yeah, yeah, I know better than that." Yeah, and I've whipped the wrong one. But secretly I said to myself, "Well, I'm just getting you for something I don't know about because I'm sure you've done something." But then I would still have to apologize to her and say, "Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart. I really thought you were the other one." But let me tell you, do you understand when we're wrong and when we're, by the way, our children know when we're wrong. They know. If they're not little teeny tiny kids, they know when we're wrong. And the right thing to do is to apologize and ask their forgiveness. And when we do what is right, we will earn their respect. But if we try to pretend like we're never wrong, we always do that which is right.
#48 | 32:49 to 34:02 | cleaned
Then we're going to provoke them to anger and discouragement. And by the way, when we are wrong and we do confess and apologize and make things right, what are we doing? We're teaching them how to handle things when they're wrong. So when we try to be inflexible in our rule and say, "I'm the parent, I'm always right." No, we're not always right. And so we can provoke them to anger and discouragement by inflexibility in our rule. Sixthly, we can provoke them to anger and immediate discouragement by neglecting them.
#49 | 34:03 to 34:41 | cleaned
Let me just cover this momentarily. Do you realize that most parents neglect their children? I'm not talking about not feeding them, not clothing them, but they neglect their children for their work, for their friends, for their own entertainment. In other words, we oftentimes let those things interfere with our children. I understand that work is absolutely necessary. I understand that. But many times we use it as an excuse. I'll tell you this.
#50 | 34:43 to 35:26 | cleaned
It was funny when I was grown, but it wasn't funny when I was a child. I went home one summer to visit mother and dad. Dad was still farming. And I got to the house, I guess it was mid-morning. And dad came out and came in from the field, rather, and he said, "Well, son," he said, "come on, I want to take you fishing this afternoon." I was taken aback. I said, "What?" I said, "You mean you took off work to take me fishing?" Now, remember, I'm already grown, married, got my own children. "Yeah," he said. "That's what I did, took off work, take you fishing." I said, "Well that's great, I want to go." I said, "But I've got one question to ask you."
#51 | 35:27 to 36:20 | cleaned
"Why couldn't you have done this when I was a boy?" I said, "Why do we have to work all the time?" Of course he said, "Well we had to work hard then so I could have it now." I said, "Yes sir, I understand, but I still went fishing with him."
#52 | 36:22 to 36:35 | cleaned
Now, the point I'm trying to make is many times we don't have to do a lot of things. We do them because we want to do them. Entertainment. Friends. Let me just simply say this. I know not everybody here has small children. Some of you are going to have small children in the near future. But let me say this, we only have one opportunity to teach our children.
#53 | 36:35 to 37:08 | cleaned
And if we lose it, let me assure you that someone else will teach your children. And you will not be pleased with their education. And I'll tell you something else. You're going to look around one day and wonder where all your children are. Because you're going to find out your children are grown and gone. They're married. You've got one opportunity to enjoy your children and you better enjoy them. You better make the most of it. Because soon, too soon, they'll be grown and gone. Alice can tell you I've looked at her numerous times and said, "Where in the world have all the years gone?" Seems like just yesterday we were married. Just yesterday we had little children. Now the youngest grandchild is 14 going on 20. I mean, come on.
#54 | 37:09 to 38:33 | cleaned
You understand what I'm saying? Let's not neglect our children. I'm sure there are plenty of other ways that we can provoke our children to immediate anger and discouragement. Those are just some of them. But very quickly, let me give you two ways that you can provoke your children to delayed anger and delayed discouragement. What I mean by delayed anger, delayed discouragement is it will only come to pass probably after they're grown. The first way you can provoke your child or children to delayed anger and discouragement is by failure to discipline them. A failure to discipline them.
#55 | 38:34 to 39:22 | cleaned
Interestingly, children that have never been made to mind, shoulder responsibility and are not consistently corrected usually grow up to be shiftless, irresponsible, worthless individuals. The Bible refers to such a child as a child left to himself. If you look in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs chapter 29 and verse 15. Proverbs 29 verse 15. Here's what the Bible says. Proverbs 29 verse 15. Listen carefully now.
#56 | 39:23 to 40:00 | cleaned
Talk about a failure to discipline. The Bible says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." A child left to himself. Let me explain something that you have not put two and two together. Here it is. A child had much rather have his own way than the way of discipline and correction and responsibility. Let me say it another way. A child had much rather play than work. A child would much rather have anything other than discipline and responsibility. Do you realize children left to themselves become demanding, unruly, intempered or ill-tempered and manipulating adults who connive, banter and agitate to get their own way.
#57 | 40:00 to 40:57 | cleaned
They can make their husband or their wife or their family's life a living hell on earth. Why? Because they were never disciplined. No one wants to be around a selfish, demanding, impudent child. And no one wants to be around an adult who has those same characteristics because that adult was never corrected and disciplined as a child. And when those children get grown, and they realize they know nothing about self-discipline and self-government.
#58 | 40:58 to 41:43 | cleaned
Their lives are basically ruined. There's going to be a delayed anger and discouragement against their parents. And they will say, "My parents should have disciplined me. They should have taught me. They should have corrected me." And they are going to become extremely angry, bitter, resentful individuals. Secondly, you can provoke your child to delayed anger and discouragement by a failure to teach him to work. We must learn the importance and the necessity of work. You must remember that work took place before the fall. Adam had to work the garden. Work only became onerous and difficult because of the fall when the ground was cursed for man's sake. Let me just tell you one of the main losses in today's society is the loss of a biblical work ethic.
#59 | 41:45 to 42:59 | cleaned
Let me spell it out. Everybody wants a paycheck, but nobody wants to work. The welfare system in this country has taught this generation that it is possible to get money without honest labor. If you do not teach your child the value of work, the honorableness of work, the rewards of work, and the rewards for diligent and faithful labor, then you failed in your task as the parent.
#60 | 43:00 to 43:34 | cleaned
Let me tell you what the old scholars used to say. Listen carefully, and I can tell you this is true. The old scholars used to say a man who will not teach his child the law, that is God's law, and a trade, teaches him to be a liar and a thief.
#61 | 43:35 to 43:51 | cleaned
Now you stop and think about that. A man who will not teach his son or his child, the law, God's law, what God's law says, and how he's to live, and a trade, that is teaching him to work, teaches his son to be a liar and a thief. And we've got a whole generation of individuals like that. Let me just show you what the Bible says. Turn in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs chapter 10.
#62 | 43:53 to 44:20 | cleaned
Let me take you through several verses. The Bible emphasizes this so heavily. Notice in Proverbs 10 and verse 4. Notice what the Bible talks about diligence and work. Proverbs 10 verse 4. The Bible says, "He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich." What is it that makes a man poor? Slackness, being a sluggard, being lazy, being indolent. "He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich."
#63 | 44:20 to 44:54 | cleaned
In other words, there are rewards for honest labor. Look in Proverbs 12 and verse 24. Proverbs 12 verse 24. "The hand of the diligent shall bear rule. But the slothful shall be under tribute." Have you ever noticed? People who work at jobs usually take one or two attitudes. The majority attitude is this, "Well I'm here and I'm going to get a paycheck and I'm going to do what I need to do just to get by." They're not going to do anything special. They're not going to go out of their way. They're going to do what they need to do just to maintain their job and just to get that paycheck. Others are going to be diligent. They're not only going to do their work, they're going to do it well. They're going to go over and above and beyond what they're required to do. And guess what?
#64 | 44:56 to 46:05 | cleaned
Pretty soon those men are made managers. Or something else. What does the Bible say? Look at it again. Proverbs 12, verse 24. "The hand of the diligent shall bear rule. But the slothful shall be under tribute." Look in your Bibles to Proverbs 12 and verse 27. Proverbs 12 verse 27. This always gets me. "The slothful man," that is the lazy man, "roasteth not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious." What does God say about a man who will not even take care of the game that he's killed? If you're too lazy to take care of game that you kill, you should be too lazy to hunt. "The lazy man, the slothful man roasted not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious." In other words, the man that's diligent, he's going to take care of whatever he kills in hunting to make sure that he gets the most out of it. Look in Proverbs 13 in verse 4.
#65 | 46:07 to 47:18 | cleaned
"The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing. But the soul of the diligent shall be made fat." "The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing." Listen, in our town, as well as every town I've ever been in, there's a section of the town that you can go by, and I can show you several sections in our hometown, several sections where you can go by any time, day or night, and there are men and women sitting around doing nothing. Drinking maybe. Smoking maybe. Got a garbage can there for a fire in the winter time. But they're there all day and most all night.
#66 | 47:18 to 48:04 | cleaned
You know what they'll do? They will sit there. I've never hit a lick at a snake. And you let a nice car go by and hear that man say, "I sure would like to have a car like that." But he'll never have one. You know why? He's too lazy to work. "The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing." But he goes on to say, "But the soul of the diligent shall be made fat."
#67 | 48:04 to 48:34 | cleaned
Look, if you would please, at Proverbs 21 and verse 5. Proverbs 21, verse 5. Here it is. "The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness. But of everyone that is hasty only to want." "The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness." In other words, the diligent man is thinking. He's planning ahead. Look, if you would, in Proverbs 22 and verse 29. Proverbs 22, verse 29. "Seest thou a man diligent in his business?"
#68 | 48:36 to 49:12 | cleaned
"He shall stand before kings. He shall not stand before mean men." What is God saying? The man that is diligent, the man that has a biblical work ethic, the man that knows how to think and plan, that man is going to stand before kings. In other words, he's going to be a man of importance and a man of position. He's not going to stand before mean men.
#69 | 49:13 to 49:35 | cleaned
Look, if you would, to Proverbs 27 and verse 23. I do like this passage. Proverbs 27 verse 23. "Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well to thy herds." So a diligent man is going to take care of his animals. He's going to know their state. He's going to know everything about them.
#70 | 49:37 to 50:03 | cleaned
Now, I'm just trying to show you what God says about a biblical work ethic. Let me give you a first hand illustration. Most of you know. One who has been taught to work, to value work, to enjoy the labors of his work, the rewards of them is someone who usually labors honestly and diligently, and he appreciates everything that God brings into his hands. Since I was raised on the farm, I had to work. And I had to work hard.
#71 | 50:04 to 50:47 | cleaned
But when I was a boy and a teenager, it was "Johnny, get your gun before daylight and during the summer until dark." And you remember during summertime, it doesn't get dark about eight or nine o'clock. And we were in the fields until then. Consequently, I never played football. I never played basketball. I never played. I didn't play any of those games. And the reason I didn't play any of those games was because I always had to go home and work.
#72 | 50:49 to 51:22 | cleaned
I was on the track team only temporarily, but that was it. Work cut that short as well. But I had a school friend. We were in the same grade. His father was a farmer, same as mine. In fact, only lived a few miles from us. But this man's son was captain of the football team, captain of the baseball team, captain of the basketball team. He was captain of anything and everything. He was captain of it. Which meant he stayed after school, he played, he practiced, he was always away at the games. One day I called his father and I asked his father this question. I want to know how, and I call the boy's name, is able to play all of these games and stay after school and do all these extracurricular activities. I said, "I know you're a farmer and I know you need help." And I mean, I felt my father, I mean, why is it that he can do all this? And I never will forget what his father told me. He said, "Well," and his father was one hard working man.
#73 | 51:25 to 52:40 | cleaned
I'll have to admit that. His father said, "Well, when I was a boy, I had to work all the time." He said, "I never got to play, never got to do anything I wanted to do." He said, "I just had to work." He said, "So I made up my mind that when I got grown and I had a son, if my son wanted to play, he could play whatever he wanted to play, and I was going to let him do it."
#74 | 52:40 to 53:05 | cleaned
That was music to my ears. I went to my father. And I told my father what his friend and what his neighbor said. And I never will forget what my dad did. He just shook his head. And he looked at me and said, "Son, you can live your whole life without learning to play. But you can't live your life without learning to work." He said, "Work is more important than play."
#75 | 53:06 to 53:45 | cleaned
"And I need you to help me here. And you need to learn to work. More than you need to learn to play." I'll tell you as a teenager, I did not appreciate that answer because I had much rather played than worked. However, since I'm an adult, I understand what my dad was saying. Years passed, and I finally met my old school friend again. Had a conversation with him.
#76 | 53:46 to 54:27 | cleaned
I remember he was captain of the football team, captain of the baseball team, captain of this, captain of that. Come to find out my friend had been married and divorced. I don't know how many times. He could not keep a job. He could not hold a job. And the job that he had when I met him was very quickly terminated because he stole $10,000 of the city's money and ran off. You know, it's amazing since I've been grown, how much I have observed the wisdom of my father.
#77 | 54:27 to 55:23 | cleaned
I didn't think he was too wise when I was a boy. But now that I'm grown, I understand exactly what he was saying. And here's a perfect illustration of someone who learned to play, but he never learned to work. I understand the importance of rest and relaxation, I understand that. But you've got to understand this. There's a time when work becomes far more important than play. Look in your Bibles very quickly to Proverbs 10. Look in Proverbs 10 and verse five. Look what the Bible says. Proverbs 10, verse five. "He that gathereth in summer is a wise son, but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame." "He that gathereth in summer is a wise son." What is he doing?
#78 | 55:24 to 56:22 | cleaned
To use the old adage down south, he's making hay while the sun shines. He's getting the fruits of his labors while he can get them. But he that sleeps during harvest is a son that causeth shame. In other words, you can rest and relax later when what needs to be done is done, but it's not the time to rest and relax when the harvest is coming in. There's a time to work and there's a time to relax, but the time to work takes precedence over the time to relax.
#79 | 56:22 to 56:49 | cleaned
Look in Proverbs 13 and verse 18, Proverbs 13, verse 18. Notice what the Bible says. "Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction, but he that regardeth reproof shall be honored." So if you don't listen to your parents, you get poverty and shame. Then look in Proverbs 19 and verse 26. Here is the result of a child that's never been disciplined. Here's the result of a child that's never been taught to work. Notice Proverbs chapter 19 and verse 26. Here it is. "He that wasteth his father and chaseth away his mother is a son that causeth shame and bringeth reproach."
#80 | 56:49 to 57:29 | cleaned
And how many of you know families with grown sons and daughters who can't work, who won't work, and all they do is try to spoil and take everything their parents have ever earned and worked for. How can you provoke your children to delayed anger and discouragement? By failing to teach them to work. And by failing to discipline them so that they can have the discipline required as an adult. Two quick applications.
#81 | 57:34 to 58:16 | cleaned
The first one is this. If you will observe our society, fathers have not taken this command seriously. "Provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Fathers have not taken this command seriously. They neglected their children and doing so, they have needlessly provoked them to anger and discouragement. And as fathers who have done that, we must repent, we shall repent.
#82 | 58:18 to 58:50 | cleaned
And seek the Lord's forgiveness and correct anything that we can correct. I hope you see, in our day and time, the absolute result of failing to discipline our children and failing to teach them the biblical work ethic. Please listen to this. If you do not have self-discipline, if you do not have self-control, if you do not know how to work, you just cannot function in society. Period. You must know how to work if we're going to raise thankful, productive Christian children. We must teach them discipline. And we must teach them work. "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." Here's the positive, and our Lord will cover it next week, but "raise them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Let's pray.
#83 | 58:52 to 59:54 | cleaned
Father, we do ask in the name of Jesus Christ for your grace and mercy in our lives. Lord, help us to obey this command. Help us, Lord, to see where we failed and help us to repent. And Lord, those young men and women who are not yet married and not yet fathers and mothers, help them, Lord, to learn these principles now. Embrace them in their hearts so that they may raise their children as fruitful, productive Christians who will honor and glorify Thee and Thy Word. Give us, Lord, Your grace and Your mercy. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray, Amen.
#84 | 59:55 to 1:00:38 | cleaned

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T18:33:53Z

The Family - Part 10

John Weaver | Freedom Ministries

John Weaver expounds Ephesians 6:4, focusing on the negative command to fathers: 'provoke not your children to wrath.' He explains that this paternal command addresses fathers as heads of the home, responsible for teaching and training. The sermon details ways fathers provoke children to immediate anger (unreasonable commands, harshness, partiality, inconsistency, inflexibility, neglect) and delayed anger (failure to discipline, failure to teach a biblical work ethic). Applications call fathers to repent of neglect and to raise disciplined, productive children.

Introduction and Review

Weaver reviews the series on the biblical family, covering roles of wives (submit), husbands (love), and children (obey, honor). He introduces Ephesians 6:4 as the focus for today.

Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. I'm going to take a few moments to review, and then we're going to get started. Ephesians chapter 6, and let's begin reading there with verse 1.

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1-4

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

The Recipients of the Command: Fathers

The command is specifically addressed to fathers (Greek pateres), not parents generally, because the father is head of the house, head of the wife, and charged with teaching and training children.

Scripture Reading — Colossians 3:18-21

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord."

Now watch verse 21.

"Fathers," again specifically addressed to fathers. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."

Biblical Basis for Paternal Responsibility

Paul uses the father's role in instruction as an illustration in 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12. Fathers' failure to teach is a sign of apostasy and rebellion.

The Essence of the Command: Negative Aspect

That's why He said in Colossians 3 in verse 21, "And you fathers, provoke not your children to anger and discouragement." So anger and discouragement can also go together.

Ways Fathers Provoke Immediate Anger

Six ways: unreasonable commands, harshness of rule, showing partiality, inconsistency in example, inflexibility in rule, and neglecting children.

Scripture Reading — Psalm 103:13-14

"Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him."

Ways Fathers Provoke Delayed Anger

Two ways: failure to discipline children (Proverbs 29:15) and failure to teach a biblical work ethic (multiple Proverbs).

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 10:4

"He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich."

What is it that makes a man poor? Slackness, being a sluggard, being lazy, being indolent.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 10:4

"He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich."

In other words, there are rewards for honest labor. Look in Proverbs 12 and verse 24. Proverbs 12 verse 24.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 12:24

"The hand of the diligent shall bear rule. But the slothful shall be under tribute."

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 12:27

man, "roasteth not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious."

Look, if you would please, at Proverbs 21 and verse 5. Proverbs 21, verse 5. Here it is.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 21:5

"The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness. But of everyone that is hasty only to want." "The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness."

In other words, the diligent man is thinking. He's planning ahead. Look, if you would, in Proverbs 22 and verse 29. Proverbs 22, verse 29. "Seest thou a man diligent in his business?"

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 27:23

"Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well to thy herds."

So a diligent man is going to take care of his animals. He's going to know their state. He's going to know everything about them.

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 10:5

"He that gathereth in summer is a wise son, but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame." "He that gathereth in summer is a wise son."

What is he doing?

Scripture Reading — Proverbs 13:18

"Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction, but he that regardeth reproof shall be honored."

Applications and Conclusion

Fathers have neglected this command, provoking children to anger. They must repent and correct failures. Teaching discipline and work is essential for raising productive Christian children.

The Family - Part 10

John Weaver | SermonAudio

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	SermonAudio
Media ID	121107161308
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The Family
Genre	Sermon
Date	2007-11-11
Dictation Name
Book	Book 035: The Family — Chapter 10
Source Timed Segments	84

Lecture Guide

Outline

Introduction and Review: Weaver reviews the series on the biblical family, covering roles of wives (submit), husbands (love), and children (obey, honor). He introduces Ephesians 6:4 as the focus for today.
The Recipients of the Command: Fathers: The command is specifically addressed to fathers (Greek pateres), not parents generally, because the father is head of the house, head of the wife, and charged with teaching and training children.
Biblical Basis for Paternal Responsibility: Paul uses the father's role in instruction as an illustration in 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12. Fathers' failure to teach is a sign of apostasy and rebellion.
The Essence of the Command: Negative Aspect: The negative command is 'provoke not your children to wrath.' The Greek word parorgizo means to exasperate or anger beyond measure. God does not forbid all anger, but unnecessary, needless provocation.
Ways Fathers Provoke Immediate Anger: Six ways: unreasonable commands, harshness of rule, showing partiality, inconsistency in example, inflexibility in rule, and neglecting children.
Ways Fathers Provoke Delayed Anger: Two ways: failure to discipline children (Proverbs 29:15) and failure to teach a biblical work ethic (multiple Proverbs).
Applications and Conclusion: Fathers have neglected this command, provoking children to anger. They must repent and correct failures. Teaching discipline and work is essential for raising productive Christian children.

Major Themes

Key Arguments

The command is specifically to fathers, not parents in general.

Paul uses the Greek word pateres (fathers) rather than goneusin (parents) to emphasize the father's unique responsibility as head of the home.

In verse 4, he specifically uses a Greek word pateres, which relates primarily and distinctly and specifically to fathers. (03:47.9-04:24.1)

Provocation is not all anger, but unnecessary exasperation.

God does not forbid fathers from ever making children angry; discipline and denial of their way will cause anger. The command forbids needless provocation.

God is not commanding fathers to never make their children angry. He is not commanding fathers to never to do anything that would displease their children. (12:54.2-14:19.6)

Unreasonable commands provoke immediate anger.

Expecting children to do what is beyond their physical, mental, or emotional ability builds bitterness and resentment.

When we expect our children to follow and obey and accomplish that which is unreasonable, we build up immediate bitterness, anger, and resentment and discouragement. (17:22.3-18:18.6)

Harsh, tyrannical rule provokes children.

Fathers must not be cold-hearted tyrants but show pity and compassion, remembering their children's weaknesses, as God pities us.

Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust. (22:22.4-22:57.0)

Inconsistency in example provokes children.

When parents teach one thing but live another (e.g., truthfulness, church attendance, tithing, forgiveness), children see hypocrisy and become angry.

We try to teach our children the value of truth... And then there will come a circumstance... and we'll deny the very truth that we've been trying to teach our children. (29:02.9-29:50.2)

Failure to discipline leads to delayed anger.

Children left undisciplined grow up to be demanding, irresponsible adults who eventually resent their parents for not correcting them.

A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. (40:00.6-40:57.8)

Failure to teach a work ethic provokes delayed anger.

Without learning the value and necessity of work, children become adults who cannot function, leading to resentment toward parents.

If you do not teach your child the value of work... then you failed in your task as the parent. (43:00.4-43:34.8)

Scripture References

Ephesians 6:1-4: Opening reading of the passage on children obeying parents and fathers not provoking children.
Colossians 3:18-21: Parallel passage summarizing family roles and the command to fathers not to provoke children to anger lest they be discouraged.
1 Thessalonians 2:10-12: Paul uses the father's role in exhorting and comforting his children as an illustration of his ministry.
John 14:15, 21: If you love me, keep my commandments; he that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me.
Psalm 103:13-14: Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him; for he knoweth our frame.
Proverbs 29:15: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 10:4: He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.
Proverbs 12:24: The hand of the diligent shall bear rule, but the slothful shall be under tribute.
Proverbs 12:27: The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting, but the substance of a diligent man is precious.
Proverbs 13:4: The soul of the sluggard desireth and hath nothing, but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.
Proverbs 21:5: The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness, but of everyone that is hasty only to want.
Proverbs 22:29: Seest thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.
Proverbs 27:23: Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well to thy herds.
Proverbs 10:5: He that gathereth in summer is a wise son, but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame.
Proverbs 13:18: Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction, but he that regardeth reproof shall be honored.
Proverbs 19:26: He that wasteth his father and chaseth away his mother is a son that causeth shame and bringeth reproach.

Historical References

Israel provoking God in the wilderness: Weaver references how Israel provoked God to wrath, and Moses interceded, as an illustration of the meaning of 'provoke.'
Old scholars' saying on teaching law and a trade: The old scholars used to say a man who will not teach his child the law and a trade teaches him to be a liar and a thief.

Important Quotes

And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

The central text of the sermon, establishing the negative and positive commands to fathers.

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Central proof text for the necessity of discipline to avoid provoking delayed anger.

He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

First in a series of Proverbs used to establish the biblical work ethic.

Son, you can live your whole life without learning to play. But you can't live your life without learning to work.

Weaver's father's wisdom, illustrating the priority of teaching a work ethic over leisure.

Discussion Questions

[Question]

Why does Paul specifically address fathers rather than parents in Ephesians 6:4, and what does this imply about the father's role?

[Context]

Weaver explains that the Greek word pateres is used instead of goneusin, emphasizing the father's headship and responsibility.

[Question]

What is the difference between provoking children to unnecessary anger and the normal anger that comes from biblical discipline?

[Context]

Weaver clarifies that God does not forbid all anger, but needless provocation beyond measure.

[Question]

In what ways might fathers today be unreasonable in their commands, and how can we avoid this?

[Context]

Weaver gives examples like expecting a 7-year-old to lift 100-pound bags, and calls fathers to be reasonable like God.

[Question]

How does showing partiality among children provoke anger, and what root causes (like moods) lead to this?

[Context]

Weaver notes that discipline based on feelings rather than principle leads to perceived favoritism.

[Question]

What are some practical ways fathers can avoid inconsistency between what they teach and how they live?

[Context]

Weaver mentions truthfulness, church attendance, tithing, and forgiveness as areas where inconsistency provokes children.

[Question]

Why does failure to discipline lead to delayed anger in adulthood, according to Proverbs 29:15?

[Context]

Weaver explains that undisciplined children become demanding, irresponsible adults who resent their parents.

[Question]

How does the biblical work ethic contrast with modern attitudes toward work and welfare?

[Context]

Weaver cites multiple Proverbs and contrasts diligence with the sluggard, noting the loss of a work ethic in society.

[Question]

What steps can fathers take to repent and correct past failures in provoking their children?

[Context]

Weaver concludes with a call to repentance, seeking forgiveness, and correcting what can be corrected.

Applications

Format deepseek deepseek-v4-pro structured study JSON | Source Commentary.net transcript enrichment

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | weaver_study | 2026-06-06T11:08:44Z