The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The Family

The Family - Part 11

Transcript: AI Transcript

Professor: John Weaver

Subject: Family Government

Genre: Sermon

Dictation Name:

Date: 2007-11-25

Synopsis: John Weaver expounds Ephesians 6:4, focusing on the positive command for fathers to nurture their children. He explains that 'nurture' (ektrephō) means to provide total sustenance for development, paralleling how a man cares for his body and Christ cares for the church. The means are 'child training' (paideia), which includes both general education and the specific use of the rod, and 'admonition' (nouthesia), verbal instruction that stands out in the mind. The sphere is 'in the Lord,' requiring biblical principles and God's grace. Applications emphasize the father's primary responsibility for education and discipline, using verbal instruction first and the rod only when necessary, motivated by love.

[John Weaver] Ephesians chapter 6, and once again let's read the first four verses. I'll take a few moments to review and then we'll pick up from there. Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] We've been looking at the biblical doctrine of the family, and we've seen several things so far. First of all, the family as an instrument of dominion. And I pointed out how God ordained the family as an instrument of dominion. Then we looked at the creation differences between men and women and saw that there was not just simply physical differences, but judgmental and emotional differences as well. Then we looked at God's intentional order in creation and in the family, how that it's God, Christ, man, and woman.

[John Weaver] Then we began to look at the individual roles. We saw the role of a wife was that of submission. because her submission was to picture the submission of the church to Jesus Christ. And then we saw the role of the husband was to love because the husband's love is to reflect the love that Christ had for his church. So the Bible says very obviously, husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.

[John Weaver] And I've told you how these things are inseparably bound to each other. So as the wife is to submit, the husband is to love. You can't have one without the other. Then we got on children. In verse one, the Bible tells us that there are basically two responsibilities of children. The two key words are obey and honor. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Honor thy father and thy mother. And we're living in a day when each of these concepts are basically despised. In fact, one of the reasons our children are so rebellious and disrespectful is they have not been taught to obey. Neither have they been taught to honor.

[John Weaver] Rather, they've been neglected and abused and left in what I call a visible biblical ignorance. And of course, the Bible then says, that the fathers are not to provoke the children, but to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] Now I was dealing with verse 4 last week and I made the statement that Ephesians 6 and verse 4 is a very simple, straightforward statement. In fact, you fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. It's very simple, very straightforward. There are two thoughts. One is a negative. And the others are positive. And I showed you last week the negative, how fathers can provoke their children to wrath and discouragement. And I pointed out how that there is an immediate anger that they can be provoked to and an immediate discouragement. But then there's also a delayed or a long-term anger and discouragement. And the two points that I made on delayed anger and delayed discouragement is when there is a failure, number one, on the part of the father either to discipline the children and teach them discipline, and number two, a failure on the part of the father to teach the children to work. In other words, there must be a biblical work ethic.

[John Weaver] We must understand the value of work, the need of work, the necessity of work, and also, of course, the rewards of work as well. So you can fail your children in not giving them discipline and or teaching them a biblical work ethic. I might also point out another major area of delayed anger and frustration could be also a failure to secure for your children a sound biblical education. You know, education really and truly in one sense of the word does not mean much to a child while he is a child.

[John Weaver] For instance, if I were to ask every adult in this room, how many of you went to a government school? Probably every hand would be raised because when you and I went to school, there was not much emphasis on homeschooling or on Christian education or anything like that. In fact, when some of us went to school, you still prayed in school and read the Bible in school and did things like that. And there was still morality and ethics taught in some degree. Children don't usually think about education, but you allow them to mature and all of a sudden education is ever present in their mind. Many of us can identify with the old gospel song, Wasted Years. And we think back now as adults on our education, especially in the government school, it was Wasted Years. Part of the chorus of that song, Wasted Years, Wasted Years, oh how foolish. And I can assure you that every mature adult in this room, every Christian adult in this room, now wishes that he had a very sound, Biblical education.

[John Weaver] You don't value that as a child. But as you mature, you learn it is something to value. You know, there's a twist really on verse 4 in one sense of the word. When the Bible says that you fathers provoke, not your children to wrath. When you normally stop and think about it, it's usually the children who provoke the father. But the shoe can be on either foot. And so, the children are not to provoke the father, but the father is not to provoke the children as well.

[John Weaver] Now, as I pointed out last week, and as already mentioned, Ephesians 6 and verse 4 has a negative and a positive. And since I dealt with the negative last week, we're going to be dealing with the positive this week. So, look at verse 4 again. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. That's the negative. Now here's the positive. but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

[John Weaver] Now I want you to see three things under this positive commandment. First of all, the task described, nurture them.

[John Weaver] Secondly, the means by which this task is to be accomplished, chastening and admonition. And thirdly, the sphere in which it is to be accomplished in the Lord. So let's look first of all at the description of the task, nurture them. You may be in for a surprise, because if you look at verse 4, when you get to the positive, the Bible says,"...but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Fathers are not to provoke their children, but rather, on the other hand, they are to nurture them. Now we have to ask the question, what does it mean to nurture? In fact, as you look in verse 4, you see the word nurture, N-U-R-T-U-R-E. But do you realize the word nurture actually occurs in another word in that verse? Because the word nurture in verse four can also be translated another way. In fact, look at the little word bring, but bring them up. Literally, that is the word nurture them up. So actually it says nurture them up.

[John Weaver] in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord. Now, the word for bring here is the Greek word ektrepo, and it literally means to nourish, to bring up, to nourish up, to maturity, and to mature. Ektrepo is made up of two words. The first one ek, which is a preposition which is out of or from, sometimes with or on. and trefo. And the word trefo literally means to feed, to support, to fatten, to nourish, and to bring up. So actually this word ectrepo literally means that we are to be continually and constantly nourishing and bringing up our children. It's a present in the Greek which means it's something that is to be done constantly and continually. Now the interesting thing about this word ectrepo brain or nurture is that it only occurs one other time in the scripture. Let me show you the other passage.

[John Weaver] Look in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 29. Here is the same word. Now watch it. Ephesians 5 verse 29, For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord does the church." Now, let's look at these two illustrations. And let's ask, first of all, how does a man nourish his own body? He nourishes his own body by providing everything necessary for its normal, useful development and sustenance. In other words, a man takes care of himself and for himself and sees that everything that he needs is acquired. If he needs food, he gets it. If he needs medical attention, he gets it. If he needs to be educated in a certain area, he acquires it. If he needs training, he gets that as well. He seeks it out. In other words, the man that nourishes his body does everything he can to sustain and provide for his body. He doesn't do one thing to harm or to hurt his body. Now, there's another illustration in verse 29.

[John Weaver] Look at it. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherished it, watch, even as the Lord the church. So you've got to ask yourself another question. How does the Lord nourish the church? And the answer comes back. He provides for the church life and strength and perfection or maturity. In other words, there is not one thing that the church needs that Jesus Christ does not provide. He is our head.

[John Weaver] He treats us kindly and liberally and graciously and mercifully. He provides for His body as a man provides for his physical body.

[John Weaver] Now, I want you to understand that the word bring or nurture there then refers to a kind, gracious, liberal treatment. Let me just give you a short quote by John Calvin on Ephesians 6 and verse 4 on the word nurture. Here's what he says. Kind and liberal treatment has rather a tendency to cherish reverence for their parents and to increase the cheerfulness and activity of their obedience.

[John Weaver] while a harsh and unkind manner rouses them to obstinacy and destroys the natural affections. But Paul goes on to say, let them be fondly cherished, for the Greek word which is translated bring up unquestionably conveys the idea of gentleness and forbearance.

[John Weaver] Now, I trust that you can see the parallel because here is what the Bible is saying, that Christ is commanding that we as fathers provide for our children physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, developmentally, and we're to actually bring them into the position where they are prepared to face and deal with the totality of life in every sphere in all of its dimensions and demands. In other words, fathers are to nurture their children to be mature, well-equipped, intelligent, well-rounded, and biblically educated children. That's what he means by nurture. Just like a man takes care of his own body, just like Christ takes care of his own church, we are to nurture them.

[John Weaver] Here's what God is telling us. Listen, fathers, it's not enough that we are the biological cause of our children's existence. It is not enough that we are the material cause of their continued existence. That is, we work and bring home the bacon, so to speak. No, no. God says you're required to be the instrumental cause of their development in every area. In other words, you're required to be the total sustenance and nourisher of your child and every area of life. You to teach your child how to think. You to teach your child how to reason. You're to teach your child how to act. You're to teach your child how to work. You're to teach your child how to treat a young lady or a young man, how to treat a wife or how to treat a husband. You're to teach your child how to help. You're to teach your child how to love, honor, and respect the elderly. You're to teach your child to accomplish his task. In short, you, fathers, are the primary agent in the total overall development of your child.

[John Weaver] That's what God means when he says bring them up, nurture them up. Now. Let me tell you something. That may shock you. As a father. Your children will in all probability turn out exactly like you. In practically every area.

[John Weaver] Now, the question is, will that please you? Can you be satisfied with that? Look at verse four again, I want to emphasize this, look at verse four and you fathers. Remember, I told you this is a specific word. It means fathers and fathers only. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up, nurture them up in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] The point I'm trying to make is this. The task in verse 4 is not assigned to Mama. It is not assigned to the pastor. It is not assigned to the church. It is not assigned to the school. It is not assigned to the neighbors. It is not assigned to the university. The task is yours as a father, and God holds you accountable and responsible for the children that you sire.

[John Weaver] You're not to provoke them, but you're to nurture them up in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord. On the one hand, negatively, you're not to discourage and anger them needlessly, uselessly. But on the other hand, God is holding you positively responsible for the totality of their education. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, in every way whatsoever. Now, that's your task. Probably if most of us had understood this when we were single. We would probably still be single.

[John Weaver] Or we would be married without children. Can you imagine that? If you can imagine that this is the task that God has assigned the fathers, can you imagine how many fathers are neglecting and abusing and misusing and perverting that task, as well as denying it? Well, now that brings us to another question. If God has assigned fathers this task of nurturing their children, How do we accomplish it? God certainly does not leave the task up to our whims and our desires and our plans and our schemes. No. If God has assigned us the task, he's also assigned or given to us the means whereby that task may be accomplished. And the means are revealed in verse 4. Look at them. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them up in the nurture or child training and admonition of the Lord. Now, the very first positive means by which the task is to be accomplished is by child training. You know what I've heard parents say And I've heard fathers say this specifically when I tell them that the Word of God says the fathers are responsible to nurture their children.

[John Weaver] The first objection that I get is this, but I don't have a college education. The truth is. Many fathers never even graduated from high school. Well, let me ask you a question. The book of Ephesians was probably written between 60 and 63 A.D. When Paul addressed this to the fathers in 60 to 63 A.D., how many of them do you suppose had a college education?

[John Weaver] And the answer is none. The point I'm trying to make is God's command here has absolutely nothing to do with your level of education, but it does indeed have to do with your level of knowledge in the Word of God.

[John Weaver] Now, when the Bible says in verse 4, bring them up in the nurture, the word nurture there is actually paideia. That's the word we get for child training. It is variously translated in our Bible as chastening or nurture or instruction and chastisement. When you hear the word paideia, and it is a very, I don't want to use the word popular, but it is a well-known word, paideia, It refers to the whole training and the whole education of children.

[John Weaver] It involves the cultivation of the mind, the cultivation of morals, and it employs for this purpose commands and admonition, reproof and punishment. Now, I want to just show you, first of all, how this word is used generally in the Bible. And generally, it can be applied not just to children, but also to adults as well. So look in your Bibles if you would, hold Ephesians 6, but turn back in your Bibles to the book of Acts chapter 7 and look in verse 22. Acts 7 and verse 22. Just to show you now, this word refers to the entire education of the child. Acts chapter 7. And look, if you would please, at verse 22. The Bible says this concerning Moses. Acts 7, verse 22.

[John Weaver] And Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was mighty in words and deeds. Now, when you get to the word learned in Acts 7 and verse 22, it is the Greek word. I do, which is a verb, same word idea is the noun. But here's the verb form. And the Bible is saying that Moses. Was instructed, Moses was child trained in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, look and was mighty in words and in deeds.

[John Weaver] What does that teach us? That Moses was instructed, trained, taught, and molded and caused to learn everything that the Egyptians had to offer. That's how he was trained as a child. He had all the wisdom of Egypt. Look in your Bibles to 2 Timothy chapter 2. Second, Timothy, chapter two. And verse 25, here's the same word idea again. Second, Timothy, chapter two. And verse 25. It's again, is in the verb form, but notice Second Timothy two and verse 25. In fact, let's read verse 24 just so that you can see the context. And the servant of the Lord, that would be the pastor, and the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient in meekness, instructing or child-training those that oppose themselves, if God, peradventure, will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth." Isn't that interesting? Do you realize that child-training is even applied to the pastoral relationship?

[John Weaver] Well, is it not true that when we're first converted, we're babes in Christ, and then we go from babyhood to young men and from young men to fatherhood? Yes. So there's child training involved even in the ministry. And if you look in 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, you'll see the word again. Look at it. 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, all scripture. is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction or child training and righteousness.

[John Weaver] So here it is again. In other words, the word paideia gives us the whole scope of what you and I would call positive educational instruction. So when the Bible tells us that we're to bring our children up, we're to nurture them up in the nurture, that is, we're to nurture them in this child training, which would involve everything in education. But the Word of God is not only using Paideia in a general sense, it also uses it in a very specific sense.

[John Weaver] I want you to look in your Bibles to the book of Hebrews chapter 12. And I want to just read verses 5 through 11, and then let me come back and comment on this, OK? Look at Hebrews chapter 12, beginning there with verse 5. Let's read through verse 11. Hebrews 12, verse 5. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children." Whoa, stop there. Now, is Paul writing to children? No, he's writing to adults. He's writing to believers. He says, And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If you endure chastening, God will leave you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chastened not? But if you be without chastisement for all our partakers, then are you bastards and not sons.

[John Weaver] Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh who corrected us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure, but he for our profit that we might be partakers of His holiness.

[John Weaver] Now, no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby."

[John Weaver] Now, I want to go back and reread this, but I want to use the word paideia, child training. Watch carefully verse 5. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the child-training, the paideia of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he child-trains, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." If you endure child-training, God deals with you as sons. For what son is whom the father child-trains not? But if you be without child-training, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons?

[John Weaver] Furthermore, who had fathers of our flesh, who child-trained us, and we gave them reverence, shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father's Spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days child-trained us after their own pleasure, but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.

[John Weaver] Now no child-training for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby."

[John Weaver] Now, every time you see the word chastened, chastening, or chasteneth, or corrected in this passage, it is the same Greek word paideia. What does the word refer to in this passage? Here's what it refers to. It refers to the intelligent and purposeful application of a rod or a switch. for punishment and correction. It's the use of the rod to enforce a lesson. Now look in verse 6 just to show you we're talking about the use of the rod. Verse 6, for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and what? Scourgeth. Scourgeth. In other words, chastening is parallel with scourging. Skip down to verse 11.

[John Weaver] Now, no child training for the present seemed to be joyous, but grievous. How many of you ever laugh when you've gotten a whipping and said, thank God I'm getting a whipping in this wonderful? No, if you got it right. You didn't rejoice. So the point I'm trying to make is this. The specific application of child training is not just education in general, but education by use of the rod.

[John Weaver] Now, if you look back at Ephesians 6 and verse 4, hold Hebrews 12, we're coming right back there, but look back at Ephesians 6 and verse 4, and I'm going to deal with this in just a moment, but let me just show you the contrast, okay? Ephesians 6 and verse 4, and you fathers provoke not your children to wrath, that's the negative, here's the positive, but bring them up, nurture them up in the child training and admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] Now, child training is a general word that would include overall education, but specifically the use of the rod, and then it says an admonition, and when you get to the word admonition, which I'll tell you a little bit later, deals with verbal instruction. So the word Nurture or child training is set here in opposition to admonition. Admonition is verbal instruction, but child training or chasing goes beyond verbal instruction and warnings and advice and includes the use of the rod.

[John Weaver] So, we may say this, God has given us two things for nurturing our children. admonition, verbal instruction, and the use of the rod. Now, let me just point out that we should deal with our children the way God deals with us. How does God deal with us? Well, I'm going to show you a scripture in just a little bit, but God deals with us in two ways. First of all, he deals with us through and by His Word. There is always verbal instruction. If we fail to heed that verbal instruction, then the rod comes along.

[John Weaver] Now look in Hebrews 12, verse 6 again. Watch what the Bible says. For whom the Lord loveth, He child trains, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth, if ye endure chastening, God leadeth you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chasteth not?" How many of us usually get the rod at one time or the other in our lives? All of us. All of us. Now, does God chasten His own? Yes, He does. Why does God chastise us?

[John Weaver] Is it because he hates us? No, it's because he loves us and because he wants us to listen to him and obey him and heed his word and do that which is right.

[John Weaver] Now, I want you to hold Hebrews 12, but turn back in your Bibles to the little book of Micah. Minor prophet, the book of Micah. Chapter 6 and look at verse 9. OK, Micah is right before the book of Nahum and it's right after the book of Jonah. Jonah, Micah, Nahum. Look in Micah chapter 6 and verse 9. Micah 6 and verse 9. Watch this Micah 6 verse 9.

[John Weaver] The Lord's voice crieth unto the city. The Lord's voice, that is His words, crieth unto the city, and the man of wisdom shall see thy name. Hear ye the rod in him who hath appointed it."

[John Weaver] Now, what does God do first? God sends His Word. What does God do second? He sends His rod. The Word is first. The rod is second. If we wish to be spared the rod, we must obey his word. The sanctified use of the rod toward our children must always be governed by the word of God. And I'm certainly going to lay that out in the next lesson. It must be used only as God uses his rod. Now, as you go back to Hebrews chapter 12, having pointed out the fact That God does indeed, and I'll point this out more next time we meet, that God does indeed use the rod. I've heard people say, I've heard parents say that they objected to the use of the rod and that they would never, ever use a rod on their child. They've never whipped their child. I'm not being ugly. But I'm showing you what the Bible says. Look back, Hebrews chapter 12. Someone says, well, I've never used the rod on my child, I've never whipped my child.

[John Weaver] Look in verse 6, Hebrews 12, For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Are you watching? If you endure chastening God delivered you as with sons. For what son is he whom the father chastened not? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons. What is a bastard? It's an illegitimate child. It's a child who has no father. It's a child who had a biological father, but he never cared enough for the child to nurture him and raise him. Lack of chastisement is not a manifestation of love, it is a manifestation of hatred. Lack of chastisement is even a denial of sonship. For what son is he whom the father chastened not? A man that will not whip his child does not love his child if the child needs whipping. A child who has a father who will not correct him is no better off than a child who does not have a father.

[John Weaver] That's what the scripture says. So the point I'm making is simple. Fathers have been given the means of verbal instruction and the sanctified use of the rod. I realize some children do not need as much correction as other children. I mean, when you're willing to do what's right, you don't need the rod. It's just that simple. I hardly ever had to whip Rebecca, for which she's thankful, what, three or four times in your whole life.

[John Weaver] But now my twins, that was a horse of a different color. Sometimes every week, sometimes several times a week. I'm just saying. God deals with us through his word and by his rod, we're to deal with our children through our word and by our rod. In other words, if they don't want the rod, they need to hear the word. Just like we as Christians, if we don't want God's rod to fall upon us, we need to hear His word.

[John Weaver] Now, let's go back to Ephesians 6 and verse 4. I'm going to deal with the sanctified use of the rod next time, but look in Ephesians 6 and verse 4 again. Because I want to show you the second means that God has given us to accomplish this task of nurturing. He says in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, and ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture, that's the child training, and then the admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] Now, the word admonition is very emphatic and very specific. And you and I should understand this word admonition. It is the Greek word, nuthesia. It is made up of two Greek words, nous and titheimi. It is usually translated in our Bibles, and it occurs several times, it is usually translated either admonition or exhortation. Now let me tell you what the word noufeisia means. I told you it's made up of two words, nous and titheimi. Nous, N-O-U-S in the Greek is the Greek word for mind. Tithani is a verb which means to cause to stand. So what is this admonition or this exhortation? It is an exhortation or an admonition that you cause to stand in the child's mind. It is verbal instruction. But it is so specific and so emphatic that it stands out in the child's mind so that the child cannot forget it. It's like tying a string around your brain, you know, you just don't forget it. Now, let me show you how the word is used. Look in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 10 and verse 11.

[John Weaver] 1 Corinthians chapter 10. and verse 11. First Corinthians 10 verse 11.

[John Weaver] Now all these things happen unto them. He's talking about Israel in the wilderness. Now all these things happen to them for examples and they're written for our admonition upon whom the ends of the world are come. Now here's the word admonition. But I want you to note the context of verse 11. If you'll go back to verse 1, that was Israel's deliverance from Egypt, how they crossed the Red Sea on dry land, verses 1 and 2. Verse 3, how God provided for them. Verse 4, how God gave them water out of the rock. Verse 5, how God killed them in the wilderness because of their sins and their rebellion. Verse 7, they were idolaters and fornicators and once again God killed many of them. Verse 9, some of them tempted Christ there in the wilderness, and once again they were destroyed. Verse 10, they murmured and were destroyed. Now when you get to verse 11, now all these things happen to them, for example, that are written for our admonition.

[John Weaver] How can you forget thousands of people dying? How can you forget God killing someone because of their fornication and their idolatry? How can you forget someone complaining and murmuring, God, we don't have any flesh to eat, and God sends quail into the camp and they gorge themselves, and while the meat's in their mouth, God kills a whole bunch of them. How do you forget things like that?

[John Weaver] I mean, that kind of stands out in your mind, doesn't it? That's what God is saying right here. You don't forget how I deal with sin. Look in your Bibles, if you would, please. Romans chapter 15.

[John Weaver] Now, we're talking about admonition. We're talking about verbal instruction. That stands out in the mind, look at Romans 15 in verse 14, here are some qualifications. Some characteristics that should be in our lives if we as we verbally instruct our children, Romans 15 in verse 14. Paul writes these Roman Christians, and he says, And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another, able also to cause something to stand in each other's mind. But notice the requirements. Look in verse 14. Paul said, And I myself also persuaded of you, my brethren, that you are all college graduates and you all have a degree in counseling.

[John Weaver] Is that what he said? No. He said, I myself am persuaded of you, my brothers, you're full of goodness and filled with knowledge that is biblical knowledge. And therefore, you're able to admonish one another and cause things to stand out in each other's minds. So that means fathers. We have to have knowledge. We have to have goodness in the sense that we're seeking the best for our children.

[John Weaver] Look in your Bible to the book of Colossians 1 and verse 28. Here you will find the same word again, Colossians 1 verse 28. This time it's translated just a little differently. Usually it's admonish or exhortation. But here it happens to be translated warning. He says in verse 28, whom we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. Whom we preach warning that is euthetically confronting, causing things to stand out of the mind of every man. Watch, and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect or mature in Christ.

[John Weaver] Here's what he's saying about admonition in this place. Admonition is required for maturity. You don't get to maturity without being admonished, without learning something. And then if you look at your Bibles to Acts chapter 20 and verse 31, you'll see it again, and you will discover the heartfelt attitude that is actually to accompany this admonishment. Look in Acts chapter 20 and verse 31. Look what the Apostle Paul said. Acts 20 and verse 31.

[John Weaver] He says, therefore, watch and remember that by the space of three years I cease not to warn that is admonish confront everyone night and day with tears. Now, when Paul was admonishing, when Paul was verbally instructing and causing something to stand in the minds of these Christians. He said, I did it with tears. My heart was broken, I had genuine heartfelt love and compassion for you. I want to tell you something. I do remember a lot of the destruction that my father gave me. But the one time that he wept over me that I remember is a thing that really stands out in my mind and I've never ever forgotten.

[John Weaver] The point I'm trying to make is this. God expects us to use verbal instruction first. That verbal instruction is needed and necessary. But it needs to be presented in such a way that it stands out in the mind. If we're full of goodness and full of knowledge and full of compassion, When we teach and instruct our children, they will listen. The admonition is verbal, but it still has to stand out in the mind.

[John Weaver] Let me tell you, there's a good example. Of biblical admonitions in a book in the Bible. Called the Book of. Proverbs. The Book of Proverbs. You know what Proverbs are? Proverbs are pithy, barbed statements that stand out in your mind that you can't forget. A little slumber, a little folding the hand, so shall poverty come upon a man. The book of Proverbs talks about laziness, talks about the work ethic, talks about economics, talks about the family, talks about wicked women, talks about the attire of harlots, talks about friendship, talks about work. I mean, it's full of pithy, barbed statements that stand out.

[John Weaver] The problem is most of the time we really genuinely do not take the time to instruct our children verbally. We just assume that they understand and expect and we expect that they understand and know exactly what we mean or what we want when in reality they do not. And so many Fathers think, well, I don't have a college education. I don't have book learning. How can I teach my children? Let me tell you.

[John Weaver] Most of us have been through the school of hard knocks. You've heard the old adage, experience is the best teacher. Actually, I believe the word of God is the best teacher, but most of us have had experiences that we can relate to the best teacher. You heard the story about the man who was a wealthy mine owner. Sent his son off to college, got his degree in engineering, brought that diploma back, showed it to his father. His father put him over one of his mines. First thing the son did. was fire the foreman that had been with the company for 30-something years because the foreman didn't have a degree. When the foreman called the boy's father, told him he'd been fired, the boy's father just said, don't worry about it.

[John Weaver] You're still on the job. You're still on the payroll. Just take you a long vacation till I can work it out. He said, you haven't lost your job. He just let the boy have his way.

[John Weaver] Finally, the mine started leaking and the boy couldn't stop the water coming in the mine. And he finally called his father and said, what shall I do? He said, son, take your diploma and stick it in the hole. He said, that won't work. Rehire George, the foreman that you fired, and let him fix it. You get the gist? You could have all kind of degrees behind your name and not have a lick of common sense.

[John Weaver] An experience, especially experience coupled with biblical principle is worth a hundred doctrines. I never will forget what Lester Roloff said. When Bob Jones University tried to give him an honorary doctorate, I don't know if you know who Lester Olaf was or not. He's just an old country preacher from Texas. Wonderful preacher. When they offered him an honorary doctorate, he turned it down. They asked him why. He said, well, that's just kind of like putting whipped cream on onions. You just don't do it. What does God use?

[John Weaver] He uses His word and He uses His rod. What does our Lord use? Watch this. Turn in your Bibles to the book of Revelation 3, verse 19. Look in Revelation 3, verse 19. Our Lord makes this statement. Revelation 3, verse 19. He says this. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Be zealous therefore and repent.

[John Weaver] Now listen to what he said. As many as I love, what does he do? I rebuke and I chasten. I give the word and I give the rod. If you listen to the word, the rod will not fall. But if you don't hear my word, you'll hear the rod. And then lastly, in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, the sphere in which this is to be accomplished. Here's what he said, and ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up, nurture them up in the child training and admonition of the Lord. Clearly, the realm and the sphere in which both admonition and chasing are to take place. Is the biblical realm.

[John Weaver] We're not to follow man-made, naturalistic, or humanistic reasoning. Neither are we to follow my mate's right. We are rather to follow the Word of God. Many parents of the last generation raised their children according to Spock instead of according to the Word of God. And Spock, before he died, Had to confess that he led the generation wrong and that he was wrong. Was too late for a lot of those people.

[John Weaver] But I can sit here today and tell you this. The Word of God is not wrong. And God will never have to apologize to anyone for what he puts in his word. His word is truth. And that means fathers. That means fathers we need not only to follow the principles of the Word of God. We need the power of God's grace to accomplish the task that God has assigned to us. It should be evident that God desires that the children of Christians should be brought up as Christians.

[John Weaver] And I must act as a Christian with regard to my child and not otherwise. And I must discipline my child according to the word of God and not otherwise. My actions and my attitudes must flow from the word of God and from His grace. Let me make very quickly just a couple of applications. The first one is this. God holds fathers responsible for the education and the discipline of their children. And fathers must accept that responsibility and then seek to fulfill it according to the Word of God. Listen carefully. If a father does not teach his child truth, someone else will teach him error. The young unbeliever that the child meets in school or the neighborhood, the artful infidel, the hater of God, the unprincipled stranger, somebody is going to teach that child. It is far better for the father to teach the child truth than for a stranger to teach him error.

[John Weaver] The second application is this. Like our Heavenly Father, we must first learn to use the word of admonition. We must make sure the word stands out in the mind that our children hear and they grasp. And then only after that do we use the rod if they refuse. To hear the word, and let me point out, and I know children don't believe this, But I remember my father telling me, and my mother telling me, as they whipped me, or right before they whipped me, now this is going to hurt me a whole lot worse than it hurts you. I thought they were lying like a dog. But you know, when you get to be a father and a grandfather, it does hurt. You know what the Bible says in Lamentations 3 in verse 33 concerning our Heavenly Father?

[John Weaver] Listen to this, for he doth not afflict willingly or grieve the children of men. God is not some mean old rascal just sitting up there waiting with a rod to beat someone half to death. That's not God. God uses the rod only because He has to use the rod. The fathers use the rod only because they're forced to use the rod because the admonition will not stand out in the mind of a child. Therefore, the rod comes along to enforce that admonition. If children would listen and obey, they would never be whipped. Are you listening? If we as Christians would listen and obey the Word of God, then the rod of God would never fall on us either. But when we whip our children, it's not because we hate them, but it's because we love them. And when God whips us, it's not because He hates us, it's because He loves us and He wants us to do right and to be right. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, either immediate or delayed, but you nurture them up in the child training and in the admonition of the Lord.

[John Weaver] Give them the biblical principles. Make them stand out in their minds. If they refuse them, Then the rod must enforce those principles.

[John Weaver] Now, let me just tell you this. There are rules. There are regulations, there are directives, there are commands in the Bible. Concerning the right use of rod. And Lord willing, I shall show those to you. In the next message, let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we ask today for your love and your grace to be in our lives. Lord, we do pray that you would teach us, help the fathers specifically, Lord, to nurture their children, child train their children.

[John Weaver] Using the admonition of the Word of God. And if necessary, the rod of the Word of God. But Lord, I pray that you would grant us an awakening in this country, a reviving, and especially, Lord, an awakening and a reviving of the family. Get us back to where we ought to be and should be. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray. Amen.

The Family - Part 11

John Weaver | SermonAudio

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	SermonAudio
Media ID	1211071622510
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The Family
Genre	Sermon
Date	2007-11-25
Dictation Name
Book	Book 035: The Family — Chapter 11
Source Timed Segments	80

Formatted Transcript

Introduction and Review

Weaver reviews the series on the biblical family, covering dominion, gender differences, order, and roles of wives and husbands. He recaps the negative command from last week: fathers provoking children to wrath through failure in discipline, work ethic, and education.

Ephesians chapter 6, and once again let's read the first four verses. I'll take a few moments to review and then we'll pick up from there.

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1-4

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

We've been looking at the biblical doctrine of the family, and we've seen several things so far. First of all, the family as an instrument of dominion. And I pointed out how God ordained the family as an instrument of dominion. Then we looked at the creation differences between men and women and saw that there were not just simply physical differences, but judgmental and emotional differences as well. Then we looked at God's intentional order in creation and in the family, how that it's God, Christ, man, and woman.

Then we began to look at the individual roles. We saw the role of a wife was that of submission, because her submission was to picture the submission of the church to Jesus Christ. And then we saw the role of the husband was to love, because the husband's love is to reflect the love that Christ had for his church. So the Bible says very obviously, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." And I've told you how these things are inseparably bound to each other. So as the wife is to submit, the husband is to love. You can't have one without the other. Then we got on children. In verse one, the Bible tells us that there are basically two responsibilities of children. The two key words are obey and honor. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." "Honor thy father and thy mother." And we're living in a day when each of these concepts are basically despised. In fact, one of the reasons our children are so rebellious and disrespectful is they have not been taught to obey. Neither have they been taught to honor.

Rather, they've been neglected and abused and left in what I call a visible biblical ignorance. And of course, the Bible then says that the fathers are not to provoke the children, but to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Now I was dealing with verse 4 last week and I made the statement that Ephesians 6 and verse 4 is a very simple, straightforward statement. In fact, "You fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." It's very simple, very straightforward. There are two thoughts. One is a negative, and the other is a positive. And I showed you last week the negative, how fathers can provoke their children to wrath and discouragement. And I pointed out how that there is an immediate anger that they can be provoked to and an immediate discouragement. But then there's also a delayed or a long-term anger and discouragement. And the two points that I made on delayed anger and delayed discouragement is when there is a failure, number one, on the part of the father either to discipline the children and teach them discipline, and number two, a failure on the part of the father to teach the children to work. In other words, there must be a biblical work ethic.

We must understand the value of work, the need of work, the necessity of work, and also, of course, the rewards of work as well. So you can fail your children in not giving them discipline and/or teaching them a biblical work ethic. I might also point out another major area of delayed anger and frustration could be also a failure to secure for your children a sound biblical education. You know, education really and truly in one sense of the word does not mean much to a child while he is a child. For instance, if I were to ask every adult in this room, "How many of you went to a government school?" probably every hand would be raised because when you and I went to school, there was not much emphasis on homeschooling or on Christian education or anything like that. In fact, when some of us went to school, you still prayed in school and read the Bible in school and did things like that. And there was still morality and ethics taught in some degree. Children don't usually think about education, but you allow them to mature and all of a sudden education is ever present in their mind. Many of us can identify with the old gospel song, "Wasted Years." And we think back now as adults on our education, especially in the government school, it was wasted years. Part of the chorus of that song, "Wasted years, wasted years, oh how foolish." And I can assure you that every mature adult in this room, every Christian adult in this room, now wishes that he had a very sound, biblical education.

The Positive Command: Nurture Them

The task is to 'bring them up' (ektrephō), meaning to nourish to maturity. This is illustrated by how a man nourishes his body and how Christ nourishes the church, providing everything necessary for development.

Now I want you to see three things under this positive commandment. First of all, the task described: nurture them. Secondly, the means by which this task is to be accomplished: chastening and admonition. And thirdly, the sphere in which it is to be accomplished: in the Lord. So let's look first of all at the description of the task: nurture them. You may be in for a surprise, because if you look at verse 4, when you get to the positive, the Bible says, "...but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Fathers are not to provoke their children, but rather, on the other hand, they are to nurture them. Now we have to ask the question, what does it mean to nurture? In fact, as you look in verse 4, you see the word nurture, N-U-R-T-U-R-E. But do you realize the word nurture actually occurs in another word in that verse? Because the word nurture in verse four can also be translated another way. In fact, look at the little word "bring," but bring them up. Literally, that is the word nurture them up. So actually it says nurture them up.

in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord. Now, the word for "bring" here is the Greek word ektrephō, and it literally means to nourish, to bring up, to nourish up, to maturity, and to mature. Ektrephō is made up of two words. The first one ek, which is a preposition which is "out of" or "from," sometimes "with" or "on," and trephō. And the word trephō literally means to feed, to support, to fatten, to nourish, and to bring up. So actually this word ektrephō literally means that we are to be continually and constantly nourishing and bringing up our children. It's a present in the Greek which means it's something that is to be done constantly and continually. Now the interesting thing about this word ektrephō, bring or nurture, is that it only occurs one other time in the scripture. Let me show you the other passage.

Look in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 29. Here is the same word. Now watch it. Ephesians 5 verse 29,

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 5:29

"For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord does the church."

Now, let's look at these two illustrations. And let's ask, first of all, how does a man nourish his own body? He nourishes his own body by providing everything necessary for its normal, useful development and sustenance. In other words, a man takes care of himself and for himself and sees that everything that he needs is acquired. If he needs food, he gets it. If he needs medical attention, he gets it. If he needs to be educated in a certain area, he acquires it. If he needs training, he gets that as well. He seeks it out. In other words, the man that nourishes his body does everything he can to sustain and provide for his body. He doesn't do one thing to harm or to hurt his body. Now, there's another illustration in verse 29.

Look at it. "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it," watch, "even as the Lord the church." So you've got to ask yourself another question. How does the Lord nourish the church? And the answer comes back: He provides for the church life and strength and perfection or maturity. In other words, there is not one thing that the church needs that Jesus Christ does not provide. He is our head. He treats us kindly and liberally and graciously and mercifully. He provides for His body as a man provides for his physical body.

Now, I want you to understand that the word "bring" or "nurture" there then refers to a kind, gracious, liberal treatment. Let me just give you a short quote by John Calvin on Ephesians 6 and verse 4 on the word nurture. Here's what he says: "Kind and liberal treatment has rather a tendency to cherish reverence for their parents and to increase the cheerfulness and activity of their obedience, while a harsh and unkind manner rouses them to obstinacy and destroys the natural affections. But Paul goes on to say, let them be fondly cherished, for the Greek word which is translated 'bring up' unquestionably conveys the idea of gentleness and forbearance."

Now, I trust that you can see the parallel because here is what the Bible is saying, that Christ is commanding that we as fathers provide for our children physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, developmentally, and we're to actually bring them into the position where they are prepared to face and deal with the totality of life in every sphere in all of its dimensions and demands. In other words, fathers are to nurture their children to be mature, well-equipped, intelligent, well-rounded, and biblically educated children. That's what he means by nurture. Just like a man takes care of his own body, just like Christ takes care of his own church, we are to nurture them.

The Father's Total Responsibility

Fathers are the primary agents for their children's total development—mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. The command is directed specifically to fathers, not mothers, pastors, or schools.

Here's what God is telling us. Listen, fathers, it's not enough that we are the biological cause of our children's existence. It is not enough that we are the material cause of their continued existence. That is, we work and bring home the bacon, so to speak. No, no. God says you're required to be the instrumental cause of their development in every area. In other words, you're required to be the total sustenance and nourisher of your child in every area of life. You're to teach your child how to think. You're to teach your child how to reason. You're to teach your child how to act. You're to teach your child how to work. You're to teach your child how to treat a young lady or a young man, how to treat a wife or how to treat a husband. You're to teach your child how to help. You're to teach your child how to love, honor, and respect the elderly. You're to teach your child to accomplish his task. In short, you, fathers, are the primary agent in the total overall development of your child.

That's what God means when he says bring them up, nurture them up. Now, let me tell you something. That may shock you. As a father, your children will in all probability turn out exactly like you. In practically every area.

Now, the question is, will that please you? Can you be satisfied with that? Look at verse four again, I want to emphasize this, look at verse four: "And you fathers." Remember, I told you this is a specific word. It means fathers and fathers only. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up, nurture them up in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord." The point I'm trying to make is this. The task in verse 4 is not assigned to Mama. It is not assigned to the pastor. It is not assigned to the church. It is not assigned to the school. It is not assigned to the neighbors. It is not assigned to the university. The task is yours as a father, and God holds you accountable and responsible for the children that you sire.

You're not to provoke them, but you're to nurture them up in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord. On the one hand, negatively, you're not to discourage and anger them needlessly, uselessly. But on the other hand, God is holding you positively responsible for the totality of their education. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, in every way whatsoever. Now, that's your task. Probably if most of us had understood this when we were single, we would probably still be single.

The Means: Child Training (Paideia)

The first means is 'nurture' (paideia), which broadly refers to the whole training and education of children, including cultivation of mind and morals. It is used generally for instruction (Acts 7:22; 2 Tim 2:25; 3:16).

The first objection that I get is this: "But I don't have a college education." The truth is, many fathers never even graduated from high school. Well, let me ask you a question. The book of Ephesians was probably written between 60 and 63 A.D. When Paul addressed this to the fathers in 60 to 63 A.D., how many of them do you suppose had a college education? And the answer is none. The point I'm trying to make is God's command here has absolutely nothing to do with your level of education, but it does indeed have to do with your level of knowledge in the Word of God.

Now, when the Bible says in verse 4, "bring them up in the nurture," the word nurture there is actually paideia. That's the word we get for child training. It is variously translated in our Bible as chastening or nurture or instruction and chastisement. When you hear the word paideia, and it is a very, I don't want to use the word popular, but it is a well-known word, paideia, it refers to the whole training and the whole education of children. It involves the cultivation of the mind, the cultivation of morals, and it employs for this purpose commands and admonition, reproof and punishment. Now, I want to just show you, first of all, how this word is used generally in the Bible. And generally, it can be applied not just to children, but also to adults as well. So look in your Bibles if you would, hold Ephesians 6, but turn back in your Bibles to the book of Acts chapter 7 and look in verse 22. Acts 7 and verse 22. Just to show you now, this word refers to the entire education of the child. Acts chapter 7, and look, if you would please, at verse 22. The Bible says this concerning Moses. Acts 7, verse 22.

"And Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was mighty in words and deeds." Now, when you get to the word "learned" in Acts 7 and verse 22, it is the Greek word epaideuthē, which is a verb, same word idea as the noun. But here's the verb form. And the Bible is saying that Moses was instructed, Moses was child trained in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, look, and was mighty in words and in deeds. What does that teach us? That Moses was instructed, trained, taught, and molded and caused to learn everything that the Egyptians had to offer. That's how he was trained as a child. He had all the wisdom of Egypt. Look in your Bibles to 2 Timothy chapter 2. Second Timothy, chapter two, and verse 25, here's the same word idea again. Second Timothy, chapter two, and verse 25. In fact, let's read verse 24 just so that you can see the context. "And the servant of the Lord," that would be the pastor, "and the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing or child-training those that oppose themselves, if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth." Isn't that interesting? Do you realize that child-training is even applied to the pastoral relationship?

Scripture Reading — 2 Timothy 2:24-25

Well, is it not true that when we're first converted, we're babes in Christ, and then we go from babyhood to young men and from young men to fatherhood? Yes. So there's child training involved even in the ministry. And if you look in 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, you'll see the word again. Look at it. 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, "All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction or child training in righteousness."

So here it is again. In other words, the word paideia gives us the whole scope of what you and I would call positive educational instruction. So when the Bible tells us that we're to bring our children up, we're to nurture them up in the nurture, that is, we're to nurture them in this child training, which would involve everything in education. But the Word of God is not only using paideia in a general sense, it also uses it in a very specific sense.

The Specific Use of the Rod

In Hebrews 12:5-11, paideia specifically refers to chastening with the rod. God uses the rod on His children out of love, and lack of chastisement indicates illegitimacy, not love.

I want you to look in your Bibles to the book of Hebrews chapter 12. And I want to just read verses 5 through 11, and then let me come back and comment on this, OK? Look at Hebrews chapter 12, beginning there with verse 5. Let's read through verse 11. Hebrews 12, verse 5.

Scripture Reading — Hebrews 12:5-11

"And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children."

Whoa, stop there. Now, is Paul writing to children? No, he's writing to adults. He's writing to believers. He says,

Scripture Reading — Hebrews 12:5-11

"And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If you endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons."

"Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh who corrected us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure, but he for our profit that we might be partakers of His holiness." "Now, no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby."

Now, I want to go back and reread this, but I want to use the word paideia, child training. Watch carefully verse 5. "And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the child-training, the paideia of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he child-trains, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." "If you endure child-training, God deals with you as sons. For what son is he whom the father child-trains not? But if you be without child-training, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons?" "Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh, who child-trained us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days child-trained us after their own pleasure, but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness."

"Now no child-training for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby." Now, every time you see the word chastened, chastening, or chasteneth, or corrected in this passage, it is the same Greek word paideia. What does the word refer to in this passage? Here's what it refers to. It refers to the intelligent and purposeful application of a rod or a switch for punishment and correction. It's the use of the rod to enforce a lesson. Now look in verse 6 just to show you we're talking about the use of the rod. Verse 6, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and" what? "Scourgeth." Scourgeth. In other words, chastening is parallel with scourging. Skip down to verse 11.

"Now, no child training for the present seemed to be joyous, but grievous." How many of you ever laugh when you've gotten a whipping and said, "Thank God I'm getting a whipping, this is wonderful"? No, if you got it right, you didn't rejoice. So the point I'm trying to make is this. The specific application of child training is not just education in general, but education by use of the rod.

Now, if you look back at Ephesians 6 and verse 4, hold Hebrews 12, we're coming right back there, but look back at Ephesians 6 and verse 4, and I'm going to deal with this in just a moment, but let me just show you the contrast, okay? Ephesians 6 and verse 4, "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath," that's the negative, here's the positive, "but bring them up, nurture them up in the child training and admonition of the Lord." Now, child training is a general word that would include overall education, but specifically the use of the rod, and then it says "and admonition," and when you get to the word admonition, which I'll tell you a little bit later, deals with verbal instruction. So the word nurture or child training is set here in opposition to admonition. Admonition is verbal instruction, but child training or chastening goes beyond verbal instruction and warnings and advice and includes the use of the rod.

So, we may say this, God has given us two things for nurturing our children: admonition, verbal instruction, and the use of the rod. Now, let me just point out that we should deal with our children the way God deals with us. How does God deal with us? Well, I'm going to show you a scripture in just a little bit, but God deals with us in two ways. First of all, he deals with us through and by His Word. There is always verbal instruction. If we fail to heed that verbal instruction, then the rod comes along.

Now look in Hebrews 12, verse 6 again. Watch what the Bible says. "For whom the Lord loveth, He child trains, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth, if ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not?" How many of us usually get the rod at one time or the other in our lives? All of us. All of us. Now, does God chasten His own? Yes, He does. Why does God chastise us?

Is it because he hates us? No, it's because he loves us and because he wants us to listen to him and obey him and heed his word and do that which is right. Now, I want you to hold Hebrews 12, but turn back in your Bibles to the little book of Micah. Minor prophet, the book of Micah. Chapter 6 and look at verse 9. OK, Micah is right before the book of Nahum and it's right after the book of Jonah. Jonah, Micah, Nahum. Look in Micah chapter 6 and verse 9. Micah 6 and verse 9. Watch this Micah 6 verse 9.

"The Lord's voice crieth unto the city. The Lord's voice," that is His words, "crieth unto the city, and the man of wisdom shall see thy name. Hear ye the rod in him who hath appointed it." Now, what does God do first? God sends His Word. What does God do second? He sends His rod. The Word is first. The rod is second. If we wish to be spared the rod, we must obey his word. The sanctified use of the rod toward our children must always be governed by the word of God. And I'm certainly going to lay that out in the next lesson. It must be used only as God uses his rod. Now, as you go back to Hebrews chapter 12, having pointed out the fact that God does indeed, and I'll point this out more next time we meet, that God does indeed use the rod. I've heard people say, I've heard parents say that they objected to the use of the rod and that they would never, ever use a rod on their child. They've never whipped their child. I'm not being ugly. But I'm showing you what the Bible says. Look back, Hebrews chapter 12. Someone says, "Well, I've never used the rod on my child, I've never whipped my child."

Look in verse 6, Hebrews 12, "For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." Are you watching? "If you endure chastening God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons." What is a bastard? It's an illegitimate child. It's a child who has no father. It's a child who had a biological father, but he never cared enough for the child to nurture him and raise him. Lack of chastisement is not a manifestation of love, it is a manifestation of hatred. Lack of chastisement is even a denial of sonship. "For what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?" A man that will not whip his child does not love his child if the child needs whipping. A child who has a father who will not correct him is no better off than a child who does not have a father.

That's what the scripture says. So the point I'm making is simple. Fathers have been given the means of verbal instruction and the sanctified use of the rod. I realize some children do not need as much correction as other children. I mean, when you're willing to do what's right, you don't need the rod. It's just that simple. I hardly ever had to whip Rebecca, for which she's thankful, what, three or four times in your whole life.

The Means: Admonition (Nouthesia)

The second means is 'admonition' (nouthesia), verbal instruction that stands out in the mind. It requires goodness and biblical knowledge (Rom 15:14), is essential for maturity (Col 1:28), and should be done with tears (Acts 20:31). Proverbs exemplify such instruction.

Now, the word admonition is very emphatic and very specific. And you and I should understand this word admonition. It is the Greek word, nouthesia. It is made up of two Greek words, nous and tithēmi. It is usually translated in our Bibles, and it occurs several times, it is usually translated either admonition or exhortation. Now let me tell you what the word nouthesia means. I told you it's made up of two words, nous and tithēmi. Nous, N-O-U-S in the Greek is the Greek word for mind. Tithēmi is a verb which means to cause to stand. So what is this admonition or this exhortation? It is an exhortation or an admonition that you cause to stand in the child's mind. It is verbal instruction. But it is so specific and so emphatic that it stands out in the child's mind so that the child cannot forget it. It's like tying a string around your brain, you know, you just don't forget it. Now, let me show you how the word is used. Look in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 10 and verse 11.

1 Corinthians chapter 10, and verse 11. First Corinthians 10 verse 11.

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 10:11

"Now all these things happened unto them."

He's talking about Israel in the wilderness.

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 10:11

"Now all these things happened to them for examples and they're written for our admonition upon whom the ends of the world are come."

Now here's the word admonition. But I want you to note the context of verse 11. If you'll go back to verse 1, that was Israel's deliverance from Egypt, how they crossed the Red Sea on dry land, verses 1 and 2. Verse 3, how God provided for them. Verse 4, how God gave them water out of the rock. Verse 5, how God killed them in the wilderness because of their sins and their rebellion. Verse 7, they were idolaters and fornicators and once again God killed many of them. Verse 9, some of them tempted Christ there in the wilderness, and once again they were destroyed. Verse 10, they murmured and were destroyed. Now when you get to verse 11,

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 10:11

"Now all these things happened to them, for example, that are written for our admonition."

How can you forget thousands of people dying? How can you forget God killing someone because of their fornication and their idolatry? How can you forget someone complaining and murmuring, "God, we don't have any flesh to eat," and God sends quail into the camp and they gorge themselves, and while the meat's in their mouth, God kills a whole bunch of them. How do you forget things like that? I mean, that kind of stands out in your mind, doesn't it? That's what God is saying right here. You don't forget how I deal with sin. Look in your Bibles, if you would, please. Romans chapter 15.

Now, we're talking about admonition. We're talking about verbal instruction that stands out in the mind. Look at Romans 15 in verse 14, here are some qualifications, some characteristics that should be in our lives if we as we verbally instruct our children. Romans 15 in verse 14. Paul writes these Roman Christians, and he says,

Scripture Reading — Romans 15:14

"And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another,"

able also to cause something to stand in each other's mind. But notice the requirements. Look in verse 14. Paul said,

Scripture Reading — Romans 15:14

"And I myself also persuaded of you, my brethren, that you are all college graduates and you all have a degree in counseling."

Is that what he said? No. He said, "I myself am persuaded of you, my brothers, you're full of goodness and filled with knowledge," that is biblical knowledge. "And therefore, you're able to admonish one another" and cause things to stand out in each other's minds. So that means fathers, we have to have knowledge. We have to have goodness in the sense that we're seeking the best for our children. Look in your Bible to the book of Colossians 1 and verse 28. Here you will find the same word again, Colossians 1 verse 28. This time it's translated just a little differently. Usually it's admonish or exhortation. But here it happens to be translated warning. He says in verse 28,

Scripture Reading — Colossians 1:28

"Whom we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus." "Whom we preach warning,"

that is nouthetically confronting, causing things to stand out of the mind of every man. Watch,

Scripture Reading — Colossians 1:28

"and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect or mature in Christ."

Here's what he's saying about admonition in this place. Admonition is required for maturity. You don't get to maturity without being admonished, without learning something. And then if you look at your Bibles to Acts chapter 20 and verse 31, you'll see it again, and you will discover the heartfelt attitude that is actually to accompany this admonishment. Look in Acts chapter 20 and verse 31. Look what the Apostle Paul said. Acts 20 and verse 31.

He says, "Therefore, watch and remember that by the space of three years I cease not to warn," that is admonish, confront, "everyone night and day with tears." Now, when Paul was admonishing, when Paul was verbally instructing and causing something to stand in the minds of these Christians, he said, "I did it with tears." My heart was broken, I had genuine heartfelt love and compassion for you. I want to tell you something. I do remember a lot of the destruction that my father gave me. But the one time that he wept over me that I remember is a thing that really stands out in my mind and I've never ever forgotten. The point I'm trying to make is this. God expects us to use verbal instruction first. That verbal instruction is needed and necessary. But it needs to be presented in such a way that it stands out in the mind. If we're full of goodness and full of knowledge and full of compassion, when we teach and instruct our children, they will listen. The admonition is verbal, but it still has to stand out in the mind.

Let me tell you, there's a good example of biblical admonitions in a book in the Bible called the Book of Proverbs. The Book of Proverbs. You know what Proverbs are? Proverbs are pithy, barbed statements that stand out in your mind that you can't forget. "A little slumber, a little folding of the hands, so shall poverty come upon a man." The book of Proverbs talks about laziness, talks about the work ethic, talks about economics, talks about the family, talks about wicked women, talks about the attire of harlots, talks about friendship, talks about work. I mean, it's full of pithy, barbed statements that stand out.

The Sphere: In the Lord

Both child training and admonition must occur within the biblical realm, following God's Word, not humanistic philosophies. Fathers need God's grace to fulfill this task.

We're not to follow man-made, naturalistic, or humanistic reasoning. Neither are we to follow "my mate's right." We are rather to follow the Word of God. Many parents of the last generation raised their children according to Spock instead of according to the Word of God. And Spock, before he died, had to confess that he led the generation wrong and that he was wrong. It was too late for a lot of those people.

But I can sit here today and tell you this. The Word of God is not wrong. And God will never have to apologize to anyone for what he puts in his word. His word is truth. And that means fathers. That means fathers we need not only to follow the principles of the Word of God. We need the power of God's grace to accomplish the task that God has assigned to us. It should be evident that God desires that the children of Christians should be brought up as Christians.

And I must act as a Christian with regard to my child and not otherwise. And I must discipline my child according to the word of God and not otherwise. My actions and my attitudes must flow from the word of God and from His grace. Let me make very quickly just a couple of applications. The first one is this. God holds fathers responsible for the education and the discipline of their children. And fathers must accept that responsibility and then seek to fulfill it according to the Word of God. Listen carefully. If a father does not teach his child truth, someone else will teach him error. The young unbeliever that the child meets in school or the neighborhood, the artful infidel, the hater of God, the unprincipled stranger, somebody is going to teach that child. It is far better for the father to teach the child truth than for a stranger to teach him error.

Applications and Conclusion

Fathers are responsible for their children's education and discipline. They must use verbal instruction first, and the rod only when the word is refused, motivated by love as God does. The next message will cover rules for the right use of the rod.

The second application is this. Like our Heavenly Father, we must first learn to use the word of admonition. We must make sure the word stands out in the mind that our children hear and they grasp. And then only after that do we use the rod if they refuse to hear the word. And let me point out, and I know children don't believe this, but I remember my father telling me, and my mother telling me, as they whipped me, or right before they whipped me, "Now this is going to hurt me a whole lot worse than it hurts you." I thought they were lying like a dog. But you know, when you get to be a father and a grandfather, it does hurt. You know what the Bible says in Lamentations 3 in verse 33 concerning our Heavenly Father?

Listen to this, "For he doth not afflict willingly or grieve the children of men." God is not some mean old rascal just sitting up there waiting with a rod to beat someone half to death. That's not God. God uses the rod only because He has to use the rod. The fathers use the rod only because they're forced to use the rod because the admonition will not stand out in the mind of a child. Therefore, the rod comes along to enforce that admonition. If children would listen and obey, they would never be whipped. Are you listening? If we as Christians would listen and obey the Word of God, then the rod of God would never fall on us either. But when we whip our children, it's not because we hate them, but it's because we love them. And when God whips us, it's not because He hates us, it's because He loves us and He wants us to do right and to be right. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath," either immediate or delayed, "but you nurture them up in the child training and in the admonition of the Lord."

Give them the biblical principles. Make them stand out in their minds. If they refuse them, then the rod must enforce those principles. Now, let me just tell you this. There are rules. There are regulations, there are directives, there are commands in the Bible concerning the right use of the rod. And Lord willing, I shall show those to you in the next message. Let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we ask today for your love and your grace to be in our lives. Lord, we do pray that you would teach us, help the fathers specifically, Lord, to nurture their children, child train their children.

Using the admonition of the Word of God. And if necessary, the rod of the Word of God. But Lord, I pray that you would grant us an awakening in this country, a reviving, and especially, Lord, an awakening and a reviving of the family. Get us back to where we ought to be and should be. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray. Amen.

Study Guide

Major Themes

Fathers' Primary Responsibility

Summary: God holds fathers, not mothers or institutions, primarily accountable for nurturing their children in every area of development.

Evidence: The task in verse 4 is not assigned to Mama. It is not assigned to the pastor... The task is yours as a father, and God holds you accountable and responsible for the children that you sire. (15:06.3-15:41.9)

Nurture as Total Sustenance

Summary: Nurturing (ektrephō) means providing everything necessary for a child's normal, useful development, modeled after self-care and Christ's care for the church.

Evidence: He nourishes his own body by providing everything necessary for its normal, useful development and sustenance... How does the Lord nourish the church? ...He provides for the church life and strength and perfection or maturity. (10:20.1-10:55.5)

Child Training (Paideia) as Education and Chastening

Summary: Paideia encompasses the whole training of children, including mental and moral cultivation, and specifically the use of the rod for correction.

Evidence: It refers to the whole training and the whole education of children... It involves the cultivation of the mind, the cultivation of morals... (20:03.9-20:55.8) ...the specific application of child training is not just education in general, but education by use of the rod. (28:50.8-29:14.6)

Admonition as Memorable Verbal Instruction

Summary: Admonition (nouthesia) is verbal instruction that stands out in the mind, requiring goodness, knowledge, and compassion, and is essential for maturity.

Evidence: It is an exhortation or an admonition that you cause to stand in the child's mind. It is verbal instruction. But it is so specific and so emphatic that it stands out in the child's mind so that the child cannot forget it. (37:15.1-38:58.4)

The Rod as an Expression of Love

Summary: God's use of the rod on His children demonstrates love, and a father who refuses to chasten his child acts as if the child is illegitimate, not a true son.

Evidence: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth... But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons. (34:06.6-35:26.7)

Biblical Sphere of Child-Rearing

Summary: All child training and admonition must be conducted 'in the Lord,' according to biblical principles, not humanistic or naturalistic reasoning.

Evidence: Clearly, the realm and the sphere in which both admonition and chastening are to take place is the biblical realm. We're not to follow man-made, naturalistic, or humanistic reasoning. (51:55.4-52:32.9)

Key Arguments

Fathers must not provoke but nurture

Summary: Ephesians 6:4 contains a negative command (do not provoke) and a positive command (nurture), and fathers are to focus on the positive task of bringing children to maturity.

Evidence: And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. That's the negative. Now here's the positive: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (06:00.8-06:24.9)

Nurture means total developmental provision

Summary: The Greek word ektrephō means to nourish to maturity, and fathers must provide for every aspect of their children's development, just as a man cares for his body and Christ cares for the church.

Evidence: God says you're required to be the instrumental cause of their development in every area. In other words, you're required to be the total sustenance and nourisher of your child in every area of life. (12:47.9-13:58.0)

Child training includes the rod

Summary: The word paideia, translated 'nurture,' specifically refers to chastening with the rod in Hebrews 12, and this is a necessary part of child training.

Evidence: Every time you see the word chastened, chastening, or chasteneth, or corrected in this passage, it is the same Greek word paideia... It refers to the intelligent and purposeful application of a rod or a switch for punishment and correction. (27:20.9-28:15.9)

Admonition is verbal instruction that sticks

Summary: Admonition (nouthesia) is emphatic verbal instruction designed to stand out in the mind, and it is the primary means before the rod is used.

Evidence: It is an exhortation or an admonition that you cause to stand in the child's mind... It's like tying a string around your brain, you know, you just don't forget it. (37:15.1-38:58.4)

God's pattern: Word first, then rod

Summary: God deals with His children by first sending His Word, and if that is rejected, He sends the rod. Fathers should follow this pattern.

Evidence: What does God do first? God sends His Word. What does God do second? He sends His rod. The Word is first. The rod is second. If we wish to be spared the rod, we must obey his word. (32:43.3-34:06.5)

Lack of chastening denies sonship

Summary: A father who does not chasten his child is acting as if the child is illegitimate, showing hatred rather than love.

Evidence: Lack of chastisement is not a manifestation of love, it is a manifestation of hatred. Lack of chastisement is even a denial of sonship. (34:06.6-35:26.7)

Fathers must accept responsibility for education

Summary: If fathers do not teach their children truth, others will teach them error, so fathers must actively educate their children biblically.

Evidence: If a father does not teach his child truth, someone else will teach him error. (53:12.1-54:28.5)

Scripture References

Ephesians 6:1-4

Context: Read at the opening as the foundational text for the sermon series on the family.

Ephesians 5:29

Context: Used to illustrate the meaning of 'nurture' (ektrephō) by showing how a man nourishes his body and Christ nourishes the church.

Acts 7:22

Context: Shows the general use of paideia (child training) in Moses being learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians.

2 Timothy 2:24-25

Context: Demonstrates that child training (paideia) applies to pastoral ministry, instructing those who oppose themselves.

2 Timothy 3:16

Context: Shows that Scripture is profitable for instruction (paideia) in righteousness.

Hebrews 12:5-11

Context: The primary passage demonstrating that paideia specifically refers to chastening with the rod, and that God chastens those He loves.

Micah 6:9

Context: Illustrates that God sends His word first, then the rod; the rod is to be heard.

1 Corinthians 10:11

Context: Shows that the events of Israel in the wilderness were written for our admonition (nouthesia), standing out in the mind.

Romans 15:14

Context: Indicates that being full of goodness and knowledge enables one to admonish others.

Colossians 1:28

Context: Shows that admonition (warning) is required for presenting every man perfect in Christ.

Acts 20:31

Context: Paul admonished with tears, demonstrating the heartfelt attitude that should accompany admonition.

Revelation 3:19

Context: Jesus says He rebukes and chastens those He loves, showing the pattern of word and rod.

Lamentations 3:33

Context: God does not afflict willingly, indicating that chastening is not done out of cruelty but necessity.

Historical References

John Calvin

Context: Quoted on Ephesians 6:4 regarding kind and liberal treatment fostering reverence, while harshness rouses obstinacy.

Lester Roloff

Context: Mentioned as an old country preacher from Texas who turned down an honorary doctorate, comparing it to 'putting whipped cream on onions.'

Dr. Spock

Context: Referenced as a popular child-rearing expert whose advice led a generation astray, and who later confessed he was wrong.

Important Quotes

God says you're required to be the instrumental cause of their development in every area. In other words, you're required to be the total sustenance and nourisher of your child in every area of life.

Significance: Emphasizes the comprehensive nature of the father's nurturing responsibility, extending beyond material provision to all aspects of development.

Lack of chastisement is not a manifestation of love, it is a manifestation of hatred. Lack of chastisement is even a denial of sonship.

Significance: Forcefully argues that refusing to discipline children is contrary to biblical love and effectively treats them as illegitimate.

If a father does not teach his child truth, someone else will teach him error.

Significance: Highlights the urgency of the father's teaching role, as neglect leaves children vulnerable to falsehood.

As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Be zealous therefore and repent.

Significance: Quoting Revelation 3:19, Weaver shows that divine love is expressed through both verbal rebuke and corrective chastening.

For he doth not afflict willingly or grieve the children of men.

Significance: From Lamentations 3:33, this quote underscores that God's chastening is not arbitrary or cruel but purposeful and reluctant.

Discussion Questions

In what practical ways can fathers 'nourish' their children in every area of life, as a man nourishes his own body?

Context: Based on the illustration from Ephesians 5:29 and the explanation of ektrephō.

How does the distinction between general child training (paideia) and specific chastening with the rod affect our understanding of discipline?

Context: Arising from the dual use of paideia in Scripture, especially Hebrews 12.

What does it mean for admonition to 'stand out in the mind,' and how can fathers ensure their verbal instruction is memorable and effective?

Context: From the definition of nouthesia and examples like Proverbs and Paul's tearful warnings.

Why does the Bible say that lack of chastisement is akin to treating a child as illegitimate, and how should this shape a father's approach to discipline?

Context: Directly from Hebrews 12:8 and Weaver's commentary on it.

How can fathers balance the use of verbal instruction and the rod in a way that reflects God's pattern of dealing with His children?

Context: Based on the principle from Micah 6:9 and Revelation 3:19 that the word comes first, then the rod.

What are some modern 'Spock-like' philosophies that contradict biblical child-rearing, and how can fathers guard against them?

Context: Referencing the warning against man-made, naturalistic reasoning and the example of Dr. Spock.

Applications

Accept Fatherly Responsibility

Summary: Fathers must personally accept the God-given responsibility for the education and discipline of their children, not delegating it to others.

Evidence: God holds fathers responsible for the education and the discipline of their children. And fathers must accept that responsibility and then seek to fulfill it according to the Word of God. (53:12.1-54:28.5)

Prioritize Verbal Instruction

Summary: Fathers should first use clear, memorable verbal instruction (admonition) to teach their children biblical principles, ensuring the word stands out in their minds.

Evidence: Like our Heavenly Father, we must first learn to use the word of admonition. We must make sure the word stands out in the mind that our children hear and they grasp. (54:31.8-55:30.7)

Use the Rod Only When Necessary

Summary: The rod should be used only after verbal instruction has been refused, and it must be administered out of love, not anger, following God's example.

Evidence: And then only after that do we use the rod if they refuse to hear the word... when we whip our children, it's not because we hate them, but it's because we love them. (54:31.8-55:30.7, 55:31.5-57:06.5)

Nurture in the Biblical Sphere

Summary: All child-rearing practices must be grounded in Scripture, rejecting secular or humanistic methods, and relying on God's grace for power.

Evidence: We're not to follow man-made, naturalistic, or humanistic reasoning... We need the power of God's grace to accomplish the task that God has assigned to us. (51:55.4-52:32.9, 52:34.0-53:11.9)

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T15:35:31Z

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | weaver_study | 2026-06-06T05:14:55Z

Clean Transcript

The Family - Part 11

Clean readable transcript. This view follows the Commentary.net cleaned segment text while preserving timestamps for audio follow-along.

Ephesians chapter 6, and once again let's read the first four verses. I'll take a few moments to review and then we'll pick up from there. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
#1 | 0:00 to 0:26 | cleaned
We've been looking at the biblical doctrine of the family, and we've seen several things so far. First of all, the family as an instrument of dominion. And I pointed out how God ordained the family as an instrument of dominion. Then we looked at the creation differences between men and women and saw that there were not just simply physical differences, but judgmental and emotional differences as well. Then we looked at God's intentional order in creation and in the family, how that it's God, Christ, man, and woman.
#2 | 0:28 to 1:01 | cleaned
Then we began to look at the individual roles. We saw the role of a wife was that of submission, because her submission was to picture the submission of the church to Jesus Christ. And then we saw the role of the husband was to love, because the husband's love is to reflect the love that Christ had for his church. So the Bible says very obviously, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it."
#3 | 1:02 to 1:29 | cleaned
And I've told you how these things are inseparably bound to each other. So as the wife is to submit, the husband is to love. You can't have one without the other. Then we got on children. In verse one, the Bible tells us that there are basically two responsibilities of children. The two key words are obey and honor. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." "Honor thy father and thy mother." And we're living in a day when each of these concepts are basically despised. In fact, one of the reasons our children are so rebellious and disrespectful is they have not been taught to obey. Neither have they been taught to honor.
#4 | 1:30 to 2:09 | cleaned
Rather, they've been neglected and abused and left in what I call a visible biblical ignorance. And of course, the Bible then says that the fathers are not to provoke the children, but to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
#5 | 2:10 to 2:26 | cleaned
Now I was dealing with verse 4 last week and I made the statement that Ephesians 6 and verse 4 is a very simple, straightforward statement. In fact, "You fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." It's very simple, very straightforward. There are two thoughts. One is a negative, and the other is a positive. And I showed you last week the negative, how fathers can provoke their children to wrath and discouragement. And I pointed out how that there is an immediate anger that they can be provoked to and an immediate discouragement. But then there's also a delayed or a long-term anger and discouragement. And the two points that I made on delayed anger and delayed discouragement is when there is a failure, number one, on the part of the father either to discipline the children and teach them discipline, and number two, a failure on the part of the father to teach the children to work. In other words, there must be a biblical work ethic.
#6 | 2:26 to 3:33 | cleaned
We must understand the value of work, the need of work, the necessity of work, and also, of course, the rewards of work as well. So you can fail your children in not giving them discipline and/or teaching them a biblical work ethic. I might also point out another major area of delayed anger and frustration could be also a failure to secure for your children a sound biblical education. You know, education really and truly in one sense of the word does not mean much to a child while he is a child.
#7 | 3:33 to 4:12 | cleaned
For instance, if I were to ask every adult in this room, "How many of you went to a government school?" probably every hand would be raised because when you and I went to school, there was not much emphasis on homeschooling or on Christian education or anything like that. In fact, when some of us went to school, you still prayed in school and read the Bible in school and did things like that. And there was still morality and ethics taught in some degree. Children don't usually think about education, but you allow them to mature and all of a sudden education is ever present in their mind. Many of us can identify with the old gospel song, "Wasted Years." And we think back now as adults on our education, especially in the government school, it was wasted years. Part of the chorus of that song, "Wasted years, wasted years, oh how foolish." And I can assure you that every mature adult in this room, every Christian adult in this room, now wishes that he had a very sound, biblical education.
#8 | 4:12 to 5:27 | cleaned
You don't value that as a child. But as you mature, you learn it is something to value. You know, there's a twist really on verse 4 in one sense of the word. When the Bible says that you fathers provoke not your children to wrath, when you normally stop and think about it, it's usually the children who provoke the father. But the shoe can be on either foot. And so, the children are not to provoke the father, but the father is not to provoke the children as well.
#9 | 5:29 to 5:59 | cleaned
Now, as I pointed out last week, and as already mentioned, Ephesians 6 and verse 4 has a negative and a positive. And since I dealt with the negative last week, we're going to be dealing with the positive this week. So, look at verse 4 again. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." That's the negative. Now here's the positive: "but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
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Now I want you to see three things under this positive commandment. First of all, the task described: nurture them.
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Secondly, the means by which this task is to be accomplished: chastening and admonition. And thirdly, the sphere in which it is to be accomplished: in the Lord. So let's look first of all at the description of the task: nurture them. You may be in for a surprise, because if you look at verse 4, when you get to the positive, the Bible says, "...but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord." Fathers are not to provoke their children, but rather, on the other hand, they are to nurture them. Now we have to ask the question, what does it mean to nurture? In fact, as you look in verse 4, you see the word nurture, N-U-R-T-U-R-E. But do you realize the word nurture actually occurs in another word in that verse? Because the word nurture in verse four can also be translated another way. In fact, look at the little word "bring," but bring them up. Literally, that is the word nurture them up. So actually it says nurture them up.
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in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord. Now, the word for "bring" here is the Greek word ektrephō, and it literally means to nourish, to bring up, to nourish up, to maturity, and to mature. Ektrephō is made up of two words. The first one ek, which is a preposition which is "out of" or "from," sometimes "with" or "on," and trephō. And the word trephō literally means to feed, to support, to fatten, to nourish, and to bring up. So actually this word ektrephō literally means that we are to be continually and constantly nourishing and bringing up our children. It's a present in the Greek which means it's something that is to be done constantly and continually. Now the interesting thing about this word ektrephō, bring or nurture, is that it only occurs one other time in the scripture. Let me show you the other passage.
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Look in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 29. Here is the same word. Now watch it. Ephesians 5 verse 29, "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord does the church." Now, let's look at these two illustrations. And let's ask, first of all, how does a man nourish his own body? He nourishes his own body by providing everything necessary for its normal, useful development and sustenance. In other words, a man takes care of himself and for himself and sees that everything that he needs is acquired. If he needs food, he gets it. If he needs medical attention, he gets it. If he needs to be educated in a certain area, he acquires it. If he needs training, he gets that as well. He seeks it out. In other words, the man that nourishes his body does everything he can to sustain and provide for his body. He doesn't do one thing to harm or to hurt his body. Now, there's another illustration in verse 29.
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Look at it. "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it," watch, "even as the Lord the church." So you've got to ask yourself another question. How does the Lord nourish the church? And the answer comes back: He provides for the church life and strength and perfection or maturity. In other words, there is not one thing that the church needs that Jesus Christ does not provide. He is our head.
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He treats us kindly and liberally and graciously and mercifully. He provides for His body as a man provides for his physical body.
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Now, I want you to understand that the word "bring" or "nurture" there then refers to a kind, gracious, liberal treatment. Let me just give you a short quote by John Calvin on Ephesians 6 and verse 4 on the word nurture. Here's what he says: "Kind and liberal treatment has rather a tendency to cherish reverence for their parents and to increase the cheerfulness and activity of their obedience,
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while a harsh and unkind manner rouses them to obstinacy and destroys the natural affections. But Paul goes on to say, let them be fondly cherished, for the Greek word which is translated 'bring up' unquestionably conveys the idea of gentleness and forbearance."
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Now, I trust that you can see the parallel because here is what the Bible is saying, that Christ is commanding that we as fathers provide for our children physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, developmentally, and we're to actually bring them into the position where they are prepared to face and deal with the totality of life in every sphere in all of its dimensions and demands. In other words, fathers are to nurture their children to be mature, well-equipped, intelligent, well-rounded, and biblically educated children. That's what he means by nurture. Just like a man takes care of his own body, just like Christ takes care of his own church, we are to nurture them.
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Here's what God is telling us. Listen, fathers, it's not enough that we are the biological cause of our children's existence. It is not enough that we are the material cause of their continued existence. That is, we work and bring home the bacon, so to speak. No, no. God says you're required to be the instrumental cause of their development in every area. In other words, you're required to be the total sustenance and nourisher of your child in every area of life. You're to teach your child how to think. You're to teach your child how to reason. You're to teach your child how to act. You're to teach your child how to work. You're to teach your child how to treat a young lady or a young man, how to treat a wife or how to treat a husband. You're to teach your child how to help. You're to teach your child how to love, honor, and respect the elderly. You're to teach your child to accomplish his task. In short, you, fathers, are the primary agent in the total overall development of your child.
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That's what God means when he says bring them up, nurture them up. Now, let me tell you something. That may shock you. As a father, your children will in all probability turn out exactly like you. In practically every area.
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Now, the question is, will that please you? Can you be satisfied with that? Look at verse four again, I want to emphasize this, look at verse four: "And you fathers." Remember, I told you this is a specific word. It means fathers and fathers only. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up, nurture them up in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord."
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The point I'm trying to make is this. The task in verse 4 is not assigned to Mama. It is not assigned to the pastor. It is not assigned to the church. It is not assigned to the school. It is not assigned to the neighbors. It is not assigned to the university. The task is yours as a father, and God holds you accountable and responsible for the children that you sire.
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You're not to provoke them, but you're to nurture them up in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord. On the one hand, negatively, you're not to discourage and anger them needlessly, uselessly. But on the other hand, God is holding you positively responsible for the totality of their education. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, in every way whatsoever. Now, that's your task. Probably if most of us had understood this when we were single, we would probably still be single.
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Or we would be married without children. Can you imagine that? If you can imagine that this is the task that God has assigned the fathers, can you imagine how many fathers are neglecting and abusing and misusing and perverting that task, as well as denying it? Well, now that brings us to another question. If God has assigned fathers this task of nurturing their children, how do we accomplish it? God certainly does not leave the task up to our whims and our desires and our plans and our schemes. No. If God has assigned us the task, he's also assigned or given to us the means whereby that task may be accomplished. And the means are revealed in verse 4. Look at them. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them up in the nurture or child training and admonition of the Lord." Now, the very first positive means by which the task is to be accomplished is by child training. You know what I've heard parents say? And I've heard fathers say this specifically when I tell them that the Word of God says the fathers are responsible to nurture their children.
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The first objection that I get is this: "But I don't have a college education." The truth is, many fathers never even graduated from high school. Well, let me ask you a question. The book of Ephesians was probably written between 60 and 63 A.D. When Paul addressed this to the fathers in 60 to 63 A.D., how many of them do you suppose had a college education?
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And the answer is none. The point I'm trying to make is God's command here has absolutely nothing to do with your level of education, but it does indeed have to do with your level of knowledge in the Word of God.
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Now, when the Bible says in verse 4, "bring them up in the nurture," the word nurture there is actually paideia. That's the word we get for child training. It is variously translated in our Bible as chastening or nurture or instruction and chastisement. When you hear the word paideia, and it is a very, I don't want to use the word popular, but it is a well-known word, paideia, it refers to the whole training and the whole education of children.
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It involves the cultivation of the mind, the cultivation of morals, and it employs for this purpose commands and admonition, reproof and punishment. Now, I want to just show you, first of all, how this word is used generally in the Bible. And generally, it can be applied not just to children, but also to adults as well. So look in your Bibles if you would, hold Ephesians 6, but turn back in your Bibles to the book of Acts chapter 7 and look in verse 22. Acts 7 and verse 22. Just to show you now, this word refers to the entire education of the child. Acts chapter 7, and look, if you would please, at verse 22. The Bible says this concerning Moses. Acts 7, verse 22.
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"And Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was mighty in words and deeds." Now, when you get to the word "learned" in Acts 7 and verse 22, it is the Greek word epaideuthē, which is a verb, same word idea as the noun. But here's the verb form. And the Bible is saying that Moses was instructed, Moses was child trained in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, look, and was mighty in words and in deeds.
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What does that teach us? That Moses was instructed, trained, taught, and molded and caused to learn everything that the Egyptians had to offer. That's how he was trained as a child. He had all the wisdom of Egypt. Look in your Bibles to 2 Timothy chapter 2. Second Timothy, chapter two, and verse 25, here's the same word idea again. Second Timothy, chapter two, and verse 25. In fact, let's read verse 24 just so that you can see the context. "And the servant of the Lord," that would be the pastor, "and the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing or child-training those that oppose themselves, if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth." Isn't that interesting? Do you realize that child-training is even applied to the pastoral relationship?
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Well, is it not true that when we're first converted, we're babes in Christ, and then we go from babyhood to young men and from young men to fatherhood? Yes. So there's child training involved even in the ministry. And if you look in 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, you'll see the word again. Look at it. 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, "All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction or child training in righteousness."
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So here it is again. In other words, the word paideia gives us the whole scope of what you and I would call positive educational instruction. So when the Bible tells us that we're to bring our children up, we're to nurture them up in the nurture, that is, we're to nurture them in this child training, which would involve everything in education. But the Word of God is not only using paideia in a general sense, it also uses it in a very specific sense.
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I want you to look in your Bibles to the book of Hebrews chapter 12. And I want to just read verses 5 through 11, and then let me come back and comment on this, OK? Look at Hebrews chapter 12, beginning there with verse 5. Let's read through verse 11. Hebrews 12, verse 5. "And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children." Whoa, stop there. Now, is Paul writing to children? No, he's writing to adults. He's writing to believers. He says, "And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If you endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons."
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"Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh who corrected us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure, but he for our profit that we might be partakers of His holiness."
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"Now, no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby."
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Now, I want to go back and reread this, but I want to use the word paideia, child training. Watch carefully verse 5. "And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the child-training, the paideia of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he child-trains, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." "If you endure child-training, God deals with you as sons. For what son is he whom the father child-trains not? But if you be without child-training, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons?"
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"Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh, who child-trained us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days child-trained us after their own pleasure, but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness."
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"Now no child-training for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby."
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Now, every time you see the word chastened, chastening, or chasteneth, or corrected in this passage, it is the same Greek word paideia. What does the word refer to in this passage? Here's what it refers to. It refers to the intelligent and purposeful application of a rod or a switch for punishment and correction. It's the use of the rod to enforce a lesson. Now look in verse 6 just to show you we're talking about the use of the rod. Verse 6, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and" what? "Scourgeth." Scourgeth. In other words, chastening is parallel with scourging. Skip down to verse 11.
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"Now, no child training for the present seemed to be joyous, but grievous." How many of you ever laugh when you've gotten a whipping and said, "Thank God I'm getting a whipping, this is wonderful"? No, if you got it right, you didn't rejoice. So the point I'm trying to make is this. The specific application of child training is not just education in general, but education by use of the rod.
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Now, if you look back at Ephesians 6 and verse 4, hold Hebrews 12, we're coming right back there, but look back at Ephesians 6 and verse 4, and I'm going to deal with this in just a moment, but let me just show you the contrast, okay? Ephesians 6 and verse 4, "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath," that's the negative, here's the positive, "but bring them up, nurture them up in the child training and admonition of the Lord."
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Now, child training is a general word that would include overall education, but specifically the use of the rod, and then it says "and admonition," and when you get to the word admonition, which I'll tell you a little bit later, deals with verbal instruction. So the word nurture or child training is set here in opposition to admonition. Admonition is verbal instruction, but child training or chastening goes beyond verbal instruction and warnings and advice and includes the use of the rod.
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So, we may say this, God has given us two things for nurturing our children: admonition, verbal instruction, and the use of the rod. Now, let me just point out that we should deal with our children the way God deals with us. How does God deal with us? Well, I'm going to show you a scripture in just a little bit, but God deals with us in two ways. First of all, he deals with us through and by His Word. There is always verbal instruction. If we fail to heed that verbal instruction, then the rod comes along.
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Now look in Hebrews 12, verse 6 again. Watch what the Bible says. "For whom the Lord loveth, He child trains, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth, if ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not?" How many of us usually get the rod at one time or the other in our lives? All of us. All of us. Now, does God chasten His own? Yes, He does. Why does God chastise us?
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Is it because he hates us? No, it's because he loves us and because he wants us to listen to him and obey him and heed his word and do that which is right.
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Now, I want you to hold Hebrews 12, but turn back in your Bibles to the little book of Micah. Minor prophet, the book of Micah. Chapter 6 and look at verse 9. OK, Micah is right before the book of Nahum and it's right after the book of Jonah. Jonah, Micah, Nahum. Look in Micah chapter 6 and verse 9. Micah 6 and verse 9. Watch this Micah 6 verse 9.
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"The Lord's voice crieth unto the city. The Lord's voice," that is His words, "crieth unto the city, and the man of wisdom shall see thy name. Hear ye the rod in him who hath appointed it."
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Now, what does God do first? God sends His Word. What does God do second? He sends His rod. The Word is first. The rod is second. If we wish to be spared the rod, we must obey his word. The sanctified use of the rod toward our children must always be governed by the word of God. And I'm certainly going to lay that out in the next lesson. It must be used only as God uses his rod. Now, as you go back to Hebrews chapter 12, having pointed out the fact that God does indeed, and I'll point this out more next time we meet, that God does indeed use the rod. I've heard people say, I've heard parents say that they objected to the use of the rod and that they would never, ever use a rod on their child. They've never whipped their child. I'm not being ugly. But I'm showing you what the Bible says. Look back, Hebrews chapter 12. Someone says, "Well, I've never used the rod on my child, I've never whipped my child."
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Look in verse 6, Hebrews 12, "For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." Are you watching? "If you endure chastening God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons." What is a bastard? It's an illegitimate child. It's a child who has no father. It's a child who had a biological father, but he never cared enough for the child to nurture him and raise him. Lack of chastisement is not a manifestation of love, it is a manifestation of hatred. Lack of chastisement is even a denial of sonship. "For what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?" A man that will not whip his child does not love his child if the child needs whipping. A child who has a father who will not correct him is no better off than a child who does not have a father.
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That's what the scripture says. So the point I'm making is simple. Fathers have been given the means of verbal instruction and the sanctified use of the rod. I realize some children do not need as much correction as other children. I mean, when you're willing to do what's right, you don't need the rod. It's just that simple. I hardly ever had to whip Rebecca, for which she's thankful, what, three or four times in your whole life.
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But now my twins, that was a horse of a different color. Sometimes every week, sometimes several times a week. I'm just saying. God deals with us through his word and by his rod, we're to deal with our children through our word and by our rod. In other words, if they don't want the rod, they need to hear the word. Just like we as Christians, if we don't want God's rod to fall upon us, we need to hear His word.
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Now, let's go back to Ephesians 6 and verse 4. I'm going to deal with the sanctified use of the rod next time, but look in Ephesians 6 and verse 4 again. Because I want to show you the second means that God has given us to accomplish this task of nurturing. He says in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture," that's the child training, "and then the admonition of the Lord."
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Now, the word admonition is very emphatic and very specific. And you and I should understand this word admonition. It is the Greek word, nouthesia. It is made up of two Greek words, nous and tithēmi. It is usually translated in our Bibles, and it occurs several times, it is usually translated either admonition or exhortation. Now let me tell you what the word nouthesia means. I told you it's made up of two words, nous and tithēmi. Nous, N-O-U-S in the Greek is the Greek word for mind. Tithēmi is a verb which means to cause to stand. So what is this admonition or this exhortation? It is an exhortation or an admonition that you cause to stand in the child's mind. It is verbal instruction. But it is so specific and so emphatic that it stands out in the child's mind so that the child cannot forget it. It's like tying a string around your brain, you know, you just don't forget it. Now, let me show you how the word is used. Look in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 10 and verse 11.
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1 Corinthians chapter 10, and verse 11. First Corinthians 10 verse 11.
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"Now all these things happened unto them." He's talking about Israel in the wilderness. "Now all these things happened to them for examples and they're written for our admonition upon whom the ends of the world are come." Now here's the word admonition. But I want you to note the context of verse 11. If you'll go back to verse 1, that was Israel's deliverance from Egypt, how they crossed the Red Sea on dry land, verses 1 and 2. Verse 3, how God provided for them. Verse 4, how God gave them water out of the rock. Verse 5, how God killed them in the wilderness because of their sins and their rebellion. Verse 7, they were idolaters and fornicators and once again God killed many of them. Verse 9, some of them tempted Christ there in the wilderness, and once again they were destroyed. Verse 10, they murmured and were destroyed. Now when you get to verse 11, "Now all these things happened to them, for example, that are written for our admonition."
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How can you forget thousands of people dying? How can you forget God killing someone because of their fornication and their idolatry? How can you forget someone complaining and murmuring, "God, we don't have any flesh to eat," and God sends quail into the camp and they gorge themselves, and while the meat's in their mouth, God kills a whole bunch of them. How do you forget things like that?
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I mean, that kind of stands out in your mind, doesn't it? That's what God is saying right here. You don't forget how I deal with sin. Look in your Bibles, if you would, please. Romans chapter 15.
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Now, we're talking about admonition. We're talking about verbal instruction that stands out in the mind. Look at Romans 15 in verse 14, here are some qualifications, some characteristics that should be in our lives if we as we verbally instruct our children. Romans 15 in verse 14. Paul writes these Roman Christians, and he says, "And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another," able also to cause something to stand in each other's mind. But notice the requirements. Look in verse 14. Paul said, "And I myself also persuaded of you, my brethren, that you are all college graduates and you all have a degree in counseling."
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Is that what he said? No. He said, "I myself am persuaded of you, my brothers, you're full of goodness and filled with knowledge," that is biblical knowledge. "And therefore, you're able to admonish one another" and cause things to stand out in each other's minds. So that means fathers, we have to have knowledge. We have to have goodness in the sense that we're seeking the best for our children.
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Look in your Bible to the book of Colossians 1 and verse 28. Here you will find the same word again, Colossians 1 verse 28. This time it's translated just a little differently. Usually it's admonish or exhortation. But here it happens to be translated warning. He says in verse 28, "Whom we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus." "Whom we preach warning," that is nouthetically confronting, causing things to stand out of the mind of every man. Watch, "and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect or mature in Christ."
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Here's what he's saying about admonition in this place. Admonition is required for maturity. You don't get to maturity without being admonished, without learning something. And then if you look at your Bibles to Acts chapter 20 and verse 31, you'll see it again, and you will discover the heartfelt attitude that is actually to accompany this admonishment. Look in Acts chapter 20 and verse 31. Look what the Apostle Paul said. Acts 20 and verse 31.
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He says, "Therefore, watch and remember that by the space of three years I cease not to warn," that is admonish, confront, "everyone night and day with tears." Now, when Paul was admonishing, when Paul was verbally instructing and causing something to stand in the minds of these Christians, he said, "I did it with tears." My heart was broken, I had genuine heartfelt love and compassion for you. I want to tell you something. I do remember a lot of the destruction that my father gave me. But the one time that he wept over me that I remember is a thing that really stands out in my mind and I've never ever forgotten.
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The point I'm trying to make is this. God expects us to use verbal instruction first. That verbal instruction is needed and necessary. But it needs to be presented in such a way that it stands out in the mind. If we're full of goodness and full of knowledge and full of compassion, when we teach and instruct our children, they will listen. The admonition is verbal, but it still has to stand out in the mind.
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Let me tell you, there's a good example of biblical admonitions in a book in the Bible called the Book of Proverbs. The Book of Proverbs. You know what Proverbs are? Proverbs are pithy, barbed statements that stand out in your mind that you can't forget. "A little slumber, a little folding of the hands, so shall poverty come upon a man." The book of Proverbs talks about laziness, talks about the work ethic, talks about economics, talks about the family, talks about wicked women, talks about the attire of harlots, talks about friendship, talks about work. I mean, it's full of pithy, barbed statements that stand out.
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The problem is most of the time we really genuinely do not take the time to instruct our children verbally. We just assume that they understand and expect and we expect that they understand and know exactly what we mean or what we want when in reality they do not. And so many fathers think, "Well, I don't have a college education. I don't have book learning. How can I teach my children?" Let me tell you.
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Most of us have been through the school of hard knocks. You've heard the old adage, experience is the best teacher. Actually, I believe the word of God is the best teacher, but most of us have had experiences that we can relate to the best teacher. You heard the story about the man who was a wealthy mine owner. Sent his son off to college, got his degree in engineering, brought that diploma back, showed it to his father. His father put him over one of his mines. First thing the son did was fire the foreman that had been with the company for 30-something years because the foreman didn't have a degree. When the foreman called the boy's father, told him he'd been fired, the boy's father just said, "Don't worry about it.
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You're still on the job. You're still on the payroll. Just take you a long vacation till I can work it out." He said, "You haven't lost your job." He just let the boy have his way.
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Finally, the mine started leaking and the boy couldn't stop the water coming in the mine. And he finally called his father and said, "What shall I do?" He said, "Son, take your diploma and stick it in the hole." He said, "That won't work. Rehire George, the foreman that you fired, and let him fix it." You get the gist? You could have all kind of degrees behind your name and not have a lick of common sense.
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An experience, especially experience coupled with biblical principle is worth a hundred doctrines. I never will forget what Lester Roloff said. When Bob Jones University tried to give him an honorary doctorate, I don't know if you know who Lester Roloff was or not. He's just an old country preacher from Texas. Wonderful preacher. When they offered him an honorary doctorate, he turned it down. They asked him why. He said, "Well, that's just kind of like putting whipped cream on onions. You just don't do it." What does God use?
#70 | 49:50 to 50:33 | cleaned
He uses His word and He uses His rod. What does our Lord use? Watch this. Turn in your Bibles to the book of Revelation 3, verse 19. Look in Revelation 3, verse 19. Our Lord makes this statement. Revelation 3, verse 19. He says this: "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Be zealous therefore and repent."
#71 | 50:35 to 51:06 | cleaned
Now listen to what he said. "As many as I love," what does he do? "I rebuke and I chasten." I give the word and I give the rod. If you listen to the word, the rod will not fall. But if you don't hear my word, you'll hear the rod. And then lastly, in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, the sphere in which this is to be accomplished. Here's what he said, "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up, nurture them up in the child training and admonition of the Lord." Clearly, the realm and the sphere in which both admonition and chastening are to take place is the biblical realm.
#72 | 51:06 to 51:53 | cleaned
We're not to follow man-made, naturalistic, or humanistic reasoning. Neither are we to follow "my mate's right." We are rather to follow the Word of God. Many parents of the last generation raised their children according to Spock instead of according to the Word of God. And Spock, before he died, had to confess that he led the generation wrong and that he was wrong. It was too late for a lot of those people.
#73 | 51:55 to 52:32 | cleaned
But I can sit here today and tell you this. The Word of God is not wrong. And God will never have to apologize to anyone for what he puts in his word. His word is truth. And that means fathers. That means fathers we need not only to follow the principles of the Word of God. We need the power of God's grace to accomplish the task that God has assigned to us. It should be evident that God desires that the children of Christians should be brought up as Christians.
#74 | 52:34 to 53:11 | cleaned
And I must act as a Christian with regard to my child and not otherwise. And I must discipline my child according to the word of God and not otherwise. My actions and my attitudes must flow from the word of God and from His grace. Let me make very quickly just a couple of applications. The first one is this. God holds fathers responsible for the education and the discipline of their children. And fathers must accept that responsibility and then seek to fulfill it according to the Word of God. Listen carefully. If a father does not teach his child truth, someone else will teach him error. The young unbeliever that the child meets in school or the neighborhood, the artful infidel, the hater of God, the unprincipled stranger, somebody is going to teach that child. It is far better for the father to teach the child truth than for a stranger to teach him error.
#75 | 53:12 to 54:28 | cleaned
The second application is this. Like our Heavenly Father, we must first learn to use the word of admonition. We must make sure the word stands out in the mind that our children hear and they grasp. And then only after that do we use the rod if they refuse to hear the word. And let me point out, and I know children don't believe this, but I remember my father telling me, and my mother telling me, as they whipped me, or right before they whipped me, "Now this is going to hurt me a whole lot worse than it hurts you." I thought they were lying like a dog. But you know, when you get to be a father and a grandfather, it does hurt. You know what the Bible says in Lamentations 3 in verse 33 concerning our Heavenly Father?
#76 | 54:31 to 55:30 | cleaned
Listen to this, "For he doth not afflict willingly or grieve the children of men." God is not some mean old rascal just sitting up there waiting with a rod to beat someone half to death. That's not God. God uses the rod only because He has to use the rod. The fathers use the rod only because they're forced to use the rod because the admonition will not stand out in the mind of a child. Therefore, the rod comes along to enforce that admonition. If children would listen and obey, they would never be whipped. Are you listening? If we as Christians would listen and obey the Word of God, then the rod of God would never fall on us either. But when we whip our children, it's not because we hate them, but it's because we love them. And when God whips us, it's not because He hates us, it's because He loves us and He wants us to do right and to be right. "And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath," either immediate or delayed, "but you nurture them up in the child training and in the admonition of the Lord."
#77 | 55:31 to 57:06 | cleaned
Give them the biblical principles. Make them stand out in their minds. If they refuse them, then the rod must enforce those principles.
#78 | 57:07 to 57:22 | cleaned
Now, let me just tell you this. There are rules. There are regulations, there are directives, there are commands in the Bible concerning the right use of the rod. And Lord willing, I shall show those to you in the next message. Let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we ask today for your love and your grace to be in our lives. Lord, we do pray that you would teach us, help the fathers specifically, Lord, to nurture their children, child train their children.
#79 | 57:24 to 58:05 | cleaned
Using the admonition of the Word of God. And if necessary, the rod of the Word of God. But Lord, I pray that you would grant us an awakening in this country, a reviving, and especially, Lord, an awakening and a reviving of the family. Get us back to where we ought to be and should be. In the name of Jesus Christ, we ask and pray. Amen.
#80 | 58:08 to 58:37 | cleaned

deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | clean_readable_transcript | 2026-06-05T15:35:31Z

The Family - Part 11

John Weaver | Freedom Ministries

John Weaver expounds Ephesians 6:4, focusing on the positive command for fathers to nurture their children. He explains that 'nurture' (ektrephō) means to provide total sustenance for development, paralleling how a man cares for his body and Christ cares for the church. The means are 'child training' (paideia), which includes both general education and the specific use of the rod, and 'admonition' (nouthesia), verbal instruction that stands out in the mind. The sphere is 'in the Lord,' requiring biblical principles and God's grace. Applications emphasize the father's primary responsibility for education and discipline, using verbal instruction first and the rod only when necessary, motivated by love.

Introduction and Review

Ephesians chapter 6, and once again let's read the first four verses. I'll take a few moments to review and then we'll pick up from there.

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 6:1-4

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

The Positive Command: Nurture Them

Look in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 29. Here is the same word. Now watch it. Ephesians 5 verse 29,

Scripture Reading — Ephesians 5:29

"For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord does the church."

The Father's Total Responsibility

Fathers are the primary agents for their children's total development—mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. The command is directed specifically to fathers, not mothers, pastors, or schools.

The Means: Child Training (Paideia)

Scripture Reading — 2 Timothy 2:24-25

Well, is it not true that when we're first converted, we're babes in Christ, and then we go from babyhood to young men and from young men to fatherhood? Yes. So there's child training involved even in the ministry. And if you look in 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, you'll see the word again. Look at it. 2 Timothy 3, verse 16, "All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction or child training in righteousness."

The Specific Use of the Rod

In Hebrews 12:5-11, paideia specifically refers to chastening with the rod. God uses the rod on His children out of love, and lack of chastisement indicates illegitimacy, not love.

Scripture Reading — Hebrews 12:5-11

"And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children."

Whoa, stop there. Now, is Paul writing to children? No, he's writing to adults. He's writing to believers. He says,

Scripture Reading — Hebrews 12:5-11

"And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If you endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons."

The Means: Admonition (Nouthesia)

1 Corinthians chapter 10, and verse 11. First Corinthians 10 verse 11.

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 10:11

"Now all these things happened unto them."

He's talking about Israel in the wilderness.

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 10:11

"Now all these things happened to them for examples and they're written for our admonition upon whom the ends of the world are come."

Scripture Reading — 1 Corinthians 10:11

"Now all these things happened to them, for example, that are written for our admonition."

Scripture Reading — Romans 15:14

"And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another,"

able also to cause something to stand in each other's mind. But notice the requirements. Look in verse 14. Paul said,

Scripture Reading — Romans 15:14

"And I myself also persuaded of you, my brethren, that you are all college graduates and you all have a degree in counseling."

Scripture Reading — Colossians 1:28

"Whom we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus." "Whom we preach warning,"

that is nouthetically confronting, causing things to stand out of the mind of every man. Watch,

Scripture Reading — Colossians 1:28

"and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect or mature in Christ."

The Sphere: In the Lord

Both child training and admonition must occur within the biblical realm, following God's Word, not humanistic philosophies. Fathers need God's grace to fulfill this task.

Applications and Conclusion

The Family - Part 11

John Weaver | SermonAudio

Lecture Metadata	Details
Speaker	John Weaver
Source	SermonAudio
Media ID	1211071622510
Subject	Family Government
Course	The Christian Family: Children, Fatherhood, and Generational Faithfulness: The Family
Genre	Sermon
Date	2007-11-25
Dictation Name
Book	Book 035: The Family — Chapter 11
Source Timed Segments	80

Lecture Guide

Outline

Introduction and Review: Weaver reviews the series on the biblical family, covering dominion, gender differences, order, and roles of wives and husbands. He recaps the negative command from last week: fathers provoking children to wrath through failure in discipline, work ethic, and education.
The Positive Command: Nurture Them: The task is to 'bring them up' (ektrephō), meaning to nourish to maturity. This is illustrated by how a man nourishes his body and how Christ nourishes the church, providing everything necessary for development.
The Father's Total Responsibility: Fathers are the primary agents for their children's total development—mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. The command is directed specifically to fathers, not mothers, pastors, or schools.
The Means: Child Training (Paideia): The first means is 'nurture' (paideia), which broadly refers to the whole training and education of children, including cultivation of mind and morals. It is used generally for instruction (Acts 7:22; 2 Tim 2:25; 3:16).
The Specific Use of the Rod: In Hebrews 12:5-11, paideia specifically refers to chastening with the rod. God uses the rod on His children out of love, and lack of chastisement indicates illegitimacy, not love.
The Means: Admonition (Nouthesia): The second means is 'admonition' (nouthesia), verbal instruction that stands out in the mind. It requires goodness and biblical knowledge (Rom 15:14), is essential for maturity (Col 1:28), and should be done with tears (Acts 20:31). Proverbs exemplify such instruction.
The Sphere: In the Lord: Both child training and admonition must occur within the biblical realm, following God's Word, not humanistic philosophies. Fathers need God's grace to fulfill this task.
Applications and Conclusion: Fathers are responsible for their children's education and discipline. They must use verbal instruction first, and the rod only when the word is refused, motivated by love as God does. The next message will cover rules for the right use of the rod.

Major Themes

Key Arguments

Fathers must not provoke but nurture

Ephesians 6:4 contains a negative command (do not provoke) and a positive command (nurture), and fathers are to focus on the positive task of bringing children to maturity.

And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. That's the negative. Now here's the positive: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (06:00.8-06:24.9)

Nurture means total developmental provision

The Greek word ektrephō means to nourish to maturity, and fathers must provide for every aspect of their children's development, just as a man cares for his body and Christ cares for the church.

God says you're required to be the instrumental cause of their development in every area. In other words, you're required to be the total sustenance and nourisher of your child in every area of life. (12:47.9-13:58.0)

Child training includes the rod

The word paideia, translated 'nurture,' specifically refers to chastening with the rod in Hebrews 12, and this is a necessary part of child training.

Every time you see the word chastened, chastening, or chasteneth, or corrected in this passage, it is the same Greek word paideia... It refers to the intelligent and purposeful application of a rod or a switch for punishment and correction. (27:20.9-28:15.9)

Admonition is verbal instruction that sticks

Admonition (nouthesia) is emphatic verbal instruction designed to stand out in the mind, and it is the primary means before the rod is used.

It is an exhortation or an admonition that you cause to stand in the child's mind... It's like tying a string around your brain, you know, you just don't forget it. (37:15.1-38:58.4)

God's pattern: Word first, then rod

God deals with His children by first sending His Word, and if that is rejected, He sends the rod. Fathers should follow this pattern.

What does God do first? God sends His Word. What does God do second? He sends His rod. The Word is first. The rod is second. If we wish to be spared the rod, we must obey his word. (32:43.3-34:06.5)

Lack of chastening denies sonship

A father who does not chasten his child is acting as if the child is illegitimate, showing hatred rather than love.

Lack of chastisement is not a manifestation of love, it is a manifestation of hatred. Lack of chastisement is even a denial of sonship. (34:06.6-35:26.7)

Fathers must accept responsibility for education

If fathers do not teach their children truth, others will teach them error, so fathers must actively educate their children biblically.

If a father does not teach his child truth, someone else will teach him error. (53:12.1-54:28.5)

Scripture References

Ephesians 6:1-4: Read at the opening as the foundational text for the sermon series on the family.
Ephesians 5:29: Used to illustrate the meaning of 'nurture' (ektrephō) by showing how a man nourishes his body and Christ nourishes the church.
Acts 7:22: Shows the general use of paideia (child training) in Moses being learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians.
2 Timothy 2:24-25: Demonstrates that child training (paideia) applies to pastoral ministry, instructing those who oppose themselves.
2 Timothy 3:16: Shows that Scripture is profitable for instruction (paideia) in righteousness.
Hebrews 12:5-11: The primary passage demonstrating that paideia specifically refers to chastening with the rod, and that God chastens those He loves.
Micah 6:9: Illustrates that God sends His word first, then the rod; the rod is to be heard.
1 Corinthians 10:11: Shows that the events of Israel in the wilderness were written for our admonition (nouthesia), standing out in the mind.
Romans 15:14: Indicates that being full of goodness and knowledge enables one to admonish others.
Colossians 1:28: Shows that admonition (warning) is required for presenting every man perfect in Christ.
Acts 20:31: Paul admonished with tears, demonstrating the heartfelt attitude that should accompany admonition.
Revelation 3:19: Jesus says He rebukes and chastens those He loves, showing the pattern of word and rod.
Lamentations 3:33: God does not afflict willingly, indicating that chastening is not done out of cruelty but necessity.

Historical References

John Calvin: Quoted on Ephesians 6:4 regarding kind and liberal treatment fostering reverence, while harshness rouses obstinacy.
Lester Roloff: Mentioned as an old country preacher from Texas who turned down an honorary doctorate, comparing it to 'putting whipped cream on onions.'
Dr. Spock: Referenced as a popular child-rearing expert whose advice led a generation astray, and who later confessed he was wrong.

Important Quotes

God says you're required to be the instrumental cause of their development in every area. In other words, you're required to be the total sustenance and nourisher of your child in every area of life.

Emphasizes the comprehensive nature of the father's nurturing responsibility, extending beyond material provision to all aspects of development.

Lack of chastisement is not a manifestation of love, it is a manifestation of hatred. Lack of chastisement is even a denial of sonship.

Forcefully argues that refusing to discipline children is contrary to biblical love and effectively treats them as illegitimate.

If a father does not teach his child truth, someone else will teach him error.

Highlights the urgency of the father's teaching role, as neglect leaves children vulnerable to falsehood.

As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Be zealous therefore and repent.

Quoting Revelation 3:19, Weaver shows that divine love is expressed through both verbal rebuke and corrective chastening.

For he doth not afflict willingly or grieve the children of men.

From Lamentations 3:33, this quote underscores that God's chastening is not arbitrary or cruel but purposeful and reluctant.

Discussion Questions

[Question]

In what practical ways can fathers 'nourish' their children in every area of life, as a man nourishes his own body?

[Context]

Based on the illustration from Ephesians 5:29 and the explanation of ektrephō.

[Question]

How does the distinction between general child training (paideia) and specific chastening with the rod affect our understanding of discipline?

[Context]

Arising from the dual use of paideia in Scripture, especially Hebrews 12.

[Question]

What does it mean for admonition to 'stand out in the mind,' and how can fathers ensure their verbal instruction is memorable and effective?

[Context]

From the definition of nouthesia and examples like Proverbs and Paul's tearful warnings.

[Question]

Why does the Bible say that lack of chastisement is akin to treating a child as illegitimate, and how should this shape a father's approach to discipline?

[Context]

Directly from Hebrews 12:8 and Weaver's commentary on it.

[Question]

How can fathers balance the use of verbal instruction and the rod in a way that reflects God's pattern of dealing with His children?

[Context]

Based on the principle from Micah 6:9 and Revelation 3:19 that the word comes first, then the rod.

[Question]

What are some modern 'Spock-like' philosophies that contradict biblical child-rearing, and how can fathers guard against them?

[Context]

Referencing the warning against man-made, naturalistic reasoning and the example of Dr. Spock.

Applications

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deepseek | deepseek-v4-pro | weaver_study | 2026-06-06T05:14:55Z